Darkness is finally falling here - it's getting darker an hour earlier now than in mid-summer, and it feels like the summer is slipping away. I guess that's because it is.
Strange night around here. I got my salary info for the next year and came home excited to get a raise. Ended up in a discussion with DH on our spending and he was very defensive, despite me not saying he did or spent anything. I got irritated at the defensiveness, so it certainly put a damper on the evening that I was hoping was more enjoyable. And tomorrow is our dog's dental surgery, so that'll be another steep amount. Our retirement data is linked so tightly to what expected spending will be and when I try to just track on that, it's a big deal.
OK day foodwise, today. Not perfect, but good enough. Enough days of "good enough" should at least be a good start.
OneByOne - I'll second Bill's thoughts re: your DH's notice at work. I work in a corporate environment where that situation arises here. Remember that HR's job is not to protect the employees but the employer. Hope that resolves well! I hate stuff that gets in your head.
Bill - Thanks for the day in history with Mt. Vesuvius. Too funny on the hot water. My folks never thought of that ... they just filled it early and the Florida sun warmed it up while I jumped around asking, "can i get in NOW?" because like your DGD, I didn't care about the cold water.
Friday - French colonists create city (1718, New Orleans)
Diet Coaches/Buddies – It was our fourth day this week (counting Sunday) to chase the DGD. Am I ever reminded why we had kids when we were younger. She just doesn't stop. The peak experience was bringing her to a pool where she simulated swimming in DW's arms - vigorously demanding to be let free to swim. She might be one of those natural water kids. After we'd returned her, I jumped at the chance to walk to the drug store for an errand, CREDIT moi.
Food was on plan, CREDIT moi. We're still eating the rotisserie chicken from the other day. One bird takes us a long way. I put Lizano sauce on it. Also put Lizano sauce on my rice. If DW wasn't glaring at me, I'd have put Lizano sauce on my green beans also, LOL. Cantaloupe for dessert. Thank you to some farmer in California who ships these out East each year.
Joy (gardenerjoy) – Kudos for pulling out a "Plan C" - whatever works. [A larger library in town has self check out - I'd forgotten about that since I only go there about once a year. Super neat that your club has its own librarian.]
nationalparker – Congrats on your raise. Talking money is often difficult between folks; it always sounds like criticism. Kudos for just moving forward.
Karen (karenrn) - LOL at "I would be a twig" - reminds me of the old grapefruit diets. Glad you got some cooler weather for a long walk with Otis. [Yep, our library has that same slip of paper with our name on the hold books. I get to snoop and see what anybody I know is reading, LOL. When we had a ten foot pool for our kids we also hooked it up to the laundry sink in the basement so that it filled with warm water.]
Readers -
Quote:
chapter 3 How Thin People Think
characteristic 3 You Like the Feeling of Being Full
You, however, might feel uncomfortable if you stop eating at that same point. There are three possible reasons you feel this way:
One, you may be concerned that you'll get hungry again before the next meal.
Two, you may feel deprived if you don't eat as much as you want.
Three, you may have grown accustomed to eating much greater quantities than is healthy. Indeed, you may label the degree of fullness you feel after an overly large meal as "normal" when you've actually eaten to the point of overfullness.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., The Beck Diet Solution (Pink book), pg 35.
I got a kick out of reading words that sound just like Beck in a book called Deep Work by Cal Newport. Here's what he had to say about curing our addiction to the distracting allure of the Internet:
“Once you’re wired for distraction, you crave it. Motivated by this reality, this strategy is designed to help you rewire your brain to a configuration better suited to staying on task.” (p. 160)
“Schedule in advance when you’ll use the Internet, and then avoid it altogether outside these times. I suggest that you keep a notepad near your computer at work. On this pad, record the next time you’re allowed to use the Internet. Until you arrive at that time, absolutely no network connectivity is allowed—no matter how tempting.” (p. 161)
“The idea motivating this strategy is that the use of a distracting service does not, by itself, reduce your brain’s ability to focus. It’s instead the constant switching from low-stimuli/high-value activities to high-stimuli/low-value activities, at the slightest hint of boredom or cognitive challenge, that teaches your mind to never tolerate an absence of novelty. This constant switching can be understood analogously as weakening the mental muscles responsible for organizing the many sources vying for your attention. By segregating Internet use (and therefore segregating your distractions) you’re minimizing the number of times you give in to distraction, and by doing so you let those attention-selecting muscles strengthen.” (p. 161-162)
So, I'm trying that method today. And, my current Internet session just timed out -- so, I'm off!
