((((Elisha)))) Didn't your Mom & Dad used to tell you that "life isn't fair!" Mine did! And so I beleived it! I feel your pain chickie, but remember...you are not expected to be perfect, just be who you are and take one day, one thing at a time! We can't fix our mistakes overnight! Be thankful for what and who you have in your life and seriously...go on from there! You are fortunate that you are wise enough to realize these things at such a young age! I am serious! It has taken me twice as long to figure even some of those things out!
I hope that you enjoy your day today, whatever you choose to do! And remember...we are always here for you! You are doing great this month! I, for one, am PROUD of you!

*hugs* to Elisha! Hon, I think you just basically summed up what each and every one of us feels at least once a month. You're working your butt off to defeat those mistakes, so don't get down on yourself. You should never regret your life. It's a learning experience. Learn from it instead of regretting it -- remember what you have to do differently and use it as a positive instead of a negative. Coming from the most negative of people, that's hard to believe, but it actually works. *hug* You are doing a great job, and you're dedicated and awesome. Julie's right. You're lucky that you realize this stuff at a young age, instead of years from now. You keep on keepin' on, chickie, and you'll get there.

whoa, whoa, whoa feelings...(you know the rest...I'll spare you!!! LOL)

So today was kind of a roller coaster day! I had a counselling appt this afternoon...it went well, but lets back up!

Last night, I had some really strong thoughts about things...kind of depressing! And tried to work through them during my walk...rationalizing and sorting, etc. It was difficult, but I decided I would wait until my appt. to day and then talk about how I felt with the therapist! So I go in and sit down and he "reads my mind"!!! I swear!! I was in awe. I didn't tell him how I was feeling...HE told me! And he was dead on! WTF??? Now, I knew he was good (been seeing him for a couple of years) but WOW! And we talked about where I need to go from here, etc. and some things I need to do to, blah, blah, blah! I felt so much better after talking to him and he helped me put things into perspective! That's what I pay him the big bucks for, right?

So fast forward to home! Hubby was on the phone when I came home...for like 30 minutes, so I couldn' share with him for a while. Babysitter was here, we ate supper and then after supper he jumped my a** for something ridiculous, which put us both into a "mood"!!! So I'm needing to talk to him and am feeling the "cloud of doom" feeling coming over me at this point and he's making it soooo difficult to talk to! ARGH!!! He doesn't like what he hears me say and "goes away"!!! I hate that!

So here I am left with all these feelings which were starting to feel a bit resolved, coming right back at me! I feel the stress in my body rise and I don't like the feeling I am having, so a little while later (after some cool down time) I offer to have us talk again...he doesn't respond positively! Doesn't want to talk...just wants to "relax"...as he vegetates on the couch!!! GRRRRR! Men!!!!

Thanks chickies for listening! Just had to get all that off my chest...sorry if I rambled!

Elisha- Hey like I said on the challenge I know the study/exercise dillema since I've had important exams every year up until last year, there's not a right lot of continuous assessment goes on in the UK education system.

Anyway from my experience I reckon the best thing to do is to try and stay OP but don't give yourself a hard time for slipping. If you give up al together its like saying hey lets eat ALL the food but when I compare even my bad days with days before I set out to lose weight I can tell the difference!

Julie- Sorry your hubby isn't up for talking about feelings at the moment. Men are often bad at it!

dill

(((((Julie!))))). I am sorry to hear your day was so stressful yesterday. Maybe tonight hubby will be in more of a listening frame of mind. I will be praying for you today. IM me tonight! Love you chickie!!!

{{{Julie}}} I really felt the let down you must of felt that you were so anxious to talk it out with your lifetime partner and he just brings you down. I'm so sorry. There must of been something going on with him why he was taking it out on you. Not an excuse but maybe that is what was it at the time. I have learned in my life that sometimes what I feel that my dh is upset with me it's actually nothing about me but we are the ones they take it out on instead of where it should of been in the first place. However you had deeper issues than that and I'm sorry you didn't get the support you needed. Don't lose that light that you found with your therapist and choose a better time to talk it out with hubby if you still find that you want to share it with him. Just my suggestion and vent all you need to right here!
Donna

You chickies come through every time! I appreciate your comments Lisa, Donna & Dill!

One of the things my therapist told me was that he has seen a "transition" or even better...a "metamorphasis" in me over the last several months. We didn't talk about what I am doing or where I get my support from, but I do attribute so much of the positive changes in my life to this support group right here! I feel empowered and I feel loved! "Thank you" hardly seems adequate for the support I feel here...just to be heard and listened to and actually given positive feedback and even constructive criticism when it is due! It is sooooo what I have needed for so long and I do appreciate each and every one of you! You have given me so much to be thankful for...you will never know!! I love you all!!!!!!

