I just need to confess my binge last night, this time more than ever because the rational I used for it was so incredibly dumb, and I'm more angry at myself for that than the actual eating!! AH!
So I haven't been eating great for a few days now, since Wednesday really. Not binging, but certainly not healthy, and I've been overeating for sure. Wednesday I went to a party and ate junk, then Thursday and Friday I had some leftover junk from the party that I ate (I should have thrown it away, I know, but I didn't--I wanted the excuse, so stupid!)
Then Saturday, I went to another party and ate junk and drank (too much) wine, and so had a headache and felt gross--it doesn't take too much wine for me anymore to feel gross--and I ate useless non-food to "feel better".
Then last night I ordered take out and binged. Tomorrow, I'm going to be going out for pizza and beer with friends, and normally that's okay, I have two slices and a beer and it's fine. But my weigh-in day is on Wednesday, and I just kept thinking about how the whole week is bad, and on Wednesday the scale will look awful just because it's after pizza and beer.
And I've been fighting the binge-moster for several days now. I put down binge food that I picked up at the grocery store and almost bought the other day--I've been really sturggling lately. So last night I kinda felt hopeless, and thinking that Wednesday is going to be a disaster anyway--all or nothing, right? I need to remember it's not as much about the weight as it is a healthy relationship with food.
So I'll be starting today with Day 1 on the challenge. AH! So angry, I was so full of stupid excuses, and it was just totally pointless. There was no reason to binge. I kept telling myself that it wouldn't make me feel better, in fact it would make me feel worse, mentally and physically, but I did it anyway--not sure why.
hey Paris I hear ya with the "not so healthy" eating that goes from 1 day into 10 lol That happened to me Saturday. I also binged last night. On candy while at work....which has been the usual for me when there IS candy at work. I feel pretty disgusting today but I still had 2 scrambled eggs when I woke up to sort of jumpstart my system back on the right track. You're right though....you want a HEALTHY relationship with food. So DON'T throw the entire week away...don't let that little voice in the back of your head be like "screw it, you already binged last night anyway...the whole week's ruined". Fight that voice and still have your 2 pieces of pizza and beer tonight and thoroughly enjoy them. I'm going to try to take my own advice here and not throw the entire week in the crapper just because of my candy binge last night. We can do this!!!
I'm sorry sweetheart!!! We have all been there. I have certainly been there. I also hear ya on the whole 'eating unhealthy for a few days' without actually bingeing... I think the eating off plan for a few days thing definitely becomes a gateway for bingeing for people like us with 'all or nothing' thinking.
So, you posted here, and it was a brave thing to do. It's easier to be ashamed and hide, but you didn't. You came here looking for help and to get back on track!
I agree with duqserb, continue with your normal routine. 2 slices of pizza and beer is your routine, continue with it. Don't punish yourself otherwise you will just binge again sooner in the future. After this planned treat, get right back on plan. You can do it! Let us know how it goes!!! **Hugs***
I say skip the pizza and beer tonight and have a salad. Why continue to feed the monster? Why reward yourself for binging? I don't get why people are telling you that. You already had your "treats" for the week (And plenty of them from what you are saying) You have NOT deprived yourself. Maybe a little junkfood detox will help you get back on the wagon. I know I sure as heck don't feel better about a binge if I go out and celebrate it with beer and pizza. I feel better about it when I get back into control as soon as possible. If you keep doing what you have always done, you will keep getting what you have always got.
I agree with Lori Bell. Don't beat yourself up for your binge, but don't continue the week with unhealthy eating. If you do this when will it end? You'll say, "well I had pizza and beer yesterday, so today is ruined may as well eat poorly again"
You can do this. You CAN get back on track!
Last edited by Shytowngal; 05-11-2010 at 11:22 AM.
And I was planning (as of this morning) on having a salad at dinner tonight instead of the pizza, although I know it will be hard. No worries, I will not continue the cycle!
I don't really even want pizza, as the binge last night involved pizza, so it's not as appealing as it would have been had I not had pizza recently. It will be hard not to eat the pizza because everyone else is, but not hard at the same time because I don't really want it!
Oh I hear you all right. I find it effortless to make those kind of excuses for myself. Here's the thing that I am working out right now and maybe it'll help you tonight at the pizza parlor. When it seems impossible to say no, because it is a routine and a habit like your Wed. night pizza is, if you can say no to it tonight. Next Wed. you might find it easier to order a salad just because if you have done it once already and proved that you can do that, it will be easier next time.
