HORRIBLE HORRIBLE FOOD DAY FOR ME!!! Ok so I have shared that sometimes throwing up makes me feel better after I eat crazy during the day.. Well today was one of those days.. First of all let me start by saying I can go days and days and sometimes weeks without throwing up so why on earth can I not stop it completely?????????????????????????? I know it is bad and I know all the side effects from it so what is wrong with me?????????? I just want to be "normal"!!!!
Ok so I start off this morning with no breakfast as usual.. I never eat in the morning.. Heck I hardly get up before 10am each day.. I am a SAHM so I don't really have to get up in the mornings early until school starts that is.. OK so back to my day.. So I go visit a friend that lives almost an hour away... I have to go run an errand and drop off my son at my grandmothers so by the time I get to my friends it is almost 1pm and I still have not had any food in my system.. as usual again.. I usually don't eat anything until around 2.. and I know that is sooo bad.. anyway.. I get to my friend Susan's and we go out for lunch.. I eat a cheese burger and fries and I am sooo hungry that I gobble it down with out a breath almost.. I usually eat alot faster than everybody else and that is embarrasing for me... anyway so after we eat we go to a movie and after the movie we go to a place called Maggie Moo's It is a Ice cream place where they mix in what you want in the ice cream on a cold slab by hand.. She has a small and I opt for the LARGE I had ice cream called Better Batter and it tastes like cake batter and I had it mixed with cookie dough and brownie mix.. I was feeling horrible afterwards.. that is all I ate until 9:30 pm.. I was on my way home and saw a Steak N Shake and I looove eating there so I stop in the drive through for a burger and a coke and I end up getting that and a chicken sandwich and not eating the chicken on the sandwich because it didn't taste good but I did eat the bread and then I had some honey mustard pretzels in my car that were my son's and I ate almost a bag of them.. I finally get home and go straight to the bedroom and after giving my son a kiss and a hug and my husband one too. He goes into the living room and after my son falls asleep I go to the bathroom and make myself throw up and now of course I feel better.. but I know I shouldn't ..
Oh, Kristie, this is unfortunately a familiar cycle for me. I used to do this almost EVERY night. Let me tell you (you knew this was coming) YOU HAVE TO EAT BREAKFAST!!!! Every day, no excuses. If I don't get something to eat right away in the morning, my chances of bingeing later increases dramatically. I'm pretty sure this is a recorded statistic pertaining to bulimia/COE/BE (but don't hold that to me). Not only could it possibly reduce your binge urge later, it starts up your metabolism for the day. I've actually been eating a higher calorie breakfast, and it helped me today and I would have made it yesterday if I hadn't found that old birthday cake in the freezer . . . So try that.
It's so easy to relapse, so that's why it's hard to completely stop. That feeling of relief is hard to forget, but you must!!! I have to tell myself all the time, "You WILL NOT gain back 130 pounds if you don't throw this up, but this may have been your LAST meal if you do." And that stops me. Just remember the consequences of forcing yourself to purge could be far greater than a stomach of unhealthy food.
Last edited by HarpoChicoGroucho; 07-13-2006 at 03:08 AM.
Kristie, big hugs from me, too, sweetie.
I went without breakfast for many years, so I understand where you're coming from. But Harpo is so right... breakfast is an absolute must. It took me awhile to get used to eating first thing in the morning, but now when I wake up, I "hear" the signals from my body telling me to eat. It's so important to be fueled throughout the day. It's what we need, and it really does keep the binging at bay.
I hope today is better for you, Kristie.
Angelia, big hugs for you, too. I hope today is a good one for you.
Have you ever thought of allowing yourself something a little something good instead of trying for a day completely free of "bad" foods? Or would that set you off?
Sometimes when I know I'm going to have a stressful day, I'll allow myself something like a little bowl of guacamole with baked chips. A healthier choice than if I'd completely deprived myself and ended up making a far worse choice. Like Doritos, chocolate and other junk.
Ellis, everything is triggering me right now...I had thought the same thing last week,,,its hot, if I drink all my water I will let myself have a Mr. Freeze. And boom,,,Ive been on a down ward spiral since. I don't even like Mr. Freezes. But I love muffins/cookies/cakes.
