I had a lot of depression/anxiety issues. I'm an emotional eater, it really started getting out of control. I already had my gallbladder removed this past feb. So losing weight right now is my only option. Small steps at a time, and I'm finally getting somewhere ... I can't deprive myself of anything or else I will end up binging. .. I take some natural pills that seems to be really helping with my cravings/hunger, never thought I'd see that day LOL
Its funny, we all seem to know why we over eat, but knowing does not solve that problem? It makes it harder, as we know how we are supposed to stop, but are stuck on one track!
Isn't that the truth?
I am also a binge eater but not from any abuse/poor self esteem. I too grew up having to eat all on my plate (it's they way my parents were taught as well). I was more of an early bloomer and probably just a fwe pounds overweight until puberty. I was my height of 5'6" and 132 pounds by 6th grade. I love to cook. My family (the extended version) loves to cook. There are days when I'll munch on not even junk but eat just for the sake of eating something and then do it to excess.
So I guess it's just something I learned from an early age and haven't quite figured out how to unlearn it.
I too can chime in on the sexual abuse angle. Mine happened when I was 6 and I remember very clearly deciding that if I was fat he'd leave me alone. Well it worked!..or I got too old for him..either way I kept using that logic as trouble occured later in life, using it as some sort of protection. I've had counselling etc and while I knew why I had the weight I could never seem to commit to losing it.
I've always told myself when I feel safe then I can lose it. Well now I am in a relationship with a gorgeous guy and realised I feel totally safe but my body still didn't want to let it go. I realised that I was waiting for someone to save me! Of course its too late and in a way I saved myself by getting through the ordeal in the first place and in using my child logic the best way I could to sort it out. So where I am at the moment is I've decided its all down to me to save myself and finally shift this weight. It was like a switch flicking in my head and I do really feel like this is the last diet I'm going to do. However I do still sometimes get a bit scared and I'm working through this as I go on..I feel like I owe the child me to get this sorted out.
I too was an early bloomer. I had men hitting on me from the time I was ten (no seriously) until I got fat around 16 or so. At first I was too young to understand. Then I was just old enough to love the attention. Then I was completely abused by my first boyfriend, who of course was older than me, at 12. From then on I got it in my head that men wanted one thing and it was my role to give it to them. sigh. At the time, I became anorexic, I would get really upset if the scale ever hit over 100 lbs... then 90 lbs...
Once I finally got over that, I went into the other direction completely and kept gaining weight, until here I am today. Part of me binges because I never want to go back to being anorexic, but a lot of fear also comes from men and how I relate to them. I absolutely binge, and I haven't come to a point where I've tried stopping yet. I'm not sure where to begin on that - I never even thought about whether or not I binge until I started lurking on this board.
I'm just not ready. Between anorexia, self mutilation as a teen, drug abuse, etc.. abusing food is the only way I have left to do myself harm that nobody seems to worried about. I wonder why that is...
First thanks for posting ...I was worrying I'd killed the conversation by being too personal.
From talking to my friends I think a lot of people use weight to hide from male attention. You're right though, it is funny that its a 'safe' method as its not as frowned upon as drug taking (although it certainly seems to be going that way over here in the UK!). Also though if we were addicted to drugs we could give them up couldn't we? Can't do that with food..well you can but as you've learnt it doesn't turn out well!
I'm finding that when I'm binge-ing or have the urge I am worrying about something..at the moment I'm worrying about losing the weight and not feeling safe. I have found that once I recognise what I am scared of, acknowledge it, talk to somone, then go punch my punch bag!, I feel more in control. I think that there is a lot of head stuff to this weight loss, or at least there will be for me! But I'm determined to beat it and be thinner and feel good about it. PM me if you want a chat off the board.
I came from an abused childhood from 3 years until I was 12. I had a very abusive boyfriend from 15 until 17. I never chalked it up to the past though. I just do it out of plain boredom. I have a boring job, and a boring life, I vow that I need to get out and do more and not have anything but what I supposed to have at work.
This may sound wierd but I eat when I'm really happy. When I feel comfortable I love to eat. If my relationship, job and everything else is going great that's when I go on a binge. If I'm really stressed out or if I have a break up with a boyfriend I don't eat at all. In fact, food repulses me if I'm not feeling well emotionally. My food intake depends on my emotional state -- blahhhhh. Hopefully, this will get better soon.
I always think about this ... like why in the world do I eat, eat, eat? You know the next day I always wish I hadn't and so I don't know why I continue to do it. Though I do suffer from depression ... I'm VERY unhappy with my body right now, having know what it's like to be thin, to be considered "severly overweight" by my doctor just makes me SOOOOO mad but it seems so long to get it off, that I may as well eat some more! I always figure "what's this candybar really gonna do, I'm already fat" but the problem is ... it is just ... AHHHHHH I don't know why I do it!
