Now that I'm in it, I feel like I let myself get way more anxious about this week than was necessary. But I'm not sure quite how to stop the anxiety. Walking is usually the first step. I may try two short walks today to spread out its impact.
Today is Day 1 of two days of low-fiber eating. I'm accomplishing it. So far, I've done it without any UPFs included. It doesn't feel like healthy eating, at all, but it stops far short of the worst sort of eating that I've done.
Exercise: 45, 1345/1500 minutes for September
onebyone: It's so great to find pleasure in walking. Plants are one of the things that pleases me on a walk but I had no idea about making ink from them.
BillBlueEyes: Funny to run into DW on an errand!
eusebius: I agree with maryann. All the personals, some personals, no personals. I go with whichever works with my day. Do what works for you because the important part is showing up.
curlyjax: Yay for no sweets! Also, for learning that you didn't like the cornbread. I always consider it good news when it turns out something that could turn into an unhelpful habit can be stopped before it starts because it just isn't worth it.
maryann: That's great that you confirmed the retirement numbers are what you expected. That transition period can be disorienting -- it is helpful to recognize it as you're experiencing it.
Now at the southern house, feeling very tired indeed and a bit gloomy. I’d planned a quiet recovery day but I’d forgotten that this is a busy house. It seems to do it of its own accord. Late morning saw gardeners turn up after months of absence to cut the grass and the next door neighbours to lean on me about the rickety fence and a tree. They may have been working in tandem. I’m not used to men who bluster and it’s been a long time since anyone’s told me what I should do. So very tiresome and not good on top of exhaustion. I may have been a bit snippy but that’s no bad thing. Food has been reasonable today, I suppose, mainly because I haven’t had the energy to go out and buy anything. There’s been enough in the freezer and cupboards to see me through, and the DD gave me an apple for the journey yesterday. It’s really good to have my computer glasses again.
onebyone, I love the path story and the ease with which you walked the extra bit. And I love the natural ink making too. It must be a close cousin of natural dyes but with something else added, perhaps.
Bill, how lovely to come across DW by chance! And to have a car date too. That sounds so very forward! The baguette business, though. I’m glad you’ve identified the potential threat.
eusebius, no need to fret about personals. Managing to post at all is the thing.
curlyjax, sounds good to be able to work round the hurty hip at the gymn. That cornbread doesn’t sound good at all!
maryann, you’re a triathlete nowadays! I do like the idea. Remember to rest! I think athletes* are keen on “active rest”. (*I am an athlete too, as certified by my personal trainer. It makes me laugh but I believe it.)
gardenerjoy, I do agree about walking away anxiety. Two short walks is a great idea. And I’m envious because I only managed one short one today. Let’s check in again tomorrow.
Wednesday- French scholar deciphers Egyptian hieroglyphics using Rosetta Stone (1822)
Diet Coaches/Buddies – Eating was on plan with no daytime snacks, CREDIT moi. Dinner was oven baked Cod which only occasionally makes our fish-Tuesdays tradition. Paired with Bok Choy, corn on the cob, and my green salad. The corn tasted end-of-season; it is hard to think of farmers harvesting sweet corn in the snow, LOL. Evening snack was a small handful of blueberries. I do like that blueberries suffice for dessert and evening snack at the same time. It's still stuck in my mind that they're a super food. Have no desire to correct that. I'll happily march forward eating blueberries with my morning cereal and as evening snack thinking I am saving myself with a powerful antioxidant.
My class on aging of the cell is waddling about discussing the diet of Western societies. It's information that I've traveled before yet need to be kicked to remember. One more picture comparing the sizes of items between 1950 and 2023: bagels were half the size; hamburgers were almost healthy they were so small; a serving of spaghetti in a restaurant was appetizer size by comparison. I had to be class hero to point out that the chart listing "Cake and biscuits" meant "Cake and cookies" to the non-Brits in the room. Despite the translation, I remembered how much I love (American) biscuits - one of the deadliest foods served at breakfast especially when covered with gravy and sausages. Someone asked "How many people in the Mediterranean regions actually follow the Mediterranean diet?" The leader said that he'd read that it's a gripe among the older folks; no one follows it any more and they can't find the foods of their childhoods. One more sacred myth destroyed.