Kristi, hope you have a good day too! Do you not eat breakfast in the moring cause you just are not hungry? Or don't feel well? Or is it a bad habit of not eating first thing? I was/am like that,,,I can go months with eating breakfast and all...then go a full week all messed up. I made a habit of eating cheerios first thing in the morning,,Im barely awake some days...but I know if I don't I will be in worse shape..major binge. like yesterday.
I was at my Dr. office though and another patient was talking about how you should never eat sugary things first thing in the morning cause it will trigger sugar binges all day. I told her I eat part plain/part multi grain cheerios,,,she told that even that stuff has a high sugar level. Oatmeal is the best....anyone eat plain cooked oatmeal? *shudder
Ugh. Sorry, Angelia... I wasn't sure about my suggestion, but I thought I'd throw it out there.
Plain oatmeal is revolting.
You know what's pretty good? I started eating this when I was doing the South Beach diet.
You cook your oatmeal (I do mine in the microwave) with milk instead of water, and then add a little bit of cinnamon and some crushed walnuts. I'm a sugar hog, but I actually like this! Plus there's protein in there... (yeah, I know... shut up about the protein, Ellis. )
My favourite breakfast now is 1/2 cup of Fibre 1 cereal with about 3/4 cup of blueberries (I keep frozen blueberries on hand, and defrost them as needed) and around 1/2 cup of yogurt. Stir it all up, and it's almost like a granola sundae.
Same here! I used to eat no breakfast. Only coffee then I got on some medicine that makes the taste of coffee revolting to me! Yea ladies Lil Mrs Coffe-Holic can't stand coffee anymore...been 3 weeks without a drop of coffee...
Anyway back to breakfast. I would only drink coffee before, I would drink like 3 cups of coffee with lots of creamer and call it breakfast. I started slow with breakfast, I did sweet cereal for a week, then nutrigrain bars for a week, now I am at a point that I either have Oatmeal (with one Tbs Country crock light and 3 tsp brown sugar...sorry i gotta sweeten that stuff) or Raisin Bran Crunch with 2% milk.
I am fine till 10:30 then I have a serving of FatFree Jello (my dream food! I LOOOOVEEE this stuff 40 cals for the WHOLE BOX) then at 12 I have a good lunch...like a South Beach wrap meal with lots of california blend frozen veggies and fresh tomato or an open face grill cheese (piece of bread with a piece of cheese on top...brown the bread on the bottom and I add Emerils seasoning to the melty cheese) and soup.
Then I have All natural Applesauce (one serving) at about 3 and Im good till about 5. Eat a nice dinner and then eat one last little snack with a max of 100 calories (unless my calories are low this day).
As long as i START with breakfast I am on program through the day and don't binge at all. If i skip that breakfast I am messed up for the day. I have been a binge eater since I was EIGHT YEARS OLD and I have had bouts of bulimia since 13 years old. I feel so empowered to be in control of myself with food... I hope you can find something that works for you.. My one other suggestion JOURNALING! Keep a journal of EVERY bite of food you eat and for me I include the calore count of that food. It gives you momentum to make your journal look good I use color coding for good choices and bad choices and i can tell at a glance how good i was that day.
Hello. My name is Stephanie, and Ive never been on this perticular board, but Ive read and I think it would be a good place for me ot post somethings that I always keep inside and end up feeling horrible about it. I hope its okay that I just jump in like this. But, here it goes.
MY BINGE.
We had bought some chocolate for smores, 6 hersheys bars. I ate half of them, and then I drank like a whole liter of coke and couldnt wait for more. I shoved a "lean cuisine" into the microwave and ate in a bite! So altogether in calories I had like 900 calories. I had been binge free for 4 weeks. I knew it was too good to be tru.
Stephanie, welcome... I'm sorry you're having a rough time.
The fact that you went for four weeks binge-free is awesome! You've done it before and you'll do it again. Don't look back... you're going to be alright.
Thanks for the support. Im glad Im not the only one that has binges. Unfortunately all of us do, dont we? Im trying to get back on track, so Im having 350 calorie shrimp scampi for dinner.