Hey coaches! I went out to dinner last night and made preparations by looking at the menu ahead of time and planning to order the salmon. However the other ladies suggested sharing a pizza and an appetizer. The pizza wasn’t huge split by 3, so I think I did fairly well calorie wise over all. It was really nice to catch up- these are friends from church who also have kids entering senior high, so we all commiserated over that. When I had come back from England I really made a push to reach out and get in touch with folks I haven’t seen for awhile, so its paying off now. Next week I’ll do another dinner date with my former supervisor who also eats healthily.
I also made a plan to see a nutritionist in a few weeks to see if she can help tweak my eating plans. I’m thinking if I check in once a month a few times, that will keep me on track for a bit.
Karenrn- the massage was helpful overall but my leg was painful that night since she did deep tissue stuff, I even had bruise marks! She had good ideas about stretching the hamstrings too which I forget to do. As for as weekly food prep, I do wash the lettuce ahead of time and prep veggies for a few salads but that’s about it. I can see boiling some eggs and making quinoa, maybe doing a bunch of chicken breasts at once, partly to cut down on the dishes. I’ve thought about doing it anyhow
Otis and I had our walk this morning and I'm leaving for the gym in about 20 minutes. Food is on plan, but I have no idea what I'm making for dinner . . . yet. Something with chicken breast because that's what I took out of the freezer. I woke up feeling great because for the first time in a while I slept all night. Between me getting up to the bathroom and Otis up to the bathroom, I've had interrupted sleep lately. The problem is I find it difficult to go back to sleep.
No big plans for the day except that I might go see The Glass Castle. I read the book a few years back and although the ratings aren't high several friends have gone and liked it.
GardenerJoy I need to work on not letting the internet distract me so much, but I think I'll wait until we get back in our own home. I am connected to a FB WW group and we are having a get together here in Phoenix in a couple of weeks. People are coming from as far as NY, but boy can they chat on the internet. Really nice people and it will be fun to get together, but a lot of time has been spent.
Bill I give you a lot of credit for being such a good grandparent. I can't imagine my husband doing so well, of course the fact that he doesn't have children is part of it. I looked back over the food plan from the gym, it really that low calorie after all, just spread out differently and more carbs and less protein than I eat.
Nationalparker I hope the dental surgery for the pup goes smoothly. Bummer that what you hoped would be an upbeat discussion didn't turn out that way. We are all so different about how we spend money and see it. Congratulations on your promotion and your raise!
Finally ... the weekend. A guy I know who's retired always lords it over me that he forgets what day is what. Rubbing it in. He says he just wants to remember when it's Tuesday for the good movie prices. I'm glad I picked Friday for our dog's extraction so I'm home tomorrow. The tooth had split vertically / slab fracture. My heart is breaking as she's whining pathetically.
DH has been getting home late most nights this week. Tonight I've prepared a new soup recipe that I hope tastes as good as it smells. Soups on this food plan make it easier. I swapped brown rice for ditalini in the recipe. I think the ditalini would look better but the brown rice keeps it 100% on plan.
CurlyJax - Great job in prepping for dining out with your nenu choice, and you're right - the splitting of the pizza makes that an innocuous choice.
Karen - I like doing double batches of the homemade pasta sauce or turkey meatballs ... as well as double batches of ground turkey taco meat since I prep my own seasoning. I think reheating it turns it milder, so I amp it up a decent amount. I'd like to do double batches of more soups but I need more freezer space. Or containers that fit better!
Silverbirch - Your notes remind me that everything doesn't need to be done all at once! I need that this month ... I feel we're dragging a bit in the evenings, but we do need to savor some time to ourselves.