Joy (gardenerjoy) - Amazing that you pulled off low-fiber eating without UPFs. I sit here picturing you eating white bread with flavor feeling jealous that I didn't figure out how to do that. Two short walks sounds like a CBT solution.
Erika (eusebius) – Kudos for "Consistency continues" - that gotta be the most important thing. I join the chorus saying that personals are optional. It's better to just choose one or two rather than face the burden of having to respond to everyone, every day.
Silverbirch - LOL at "it’s been a long time since anyone’s told me what I should do" - one of the few advantages of age. You might experience the same invisibility and ghosting that maryann describes when it's known that she's on her way out since you're "retiring" from that house.
maryann – Congrats for taking one more step toward making your retirement real. I have experienced that "ghost" feeling when it was known that I was leaving. As if become invisible.
curlyjax - What a joy to get back to a good fish place. Good idea to find equipment at the gym that allows exercise without straining your hip.
Readers -
Quote:
Chapter 8Stage 5 - The Motivation-for-Life Plan
You've made it to Stage 5! My guess is that your mindset about food and dieting are completely different from before you started the Beck Diet for Life Program. You no longer fear hunger, cravings, or strong negative emotions.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., The Complete Beck Diet for Life (Green book), Pg 186.
I was totally OP at work yay, and even got some exercise in as I cleared out my office a bit. I had a lot of excess stuff that needed to live elsewhere, so I zipped around putting things away. Today may be more of the same as I promised to help move some of our loaner equipment like walkers to another space. Just like our homes, there is too much stuff at our agency, disagreement about what really needs to be saved/used and not enough storage, plus constant donations of things, and a lot of folks with different opinions But its all good.
Then at home I cleaned up a bit in prep for BFF coming over; we had a healthy dinner of salad and sauteed pork tenderloins and the rest of the cornbread, then watched some tv about hoarders that made us both want to really clean up.
Maryann-so awesome to know you're so close to retirement!
Gardenerjoy- walking is a great way to deal with anxiety.
Silverbirch-I'm not big on neighbors blustering either- our former one across the street was passive aggressive about things like leaves.
Bill-interesting about the Mediterrean diet for elders. Yes, the portions are huge and way more pricey too- I would welcome smaller portions for less money.
Well, I had a NSV yesterday; I had a huge desire to binge and I didn’t. It was a heck of a day emotionally for some reason. Missing my daughter; feeling like a bad person because of my two failed marriages and the friends I've lost along the way; something exploding in my microwave; not having any time to process any of this because of a 14-hour workday (including commutes). However, I ate what I planned, was still hungry in the evening so ate a banana (0 points). And … this morning the scale went up .2. I know the results are not immediate but I can’t help feeling bummed.
Anyway, still here and not deviating from plan. Thank you everyone for reassuring me about the lack of personals. I will do them today!
curlyjax - congrats on lab results that show your good efforts! And well done on the decluttering front.
maryann - lovely to know that your numbers work out and retirement is on the horizon!
gardenerjoy - I feel you on the anxiety. For me mindfulness is key but I’m not always very good at it. Well done on non-UPF low-fiber eating!
silverbirch - ugh blustery men. Why is toxic masculinity still a thing?! I’m so done with it.
BillBlueEyes - blueberries are still pretty awesome even if they’re not a “superfood”. So interesting to think about food trends in the past vs. today. It all rings true.
Walked up town carrying a box guitar and a ukulele in an attempt to sell them for the DD at the music shop. And then I carried them back as the amount offered was lower than she’d hoped. I strolled through the avenue of autumnal trees and wondered where my photographer was. You know, for my album cover …. Call it 4k steps + weight. What was less good was getting a free cup of coffee at a supermarket and buying a shop cake to go with it. I must break this pairing which has gone on for too many weeks. The coffee alone will boost my energy levels which seem to go down so easily at present, and I will reburnish my personal credentials of someone who doesn’t eat shop cakes (this is obviously only of interest to me). I had soup for lunch which didn’t (and generally doesn’t) work on its own. But there’s no reasonable bread to be had round here. Then I went up town again this afternoon to get juniper berries (great with pork) and a refill of hand wash at the zero waste shop. Unfortunately, I also bought a large bar of chocolate which I’ve demolished. I’ve eaten a beef curry this evening, left in the freezer by the SO.