My little story on this. I love going to the farmer's market and I love getting there EARLY to find the special treats that there aren't many of. I have used that as an excuse to leave the house without my healthy breakfast and to buy a chocolate covered donut on the way instead (you know because being there first is important and all). Well this Sat. was the first farmers market of the season and I had that impulse to rush out the door and all the time I am thinking about that donut. EVEN THOUGH I have just started dieting and have this nice little losing streak going, the excuse of getting a donut before the farmers market, THAT'S WHAT I DO in the forefront of my mind and it seems IMPORTANT. But, I was able to be honest with myself and ask myself who I thought I was kidding. So what if I don't get the first "tomato or whatever" of the season, I'll get it next week when there are more. I was able to get a grip and eat my oatmeal and then go. I felt remarkable with that little bit of control I took. When summer gets into full swing I go to the farmers market 3 times a week, the donut habit HAD to be nipped in the bud. This summer will be the summer of no chocolate donuts. You can do that too. Good luck!
Thanks for the comparison ledom! Three times a week donut could be a problem!
This pizza and beer isn't even a regular thing, we go about maybe 2-4 times a year! So this isn't something I'll have to deal with regularly, it was just a week of bad stuff that happened to be near these plans.
I don't eat out often, now for health/calorie reasons, and always for money reaons, so when I do go out, I have no problem eating restaurant food because I do it so infrequently. It's possible for me to do that and not fall off plan (in fact, I find it helps me STAY on plan!--knowing I have some planned, limited food to look forward to).
Also, I don't binge in front of others, and at a dinner like that, I'm always concious of what I eat (even before I started eating healthy-I don't eat a lot in front of people, it's all hidden, shameful eating...I don't like to look like "the fat pig"--as if my body didn't reveal that all on it's own!) It's amazing the thing we tell ourselves.
I more plan on having a salad just because I don't want pizza, and I actually really like salad--which I'm happy with, because before I would have eaten it just because it was there, and others were eating it, so it's easy to jusfiy in my head. Even though I binged yesterday, I feel that my reaction is healthier than it would have been were I not conciously making an effort to not binge. I mostly want to focus on that--the emotional, disordered eating.
Sorry for getting carried away. It seems like when I start responding to someone else's post I can't help making it about me. Tripping over my words to get the thought out! I guess that make it more about helping myself than helping you!.
I hope you have a lovely evening tonight and end up feeling great about yourself and your diet by the end of the week.
No worries! I think that's what this forum is all about--find how you can link your story to others, which is so helpful!
I had the restaurants healthy option salad--where they had the calories posted--not sure how accurate it was, but even if it was over, I know I made the right decision, and it was delicious!
I think the worst fat head thinking there is, is the "I already messed up, so I might as well continue and start over tomorrow". There is no starting over. From birth to death....it's once continuous time line. What we do each moment is a done deal. When I eat more than I needed to, I stop and think it through, what I could have done differently and move on. Then I practice that control.
It's wonderful that you chose the salad and made an improvement on the next meal that was a concern for you. That's true progress!
The thing that helps me the most when I binge, is that I keep telling myself that because I fell off the proverbial food wagon, I cannot go back into those bad habits, even if I ate poorly for days, I just cannot accept it as normal and eat like that every day. So, there will be times where it is almost everyday that you are restarting. the important thing is to remember that restarting, in some ways, is better than falling into the pattern of willingly eating unhealthy for days or weeks or months or years on end. That, would definitely only make the food issues worse.
I had a whopper of a binge last night. Talked myself right out of going to the gym and if you add them all up, I ate a total of 456747366 calories! (give or take. LOL)
Enter in my feelings of loss of control. Also my self hatred and disappointment. Thankfully, I talked with a couple of my friends last night (1 is in AA) and they were able to help me see that today is a new day. I have forgiven myself for last night and am moving forward today. Back to my calorie counting and back to the gym tonite. I'm really focused on how I felt last night. I know that I don't want to have those feelings all the time anymore. I want to be the girl who eats accordingly and works out. I dont want to be the girl that sits alone and shovels food in her face anymore...I've been that girl for way too long.
Stupid Binge!