Diet Coaches/Buddies – A pluperfect eating day, CREDIT moi. I had a date to have lunch with an old friend I've known for 40 years. She was suffering from a fall that cracked a few vertebrae - not good at all. It ended up being coffee only at lunch time. When I got home I realized that I was no longer hungry and that I could do the skip lunch exercise of the Beck program. So I did. It wasn't difficult; I was no longer hungry. I did spend the afternoon thinking that I should have a snack, but it wasn't from hunger. I just thought that I shouldn't deprive my precious body of food for several hours in a row, LOL.
Then DW announced that "We're going out for dinner." This just happens occasionally when the chef looks at the kitchen and decides to take the night off. We both had a restaurant in mind with a killer good Brazilian fish stew, Moqueca. Although it was served over rice, there was no bread and we ordered no appetizers and no dessert. It was likely an on plan restaurant meal. And just delicious - so many spices in one bowl of fish stew. CREDIT moi for choosing a sane restaurant.
Joy (gardenerjoy) – Love the Beck-like quote, "you let those attention-selecting muscles strengthen." Also like being reminded of the contrast between "low-stimuli/high-value activities to high-stimuli/low-value activities" - it's so easy to get sucked into reading the news every hour since such odd stuff is happening every hour. I'm so old that I remember when it was sufficient to read the news only once a day. I'm hooked. Just ordered Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World from my library. A reviewer on Amazon listed 15 takeaways. This one grabbed me: "9. You have a finite amount of willpower that becomes depleted as you use it. …The key to developing a deep work habit is to move beyond good intentions and add routines and rituals to your working life designed to minimize the amount of your limited willpower necessary to transition into and maintain a state of unbroken concentration." I was struck by the irony that Amazon lists some eight summaries and reading guides to a book that suggests there's power in concentrating on important things. Like a Facebook page for folks trying to break their Facebook habit.
nationalparker – Ouch for your poor dog's tooth extraction yesterday. Hope it went well. Congrats for knowing the name ditalini - I had to google it.
Karen (karenrn) - Sleep is good. But I'm also in that club who don't go back to sleep easily - I just get up.
curlyjax - Kudos for choosing to eat with folks who also eat healthily.
Readers -
Quote:
chapter 3 How Thin People Think
characteristic 3 You Like the Feeling of Being Full
I noticed this phenomenon recently when I had dinner at the house of a colleague. There were 10 of us in all. Although I'm usually oblivious to what people eat, on this particular night I decided to pay attention. This is what I observed: Two of us (both women) ate sparingly. Three of the men (all of normal weight) ate more than we did, but not a great deal more. The other five (all of whom are overweight) ate much more than the rest of us.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., The Beck Diet Solution (Pink book), pg 36.
hi coaches! I had most of the night to myself last night and decided to have popcorn for dinner and chocolate ice cream. I've been craving that for awhile, and figured if i eat it instead of dinner at least it would cut down on the calories alltogether! And I just sat and watched two movies on Netflix, and it was just fabulous.
today I'm going to the funeral of one of our neighbors. He was frankly a crabby old man who didn't like us, but i feel like i should go. DH is off on a little overnight with DS so its just me going but that's okay.Things have been wierd with that family for years so i can't honestly go and say things like what a great guy he was, but I'll do the funeral and skip the visiting hours. Yikes, its getting on, better get going!
Scheduling my internet sessions worked well for me. I get more from them, enjoy them more, and then get off to do more rewarding work.
I have a food plan for today, except for lunch which is at a new restaurant. My next internet task is to check the menu on-line. Then, I will get off the internet until just before I leave for my mid-day activity for one last check to make sure someone isn’t trying to get hold of me.
BillBlueEyes: I skipped the first part of Deep Work that makes the case for uninterrupted work. I figure that anyone over 40 doesn’t need much convincing because we remember working like that and how fun and rewarding it can be. I’ve had the best work week I can remember while reading this book. Let’s hope it sticks!