This has been one of the worst trips to the house. I was exhausted when I arrived, I was jumped by the neighbours and the gardener early yesterday and I haven’t really recovered. Food hasn’t recovered either, really. The trip’s uncovered a couple of things I should work on: lunch - what works well for me; cake with coffee or tea - no good at all for me. I’m travelling back north via my sister’s tomorrow.
Bill, I must have missed the memo that blueberries are no longer a superfood. You carry on: you’ve got to find antioxidants wherever you can nowadays. Gold star for your translation of biscuits.
curlyjax, sounds like you’re on a roll at the moment! Good going!
eusebius, kudos for avoiding a binge. That’s very impressive. 14 hour working days are very long and tiring.
gardenerjoy, hope all is going well with your walking away the anxiety today. Thanks for the brilliant two short walks idea.
Yesterday's two short walks happened. They worked to decrease anxiety so much that I was able to do a yoga for anxiety routine after the second one. Before that, I felt too jumpy to do yoga. I know that yoga would help with that, but I just couldn't get myself to do it.
I'm going to try two short walks today, too. One is already complete.
Today, I took Dear Niece to her follow-up rheumatology appointment. It ended up being a good news / bad news thing. The good news is that if she has any rheumatology disease, it's minor and caught early. The bad news is that her most disturbing symptom (muscle spasms -- although that's a short-hand for a variety of sensations) is not a rheumatology thing.
She was hoping for an answer today and what she got was, "try a neurologist." More bad news, there. We have so few neurologists that it may be a 6-9 month wait for an appointment.
Assuming that she pulls off the move to Northern Ireland, she will be dependent on the UK healthcare system before she will get into a neurologist in the US.
She was distressed about not getting the answer she hoped for. This has been going on for years and she just now feels like the medical system is listening to her. But, by the time I got her home, she was more ready to see the positive side. It really is good news not to have a rheumatology disease.
Lunch was fast food. That's very easy to navigate when your special diet is "low fiber." I just had to avoid the pale tomato or wilted lettuce that sometimes shows up on a sandwich. I'm sure my lunch had UPF, but I'll be able to avoid it the rest of the day.
Thursday - Juan Rodríguez Cabrillo 1st European into San Diego Bay; for Spain (1542)
Diet Coaches/Buddies – Excitement was picking up the (8 yo) DGD from Second Grade. The first word out of her mouth was "Did you bring a snack?" Of course we had; it's our ritual. Looking over the dozen kids running about the lawn, none of them were overweight. None. I keep reading that American obesity reaches down to the kids. The only possible explanation is that other kids were in the after school program (that she also attends on the four days of the week that we don't pick her up). They were the ones who had chosen to go outside rather than to sit at one of the project tables. Perhaps the chunky kids had chosen the sit down projects. As before, the kids were physically rough with each other; my DGD right in there. It gladdened my heart how much fun they were having.
Eating was on plan with no daytime snacks, CREDIT moi. Dinner was eaten inside because it's now chilly: 48 degrees Fahrenheit right now according to my computer. It's strange that the easiest way for me to know the outside temperature is to read my computer screen. We have three indoor/outdoor thermometers that I could read that would be locally specific, but I'd have to get up and walk a few feet to do that. Does have its limitations: recently DW popped her head into my office to tell me that it was raining; she wasn't impressed when I looked at my computer screen and told her that it wasn't.
Joy (gardenerjoy) - Continue to be impressed with the positive affect you're having in the life of your Dear Niece. Do hope that she can unravel how to find a doctor for her undiagnosed issues. LOL at the reality that fast food makes avoiding fiber easy.
Erika (eusebius) – My sympathy for a bummer of a day with your brain feeding you all its negative emotions. Love the consistency of your response, "still here and not deviating from plan."
