Have you ever been tested for reflux? I feel like that when it is untreated. Its like being permanently hungover, I am always trying to eat to "settle" my stomach. Acid pains feel like hunger pains.

I'm thinking it might be reflux...I used to have it really bad when I was a teenager and in my early 20s to the point that I felt like I had to throw up all the time and it was more in my throat. Now, these pangs I keep having are right in my hunger center (right where my stomach growls when it does growl), and it sometimes gets worse after eating. Hopefully the doctor will lead me in the right direction and I'm hoping it's something that can be dealt with...I hope this isn't something that I just have to live with because it makes me so upset and it is just so uncomfortable!

Update: Went to the gastroenterologist and he wants me to have an upper GI done to do a scope for a possible ulcer. He also gave me some meds to take thinking it might be non-ulcerative issues (WTH?!). So, we'll see if these work before I do the upper GI. They said I'd have to be knocked out for that and my stress level immediately went through the roof. Plus, I literally sat in the little room waiting for the doctor for 45 minutes...in a freaking gown with nothing to do. Seriously. Stress and impatience started rising. Then, for some reason I thought I would have a quick in-and-out doctor's appointment, that he would say "oh, it's blah blah blah...no problem, take this and you'll be fine," but it wasn't that kind of appointment.

I'm not going to lie: my first instinct was to come home and chow down on everything sweet in sight because of my stress level. Not only did I waste an overall total of 1 hour and 15 minutes in a doctor's office, but I was hungry, was told he didn't know what was wrong with me, and that I need to go to a surgery center for a procedure...really?!? I'm tired, I'm pissy, I just finished eating my Lean Pockets, and I am really thinking about downing a white russian, but I doubt I will because of my calorie range. Sometimes it really stinks working through emotions when all I want to do is eat to get rid of them...GRRRR!!!!! (<<<< haha, thought this was a funny emoticon!!).

Ok, that rant is out and done with.

Awww I feel you!

Hang in there. Relax. Deep breaths. Make your husband give you a foot massage.

I take prilosec. It is a lifesaver!

Ps did I tell you me and the bf found a place and are moving in together this weekend? I'm super excited.

Ooh, fun! I loved living with my boyfriend (now husband) before we were married. Of course, I still love living with him now, but it was just great to move in with him when we were dating because we got to find out each others "true" sides! We both said that living together was the best thing we could have done before we got married. Good luck with the move-in!

I LOVED YOUR RANT! Sorry your feeling blue. Here's site I LOVE for natural remedies: www.earthclinic.com

It's like the amazon.com of natural remedies. Real people comment "Yah or Nah"...good stuff.

Anyhoot...feel better and keep us updated on your test results.

Thanks for the link, Joy! I am going to try these meds he gave me and then have the procedure done, and if neither helps or gives me any answers, then I am definitely going to try the apple cider vinegar for acid reflux just to see what it does. Awesome site! I don't like having to take/depend on pills to feel good, so I was kind of leary to take what he gave me today, but at this point I am willing to try anything. I like the all-natural route, and will definitely be checking into this after my endoscopy. I'm going to try to have it done in the next 3 weeks. Thanks again.

WI: 174.4

Breakfast: Usual (361)
Snacks: Yogurt w/kashi (97), Gum (10), Small piece of fudge (50) damn the office kitchen!, FiberOne bar (140), box of snap peas (120), cheese stick (80), 1 stale saltine cracker (12)
Lunch: Lean Cuisine Meatloaf & Mashed Potatoes & baked cheetos (380)
Dinner: Salsa chicken w/broccoli (310), Sugar-free Jello-puddin' snack (60)

Really tired this morning. Took my first acid reflux meds last night, so we'll see if that helps at all today. I don't know if I am just wiped out from doing 4 days straight of hard yard work or what, but I honestly don't feel like moving at all. I'm doing yoga today over my lunch break, and that is always so refreshing, so maybe I'll feel better after that!

Exercise: 45 minutes of yoga
Calories: 1620

WI is tomorrow, but I'm not expecting to be at 173ish. Whatever that was last Friday, that had to have been a fluke from me being sick. So, if I am in the 174s that is fine. And I'm ovulating so my body tends to hold onto water or whatever it is for whatever reason. Meh. And, man, am I snacky today!!

174 or 173 you are doing awesome!

WI: 174.2

Breakfast: Usual (361)
Snacks: Fudge (50), Yogurt w/kashi (97), FiberOne bar (140), Gum (15), Cheese stick (80)
Lunch: Lean Cuisine Glazed Chicken (210) (forgot my baked cheetos at home...arrrghh!), Brussel sprouts (150)
Dinner: 2 turkey burgers w/pepperjack cheese, onions, and ketchup (625), Butterfinger blitz

Well, my official WI was this morning and I am at 174.2 which is up 1.2 from last Friday. I lost over 4 pounds over the last two weeks which was way more than what I am used to, so I'm sure this is balancing that out. I am ready to move on to the 173s and 172s, though...I'll get there in time, though. Plus, I didn't eat that great last weekend. Even though we did hard yard work for 4 days straight and I'm sure I burned a lot of calories, my exhaustion kicked in and said, "I'm not cooking! It's time for some fries because I worked hard this weekend!" NOT! I need to get my exhaustion and eating pulled together when I get to that point of fatigue.

