Elisha....right now, this season in your life...it feels like Winter...but remember that Spring is always near... ((((Elisha))))). One day at a time. It's all any of us can do. Hang in there girl.

Kelly....I am sorry to hear your talk didn't go well. Trust your heart. My thoughts and (((hugs))) are with you.

((((Lucy))))...girl I wish you were feeling better. Maybe you can get some much needed rest tonight...and will feel better tomorrow.

I'm sorry I have not made my contribution to this thread. It sure isn't because I don't care. I do. I just have a weird way of showing it I guess. LOL

Elisha, I can empathize with you but it may be that right now your parents need you there. I could NEVER live with my Dad nor could I have lived with them both when my Mom was living. It's a hard thing to do no matter how close you all are to each other. The timing is frustrating I know but it will happen and maybe sooner than you think. You are such a smart woman and I can tell you do love your parents but deal with some family issues that believe me I can relate completely!!! Hang in there, keep venting to us and it will happen!

Kelly, {{hugs}} to you as well. Such a let down when talks don't go well. I'm so sorry and I hope that things look up for you soon.

Lucy, sorry you are feeling so low too. I think we all are going through some winter blues and it's just Autumn! (where I live it is) Get well and take care of YOU!

I think that we all are going to see better days. With each other's support we will.

{{{hugs}}}
Donna

Jaymi....You are NOT worthless! You are such a special person, to your kids, first and foremost, and also to us here on the site. You always have a kind comment for someone who is down. I really hear the pain in your post, and I want to send a hug to you <<<<hug>>>>!

I am glad that you have reached out to this support here...A very nosy question, but do you have someone there you can reach out to also? Maybe even a health care provider who can listen and help you come up with ways to feel better?

Be kind to yourself, sweetie, cause you are fabulous and special and deserve the best of life....precious kids, stability, fulfillment.

Jen

(((((((((((((((Jaymi)))))))))))))))))))) I'm sorry you are feeling so awful, chickie! I wish there was something I/we could do but I don't think there is at this time... but to tell you that you are someone (and you already know that!) and that we love you! Sometimes we have to find our self worth from things we do and those we relate to! When you are in a relationship that you so horribly dread, I can understand that that can be difficult. You say you don't go to a church but you pray. Some of my best friendships in life have been made through the people at a church. Can you look around your neighborhood and find one that you and the children could start attending? It might just be what you need right now, Jaymi. It would give you a reason to feel better about yourself if you had a purpose in your life (other than your children and husband)...get involved in something...YMCA...take the kids to the library, Mom's Day Out, etc. You need to start meeting other parents, other Moms in the area so you can feel better about who you are! Find a way to volunteer if you don't need to work! There are so many places that you can give so that you feel more complete! I truly believe that it is in giving that we receive!!!

I don't mean to be "preaching" at you but it makes my heart sad to know how horribly you hurt and how much I know you don't deserve to feel that way! Let me know if I can help! Hugs to you chickie!!!!

Jay... first of all, you're not -fat-. I know how much ya weigh, and what your body is like, because I'm just the same, remember? *hug* Secondly, life sucks majorly for all of us at one point or another. Money is **** on earth, and even if you can be responsible, if your hubby/partner can't, then it doesn't work. We should be rolling in it, too, ya know. I make about $255 a week, and he makes over $1700 every other week. We are poor, lost our house, a car, and owe over 50,000 in debt to various people. See? It just SUCKS. Don't ever feel like your religion is part of what's wrong, ebcause it shouldn't be like that. I don't even believe in a god, or any real organized religion. It doesn't make me a bad person -- just like you not going to church, but still believing and worshipping what you believe in in your OWN way, does not make YOU a bad person. In general, most of us are awesomely great people who do stupid things sometimes, and when we do those stupid things, everybody ends up suffering for them. It's just life, and it sucks sometimes. Don't blame yourself for all of it, or put all of the weight on your shoulders. You know that I do it, too, and that it basically destroys me mentally and emotionally because I can't fix everything by myself in one miniscule second in this world. Neither can you, hon, no matter how hard you try. Small steps, Jay, are the best, most influential way you can progress in life. Setting a good example for your kids is a giant step, and you already DO that. You're trifty, you're intelligent as all ****, and you're damned gorgeous, whether you happen to think that or not. You've got two amazingly cute li'l kids (whose pictures I was so happy to get by the way!!!) and a husband who, as much as he may drive you freaking nuts or act selfish, loves you more than life itself. ANd as for the job situation... whatever makes you happy, be it a waitressing position or the CEO of a company, makes YOU happy. You need to do what makes YOU happy for once, my dear, not everybody else. If you have to make a tough choice, make it. Don't live with regrets and feeling like you missed out. *hug* I'm always here if ya need anything, and you know it.

