Depression and Weight Issues Have you been diagnosed with depression, are possibly on depression medication, and find it affects your weight loss efforts? Post here for support!

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Old 04-21-2011, 06:39 AM   #31  
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Ok I am like the person that not only got used to such comments but has learnt how to answer with full-blown force. Two great stories:

1. This ex-colleague had this weird antagonism with me I could never comprehend. One day it was our turn to go to the restaurant and bring the food. So we were waiting in line and she goes "I that guy is not taking his eyes off me!" and I look at her and go "Umm I think he's looking at me." She goes "No way you're too fat!" (No seriously she said that). I had no time to answer and the guy comes to us and says to me " I am sorry I don't usually do this but I just wanted to say your smile is the most gorgeous I have ever seen" And because I like to kick idiots when they fall I turned to her (after he left) and said "OMG I am fat but my personlity is hot. Try using yours sometimes too."

2. This was absolutely priceless. I was dating a guy but I wasn't attracted so he tries to kiss me and I turn my cheek. He gets pissed and goes "You're too fat and you should be glad I want to date you." My answer was "Gee I didn't know that being a chauvinistic a-hole is elligible dating quality."

Last edited by preetyladyserenity; 04-21-2011 at 06:40 AM.
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Old 04-27-2011, 07:50 AM   #32  
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I endured a situation like that for quite some time. I think I was conditioned for it by growing up with a father who was the exact same way to my mom (who is an ex-bulimic). It is really hard to lose weight while also having to deal with negativity and I found that unless I had a way to distance myself from or remove the source, I just couldn't handle both simultaneously.

I'm more than 100 lbs overweight and had an ex whose favorite subjects to joke about were "fat people" and "emos". I really like some elements of Scene-style and would incorporate it into my wardrobe, prompting him to call me an "emo" and laugh about my clothes or try to cut me down when I dressed up. This, combined with all of his jokes and insults about overweight people (which he swore wasn't about me) really started to make me think that it was his thinly-disguised passive-aggressive way of trying to hurt me. It would make me really angry.

Finally, it pushed me to make a stand for what I believe in and he became an ex. My journal suddenly got a lot less sad and confused!

I currently live at home and have to deal with my sister and father, who are particularly hypersensitive. I don't have the means to move out right now, so I continue to find relief in writing and music, and just try to remember that I am meant to overcome each of these little tests which are placed before me, because where I will be eventually will be so much better and worth it!
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Old 04-27-2011, 04:30 PM   #33  
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I actually have seen couples fall appart BECAUSE the girl got skinny from being fat. Some men can't handle a woman THEY think can get "better" guys than them.
I doubt I have to explain how stupid such a notion is... but it is obviously true. I mean come Ooooon do they only date women THEY think are unlikable? That is like... so the opposite of what a mentaly healthy person looks for in a date?
Those men (and women perhaps) who do that obviously have way more serious problems than a few extra pounds.
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Old 04-27-2011, 04:42 PM   #34  
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The only time I ever dealt with this was when my mom took a look at me (when I weighed about 40 lbs less than I do now) and said, "You're getting FAT!" I didn't say anything, but only because it was my mom. Anyone else I probably would have said something. But yeah it's hard because even if they don't SAY anything, sometimes you can tell when people are thinking something, but you can't say anything if they don't.
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Old 04-29-2011, 02:33 AM   #35  
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Hi. I want to talk here because this is a subject close to my heart and I am considering writing a thesis on it for school when I apply for my Ph.D.

I think criticism about weight (or most things) for that matter can be detrimental. I was not always overweight and didn't start really gaining until like 21 (I am 26 now) when I was in a bad depressive relationship for a few years (looong story) anyways... Even though I was pretty normal in high school my parents would make me feel like crap about the way I looked. They hated the way I dressed (embarrassed to be seen with me-- I had sort of a skater look, baggy jeans tight shirts, not all crazy like you may think), they hated my hair (and compare me to ugly people or things), when my boyfriend would be out with friends they would say stuff about "he is probably out with some hot blonde" or something... When you are young and impressionable these things can have a huge impact. Nothing would ever be good enough and I was not free to be myself or have emotions really. This was actually basically mostly my dad, who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and thinks everyone is below him and everything he does is better than everyone else, he is smarter, stronger, fill in the blank. And my mom more of a co-dependent who can't argue with him due to he is the same with her. Very dysfunctional family. Emotional abuse, some physical on occasion. Domestic violence between parents on occasion.

Never received praise or compliments just "constructive criticism" on what was wrong- which was always a lot- because I am "lazy" or whatever else (not that I am depressed or anything like that). Over time this erodes the core of who you are and your self esteem.

I was reading the Spark book which talks about baby elephants being tethered to this pole they can not break free from- so every time they try they are pulled back and overtime the rope is adjusted with a growing elephant and eventually the elephant quits trying and even if there was floss tying the elephant up it won't even try to go- because this is internalized and it believes it can't.

My parents said I was bigger before I even was- so I always felt that way. I was depressed. I have social anxiety as it is and therefore I had not a lot of people to talk to. Got in a bad relationship because at least I had some one right?? (yeah right.) Then I gained all of that weight. And my dad will still say things when ever I try to talk about encouraging articles I find and stuff (like said website) "only motivated people can do that", "you don't have any determination to do that", etc. etc. etc.

However, my thin sister gets none of this treatment. I believe for some reason I was targeted more by my parents. And I think it depends, I think some people are more "feeling" than others, some have thick skin. I feel like to my dad I basically have no worth unless I am thin (and whoever tries to argue this has no clue what my experiences are- can't fit them all here!!). I just finished my M.S. in Psychology and my dad (who is an engineer) acts like anyone could get that degree, no congrats, no nothing. Whenever I talk about my emotions it is "psycho-babble"- my parents never cared when I was depressed or anxious in crowds (social anxiety) they said it is because I was "insecure" at 15, though I have always had these fears. I was "jealous" when I had something negative to say.

Sorry, I know this is a weight forum, but these are the issues, the criticisms. When people do this to you- you are not empowered or motivated to change. Your home and family is where you should feel safe and encouraged... When you feel down and defeated and yourself worth is so low, it is hard to believe you are worth it and pull yourself up. And then there may even be this spiteful part that says "why can't people just accept me??? Why do I have to change for society??" That is not to say that other people don't have other valid reasons for losing weight (themselves/feel better/get healthier/etc.).

Sorry.

But we do need to be strong and do what feels truly right for ourselves. ♥

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Old 04-30-2011, 05:32 PM   #36  
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Yeah, people who keep saying rude things need to be pushed out of your life, I think. You can't always do that, of course. My mom is like this, but less than she used to be.

I also understand the discomfort someone said about comments AFTER losing. I gained, then lost, then gained again. I could handle some of the comments, but sometimes you realize just how much people treat you differently just because of your weight, and that can be upsetting.

I agree that weight should be between you and your doctor, and no one else, unless you specifically bring up the topic yourself. I would never go up and just comment that someone is fat, and I can't understand why others do this all the time. I know it's a lot of insecurity, but geez, it just seems that no one thinks before opening their mouths, and that makes me sad.

Currently, when relatives make comments on my weight (which is at an all time high because I was hospitalized recently and on medications that cause weight gain), I tell them I don't want to discuss it, ask them why they'd ask me that, or just shrug it off. I sometimes explain that their approach certainly is not going to help me lose weight, only to be upset with them.
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