24 year old with severe binge eating problem..please help - Page 5 - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community


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Old 06-28-2011, 09:17 AM   #61  
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Do you have any kind of religious or spiritual affiliation? When I am in really desperate places reconnecting with my faith helps me feel more balanced.
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Old 06-28-2011, 10:09 AM   #62  
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I do, I go to church on Sunday's.

But..something just does not seem right. I am craving something..I want something..I need something. There seems to be something missing that's stuck in the middle of my chest that I just need to let go of but I can't figure out what it is.

I used to desperately want a girlfriend to fill that void. That didn't do it. I tried dieting, weight loss, exercise and that didn't work. I tried going out on the weekends, expanding my social group, going out to the clubs/bars, and "living the life" - that didn't work either. And for the past two years I was binge eating - I have now recognized that does not fill this void anymore either.

All of the above temporarily worked - food being the best for the longest time, but here I am, knowing food will not fill that void anymore and I am still wondering what I want.

I wish I could just pull it out of me. The answer seems to lie within - but I can't figure out what it is. It's something that has to come from inside of me - but what it is? I have a great apartment. I have a great job. I have a caring, nice personality. I will make a great father someday. I have a car. People like me and enjoy who I am. So, what's the problem? What is this deep rooted feeling in my chest that has stuck with me for the past two years?

I have thought through just about every potential issue it could be - from the most obvious to the least obvious, and it still sticks with me. I know one thing though - when I dated a few girls, dating them provided something in my life that I could not provide myself. Something that even I do not get from my family, my mother, or my own friends. Something I cannot explain. I don't know what it is. But when we went out, it made this feeling in my chest drop and I felt relieved and happy. Does anyone have any idea on what this could be because I cannot explain it.

This is what bothers me. For some reason, when I date someone, my life is great and I feel normal and happy. I feel like I am on top of the world and no one is going to stop me. And it's not by choice either, but it just happens.
Everything is great. Yet when I am single, like I am right now and these past two years, I get stuck with this odd feeling in my chest that sticks with me that I described above. But I know I do not need a girlfriend in my life and I am capable of living life without one. If I am happy and love myself, there is no desire or need for a relationship. So since I acknowledge that why I am still experiencing this feeling in my chest (whatever it is)?
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Old 06-28-2011, 02:23 PM   #63  
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You sound so much like me it is not even funny! I'm 25 and I've been dealing with this since I was just a little kid. I'm not going to claim that I've got this all figured out because I am not even close but it sounds to me like you are still dealing with the self love issue.

You describe yourself as a great person, with a great job, apartment, friends and family. All of that is fantastic, but do you feel like you are worthy of all of those good things? Obviously you think intellectually that you are worthy but do you honestly in your heart of hearts believe it?

When you are in a relationship you have somenoe in your life who validates that you are a good person and worthy of love. Your mind says "If I wasn't worthy she wouldn't be with me, right?"

Then when things don't work out and you are single again you start to feel like you aren't worthy of love and happiness because you don't have anyone in your life to validate that for you.

I hate it when people stand up at weddings and say "he/she completes me". No one completes you. You have to complete yourself then let people into your life that compliment you.

If you were in a relationship now, you would still be the exact same person. You would still be a great guy.

Just acknowledging it in your logical mind isn't enough. It takes time to really believe it. For me it is a daily struggle. Am I a good mom, wife, friend? I know the answer is yes but when I doubt I turn to food because it is always there, always the same and it never judges or requires more of me.

Sorry this was so long! In a nutshell, this isn't going to go away quickly. It's taken two years for you to develop an addiction to food that replaces love. Just like if you were on drugs or an alchoholic, it doesn't just disappear when you realize it's not good for you. Keep going to your therapist, pray, and take one step at a time.
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Old 06-28-2011, 03:46 PM   #64  
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You both sound like me and I am almost 50. I have struggled with binge/compulsive eating all of my life. I am the happiest (I think) that I have ever been in my life but something, something is not right. I've almost come to the conclusion that this is the cross I must bear. I'm way better than I was when I was bulimic and totally out of control, but I still struggle everyday. I have read many, many books on the subject and I think that we must learn to accept that part of ourselves as part of what makes us individuals. Like try to love that part of ourselves and acknowledge it. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?
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Old 06-28-2011, 04:20 PM   #65  
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I finally managed to kill the cravings off.