Better get this out....I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to let emotional eating rule me. I am a secret binger. Yes. Always have been. I am not obese, but my BMI puts me in the overweight category. I have been on a roll lately. It seemed especially at the beginning of the challenge...I was just doing terrific, and motivated. Yesterday, I realized that 1. PMS is upon me and 2. I was having sciatica (shooting pains down the back of the leg. Now the last time I had this, I had a herniated disc, that ruptured, and I had to have back surgery or risk losing some of the use of my right leg. So, here I am having a good day....and all of a sudden WHAM --sciatica!! Ouch! I felt panicky....and I took some Motrin and tried to reassure myself that every pain is not an indicator of major gloom and doom to descend upon me. But, I noticed that I started eating....5 Fig Newtons, 2 or 3 chocolate chuck granola bars, then I had a few chips......this all occured after eating a good breakfast and lunch!! Then, I didn't have supper, but last night had a hamburger I had in the fridge and some Cheetos. Then I felt sick at heart and just plain SICK! It was like another woman had jumped inside of me -I swear! She was a ravenous fool! Good grief. I wanted to get this out. Because, for me, one bad day turns into two...and there just has to be a point that I can stop doing that. So, I am being accountable and writing this down, even though I do not want to. I feel like I made a commitment to this challenge....and I don't want to let you guys down. And I won't! Thanks for listening and for letting this be a safe place that we can help one another and be REAL. Cause, I am done not being real. And I am done giving up when I just get started good (I do this for some reason.) Today, I feel better...but sore. I will take it easy, but I will eat healthy. Lots of extra water. Lots of fiber and veggies. I can do this. I want to do this.

I just have to get my motivation back. Seems like I'm always "gung ho" for the first while (2-3months) then I stop. But I want to continue this life plan.

1. I don't want to stop feeling better about myself.
2. I don't want to stop exercising because it makes me feel better mentallly, and physically.
3. I don't want to stop eating healthfully because it makes my systems work better
4. I don't want to end up with Type II diabetes.
5. I don't want to stop because my poor knees cannot take the abuse of all this weight.
6. I don't want to stop because I want to be able to wear normal clothes
7. I don't want to stop because I want to be able to climb a hill, hike, go up the stairs and on and on
8. I don't want to stop because I don't want to fail..... again.

Okay don't get mad at me for not responding to what everybody else said... I just hafta get this crap out of my head now before it explodes and my computer nook is covered in my brains!

I started getting the shot in March or April, right? So first, it's that I bleed nonstop and can't be even remotely intimate with my husband for MONTHS ON END. So that SUCKED. A LOT. And it finally stops, and I don't get my stupid period anymore, which is just fine by me. I don't want to have the cramps, don't want the pain, really don't want the blood clots the size of my stupid fists. Don't want that anymore! And so now it's all gone, and I don't get it anymore, which is great. Except now when I actually DO anything with my husband... how do I put this bluntly without being gross, chickies? Death valley? Yeah, that'll do, I guess. Or a drought in Seattle, whatever. So then I feel bad because it just doesn't work, and I feel guilty, like it's my own fault (which it isn't...), and then he thinks that I don't want him, and that's not true, and it basically creates just a crappy fight over something totally stupid and uncontrollable. And if we just go ahead and do it anyway, it hurts like **** and I have no fun at all, and he feels bad because he wants me to feel good, and it's not fair that one of us does and the other is in pain or whatever. IT SUCKS! I'm 22 freaking years old, and this kind of thing isn't supposed to annoy the crap out of me until I'm 45 or 50 and in the throws of menopause, right?! GAH! I don't know what to do.

I feel guilty as **** because in my mind, it has to be my own fault (I am a perfectionist to the Nth), even though logically and realistically, it ISN'T my fault, and it's a normal, common side effect from the stupid shot. UGH! I don't want to feel guilty for something I have no control over, and I don't want my poor husband to feel like dirt because he thinks it's his fault or that I don't love him or something. Honestly, I just want to make him happy, and I know that's what he wants, too. I feel like crap.

Hey Lucy, Kitty...there's a solution to this "Death Valley" problem you are experiencing! Really! It's called K-Y or Walmart generic lubricating jelly!!! Cheap stuff and it will solve a whole bunch of problems for ya!!! Yup! I speak from experience! Don't worry...you're ok! And it will all be fine. So go spend a couple of bucks...and have fun! You deserve to enjoy your youth!

Thanks, Julie. We talked about it last night and decided to order the new kind that warms up or something like that. Got it online, and it's actually supposed to be here today. Let's hope it isn't weird! Since we talked about it last night and had a totally open discussion and both decided that it wasn't either of our faults and that neither of us feels guilty or bad because we don't need to, we both feel better.

Lucy-my mate had that for a bit when she was 17 so I don't think having it at 22 is so strange!