KarenRN: I do and have done a big weekly food prep. Ironically, when I was home more, I did a bigger prep. I think this was because I had the time. It was very beneficial to me raising a young son and still meeting specific goals such as exercise and community work. My plans were mostly were freezer cooking. I would buy or pick a bin of ripe fruit and prep it. That would be our smoothies for a few months. I froze PB&J for lunches. I made brown bag burritos ( individual ) to have for lunches or dinner. I bought disposable aluminum trays and would make two or three casseroles whenever I made one. I think it is great. Last Sunday I made pizza dough and froze it; a big pot of stew and soup and used both for three meals this week. I think this narrows my choices and therefore helps me keep on plan.
nationalparker: Money is always a tricky discussion. DH and I are totally on the same page with spending and goals and we still have very tough discussions. It boils down to trust at the deepest level and that takes communication.
gardenerjoy: I appreciate your honesty about your journey. I had my own "fabulous and 50" moments and now am 13 pounds away from it. I am constantly reframing thoughts I have of failure. I am actually a great success because I am here still posting.
Silverbirch and BBE: Hopping into a melon discussion? DH farms about a hundred acres. The best melons are the one's with "sugar netting" those web-like abrasions on the outside.
As for me: Completely thankful for Saturday morning. I always have grand illusions of two straight days of correcting and then don't. I have been working 10 -12 hour days plus exercise. I do need a break. Last night we had box seats to Tom Petty who cancelled because of laryngitis. I was so exhausted, I lay face down on the couch and slept for one hour. Then the boys and I took a page from curleyjax, watched a movie with some treats.
I am finding a rhythm in the chaos of days. I actually know what I am teaching a few days in advance. I am completely enjoying mentoring my seniors in college applications. They are so independent with their chromebooks and search engines and I can call them up individually for guidance. Soon, as a group, we will start personal statements. Many of the kids had never considered leaving the current area. I have many devout SIKhs complete with the headdress and I suggested to a few of them San Francisco State. Close enough and very diverse. This is opposed to Fresno State which may be much more backwoods. Little things like this, they never thought about. This kids are all first generation college goers.
Food is going well. I bring a bunch of air popcorn and nibble through the day. I prepack multi days of veggie lunches. I have the vegan protein drinks for snack. Then I usually throw in a sweet treat. I am off wheat and tracking food. I have audiobooks that give me an incentive to get on the treadmill and my new Whitney boots feel great.
Tonite we have been invited to a "house concert" and sushi before with friends. That will be a treat.
Short note here. Did a shorter hike this morning just to keep up on my 52 hike challenge. It was 83 degrees when I started at 5:30 which I think I am about over. I guess I shouldn't complain since it is nothing compared to the horrible hurricane.
Trying to be diligent on the food plan today because we have a get together tomorrow with my former co-workers and the food is always good, so I want to indulge a little.
I saw The Glass Castle yesterday and thought it was good. Don't know if I would have cared so much about seeing it except that I read the book.
OMG! I am so very excited to find a support group for The Beck Diet Solution! I was wracking my brain to figure out who to have as my 'Diet Coach' and then I started googling. I thought my husband possibly...but other than that I couldn't think of anyone!
Anyway...I wanted to introduce myself [Edited to add: I didn't realize this would be so long...sorry]. I am on Week 1 Day 6 of the Beck Diet Solution and actually already have my WOE picked out per my doctor.
My name is Shannon and I am 28 years old. I've been married for 1 year and 11 months to my AMAZING high school sweetheart. We've been together going on 11 years next January. He is truly my savior, my hero.
I have tried to lose weight for 12+ years now and nothing has stuck, now I realize that I need to change my thinking first and then I found Beck!
My background:
I have A LOT of baggage in my young life so please bear with me while I try to get it all out.
I was never supposed to be. I was supposed to be an abortion when my biological mother had to choose between me and who she thought was the love of her life. She waited too long and no one would do the abortion. Her step-sister stepped up and said that she and her husband would adopt me. Our life looked perfect on the outside, working hard to paint a beautiful facade. I was emotionally abused, threats were given that my biological mother would come and take me back if I was bad. They painted her as the most awful devil there was. They went so far as to write letters from her telling me all these horrible things about never wanting me and her two older daughters (my half sisters) not liking me. It was bad enough I had to go and see a therapist for night terrors. My adoptive parents didn't just emotionally abuse me...they had adopted 6 other girls that were all older than me, they ran a daycare and they also fostered other kids. Those poor kids that grew up and were so wounded and hurt, so broken.
I started coping with all of this when I was 6 by binging at night on enormous amounts of food. And so the struggle with my weight, my confidence and so many other things started.