Actually part of it I think comes from ... my dad & I always struggled with weight and my mom is SOOO skinny and it's easy for her and so she is always making comments to this day about our fat. She will hug me and say "you're so squishy" and just little things like that like she may as well hold up a sign every 5 minutes that says "you're still fat" because she insinuates it ... she really killed my self esteem growing up, yet when I try to tell her how I feel she's like "you can't blame me for all of your problems" but when she's not around, I find that my dad and I will eat like there's no tomorrow just because we can't when she is around. How sad is that?!?!? Wow I feel all naked sharing all this with you guys, I don't tell my friends or family anything like this, gosh it's awesome to be a part of this group. Sorry I tend to go off on little babble fests and then never make a freaking point anyway! LOL hahahha *hugs to you all*
I just like food....my simple reason for binge/compulsive eating. I was a normal weight up through college and have no emotional or physical abuse to speak of. I have always liked to eat and I was always extremely active. I did emotionally eat at one point that I attribute to a bad relationship. Food was comfort. But once I filled my life up again (have wonderful family, friends, hubbie) I still had the same eating habits. I am just not working out or playing sports, so the scale has crept up. I'll always struggle with wanting to eat lots of certain things....but I think my head finally knows that is not healthy and my body will take a toll if that behaviour continues.
I think it has to do with me growing up. I always thought I had to eat what was on my plate. You put it there so now you got to eat it. Plus we used to eat late at night. Sometimes my dad wouldn't get home til 8 or later. He worked for the city, did his own business on the side and he was a volunteer firemen so he kept himself very busy. I would tend to wait for him to get home before I would have my dinner. Mom would never have anything for him so I would cook something and it waiting. It was nice quality time with dad.
Plus my father would cook so much food that we would have leftovers for 2 or 3 days. Of course I would dig into them and overeat because it tasted so good and I didn't want to have to throw it out. What a waste of food to throw out. Even when I was married he would call and tell me he had something. I would go over and get it. Yum.
I also have used food to comfort me. I eat when I am happy, sad, angry, lonely, stressed, etc. You name it and it was always a good time to have something to eat. Food was always something there to help you through the good times and bad. Food wouldn't turn you away. It was like my best friend.
Wow, what a really good question! I've tried psycho-analyzing myself on more than one occasion, and for me, I think it boils down to two things. 1.) Food- how much I eat, and what I eat- is pretty much the one thing that I can control totally. And 2.) For whatever reason, I feel *safer* being overweight. I don't know what that means, but I don't really know how to describe other than that.
One thing though, despite my messed up relationship with food and my body, I'm determined not to instill the same things in *my* kids. DH and I decided that we aren't doing the "clean your plate" thing, and we don't use food as a reward, solace, bribe, or punishment. I want the boys to enjoy the food they eat, but realize that it's also simply fuel our body needs to keep us going- so we can enjoy other things in this world!
I was a victim of early childhood abuse by a neighbor and then later a victim of acquaintance rape (a friend of my boss). I am married with two boys, who I watch over very closely, and currently weigh 194, the most I have ever weighed. I truly think I have overlooked the importance of those two occurrences in my life, coupled with the death of my father when I was young. The role of the dominant male in my life is still something I question. My husband is very good to me and although I have a "wall" up, we work through most of our issues. I eat to be unattractive so that other men won't find me attractive. That way, I won't get myself into an uncomfortable situation in which I am forced to utter the words I tried so hard to before when no one was listening, "No." I have decided to take a self-defense course or a karate class when I lose a little weight, just so that I don't fall over and die. Anyway, I think there is a link with all of us, to fill the void, the hole caused by someone else's action or inaction.
I eat because I was always the 'fat girl', not fat enough to be considered obese, but fat enough that no one would ever date me. I was fat enough to qualify, I guess.
I eat because my first true love said I had saddle bags when I weighed 130, and what he said was gospel...the gospel of Ed. He also turned out to be very mentally/emotionally abusive. Many of the problems I have are attributed to this time in my life.
I eat because I can't identify with being thin. I did it once, but it was awkward then. It's more comfortable this way. It's my identity
I eat because I just really like food, and unfortunately, cookies win out over cucumbers every time.
I eat because when I was a kid, many people would force me to eat all the stuff on my plate ( this was popular). I too, vomited when forced to eat a tomatoe at school. I knew I would, but no one would listen to me.
I eat because I resent all the people who can eat whatever they want and still stay thin, and they do not understand why I can't just not eat as much. Growing up, thin was it, and I didn't have it.
I eat because I am above all that lookism bullsh!t, and damnit, I'm going to eat it if I want it and not bow to society's standards ( sounds really good, but it's more so because I believe that I will never fit into society's standards, so why try).
To echo the sentiment: we all know why we do this, but it's so ingrained in us that it's very difficult to shake. I never really thought about it before... I can't afford therapy, but I think that something like this is more helpful, anyway.
... I can't deprive myself of anything or else I will end up binging. .. I take some natural pills that seems to be really helping with my cravings/hunger, never thought I'd see that day LOL