Okay here's my whiny rant.

I woke up with a headache (I HATE that.) and I had to pee really bad. I didn't want to get up 'cause it hurt even worse, but I did it anyway. Came out to the kitchen and my hubby was making himself a cup of coffee before he left, and I just wandered into the room and buried myself in his chest (which was warm and comfy), and then he left. GAAAAH. I just wanted to be snuggled up with someone warm and nice, and he had to go to work. GAAH, I say!!!

So then I cleaned the whole kitchen and made the cookies that he wanted me to make for him (I don't even like them, but I make them better than he does, so I made them...), cleaned out the fridge and threw away a few things that were speaking to me in foreign languages, and watered my poor thirsty plants.

So I lay down and took a nap, and woke up around 11:45, with the same stupid headache. GAH! I feel gross, I just want to go take a shower in some hot, steamy water and wash the ick off of my skin. So I go to the closet and look for some clean clothes. Sure, if I feel like dressing up and wearing a bunch of stupid business clothes, I HAVE A TON TO WEAR. *rips out hair* NOTHING clean. And he does this thing where he takes the dirty clothes, specifically MY dirty clothes, and throws a few random pieces back into my CLEAN clothes hamper, so that I have the joy of wandering in, half asleep, ready to get dressed, and pick up something that smells like a wet, old towel and has contaminated the rest of my clothing with the ick. WTF?! WHY must men do this?! I don't throw his nasty socks back into his dresser drawer, do I?! NO!!!

So I go to the laundry room, where he claims to have done the laundry yesterday while I was at work, which is a rare occurance, folks. I open up the dryer, and there's one sheet, and six pairs of socks. This takes up all of 6" in our washer, which could hold an entire giant load of laundry on top of this stupid sheet and his stupid socks. They're nice and dry and fluffy. I open the washer, and it smells nasty like old, wet laundry, and sure 'nuff, old wet laundry from before I left for work yesterday. Yes, not him, but ME. I did that laundry!!! I DID IT!!!

So now I'm waiting for something to be clean, not smelly, and dry so that I can take a shower. I've seriously thought about taking some of the wet socks, some moldy cheese, and a few rotten eggs and tossing them in his laundry, but I'm too nice.

Seriously. Today = annoyances all around. I feel better.

Hey Jaymi

I'm sorry things seem to be a bit crummy for you at the moment. I reckon people have given you some great advice already. One thing I thought was maybe you could join like a mother and toddler/playgroup type thing if they have those in the states? What about aerobics with a crèche?

Of course you don't deserve for things to be so tough for you at the moment. You sound like a great person. You're not worthless either, self worth isn't about what you have it's about who you are. In the West we have a bit of a materialist society but really what makes you a worthwhile person has nothing to do with how much money and possessions you have. It's the kind of things that you say you are, a good person, a good wife and a good mother. It also sounds like you're a great family member and friend to lots of other people even though they live far away. Especially with being a mum, one of the worst things you can do is to spoil your kids and I don't think growing up too rich does children much good. If they don't get everything they want they'll appreciate things more in the long run. And anyway they're getting plenty of the most important things- your time and your love.

I know I'm not a mum and I don't know exactly how it must feel but I just wanted to let you know you're definitely not worthless.

Lucy, sorry your dh is being a pain in the arse. Glad the rant made you feel better!

Dill

Lucy...your rant made me laugh! Sorry! But it did! Sounds like life as usual around here!!! Daily, I take the dang towel that hubby dries himself off with and hang it up on the hook which is a step away from where he leaves it (either on the floor or on the counter) so it will be nice and dry for his next shower!!!!!! Grrrrr! And then there's the sock issue...Socks! I hate them!!! Especially HIS!!! He rolls them up into this little ball BEFORE he puts them in the laundry hamper (or invariable leaves them in places around the house)! So I go to do laundry...hoping to just THROW in a load...and I have to unroll these stinky sweat balls he calls socks!!! There are times when I just leave them rolled up in a ball, wash them, dry them and put them away....you'd think he would notice...but noooooooo!