They lasted from 8:30am this morning till 3pm this afternoon (!!!!)

No matter what I tried to distract myself all out warfare was ensuing in my mind. I was cravings something (of course my mind says food) but I knew it was something else this time because I do not want food I want something else. I tried thinking of everything possible, writing stuff down, researching online..nothing worked.

So I finally said screw it, I will go back in time and relive all the events that lead up to this.

Here is what I did:

At 1pm extremely frustrated I got a piece of paper out and I traced back to when this all started. I started making a huge detailed list of dates when I began binge eating. The events going on in my life, and things like that. In fact here is my list:

March 2009 - Moved out of parents house (I then mentally began reliving and thinking about this time)
June 2009 - Started a new Job - again I was mentally reliving this moment
August 2009 - Began a new relationship - really remember this
December 2009 - Got dumped - REALLY remember that

December 2009 forward - After I got dumped went on extreme self pity, self hate, self disrespect mode and starved myself down out of anger/frustration and thinking my looks were the problem. Then I remember shortly after that the binging started and I wrote it off as cheat days but it was actually to fill the emotional voids I was going through. I was thinking back and felt like I was living in the moment. I saw myself in my head eating 800 calories a day and the binging on the weekends.

I took me 1 hour to write this log and recall all the events, well I read it and that feeling in my chest lifted as well as my cravings all of a sudden!!! I told myself are you kidding me, I am a psycho for this, I starved myself down and binged because I lost a relationship and this is all done out of self anger. Forget about it!!! I have better things in life to worry about than binge eating and losing some relationship two years ago anyways!!

I have no idea what this meant but it worked and I feel good all of a sudden??? Did I need to go "back in time" in my head and just rethink the events to "cure" my cravings?? Was I craving the PAST?

Last edited by buildx87; 06-28-2011 at 04:25 PM.
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Old 06-28-2011, 06:20 PM   #66  
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It sounds like you're really hitting the areas that have triggered a lot of these behaviors. That's very positive news that you're finding ways to work through it now!
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Old 07-01-2011, 07:49 PM   #67  
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I have been dealing with cravings all day.

The good thing is, I have recognized I am not craving food. So anytime I think of "binge eating" it immediately shot down in my mind.

For some reason, I am craving something but I don't know what it is! Today was a perfectly good day yet I seem to want something. I don't know what it could be. I'm happy with the way I look today. I smiled in the mirror all day when I saw myself. I cleaned my place up, I bought some new clothes and items for my home, but I seem to want SOMETHING!

It's not a relationship either. I just have no clue what it could be!!!
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Old 07-02-2011, 11:02 PM   #68  
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My cravings are still around..but I can't figure out what for!!

I went to the store earlier today thinking "Okay, I am getting binge cravings so let's go get some ice cream". I went to the store and I kid you not, the ice cream looked repulsive. I was looking at all the Ben and Jerry's and I was about to vomit. No junk food looked good to me at all. I completely acknowledge what I am craving is not food. I couldn't believe it. But something seems slightly off - like my body wants something. I just can't tell what. Whatever it is, it isn't food. I've been very happy with myself and my life in general lately, so I don't know what's up?

Something just seems off..but whatever it is, it isn't food. Ice cream looks so disgusting if I took a bite of any or see it I'll freaking vomit. The thought of it alone makes me disgusted. What is it I want!!! I can't tell
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Old 07-03-2011, 03:15 PM   #69  
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I know this sounds a bit greedy, but I am hoping someone will chime in.

I still am getting these cravings for something. Leading up to this all, I woke up today and had those cravings. They would not go away at all no matter what I seemed to do. Food was in my mind, though in reality I knew that was not want I wanted. I am not craving food at all. I went to the store today again thinking if I ate ice cream it would satisfy my needs (even though the thought of ice cream sounded repulsive) and yet I literally forced myself to buy ice cream. I literally had it in my hands and I said "this is not what I want, this looks disgusting". Well I bought it anyways just to see since ice cream WAS on my mind, and I got home and started eating it. Took a bite of some and starting eating it, and it seemed to work for the time being. Pretty much I noticed all my thoughts were leaving my head, I "thought" it tasted okay but then I stopped and regained control and realized how bad it tasted. And I said this is not what I want. Unfortunately I almost finished the whole thing but I realize that ice cream was not it. It worked for like a few minutes tops.