On a different note: I've been officially counting calories for 5 full months now as I started on January 3. So far I've lost 22 pounds on calorie counting. 22 pounds might not be a ton to lose in 5 months, but it's roughly a pound a week. Plus, I've done it on my own terms, while still enjoying food that I love, so slow and steady is fine with me. Granted, it is getting more and more difficult the closer I get to my goal because I just want to be done with strict calorie counting already, but I know it's for a good purpose...to be as healthy as I can be! Five months seems like a long time, but the time has flown by. One of my favorite quotes to help me on this journey is, "Time is going to pass anyway, so you might as well do something with it." Who knows where I'd be today if I hadn't started calorie counting. I'd probably still be binging and emotionally eating like a mo' fo'!

I'm planning on a higher calorie day today. We are going to throw some turkey burgers on the grill tonight and I just might have two!

Calories: 1728 + blitz

WI: 175.2

Breakfast: Usual (361)
Lunch: Lean Cuisine (170)
Snacks: Cheerios w/skim milk (140), Chocolate (153), Combos (170), 2 chicken tacos (500?), FiberOne bar (140)
Dinner: Lean Pockets (480)

Exercise: 30 minutes on treadmill and yard work (again)
Calories: 2,114

Grrr...I was fine until my husband stopped at a taco joint after a movie and I was hungry...so I got two tacos...didn't need them, but the tiredness took over and I folded.

WI: 175.6

Breakfast: Usual (361)
Lunch: Lean Cuisine meatloaf & mashed potatoes & broccoli (310)
Snacks: FiberOne bar (140), Multi-grain cheerios w/skim milk (140)
Dinner: Ground turkey tacos with salsa and cheese & broccoli (640)

Exercise: 25 minutes rollerblading (4 miles)
Calories: 1591

Yeah, so I don't know what is going on with me...I don't know if I am trying to sabotage myself or what (which I am known to do). I hit the 100 mark last Friday on my official WI day, but since then I have been eating a little too sloppily. A blitz on Friday night (ice cream concoction), 2 chicken tacos I didn't need late last night after a movie...and I WI this morning at 175.6.

Maybe reaching 100 pounds was enough for me. Maybe this goal of 165 seems too frivolous now. I'm tired of strict calorie counting and I want to go out and have fun with food...but, then I have to step back and realize that food and my emotional eating is what caused me to gain 100 pounds in the first place. I would like to think that if I quit "strict" calorie counting now, that I would be able to maintain between 175-180 because I maintained between 195-200 for a year last year, but do I really want to do that? My goal is to reach 165 by July 31st-ish, and that is only in 8 more weeks. I know I want to suck it up and do it, but for some reason it just seems so hard.

I almost didn't post yesterday and today's stuff because I felt like I was putting too much pressure on myself having everything out there, but that's why I did this in the first place...to keep me accountable. I'm just really struggling. Emotionally, I want to relax for the summer, maintain my weight, have some brewskis and some cookouts and not have to worry about adding up the calories that are on my burger. I'd like to think that I have conquered a lot of my emotional eating and that I would be able to be "ok" if I didn't strict calorie count, but who knows...nothing is ever definite.

So, this morning I put on my big girl pants, took the dog for a walk, went rollerblading, cleaned the house and am going to try really hard to stay OP today. I try to stay as positive as I can in my weight loss journey, but sometimes it truly is a struggle.

WI: 174.6

Breakfast: Usual (361)
Lunch: Roasted Garlic Chicken & baked cheetos (300)
Snacks: Yogurt w/kashi (97), Gum (5), Snap peas (120), Cheese stick (80)
Dinner: Baked chicken w/laughing cow swiss cheese wedges and broccoli (357), Jello- sugar free pudding (60)

Exercise: 40 minute walk around campus (in 93 degree weather...yuck!), and Level 1 of 30 Day Shred (I did this last year around the same time and it killed me...it still kills me!)
Calories: 1379

Today I am starting fresh. I think I am putting too much pressure on myself with a specific time line and a specific amount of weight I want to lose by July 31st, so I am going to focus on getting my legs in shape instead of focusing so much on a weight goal with that date. My legs and butt have always been my worst areas. My inner thighs look like melting, saggy elephant skin and my butt just kinda hangs there, so I am going to focus more on exercise which is something I haven't really focused on too much now that the classes I take are done for the summer and won't restart again until the fall.

