[lizziness]

Bosses can be annoying. Heh. I have not really a *****, so much as an amusing thing that happened today. It was my birthday, and I was at work and my boss always sings terribly and obnoxiously over the PA to people on their birthday....
So I'm on the phone trying to take an order and he starts it up and the customer got really pissed off because I told her that my boss was singing and I couldn't hear her and that it was my birthday... and she hung up on me! I mean, give me a break.

well, actually, I guess she DID give me a break because it meant I didn't have to take her order which was good because she didn't even have item numbers anyway.
Just a tip for you people out there - if you call up a place like an office supply store and you want stuff and don't have item numbers for it - I will guarantee you that you will be getting the most expensive of these items we can find you. Because you deserve to pay for not being considerate enough to look in the catalog we sent you. So there!

[ellis]

heh heh. You're funny, Lizzi. Happy Birthday again, hon! I sent you a Happy Birthday in ummm... another thread...

[aphil]

I have a reason to b***h...

here is a little background scenario:
In my husband's family, every time someone like one of his parents, or one of his sister's, etc. has a birthday or anniversary, Christmas time or other "gift" event come around, they pretty much come flat out and tell us what they want. They are very specific, and usually what they want is NOT cheap. A lot of times we are asked by my MIL to go in with my husband's sisters to get a "big gift" for my FIL.

There are two main gripes about this-there is no fun shopping because they tell you exactly what they want. It is also not fun because they (especially when it is my MIL giving us gift "ideas" for her, or her immediate family) tell you something that is a lot more than you intended to spend. For instance, my MIL told us last December that my SIL really needed a new bike helmet. (Her boyfriend rides Motorcross kind of motorcycles) They are like $100!!!!!!!!!! A $100 gift, at least to us, is something you buy for your child or for your spouse...unless you are pretty wealthy-which we are not!

We have "pooled in" money for big gifts for family members, when we would have much rather have bought them something smaller just from us, and have done this for years.

What really urks me is that every time it is my birthday, or my husband's birthday-we get shafted in the gift department. I know it is the thought that counts, but if you cannot afford to-or don't care to get us a gift, then DO NOT ask for a $100 gift when your day comes around!!!! Last year my husband's parents got him a card-and wrote inside "the check is in the mail!" They said they forgot to bring their checkbook...well, that was almost a year ago...and we haven't seen that check yet. I got dinner made for me last year...

I am truly not a greedy person...but my husband makes a little more than hs parents-and I truly think that they resent that. It is not some huge amount, but they act like he is the "rich relative."
His sister's and father are not that bad, but his mother will actually flat out tell you when she opens a gift that it wasn't what she wanted or asked for!

What really did it is that my husband's birthday is next week, and there was something that he really wants. It costs $240-and I asked a couple of weeks ago if any of the family-his sisters, parents, etc. wanted to help me with it and go in to help pay for it-I was not asking for them to pay a huge amount-if they only wanted t put in $5 that was fine with me-anything helps and gets their name on the gift tag...NO ONE has put in anything. Noone has any money to put in for Jason a gift, or to buy him any at all! I went today and paid for it myself-we may be eating Kraft Macaroni and Cheese for a week, but he is getting what he wants this year...I have just had it.

Jason helps them fix things around the house, helps his father cut wood for their house in the winter, and is always doing things for them-and they rip him off EVERY TIME. His sister was over today and I told her I was upset about it...she will probably go tell my MIL, but I hope that she does. What made it even worse, was that she was over today to watch my kids for a while and I paid her before she left-she didn't even offer any of that for Jason's gift-and I pay her WELL to sit my 2 kids...$20 for 3 hours. Not bad for sitting on my couch eating my food and throwing a video in the vcr for the kids to watch.

Jason acts like it doesn't hurt his feelings-but I know it does. My family does more to acknowledge his birthday than his own does...like I said, it wouldn't be so bad, but when their gift time comes around we pretty much get a list from each of them telling us what they want!

Aphil

[ellis]

Aphil, sweetie... what a trap you're in!
I think you just need to stop giving them what they want. My parents are well enough off that there's nothing I can buy them that they can't buy themselves. And I have my own family to think of. I've started buying magazine subscriptions for people as gifts. It's something that they like, it's not too expensive, and they get it all year round.
You buy them what YOU want to buy them. And pay what you can afford without being ridiculous about it. When gift giving gets out of hand like that, it's no longer a caring gesture. It's just GREED! I hope you get it worked out, hon...