So, I obviously want something, but I don't know what it is. As hard as it is to say, no food is going to be it. There is no food that is going to satisfy this need, I know that much.

I want something..my mind currently seems to be wired to THINK it's food, though in reality it is not food at all. The only reason I ate ice cream today is because these cravings have been sticking around for days and I just get tired of dealing with them. I literally try to sit around and figure out what it is I want but I can't. So food works temporarily but it's not what I want in reality.

So, I don't know where to begin. I hope someone can offer their advice. Are there any steps I can take to uncover "hidden" emotions/wants??

Last edited by buildx87; 07-03-2011 at 03:20 PM.
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Old 07-04-2011, 06:41 AM   #70  
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Hi Buildx87
My heart breaks for you because I understand the sense of failure, guilt and frustration you must feel cause I too struggle with binge eating. I am going to suggest you try some of the things that I have tried in an attempt to overcome this habit.
1. I went to the faithbased weightloss section of this website and found some really great threads.
2. Through that section I was able to find this book 'Made to Crave', its a weight loss book that is based on Christian principles.
It is geared more towards women but I truly believe that you could really benefit from it, there is a 21 day challenge you could take before purchasing the book.Through the purchase of this book and participating in the 21 day challenge (which you can sign up to anytime), I have learnt some truths about myself and my relationship with food.
I also found this website that you can look at in terms of spirituality and weight loss. Google 'Take Back Your Temple'

I am 34 days binge free and I am using the following strategies to help me overcome. At first I started with not exercising, and just focusing on not binging. Focus on one thing at a time. I try not to think of it as a lifetime of not binging and denying myself foods that give me sugary highs. I take it one day at a time, one meal at a time, one bite at a time. Each time I have a craving (which are very fierce at times) I pray about it, listen to worship music, try to speak the word of God. I also try to remind myself of the sense of failure, disappointment and guilt that I always feel after a binge. I also remind my self that food only tastes good for the moment that its in my mouth and thats it. I also use the Myfitness pal app and this has helped me keep my eating under control.
I also had to remind myself that I want to have children and I do not want to pass down this horrible trait onto my children, I want to overcome this binging 'curse'. I do not have to spend my life worrying about what I eat, how I look so that I can focus on achieving more important goals in life.
I also try to remind that myself that I feel better when I am eating on some sort of plan and exercising regularly which makes me feel better and gives me a body I like .As compared to when I binge and eating whatever I want and feeling bloated, hating my body and feeling like a failure.
You could also look into intermittent fasting as someone suggested in an earlier post, because restricting your eating window might help keep binging out of your life.

I'm sorry I rambled on, but I hope you find something of use from my post.Remember that God is above everything and through Jesus Christ we are more than conquerors.
Do not give up on yourself, you are young you will overcome this challenge and help others overcome as well.
I am praying for you.
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Old 07-04-2011, 06:54 AM   #71  
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Food only fills stomachs, it doesn't fill voids.

To find out what you really want... well it's the same process as discovering that you didn't want food.

It takes a lot of thought. I know what it can feel like to want for something. Meditating on it allowed me to realize what I want... I want to give. It may seem strange to think that filling a void is going to take the opposite of what seems natural. Giving instead of receiving.

But, that's my own journey. And may not be what you're craving.
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Old 07-04-2011, 09:14 PM   #72  
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What I discovered is that it does not matter anymore why I'm binge-eating because once I discover the cause of the episode...well, the next episode seems to be caused by something else. And something else again will trigger still another episode. And I can't seem to foresee what all will cause the episodes.

What helped me is realizing that letting binge-eating into my life was like letting a monster into my house. And every time I binged was as if I were dancing with that monster.

