[makehistory]

A real man will love you for who you are, your past and scar and all! It took an amazing amount of courage for you to make this huge change-kudos for that! I'm happy to hear you're out of the relationship now. I don't know if you're religious, but churches are a great place to meet new people. Or find groups in your area with common hobbies and interests. While the online community has amazing people that offer support, finding friends in your area will be awesome! And when the time is right, a new, better man will come along and treat you the way you deserve. Good luck with everything!

[nancymae]

I hope you are feeling better today! And I really think you are better off without this conrtolling loser, but don't be so hard on yourself. It is very hard to take back control of your life when you get used to being controlled!

And BTW what that doctor told you is complete crap. Sadness combined with a head injury (even a severe one) does not change the hard wiring of your brain!

You are in an unhappy situation and anti depressant medication ytreats chemical/transmission imbalances. It does help but is not the best treatment for situational depression .

I would suggest you DUMP this doctor ASAP and find a one with compassion and more important one that can actually back up his statement with science. When you are feeling better you migh aloso want to report him to the licensing board in your state becasue IMO he is incompetent.

Please read up on treating depression and anxiety. Educate yourself, then go to your new doctor armed with information and ask for proper treatment. Meanwhile find a support group or two or even three. Find pther people recovering from suicide attempts, battered wives starting out on thier own, maybe even a group where people get to gether to do a FUN activity that you enjoy (or used to enjoy!). Call your county mental health department, they might have a list or be able to refer you to self help groups.

Also call the YM OR YWCA and JOIN. It's a great LOW STRESS place to meet new people. If money is a problem tell them and ask for a reduced fee or scholarship.

And as far as your scar. Don't forget, only you know how you got it, you sdon't have to discuss it with anyone until you are ready. You acted impulsivle and made a mistake. It does not define who you are. It does not make you any less worthy of friendship or love! And trust me, no one knows and no one has to know unless you want them too.

Hope this helps a little. Take care of yourself! OK?

[fitchickRn]

I have recently went through a divorce and the wounds are still fresh. I often feel overwhelmed with emotion, guilt and have the same kinds of questions as you do.

It has been eight months since my divorce was finalized. I remember feeling like the hurt and pain would never begin going away. I still cry and feel regretful about the past, especially thinking about him possibly moving on with some other woman already. But shockingly i don't feel as bad as i did in the beginning. It is and will be painful but it does get better with time! But you must be willing to care for yourself and stay positive at all times no matter if you don't envision that bright future ahead of you...it is there.

I too don't have many friends around anymore and live in a pretty remote location. To help on the next step of my own journey i started looking for a support group. I recently found this website called Divorce Care (can't post links yet). Maybe you can check it out since you don't know many people where you currently reside and everyone will be there for the same reasons as you -- support!

Many ladies have already said it best: Focus on loving you now! Whatever area in your life that might be -- self-esteem/image, unresolved childhood issues, body image, etc. I think one big key is to focus on forgiving yourself. There are just somethings in life we can't undo and things we can't change, including people.

You are worth the work it's going to take and it can be done. Life is truly about taking all the circumstances and situations we face and making the best out of them because we all will face trials, tribulations and make mistakes at some point in our lives, it's a given. But there's nothing in the rule book of life that says we can't survive the bad things that happen to us unless we personally choose not to.

Be blessed.

[patns]

As for the scar, someone said to say it was an accident. That is exactly what it was. It was an accident that you thought this loser was worth taking your life over. You are on the road to recovery, learn from this experience it is far better to be alone than in an abusive situation.

[Deena52]

Smj~

I'm old enough to be your mother so let me add a bit. I've also been in a terribly abusive relationship and the folks are correct here. You need to get some therapy. It does not have to be a really expensive psychologist or anything. A good therapist will work....sometimes even better. I tend to go more with Adlerian over Freudian.....love CBT. I'm a pragmatist.

One of the biggest reasons for this is that I can almost guarantee you that you will turn around and hook up with another abusive man. And you won't even see him coming. You'll honestly think he's different....but he won't be. They will keep being the same guy over and over....who just look different. Therapy will help you see this. The whole background for this is complex....involves subconsciously trying to resolve old issues you have with parent(s)....co-dependency...people-pleasing personality...low self esteem regarding certain aspects of life, etc.....but at least learning to recognize and not only see but acknowledge red flags will be a huge help for you in the future. You are really young.....and have tons of time to either keep doing this again or change things.

A poster here is right on the money regarding the fact that AD's can only treat the chemical aspect of depression and not the situational factors. That takes time....and usually some form of therapy will help also. And also, IMO, she is right on the money regarding this whole thing about the brain injury affecting your response to the AD being totally BS. And I'm an RN....and it sounds totally ridiculous to me also. (This is why I recommend a good therapist...because I have found that there are not a whole lot of great psychiatrists/psychologists out there. I've found many, many psychiatric nurse practitioners, counselors, etc. that are far better than these particular MD/PhD guys...I don't know why, to be honest. I just know what I've seen and experienced.)

Different people respond differently to different AD's (brain injury not withstanding)....and sometimes trials with different types of AD's is in order. But the main thing is that an AD cannot totally fix a situational depression situation. It can help....since having your brain chemicals working against you sure won't help if trying to get therapy for the situational stuff. But it will NOT be the total fix. AD's can work like that for these types of depressions where you just get depressed for no conceivable reason. You are happy with things but suddenly this inexplicable black cloud descends over your life.....and this is usually pure chemical. THAT, an AD can cause a huge improvement. But in your case....you are probably feeling even a mild degree of PTSD from all that has happened to you recently.

I left a horrible 25+ year marriage almost 5 years ago.....and have not even had coffee with a guy since then. Because I KNOW I'll just choose the same horse with a different color.....and believe me, I've had ENOUGH of that to last me a lifetime and don't want to repeat it. My particular solution is that I have one sister who happens to have fantastic self esteem, is able to say no, has no co-dependency issues, is not a people-pleaser....and has a fabulous marriage thanks to that. So......no man I ever get into a relationship can fail to make it past her.....that's MY new solution. And she is totally onboard with that....she knows exactly where I go wrong but I just can't see it....even when it's screaming at me before my very eyes. But at least I came to learn WHAT I actually do and why it keeps hurting me over and over. I can't turn into a new person....but have to learn to work within the framework of my short-comings. So I have my own solution. And I feel very safe and confident about it now.

You have so much life left. Find a nice therapist or a nice support group or therapy group. You won't regret it.

deena