Silverbirch - I'm onboard with the image of a minstrel walking about with her instruments. Picturing the cover of The Beatles "Abbey Road." or a Joanie Mitchell album. Maybe Cher. Or Madonna. Or Miley Cyrus "Like a Wrecking Ball." Fun to have a curry left in the freezer by your SO. I've lost track of which house is the North House and which the Southern House. Were you accosted by the gardener and neighbors at your new house?
curlyjax - Congrats for an OP day at work. Glad that watching a TV show about hoarders is motivating.
Readers -
Quote:
Chapter 8Stage 5 - The Motivation-for-Life Plan
You know how to handle even the most challenging eating situations: restaurants, buffets, social gatherings, and much more. You know how to get yourself to do things you don't necessarily feel like doing because you know it's worth it.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., The Complete Beck Diet for Life (Green book), Pg 186.
Quote day: Sometimes you can have a whole lifetime in a day and never even notice that this is as beautiful as life gets. I just feelhappy that I noticed. - World According to Garp.
Yesterday was just like that all though not all of it was beautiful or maybe it was beautiful but not easy Lots of conflict. I had a "come to Jesus" with a few freshmen boys with parent calls. I was dressed as a cowboy all day( homecoming week.) I had several new teachers observe me when a piece of tech was a little problematic but the students were gems waiting in patience. Then in the department meeting, the leader ranted about assessments being "CRAP!" I matched her tone saying I am not going to listen to my work called crap. I was told by others that it was not personal; it is the team's error. I am the only one stepping up to write them. Long story short, some had gotten into the file and manipulated it. My original assessment was fine. I shut down and so did almost everyone else. Lesson learned. When I confronted the freshmen, we were back on good terms in ten minutes. The leader should have made it right. Not my job. Credit for not apologizing when I didn't do anything wrong. Then onto the shrink where i realized how far I have come in my life. So a rollercoaster. Sheesh. Good news OP through out.
To top it all off I got a note from Jet blue I have to spend a $1500 dollar credit in a week. My SIL says she is up for April break. Possibilities: Cayman Islands, Israel, Vietnam, Bangkok.
I still am barely maintaining my weight although my obsession with food is almost gone. I need to be grateful for that.
Today's all-liquid diet is weirdly easier for me than the two days of low-fiber eating. At least, I'm not consuming things that I would ever be tempted to eat in normal life. No triggers.
I suppose the hunger would be triggering for some people, but I'm forcing enough liquids that I don't think it will be much of a problem. I remember from last time that once I start taking the prep solution, hunger will not be an issue. My stomach will be quite busy with other sensations.
Friday - Construction begins on Washington National Cathedral (1907)
Diet Coaches/Buddies – Eating was on plan with no daytime snacks, CREDIT moi – until dinner. Dinner was a buffet with folks I’d worked with for decades – a semi-annual affair of FREE food and good company at a stellar sea food restaurant. I’d decided in advance to avoid extreme eating and to accept that I’d eat more than normal. Did an acceptable job. I ignored tables of appetizers except for raw oysters and giant boiled shrimp. I count oysters as low calorie; I only get them each end-of-summer at this event. Love them; have no idea why we don’t off ourselves to an oyster bar every now and then. I’ve always counted boiled shrimp as low calorie without ever checking that. Again, I only get jumbo size at this restaurant. For the main meal I limited myself to a cup of clam chowder, green salad, and steak tips. Giving myself credit for ignoring two dishes covered in white sauce, as well as potatoes, and rice. Can’t take much credit for sharing a coffee with apple crisp (no crust) that I was anxious to taste since I’m in charge of buying one for a family gathering in a month. Not a great meal; but not as bad as I’ve done in this same location in the past. I didn't leave feeling stuffed - not even really full. I talked with old friends for three solid hours. Counts for some socialization, for sure.
ETA: Looked it up: 10 calories in a raw oyster; 14 calories in a jumbo boiled shrimp. Not zero, but wasn’t as bad as I thought. Using no ketchup or sauces except for a squeeze of lemon avoids the big calories.