So, I'm taking a deep breath and focusing on toning and tightening up. I am going to stick between 1500-1650 calories and just see how well I can do with weight loss until July 31st. That gives me a solid date to work with, but I'm not going to pressure myself to be at 165 by July 31st. If it happens, it happens; if it doesn't happen, then at least I will have lost a bit more weight. It's just a time line I am going to stick with because in August we are going to start trying for children and I don't want to have to focus on calorie counting and losing weight at that time. Ok, I'm ready to go...refreshed, refocused, and reorganized in my headspace!!

Nightly update: My husband came home from class tonight and had in his hand...a cookie dough blitz for me...at 9:15 at night. He stopped on his way back from class to get himself a treat and picked me up one, too. While it is nice of him to do, I had to turn him down and he was actually kind of upset. I had to explain to him that I had a rough weekend with eating and my inner thoughts, and this was a good day for me and I was on track. He said, "Psssht, you already lost 100 pounds, big deal if you eat this." But, I had to stand firm. He's a bit overweight (not bad, but enough that he wants to lose weight and it bothers him), and while he is super, super supportive of my weight loss and is always very encouraging, I think he was trying to justify getting his ice cream by getting me ice cream and thinking we could sit out on the deck, talk about our days, and eat it together. But, he quickly got over it and said just to give it to our nephew tomorrow when we see him, so it's in the freezer for safe keeping. Blitz diverted!!

Been here done that! Don't worry GF...you are sooooooooo not alone in your feelings here. I've done this so many times during my journey, I thought it was only I that must be crazy or something! Yeah...I do think it's a bit of "self sabotogue" after reviewing my own behavior. Every milestone I meet (like getting into the 170's or the 160's, etc), I wanna immediately run out and grab some jamaican food to celebrate! So YES...you are right...that's the attitude that got us fat in the first place!

What has worked for me in times like this is making a BIG change! I've changed different things during my weight loss journey. If I was getting burned out working out, I'd just take an entire week off. Or if I was starting to like a particular food just a little bit TOO MUCH, I'd cut it out for a week or two. Sometimes I would just totally REVAMP my menu or add a new food.

In any event...don't beat yourself up too much...it's normal. Sounds like you are ready for a change. IMHO, the hot pockets need to be "deep sixed"...you love those too much..haha! Summer is fast approaching, why not try adding/replacing some of your regular menu items with some seasonal stuff. More tropical fruit, maybe some protein rich icecreammy smoothies (my new personal love), or adding some nuts (I personally am in a no cashew zone, as they make me eat like a rabid dog, but perhaps you'll have more control than I did..)

This journey is not about deprivation, so PLAN in your backyard bbq's and stock up on some light beer (limit 1). So you have a burger...so what? Eat a light dinner...maybe a salad w/some salmon or something. Or maybe you just get back on the horse the next day, and make that day your only cheat day. I've eaten a cheat meal weekly since day 1 of my journey and it hasn't stopped me from losing. I think it's all about moderation...even when cheating..yunno?

Anyhoot...great going, and uhhh uhh...I'm not letting you off the hook anyways...it's 165 or BUST sista! LET'S DO THIS!!!!

P.S. BTW, I'm down to the last pound...and I will be kicking my own butt this week to lose it..tee hee! It's about principal at this point...MUST REACH GOAL!

Joyful ~ Thank you for the post...you are so inspirational and it's been awesome being on this weight-loss journey with you (geez, I sound a little melodramatic - LOL!!).

You are so right about the Lean Pockets: they are a weakness of mine because they are quick and they taste delish!!! I am going to nix them as much as I can from now until July 31st. I'm going to make baked chicken tonight instead of Lean Pockets, and I am going to focus on different things for the weekends when I would usually reach for the LPs and just pop 'em in the microwave for a quick lunch or dinner. It's funny because LP have 480 calories, but for that amount I could be eating a ginormous portion of baked chicken smothered in Laughing Cow cheese, a huge helping of broccoli (which I love) and a nice sugar-free pudding to finish off the night.

I remember that you did a cheat meal every week and it's awesome that it didn't affect your weight loss! Sometimes I need to remind myself to give myself a little slack, but lately it's just been too much slack. Time to get refocused!! Good idea on the nuts, but I've tried that before and I practically eat the whole container...I can't keep my paws out of nut jars once I get them!!

I am so glad that you are down to your last pound!! You can do it!! I can't wait to see your post showing that you've lost it. I'm so sad your blog is closed, but it sounds like you were ready to wrap it up anyway. You will do awesome -- yes, MUST REACH GOAL!!

Hang in there! What do you think the issue is? Unrealistic goal? Hunger causes you to eat more? Emotions cause you to eat more? You're bored? I have suggestions for each if it is something like that.

Dont worry - the over all trend is down!

Good luck!