Oh, and God forbid that I would ask him to put AWAY some of his laundry!!!! OMG!!!! What? Him...put away HIS OWN LAUNDRY!!!!!! What a horrible thought on my part!!!! Oh...and the work clothes...always bringing to my attention on SUNDAY night before he goes to bed that he has work clothes that need to be washed by morning!!! Not just washed, but dried too!!! GGGGGRRRRRRRR!!!

And tonight he reminded ME that the garbage needed to be taken to the curb in the morning!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF???? Am I some sort of maid????? I reminded him that HE could take the garbage out since I take the garbage from the house and empty INTO the big dumpster...that's the LEAST he could do!!!! His escuse: He's too sleepy in the morning to remember (is it my fault he gets up at 3:30 am...Who IS awake at that gawd awful hour, anyway????)! WRITE YOURSELF A NOTE, OR DO I HAVE TO DO THAT TOO????!!!!!

Men!!! I'm with you on this one!!! But then...comfy and cozy chests are always a nice place to nap!!!!! LOL!!!

Thanks for listening to MY rant!!!

This is so damn hard. I do fine for a while, then crap. Then I’m okay for a day or two, then a week goes by in complete and utter shambles. When I started, there was nothing, absolutely nothing that could get in the way of my daily exercise. And now… any excuse not to do it will serve. And calories… for a long time I was doing just fine. Occasionally I would go a little over, but I’d be right back on track at the next meal. And now… it’s like I don’t even care. No wonder I’m fat. I’m lazy and undisciplined. I’m not putting forth the effort I know that it takes. And as a result I’ve been stuck right around 200 since the middle of August. August! That’s almost 2 months with no loss whatsoever. Well, that’s not exactly true. I’d lose 2 or 3 pounds, then gain it right back. I’m so mad at myself right now I could just puke. Why do I do this? I know what works. I did it for 6 months. And now this. I do nothing. I fall back into my old habits. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I do NOT want to live the rest of my life like I was. I don’t want to live the rest of my life like I AM. I NEVER want to go back, not 40 pounds, not 1 single pound. I’ve lost 40 pounds, and I’m still overweight. And I don’t see those 40 pounds as making much physical difference. But I do NOT want them back under any circumstances. I want to be thin and healthy and beautiful. I want to live a healthy life, and I want exercise and a healthy diet to be a part of my healthy life. So why am I not doing it? What reason could I possibly have for not giving it all I’ve got at every single moment? This is my LIFE, and it’s the only one I’ve got. I can’t trade it in, I can’t talk my way out of it, I can’t pretend like this problem doesn’t exist. I’ve got to work to change it, to make it into the life that I want. So why am I not doing it?
The decision to go to grad school is a step in the right direction, but it’s not going to fix the problems I have with myself. One of them, yes. But the other big problem I have with myself is weight-related. I have to fix that on my own, through sheer determination and hard work. My determination is flagging, and hard work has never been my strong suit.
How do you get that back once it’s lost? How do you regain your motivation? How do you keep going? Not only keep going, but how do you force yourself to go even further? How do you make your body do what your brain and heart know you should? How do I get it back?

Dear Miss Elisha~I am in a rut, too. I know what to do, it has been working, and the past few days I have come up with every excuse to not do what I know works. I don't know why either. Maybe the newness and the challenge has worn off. I have slipped back in to bad habits, eating cookies just cause they're there, snacking for no reason, not enough water, and now I am procrastinating from my Bowflex cause I am tired. And of course cause my stomach hurts because I ate a bunch of cookies I didn't need to.

I am going to go tuck my kid in and then I am going to do the Bowflex, because I should, and it is good for me, but I really don't want to.

Jen

Okay! I did it even though it sucked and I really didn't want to. I know I'll be happy later. I have never regretted working out....not in the end.

((((((((((((((Elisha)))))))))))))) I feel the exact same way you do about this weight loss journey. Its so darned frustrating! My head and heart know exactly what to do but the body doesn't follow!! Like right now...I got up extra early today because I was just so tired last night that I went to bed extra early...plenty of time to work out this morning, but instead...I cleaned up the kitchen, came and sat here and read! My little one and two miles is just not cutting it for me to make any significant difference with the weight. I can justify that "yea, at least I am doing something", but in my heart I know that I can do more...and SHOULD do more! And then there's the whole "food issue"!!! ARGH!!! I'm stuck too and I don't know how to get out of this "trap"!