And I realized that like a monster, binge-eating had become strong in my life. So strong that it would be long and hard to remove it. But meanwhile, I decided that I didn't have to dance with it anymore. If it had taken up residence in my house by my unwitting invitation--seriously, did anyone realize the power binge-eating would gain over us once we began engaging in this behavior?--and it would take some time to remove it, at least I didn't have to dance with it.

What I mean is this: binge-eating seems to be a learned behavior with us, a coping mechanism, and we must unlearn that behavior and cope another way.

Meanwhile, that behavior has taken up residence, and calls to us constantly to it's dance. And we must tell it no each time.

And while we're refusing to dance with it, we will learn new ways to cope with life's problems.

But remember that binge-eating is a monster, and monsters are strong in that they hold on to their territory (the territory we first gave them) and it might be a very long while before the urge to binge stops. Meanwhile, we can refuse that urge. We say no to the dance each time the monster invites us.

Last edited by triasa; 07-11-2011 at 02:43 PM.
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Old 07-09-2011, 08:23 PM   #73  
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Well it has been a rough few days. So far binged everyday. Been eating maintenance calories yet still binging.

As I sit here I probably had a 7,000 calorie binge. I jotted my thoughts down as I was binging:

I am just mindlessly shoveling crap down my mouth. I'm not even enjoying it. It tastesterrible and disgusting. Even the ice cream I bought which I used to love just makes me sick to my stomach. As I eat this I feel disgusted but I keep eating anyways. There was no reason for this to have happened today. I woke up, ate a healthy breakfast, went to workout, did some work with a friend, came home, and started getting bombarded with cravings. It's not fair. I did not deserve any of this.

I really tried to analyze what was going on. Why was I craving "food"? I tried to analyze it but the more I analyzed it, the worse it got. And the cravings just kept nagging me and nagging me to the point I just got tired of dealing with it. I even ate my maintenance calories for the day I still ended up binging. I kid you not, I do not enjoy my binges at all. While most love ice cream and stuff the food tastes terrible to me and even as I bought it I was disgusted saying "This is so gross I don't want to eat it" yet I did.

It's such a shame. I'm such a good looking guy with a great physique and this disease is killing me. God I am just so upset right now. I am not upset at myself, I am upset with these cravings. I have eliminated every possible aspect of this but I am still getting cravings. After I binged I just hugged myself and said "It's okay, it's not your fault". I don't know what to do. I really love myself and I just feel so bad for myself.

The only thing I feel "GOOD" about is the fact that these cravings are gone now - that's it. I feel good that they are gone. Also, I feel a lot more relaxed. I was getting tensed and anxious dealing with the cravings for so long.

I spent some time on Google tonight and found the definition of compulsion:

"An irresistible urge to behave in a certain way, esp. against one's conscious wishes. "

And then, it occurred to me. I finally have accepted the truth. I am not a binge eater, I am not an emotional eater..I am a compulsive overeater!! My cravings aren't due to my body lacking this or that, but the cravings are a result of compulsive thoughts which eventually lead to anxiety/stress which cause a binge. So it makes sense now! I am stuck in a literal compulsive cycle and that's why this is going on. I am having compulsive thoughts right now like tomorrow I am going to overeat, and again and again. I don't want to do it either but those thoughts are intruding my mind. So now I have to fight a harder battle - which is like not biting your nails. Damn this is going to be tough but I'm ready to do it.

Last edited by buildx87; 07-09-2011 at 11:24 PM.
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Old 07-10-2011, 11:04 AM   #74  
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WOW!!! Did I just have a HUGE realization this morning!!

I woke up this morning and something felt wrong. As I was sitting in my computer chair just surfing the net, I started rampantly thinking about binging again. I said to myself "How is this possible following a 7,000 calorie binge yesterday?". I wanted to cry because of these thoughts intruding my mind.

But then it just occurred to me. What am I thinking about right now? Binging. Ice cream. Obsessive thoughts. And then I don't know what happened, I started looking at past and current behaviors. I used to wash my hands obsessively. Always obsessed with my body image. Obsessed with doing my hair a lot in the past. Hmm, a pattern, so to speak.

Then I finally realized it. It's all obsessive thoughts. It's literally OCD I have been dealing with! So all of these thoughts lead to the cravings! Basically obsessive thoughts lead to anxiety/worrying which lead to carrying out the obsessive thoughts/behavior (binging) for the sole purpose of relieving that anxiety/thoughts.