In my course about searching for life in the universe, we had to first understand how planets come to be formed. I needed an update on the Jupiter "Grand Tack" hypothesis - the notion that Jupiter formed about in its current orbit but over 600,000 years drifted toward the sun and then back out. In that process, it mucked with the orbits of the other planets. And might well have caused some havoc that makes Mars smaller than Earth instead of larger as the standard accretion model would suggest. Such fun to ponder the heavens in order to ignore the events in the news.
Joy (gardenerjoy) - Interesting that you found the all liquid diet easier than the counter intuitive low fiber diet. I had that same experience. Low fiber just feels wrong. My nomination for most diplomatically phrased understatement of the year, "My stomach will be quite busy with other sensations."
maryann – What a remarkable "have a whole lifetime in a day" - Kudos for surviving that one with your head held high. Such fun to be required to spend flight money immediately.
Readers -
Quote:
Chapter 8Stage 5 - The Motivation-for-Life Plan
And you have also transitioned to an eating plan that you can comfortably follow for life because it allows you to create your own healthy recipes and meals and to make modifications as needed.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., The Complete Beck Diet for Life (Green book), Pg 186.
I slept terribly the night before and not so good last night either. DD is going thru some stuff and i'm being supportive but its causing long days. I broke down last night and got into her stash of goodies and ate tons of sugar. I'm going to begin again today. I have my annual check up with my pcp which I'm partially dreading since I had hoped to be in better shape but it will be good to have a wake up call again. TGIF which is a short day. On with the day!
Siverbirch- love the idea of a strolling musician album cover!
BBE: Was it at Legal Seafood? DS and I love that restaurant!!!! Curly: TGIF Indeed! A salute to a very long and "colorful" week.
So the decision is in. DH and I are going to spend the flight credit on Israel. I am very excited. I got a terrific deal with my hotel credit card - free nights at the Intercontinental David in Tel Avi. Our counselor is Israeli and she hooked us up with a local tour guide she served with in the army. Is my life for real right now? I swear to you, I have ived a white bread kind of life in a white bread little town with the same job for 35 years. Now I am winging to Israel. Excellent.
So food is not dipping below maintenace. I took my last antibiotic and with it my last excuse to not cut down the amount. It is time. I working two 90 days of non-UPF. I am going to do this.l
The colonoscopy went fine. Three polyps removed and I have diverticulosis and should eat a high fiber diet. I'm pretty sure that is the the exact same report that I got in 2014.
For today, though, my tummy wants soft foods, so I'm consuming the last of the low fiber foods that I made for the prep. I'll get back to my high fiber normal in a day or two.
Back at home (northern house) now. Yesterday’s journey from my sister’s was grim: accidents, roadworks, delays. Luckily, I was able to listen to podcasts in bulk. I now know that I like ones where people converse rather than lecture, and I like the ones which don’t have all that guff about how much they love one another and when they last saw one another and all those great things they’ve done together. I ate reasonably yesterday and actively tried to work out a solution to the lunch problem (my sister hadn’t made any bread - no functioning oven - so no sandwiches). Anyway, I tried a small supermarket quiche and a bag of salad. And one of those drinks made from pressed fruit. I then remembered that shop pastry is always soggy and that it’s quite difficult to eat a bag of salad in the car. So not ideal but better than some solutions. Great meal, prepared by the SO, on arrival at home: pork belly, apple and potato casserole with cabbage and carrots. We’ll have it again tonight.
Reminders for me today! Two short walks are good. Working on the lunch problem is good.
gardenerjoy, I’m glad that DN doesn’t have a rheumatic disease and also that the colonoscopy went well.
Bill, yes, I was accosted at the new, southern house. I know all the parties - it’s a lack of social skills thing, I think. Interesting about Jupiter mucking about and causing some havoc with the other planets. Zeus (the Greek god who was later appropriated by the Romans and called Jupiter) was famously unpredictable and easy to anger.
maryann, my goodness! Now Israel …
curlyjax, sending strength to you as DD goes “through some stuff”. I empathise.
Wednesday- French scholar deciphers Egyptian hieroglyphics using Rosetta Stone (1822)
But its all good. 