With me, some days there just isn't enough time to get in a workout...that I can justify!! But as far as eating, I can always find time to do that, I just have to stay away from the stuff that triggers my binges (like sugar!) I don't have to cave in just because it's there...and the thing is...at work...I have so much support! My work partner always reminds me to just take a taste if I'm really craving...or she hides stuff she knows I would want but shouldn't have! And there are all kinds of people who are doing WW and eating healthy! I have NO excuse at work...and that's my biggest area of weakness! So, today...I am going to plan to stay away from all things sweet and just remember that I have the "power" to say NO!!!

Have a plan of attack, Elisha! And some days, there's no way to get in that walk or workout you want, and that's ok, but plan one on the days you know you can...one day at a time...start today! What's your plan, chickie? Hugs to you, my friend!

Elisha -- I was stuck at 190-ish for over a year, my dear. I was working out, doing it all the right way, but it just wouldn't budge. Your body just has those stupid little things that it wants to do. Just keep at it, and you'll be okay. You'll get there. And as for motivation... you have to force it. If you force it for a week, it gets easier. Keep forcing for a month, and it becomes habit. Keep the habit for 6 months and it becomes part of your lifestyle and you don't have to try to force it anymore. Take it one day at a time and don't be frustrated by a slow-going loss. It's better than gaining and better than no losses at all. Just keep going and you'll get there.

..... so for my issue. I am sick to death of forcing myself to eat, or not being able to work out for health reasons, and sick of not being able to move the way I want to because I weigh 50 pounds more than I want to. Right now, I weigh 170.2 lbs. I want to weigh 120 lbs, ideally. That's just exactly 50 lbs. And I need some help. I've lost an official 85 pounds, which is MASSIVE. And I'm proud of that. But I am frustrated and tired, mentally and physically, of forcing myself to count every stupid calorie when I shouldn't need to. My caloric intake, when I was losing weight, was 850 or 900 per day. THAT is not much. But it worked. And I lost 85 pounds that way. But my body can't function on it anymore, and it just isn't working anymore, either. I've forced myself to do the 900-cal plan for a month straight, and it just made me tired and sick. I have done everything, and I'm just sad. Almost truly depressed about this, because it just won't go away. My husband is totally supportive, and he even suggests healthy options for dinner and stuff, which is sweet of him.

So all I want to do is get my butt into the doctor's office and make an appointment and talk to a physician and request some assistance in losing this last 50 pounds (or even 30 would make me soooo happy!) with a medication supplement. Technically, I am still considered obese, although I don't think that's a very fair statement. I do have a lot of muscle mass, I'm in great shape, and I really try. All of you even KNOW that I really try. I'm so scared that if I go, they will tell me, no, you don't need any medication. Quit whining and just eat some salad, you stupid slob. I feel like I'm going up in front of some stupid jury and having to prove that I have a healthy lifestyle and that I work out 5 times a week and I never sit down and that I eat healthy foods and drink the water and do all of it, and they're going to decide that I'm just a whiny little jerk and tell me to go away. I don't want that. I just want to lose this stupid weight and BE MYSELF again. Go into my closet and not come close to tears from seeing all of my stupid clothes that are a size 9 or 11 and not be able to even attempt to wear any of them. Go shopping and not end up in tears on the way home because I'm far too fat to wear any misses sizes but not fat enough for the stupid plus sizes, and they always hung off of me anyway because I'm short and built differently. It's just not fair and I am so sick of being the fat one at work, at home, in the family, in my friends, in life. It's so easy for my friends to say "you're not fat!" to me, but do they invite us to go on the camping trips to the lake with them? No. Because I can't fit my fat stupid butt into a stupid bathing suit. Do we ever, EVER go shopping together? No. They all wear sizes 0 to 8, and I am double that. I HATE IT. I hate being short, I hate not even being able to wear heels to make myself look taller, I hate that I don't have any freaking breasts, and I hate that no clothing ever looks good on me. I HATE this. All I want is for some stupid doctor to treat me like an adult for a change and give me the stupid freaking pills that I can take that can help me lose this stupid useless weight that I didn't even TRY TO GAIN. I almost regret having taken those stupid steroid shots, wish that I'd just have suffered through the stupid low blood oxygen levels and hopefully made it through just fine. No, I think I do regret that. I regret it because this is how I feel all the time, now. Ugly and fat and uncomfortable in every single thing I own. NOTHING is flattering. NOTHING fits me right. I feel like wearing just a burlap sack. It'd probably fit better.

I am just not having a good day.