Obsessive thoughts about ice cream/binging --> cravings ---> worrying/anxiety --> binging to relieve the thoughts, cravings, and anxiety that were created

There's nothing wrong with me. I'm not depressed, sad, upset, or anything like that. It's all caused by THOUGHTS and not realizing why! So my body wasn't actually craving anything, chances are my diet is GOOD! It was the obsessive thoughts that were creating them! I looked in the mirror and told myself all of this and guess what? All of my cravings instantly stopped!! I kid you not, I went from almost hoarding down another loaf of bread to craving free in literally seconds. And I feel INCREDIBLE right now! I feel the same way as if I were to binge - relieved, but in this case I am HAPPY not sad!

I didn't believe it at first so I applied the same method to something else. I have a bad "habit" to where I am consistently humming. I have been doing this for almost a year non stop. Every time I thought about doing it, it would generate the urge to do it and I couldn't resist. I applied the same method here. I looked in the mirror and said out loud "OCD is making me hum". Guess what happened since I have said that? It's been three hours without humming when I was literally doing it ALL the time! I think about it but I don't even do it now because I realize it's just a THOUGHT! When I get the urge now to hum, I do something else like drink some water. It's worked for the past three hours and I literally feel like I can do this forever now!! I did something else too. Biting my nails. I thought about biting my nails to generate that "urge" and I found myself reaching towards my hand to bite them. Then I accepted this was just a thought and I really didn't need to bite them. And then I put my hands down without biting my nails.

I am now convinced you can literally retrain your brain on the spot. I have proven this to myself. I literally just clapped my hands in real life out of excitement. That's how good I feel right now!!! Yes, my binging was caused by various reasons. Once I realized that, it only continued because of the habitual part. Binging became an obsession! That would explain why I would binge, not enjoy doing it, but feel relieved from anxiety and the thoughts. And guess what? Right now I am experiencing the urges to hum and eat. But guess what else? I told myself out loud "These are obsessive thoughts. I will let them run their course and I will FULLY experience them without giving in".

So now, it's 21 days to break a habit. I'm going forth day by day, I accept that obsessive thoughts my run in my head, and now - I am going to finally accept them. I am finally going to EXPERIENCE these thoughts and cravings and openly let them run their course. So right now while the obsessive thoughts about ice cream and humming run in my head, I am happy and letting them do their thing. That's okay - that's all they are - thoughts! I feel so great right now that I have realized this I am literally in tears due to happiness.

You can literally GENERATE an urge to binge with just a SINGLE THOUGHT!!! That's exactly what I was doing! One thought about Ben and Jerry's cookie dough ice cream can literally lead you to a 7,000 calorie binge. That's all it takes. One thought can cause that much catastrophe. You will then be left wondering why, what happened, what you could have done to stop it. I did the same thing. I would analyze my binges till the end of the world trying to figure out why it happened. Look at this thread for proof. Guess what? All you need to do is accept that thought - tell yourself that out loud, recognize it's JUST a thought, and that's it! The OFF switch lies WITHIN! I guarantee you that I will be here next week, the week after, and the week after that and I won't have a binge because I now have the power of stopping and recognizing why. I wish I would have realized this at least a year ago. I am glad I have realized it because I probably would have never been able to stop. I have cured myself by accepting my thoughts for what they are. My binging was due to that fact - not facing my fears. Not facing my thoughts and accepting them for what they were.

Right now I have actually generated a craving. I am really craving some ice cream right now - cookie dough ice cream in particular. I generated it by purposely thinking about it for a little bit. And I am experiencing severe cravings right now, but guess what? I am embracing them. I am letting them happen and I feel terrific and in control. Where in the past I would have normally just given in, right now I am accepting this. And suddenly, that feels great!

I am glad to have finally close the chapter on this, and now I can finally start living my life again. Thank GOD!!!

Last edited by buildx87; 07-10-2011 at 12:11 PM.
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Old 07-10-2011, 10:44 PM   #75  
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Just wanted to let you know I've been following your struggles. I'm glad you're coming up with some new understanding of what's going on!
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