I am guilty of the first one...I usually start off with that Ya ain't gonna believe this sh** line too!!

Hee hee. Good on Dina.

Here's a Canadian joke

A Newfie on death row. There was a Mainlander, a Cape Bretoner and a Newfie on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die:
1. to be shot
2. to be hung
3. to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the Mainlander said, "Shoot me right in the head." (Boom, he was dead instantly).

Then the Cape Bretoner said, "Just hang me." (Snap, he was dead.)

Then the Newfie said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Newfie fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy. Then the Newfie said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally the warden said, "What is wrong with you?" The Newfie replied, "You guys are so stupid..... I'm wearing a condom!"

OMG that is terrible

Miss Chris

btw, Chris - you're new avatar is lovely!!!

Once, there was a middle-aged man named Herman who decided to try a different golf course than his usual. On the second hole he met up with another man, named Elmer, so they decided to golf together. As they were teeing off on the 6th hole, a gorgeous naked woman runs past, followed by two men in white coats. Herman looks in awe at the woman, and a few seconds later another man in a white coat runs by holding two buckets of sand. Herman then asks Elmer, "What the **** was that?" to which Elmer replies, "There is a mental institution down the street and every day, that woman tries to escape. The men in the white coats are the ones trying to catch her. The person who catches her gets to carry her back." Herman thought for a moment then said, "OK, but who was the man holding the sand buckets?" Elmer answered, "He caught her yesterday, the sand is his handicap."

good ones!

Great jokes - keep it up!

Stumpy Legged Pink Dog

A guy walks into a bar with his dog on a leash the barman says, “Geez that's a weird dog: he's stumpy-legged, pink, and doesn't have a tail, but I bet my rottweiler would beat the heck out of it.”
50 bucks is laid down. Out in the yard the rottweiler gets mauled to pieces.

Another drinker says his pit bull will win but the bet is 100 bucks.

Another trip to the yard and when it's all over there are bits of pit-bull terrier all over the place. The drinker pays up and says, “Say what breed is that anyway?”

The owner says, “Until I cut his tail off and painted it pink it was the same breed as every other alligator.”