When I was 12, I was on my way to church camp for the summer (my solace) and my adoptive mother and I heard a horrible car crash. After dropping me off, I was called into the counselor's office the next day and was told that one of my sisters, my closest confidant, was killed in a car accident on her way to a college function. It was the crash we heard the previous morning. It broke me. My adoptive parents wouldn't let me come home, I never got the closure I needed.
Right after I got back from church camp, I found my adoptive mother on the computer trying to set my adoptive father up to have affairs. Later as a family we would meet up with these ladies and stay in the hotel with them. One night I woke up to awful sounds. After these events my adoptive mother would accuse him of cheating. He never left, he just continued to be played by the grand playmaker, he was her puppet. My adoptive father would confide in me things I should never hear. I would stand up for him when she would pick fights or twist his words. He never left though he said he wanted a divorce.
As I got older they manipulated any relationship that I ever had between friends and family. In my senior year I met an amazing, caring, sweet boy. Quickly fell head over heels for each other and he helped me realize that what they were doing wasn't a normal family relationships. As I started to realize these things for myself it was time to go away to college. Tim left and went away to Chicago, we would write letters and call. But, after awhile there were no more letters or calls. I got a letter in the mail saying he had met somebody else and that he was through. My parents said I should never contact him again, that it would just be too painful. For three months I hoped he would reach out, I hoped he would call. Finally one day when I was at the community college, I called him from a pay phone, I had to know more. He said he couldn't believe it was me calling, that he got an email from me three months ago saying I had moved on. He wrote letters to me that got sent back to him and finally he received a letter from my adoptive mom threatening him if he ever tried to contact me again. He was heartbroken and hadn't moved on, never even had another girlfriend or date after. We secretly started seeing each other again, I was good at the lying since I learned from the best. He would come home and I would sneak away from classes or work. They found out eventually and were livid of course, I told them I would still see him whether they liked it or not. And they allowed it but again being very controlling.
I finally moved out when I was 20 after a huge fight with them for not being willing to sign for financial aid for me to continue going to nursing school. I didn't move far enough, they were still able to manipulate me.
So, one day I had enough. I gave my two weeks and decided to move in with Tim in Chicago. BEST DECISION I ever made for myself, by myself.
We moved to LA two years later for Tim to pursue his film degree. We got engaged in beautiful Malibu beneath the stars. We loved the sun and sand but missed the Midwest hospitality and being by his family, so two years later we moved back to Wisconsin to his mother's basement finding jobs quickly and setting up to pay for our beautiful wedding the following year. In January of 2015 I had to cut off ALL communication with my adoptive parents after threats and them not keeping boundaries. It helped a whole lot.Tim sadly lost his job right after our wedding and honeymoon so our plans of buying a house were put on hold.
May of 2016 we bought our first house, a beautiful 1920’s house! We renovated it and moved into it in August of 2016. <3
{Throughout our whole relationship} I continued to struggle with my weight and self worth and confidence after many failed attempts of losing weight. I was spinning into a dark hole. Our sex life continuing to slip into oblivion. Me become anxious and nervous and reading into things Tim would say and twisting them in my head thinking he was cheating on me or going to leave me. I was paranoid. We talked about all of it many times, it wasn't him it was me. He would jokingly say something and I would go off. It wasn't pretty and I have no idea why he stayed. I never thought I was good enough, pretty enough or just plain enough for him.
A little bit more about me: I work full time in our local busy ER as a Unit Coordinator, I volunteer for our local fire department as well as a Civic Club. I go to school for Nursing and should be starting clinical in the fall of 2018. AND we just bought our first home and are remodeling it. We have two beautiful cats and are currently not wanting any children but are very open to it in the future. He works as a director for graphic design and marketing at a local company as well.
Last edited by FindingShannonMarie; 08-26-2017 at 03:16 PM.
Reason: It was long!
A wonderful, sunny summer day here - I hated to spend part of it in fluorescent-lit stores, but needed to get marketing done. I am back to working to create a menu, which I'd strayed from the past few months. It enabled me to cut down my marketing list. I've started rereading the Fast Metabolism Diet book so more of the nutritional interaction sinks into my brain. Since I'd strayed and took on the guilt, the cutting back on portions, the skipping snacks, the stress of eating, the weight piled on. Illuminating to remember that all of these were what I was doing before I started it last summer and when I changed those behaviors, the weight and fat started departing. I am feeling the excitement of what can be again, after the panic has left.