Hey Stephanie, welcome to this thread. I actually used to avoid this thread cause I was always scared that reading about other peoples binges would trigger me into one. But I did that all by myself last week and have not been able to stop since then.
You are not alone,,,some are in the midst of a few days of binging some haven't in a few days/weeks. Unload here and know we are knowing how you feel.
Im not a purger,,,but right now I seriously want to upchuck my dinner...We went out for dinner and not sure what they used on my sandwich but its a big ball in the pit of my stomach I have been feeling sick since. Im going to go crawl on to the couch with a bottle of water and hopefully will feel better soon.
Had a tiny (1 inch x 1 inch) of cake, my going away cake. Then I ate all my fruit which is why I brought double then normal. Was trying to think ahead. So other then the cake,,I WAS feeling good about today.
Ellis, they way you make your oatmeal doesn't sound so bad. Was thinking of putting a scoop of protein powder in,,,its vanilla flavoured...and with raspberries...that would I think do it.
Something I have been eating alot lately,,,is turkey wraps. I use a large tortia a bit of lite dressing,,,LOTS of lettuce, tomatoe, sprinkle on some grated cheese, and turkey breast...roll it up...It seems to be huge cause of all the lettuce...but its crunchy.
I know one woman who takes that torita a TBS of PB, and a banana...she rolls it up and eats it for breakfast. I would say you could do that with an apple...
anywho Im going to do the couch thing,,,
Thanks ladies.. It is so nice to finally be able to share stuff that I hold in.. Today was better although my adorable son did test my patience a few times but as far as eating alot today I didn't.
I didn't however eat breakfast again.. I am going to start on that tomorrow and see how it goes....Any way thanks so much for all the encouragement girls.. I really appreciate it..
I was actually scared about this board as well! But now that its better than it sounds
I guess the title is a bit intimidating now that I think about it. I hope it doesn't scare anyone away. Was anyone else reluctant to check this thread out because of its title? I've never have been a fan of the word "purge" (but I do like it better than other phrases), so I don't even know why I used it. It is the technical term though. I named it "Cyber Purgers" because we are "purging" our binges on here (confessing them). We're getting them out of our systems in a healthy, non-destructive way. That's what I meant by the name of the thread.
~~~~~~
Ughggh ~ 2 days binge free (but 3 days in a row exercising!!!) and I messed up today. I ate a WHOLE bag of chocolate chips!!!! The WHOLE bag. It was 1600 calories and 94 grams of fat!!!! But the other stuff I ate with it was healthy. like that's any consolation. But I went over my 1000 calorie limit binge rule, which had been working very well for me.
I had ice cream called Better Batter and it tastes like cake batter and I had it mixed with cookie dough and brownie mix.. I was feeling horrible afterwards.. that is all I ate until 9:30 pm.. I was on my way home and saw a Steak N Shake and I looove eating there so I stop in the drive through for a burger and a coke and I end up getting that and a chicken sandwich and not eating the chicken on the sandwich because it didn't taste good but I did eat the bread and then I had some honey mustard pretzels in my car that were my son's and I ate almost a bag of them.. I finally get home and go straight to the bedroom and after giving my son a kiss and a hug and my husband one too. He goes into the living room and after my son falls asleep I go to the bathroom and make myself throw up and now of course I feel better.. but I know I shouldn't ..
Oh, Kristie, this is unfortunately a familiar cycle for me. I used to do this almost EVERY night. Let me tell you (you knew this was coming) YOU HAVE TO EAT BREAKFAST!!!! Every day, no excuses. If I don't get something to eat right away in the morning, my chances of bingeing later increases dramatically. I'm pretty sure this is a recorded statistic pertaining to bulimia/COE/BE (but don't hold that to me). Not only could it possibly reduce your binge urge later, it starts up your metabolism for the day. I've actually been eating a higher calorie breakfast, and it helped me today and I would have made it yesterday if I hadn't found that old birthday cake in the freezer . . . So try that. 
)
Yea ladies Lil Mrs Coffe-Holic can't stand coffee anymore...been 3 weeks without a drop of coffee...
) or Raisin Bran Crunch with 2% milk.
to our board. I'm sorry you binged 
