Welcome to the new ones!

So I have realized that its time to change....I need a life makeover!! This isnt just oh im in the mood...its been a few weeks getting stronger.
Everything from my personal life (spiritually, physically), Church (youth group change), Home (consitancy, structure..) SOOOO much going on..I feel like its start over time....I am tired of the mess I have called life..I want to enjoy it and I want my kids to enjoy it...YES it takes work and there will be a fight and struggle...but when do things change?? When I make them change...

If your tired of things then start at the bottom to make the changes...you cant try and change the top things if you dont fix the bottom...make sense...You can't change your eating just by not "buying" your favorites or "trying" to not eat cause if you haven't fixed the root then you will find a way to eat what you want. If you eat because of stress then re evaluate your life and see how you can eliminate the stress...MOST chances are stress can be eliminated with WORK!! (example-I get stressed when the clothes pile up or there are cluttered mess around the house so with hard work I can make a plan to take care of these things!!) The book called how to have a house that cleans itself...says you have to find the one area that stresses you out and KEEP IT CLEAN NO EXCUSES..Mine is my downstairs bathroom which I use a lot and I am FORCED to be in there more than I want and nothing to do but look at it!!


Thats all I got....

Mom-- AMEN SISTER!! Gotta work on some stuff!

Hope I like under your name how you have starting again!! Sometimes thats just what we have to do...Our plan failed so we have to recalculate and start over!!
Kinda like when we use GPS and take a wrong turn we have to let the gps recalculate to get us to where we are going!! If not we just keep taking wrong turn after wrong turn and find ourselves REALLY REALLY LOST (me right now!)!!! So Lets Recalculate and START OVER SISTERS!!!!!

WE GOT THIS!!!!

Ug... how was the most depressing day of the year for everyone? It sucked for me... I actually forgot about the study until I read the paper after work. Maybe it's just becaue of my nature but I wasn't happy yesterday and I'm even less happy today. Things just suck, I won't go into detail because it's all the same as before but I'm looking at getting a $1000 car because we sold mine for only a little more then that. I hate being so broke all the time, it's a constant struggle and I'm just more and more PO'd at my husband as we go along. I'm still struggling with a chronic health problem that's keeping me from working out and I just feel down right pissy. Everything is ticking me off and this coffee here at work is just carp!!!!

Mom... I hope your kids are getting better.. I can't imagine how much that must suck.

Hello friends, welcome to popcorn girl
momof4, so sorry the kids are sick, that is so much work for you. Thanks for the good talking-to about trying to fix things, makes sense!!
Aunty Jam, so sorry about the super-sucky day!!
hope, did the doctor's visit help your foot/ankle? I'm sorry that I didn't know about that.
summershine - Oh I am sorry too, but as a mom I agree that our first instinct is 'what can i do to help your pain' and we might not understand that you really want us to butt out

momof4, there are so many places in my house that bother me, where do I begin ?? but I will try.

Lots of snow here, I'm so glad that our older son lives with us, he has been the main snowthrower operator and shoveler. I can shovel too of course, but it sucks that DH has not picked up a shovel this winter, because of his m'cycle accident injuries.

hope everyone has at least an OK day!

Hi everyone!

Yes, I'm still alive, sorry I haven't been popping in at all. This is usually a hard time of the year, but this time around its all just a fog.

Anyway DdC had her second sleep deprived EEG and is now on lamictal. It sure is hitting her hard with just the one pill a day and next week she has to take one night and morning. Her MRI is scheduled for Feb 17th.
DdB started on celexa as well. She has terrible social anxiety issues and since I didn't want her like me I finally got her into the docs. So far so good.
I'm coasting along here. Eating junk like crazy and not exercising at all, horrible combination. I know I need to start clearing stuff out of the house and its a little easier knowing it can't stay. At least thats what I keep telling myself.

I hope things start to get easier for all of you. I think of you all often and am so grateful for the support.

Take care and make the best of today,
K

You should be so proud of yourself, momof4, you inspired me today to pick ONE of my stressed-out areas...it was the eating area table, both on top AND underneath, it was shameful the thick dust and dog hair that was covering the assorted 'everything' underneath (all DH's stuff) and all the piles of stuff he had on top, along with the computer, all the stupid wires..I started refusing to vacuum under there when I knew he made no move to pick up his stuff..I found empty envelopes dated 2009 and grocery store receipts from 2006..WTF?!

There are still MANY areas but at least I got one done. Two huge garbage bags. Hey last week I also got two big garbage bags of clutter out, but I forget from where?!

Plus I straightened up some bookcases that, from where I sit here, always looked awful. I did throw out a bunch of stuff that hopefully my brain-damaged husband won't ever miss

I don't expect these areas to stay good, just because I have three influences (husband and 2 sons) working against me but for now it is a good feeling!!

Hi buddly!!!