We'd both like to watch Gifted, and we have a free version from MIL so I think that'll be a way to kick back this evening and I can do much of my own office work from the couch and not waste the gorgeous day. I'm aiming to reduce some of the visual clutter in my dining room, and look forward to the cleared off tops of everything. Saturday is when it all accumulates from the markets.
Dinner might be an on plan chicken pot pie with spelt/coconut oil biscuit topping. Last time they were a bit like hockey pucks, but DH swore he liked them. I'll try to read if olive oil will result in a better biscuit than coconut oil. Butter is not on plan.
Maryann - THANK YOU for the hint on sweet melons. I read a lot about how to pick the best ones this spring, and the ones I chose were markedly NOT good ... So I don't have to look for a pretty outside... good to know.
Welcome, Shannon! Glad to have you here. I applaud you for working hard to thrive, despite such a tumultuous childhood/adolescence. We truly never know what goes on in others' lives. Looking forward to seeing challenges you face in your search for a healthier lifestyle, how you get past them, and tips you have for us! Don't worry about long posts... some of mine when I'm stressing, stress me out they're so long, haha! I try to do a personal or two each day because when I try to do a whole bunch of them, I never post my note and then I start skidding.
Location: Home of the Pirates, Steelers and Penguins
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I don't follow Beck, but I lurk here once in a while. I would like to make a comment.
This describes my very naturally thin friend.
Thin people usually like to eat to the point where they're reasonably full. It doesn't feel right if they've eaten so much they feel a little uncomfortable taking a brisk walk after a meal. Even if there is delicious food left, they don't want to keep eating. They feel no compulsion to empty their plates.
This is more like me, mainly points 1 and 3.
You, however, might feel uncomfortable if you stop eating at that same point. There are three possible reasons you feel this way:
One, you may be concerned that you'll get hungry again before the next meal.
Two, you may feel deprived if you don't eat as much as you want.
Three, you may have grown accustomed to eating much greater quantities than is healthy. Indeed, you may label the degree of fullness you feel after an overly large meal as "normal" when you've actually eaten to the point of overfullness.
I'm feeling pleased with myself that the new regime allowed us enough time for gardening yesterday. It was a lovely late summer's day. Today is not looking so good but I still plan to be out there all day. There's lots to be done - grass, hedges, splitting plants, sowing seeds, weeding.
I'm also pleased with myself that I am now weighing myself every morning. Nowadays I wear the same style of nightie every night so I'm just getting on the scales in that. Some of you may remember that I don't want to weigh myself in the all-together when it's cold and so I gradually drift away from the habit. So glad that I've now got enough brain space to solve this niggle! I've planned ahead to the cold days and nights, and I should be able to keep the habit rolling.
Wannabehealthy, good to see you.
nationalparker, I don't like visual clutter either. I just want to get on with what I want to get on with, not consider piles of stuff and whether anything has to be done. Re your earlier comment about things not all having to be done at once. Although it's hard for me to believe this when there are so very many things to be done, I do actually believe that the doing of something is an end in itself. Being in the moment brings its own rewards. That kind of thing.
Shannon, Keep posting here!
karen, following your post, 'diligent' is now my word of the day. Thanks!
maryann, glad to hear you're finding a rhythm. It seems to help me. Also great to hear about your sound college advice to students. This kind of information helps enormously if none of your family have been to college ever or in this particular country.
gardenerjoy, good news about limiting your internet time. It can only help, surely.
curlyjax, having time to yourself is just lovely. Full marks for attending the funeral.
Bill, let's hear it for the pluperfect eating! Such a fantastic tense. I was so excited when I learnt it existed, back in the late 60s. Flower power, hippies and the pluperfect in Latin, French and German. They were the good old days ...
Friday - French colonists create city (1718, New Orleans)
and are currently not wanting any children but are very open to it in the future. He works as a director for graphic design and marketing at a local company as well.
Keep posting here! 