Vermont-That is AWESOME!! In the book she actually has you draw a map of your house one for upstairs and downstairs and even attic and basement if you have..include where your car is parked and the porch. Then you do your number 1 Home base area (most stressing area) Then you number the rest of the rooms and start usually with the areas that are in sight from the entrance (door) because when you come home you are not seeing an immediate eye sore and others first impression wont be affected by the clutter spots... I will get you some more tips from the book..Also flylady says to always go to bed with a clean shinny sink!! lol I don't always follow that but when I have done it I dont feel soo pressure when I get up cause I am starting the day behind from yesterdays dirty chores...


buddly so glad to see you. Sorry things are a mess for you too...its not a good time of year..I dont mind the cold but I had the trapped feeling!

Aunty-maybe if you should just put on some boxing gloves and do some boxing..LOL It might help get the aggrivation out enough you can talk to him in a calm manner?? Im sorry it seems so down right now!


Well this stupid bug seems to be lingering not real bad but like today I had one early this morning had the runs and I gave her a lil spoon of pepto cause I WANTED SLEEP...then another one after lunch had a small mess in her pants and kinda runny on the toilet..then another one threw up at church..Its now going onto a WEEK of someone being sick. THANK goodness its slowing down and that I havent got it!

On another note I am really trying to make sense of my mess with my weight which causes lack of energy which causes me not to get to all the chores and tasks I have which causes my dh to be frustrated which causes me to want to just go hide in bed which causes me to be more frustrated which makes me snappy and short with the kids which then makes me feel like a piece of crap mom that cant get her crap together....I feel like I am just digging a whole in circles instead of up....ALTHOUGH i have felt some progress and mentally a lil bit so I am goin to hold onto that!!
I think I am going to try the gym out for one week free and see how it works because I HAVE TO CHANGE SOMETHING!!

Now I need sleep so I stop being a mean snake with everyone and get my act together!!

night!!

Hey everyone hope your all ok? i have been having terrible troublw sleeping lately im so tired and grumpy all the time i dont know what to do

on a good note i lost a lb tonight and got my forst silver 7 with ww xxx

sorry you've had trouble sleeping but big congrats on down a lb and for your ww success!

I'm very frustrated right now because...even though my knee is feeling better, this morning the sciatica pain (what I've self-diagnosed as sciatica) is so bad i can't even work out...that is bad for me, because I've always tried to ahve the positive attitude of 'at least I can exercise' but today I can't Also still very bummed that I was in the process of buying a motorcycle on Craig's list but it was sold right between emails.

and I cant control what I'm eating!!! it doesn't matter if I eat a good breakfast of oatmeal, bring a yogurt snack, bring a sandwich for lunch. I binge on something bad whether I've brought good food or not. I should just not eat anything, because I know I'm gonna have something bad later! grrrr

So I finally came to a breaking point. After 3 days of being mean and snappy and losing my temper and cool more times than I can counts...I lost it. Like I just sent the kids down to watch tv and went to the shower. I am frustrated with myself so it comes out in how I take care of my house, how I treat my kids, my husband, how I deal with everything. Then because I treat them all so poorly I begin to hate myself.
If I had more consistency and stuck to a schedule it would eliminate ALOT of my stress!! I have been trying to do a big schedule and expect it to work for every day. I realize I need to personally schedule each day. BUT I have to stick to it as well. When I dont get the dishes done and the laundry i hangs over my head and makes me feel horrible till I get to it esp. if I am just hanging out and doing nothing important. If I would just do it all every night or every morning the rest of the day could be used for something better. Like if I could get up early like I need to then I could do that stuff while my boys did their school then we would have the rest of the day to do what ever and I wouldnt be stressed and so snappy.

BUT Anyways. I finally just called my husband and told him I was to the point I wanted to drive off a cliff (not literally) because I hated the way I am..SO after many questions I just left it all out. I think I said in previous posts my friend of 15 years cut me off almost 2 months ago. I didnt have closure cause she did it over a text and I kept waiting and waiting and finally last week she replied to text and I realized it really was over. She said I was self righteous and she didnt need my love. How do you do that to someone you have been best friends with for 15 years. I defended her to everyone and anyone when she got prego to a random man and family and friends judged her. I was the one support person there to help her through the birth of her son?? This all happened because she caused some gossip problems with some members of our church who were her ex inlaws and some other members. Which the guy threatened to go to court over. So I decided I should NOT listen to or comment on anything about them. So I finally told her when we talked I didnt want to talk about them I felt bad about it and it just causes problems in the end. TWO days later she texts me she is done..

I am ok and at peace about it now and usually when I am having days like this I can call her and break down to her (what I dont know is if she was telling other people what was going on in my life...as a pastor you have to be careful who you talk to!! LOL)
So I know in the end it is all good and my husband helped me way more than I thought. He didnt judge or just tell me to suck it up and change...so that was good
But I still have just wanted to bawl all day!
I want my kids to feel loved, have a happy childhood, not feel stupid or dumb because of my quick reactions or words, I want them to be strong and secure in who they are. BUT how I have been does not encourage all those things!! I get ONE chance to raise these kids and I NEED to get my act together!!!

So I guess I am back to starting block one and going to try and apply what I know. It has to go UP from here!!


I have a week till the WINTERJAM concert which I am the LC for. I have 80 some volunteers to help so I am trying to type everything up and call all those volunteers to give details to!!! A little bit of pressure!! LOL

ok thanks for listening. Hope you all are doing well

momof4, I am so sorry about your 'friend' who has cut you off you did so much for her! and all because you said you wouldn't talk about gossip...that really is bad of her to do to her best support person!

I wonder if, you were able to get up early like you want to try, if you found that you were able to do a couple things to help your day go better...I'm not one to preach because I just can't get up early until it starts to get lighter out earlier, but I hope you can, if just to give it a try.

oh and that lady is right, coming into the kitchen in the morning to a clean and empty sink is nice!

my knee was better today so I was able to work out, still adapting to baby the knee but I was glad I could do 30 Day Shred. OH and I found out my last day at the icky winter job is Wednesday April 13, I can hang on til then ( I hope)

I haven't heard from the hospital to see if they considered my appeal; for now they've given us a 30% reduction , that is better than nothing.

Again I have to realize that, if I'm having a really, really DOWN day (like, what does life matter?) ; usually the next day is not so bad. Something to remember!!

big to everyone.

vermont-yes I really didnt think she would stick to it just figured she was having a bad day..she is bipolar and sufers from depression....so I kept sending little text reminding her I was waiting for her to call...but I guess it is what it is. I am a natural NIGHT OWL so it is a KILLER to get up. When I was a manager at the store years ago I had to be there at 5am..I got up at 4:45 and showered and got to work by 5...I hated mornings..but once I was there and woke up I was my normal people person!! (most day)

Yes having a clean sink is nice in the morning but on top of that a clean house is even better because when I wake up to a mess it just sets me in a down mood and the frustration really kicks in then the snappiness...

My house is probably the worst it has been in a while. We got a new computer (ours was 4 or 5 years old and not in good shape) so I just went and tore EVERYTHING off the desk and then we (dh and I) wiped it all down so I have a mess from that..but the desk looks nice...LOL!! then laundry is the worst its been in a while...dishes are done except a few! But I told my husband today I cant handle it I need to walk thru my house with a blind fold!! SOO I am not "in the mood" to clean but if I dont its going to just start my week off bad...SOOOO I am going to go clean and be crazy!!! It really wont take hours upon hours but it will take a little while!
I told my husband my laundry defeats me every day and every week because I LET IT...If I can conquer the loads of laundry and stay caught up with it then I can lose the weight. I know everyone says you have so many kids its impossible to keep caught up but I dont think its impossible I am tired of having that pressure and stress over my head to get it done

Then I decided I can cut down more stress by planning better...being consistent in laying out clothes, socks, shoes, coats..so when we have to leave I already have it!! If I can stick to the order chart for morning and night then the kids will know exactly what they are to be doing next and I wont have to nag (as much )

I don't know I really am trying through the bouts of depression I keep getting to change and I today realized I am in the fight of my life.

THINGS HAVE TO CHANGE AND I HAVE TO FIGHT FOR THEM...OR THEY NEVER WILL!!! My discipline, my temper, my health, my housekeeping, my relationship with God, my consistancy, my house order!! EVERYTHING you name it...its not where it should be....so I feel knocked down on the ground being kicked over and over...but I CAN GET UP AND FIGHT!!! Once someone has had enough they have had ENOUGH and they STAND up and FIGHT!!

SO I say to all you ladies...Its hard and sometimes OUT of our reach...but look at why your frustrated, why your stressed, why your where you are and see if there's anything you can do to eliminate that frustration (laying stuff out for the morning so you are more organized to get out the door on time) or why your stressed....Im finding I can do SOOO many things to eliminate a lot of this stress and frustration that makes me want to just go back under the covers and sleep for days!!

Sorry my post is sooo long lately...I am kinda just writing out my feelings here and helping to keep me on track...Hopefully it doesnt bore anyone..sorry if it does!

Ok off to clean!!!

Holly i hope your feeling better and your knee is ok. My sleeping is still bad but im plodding along. Hope everyone is ok xxxx

Hi everyone

Mom you are right, things are so much easier when you have routines. I find the clutter to be overwhelming and suffocating. And laundry, well that is just a daily occurrence. Sorry about your friend, its hard when you lose your sounding board.

Vermont I hope your knee feels better soon. I had to chuckle about the sink. I get hints from flylady and if the girls do the dishes and I come in they inform me that I now have a "huggable sink"

Hope how are you doing?

Ems18 Hi there and I hope your sleeping better. Days are a bit easier after some decent sleep.

Aunty Jam I hope things are getting better. Did you get the big dump of snow as well?

Heather how are things going?

and Hi everyone else, hope you are all doing alright.

I'm annoyed at myself as I only worked one day last week and had a perfect opportunity to get some sorting done and I didn't do a thing. And it would have been so much better if I had kept busy. Anyway, its a busy week this week as I work three days and of course am a taxi service for my one daughter and DdC's MRI got moved up to this Thursday. Who knows maybe things will get done.

I better get going.

Take care everyone,
K