[aphil]

Thanks...I just wish there was a way to tell them they are being greedy and the same time hurting my husband's feelings by shunning him in the gift department when it is his turn-without making them mad at us...I am very territorial, and while he ticks me off a lot-I don't like it when others hurt him or take advantage of him...you know-you can beat up your sister-but noone else can talk about her in school-that sort of thing...
Aphil
It did feel good to vent though!

[dentrassi]

Aphil-My SIL is like that.....IT IS AGGRAVATING!!!!!!!!!!! I started just purposely giving her stuff OFF her list. She can take it back if she is going to be THAT snotty!! Last Christmas we gave her (and BIL) a george Foreman grill. At first she acted like,"WHAT THE H@#$ IS THIS!" but recently she told me she uses it all the time, and it is one of the best gifts she ever received!!!
So keep with it. Only YOU can decide what is affordable in your budget. (My in-laws buy EVERYONE a gift. Even at $5 a crack I can't afford to do that. I DON't want to shortchange my kids to give my DH's Aunt's ex-inlaws a gift!!!)

[aphil]

A little update:
No one had any money to go in for my husband's gift...but SIL #1 had on a new outfit today, and SIL #2 brought a slew of stuff to make Whiskey Sours camping this weekend...GGGGGGGGRRRRRR....
I swear I hate them all...I really don't, but it sure feels like it right now!
Aphil

[mauvaisroux]

Aphil-I can't believe your in-laws act like that!

I agree with the Ellis- you and DH are not obligated to buy them expensive gifts or to chip in for things on their "lists"! And don't you dare feel guilty about it!

You should buy what you feel you want to buy them and what is within your budget. If they don't understand your financial concerns or can't appreciate the gifts you get them well then that is there problem not yours...

I know it is the thought that counts but they are not thinking of your or your DH at all, they are only thinking about themselves.

I know that you probably don't want to start a family feud over this so maybe you and DH can just start cutting back on the amount you donate to group gifts or just get your own gifts whenever a birthday arises.

[dentrassi]

Or donate money in their name (jointly) to an organization they HATE!!!
You know, "This year instead of materialistic goods we donated money on behalf of ALL of you to_______"

[squeaker]

Aphil - get what you want to get, that is in your budget. Even better - if your are crafty - make them something. Good people will appreciate the thought just as much if not more then the gift.

[ellis]

My MIL and I get along quite well now, but she's a PACKRAT! Her house is so full of stuff you can barely walk through it. She's got about two dozen sheet sets that she's bought on sale over the years that have never left the packaging!! A brand new set of saucepans, but she uses the old aluminum ones. And she's got a new dishwasher, but the old one is sitting in a corner of the kitchen because it's "handy for putting things on". God help her.
Now we just buy her stuff that she can consume (a nice food basket or something), but there's a TON of gifts that I've given her in the past that are just sitting there... in a pile. Some of it I really like, and I'd like to steal it back. A beautiful soap dish... a Christmas ornament (it's been sitting on shelf in the dining room for about six years...), a really cool muffin pan...

[dentrassi]

TOO FUNNY!! I have a Christmas ornament in my bathroom....Okay, sounds strange, but I put a bunch of chrome "kitchen" storage thingies in there including a 3 basket hanging job. It is in the top basket that I can't reach, and we have extra wash cloths in the bottom basket. The colors match the "decor" and I want to see it ALL the time!!!

[ellis]

I can appreciate that, Den. You LIKE it! I have a couple of "Xmas" things in the house that I keep out, too. But you and I have a REASON for doing it!

[Lidian]

Oh Aphil, that's just rotten! I agree with Ellis et al, that you should get them what you want and can afford (I know you probably don't WANT to get them anything, I wouldn't either, but you know what I mean). Otherwise it is like they are using you as a mail-order service, and who needs that? A gift is just to show you are thinking of them (never mind WHAT you are thinking!)

My dad is very tough to shop for as he is usually trying to give US stuff we don't want (like heavy old trays) & is usually about to throw out the stuff we DO want (like my mother's Christmas ornaments, which I rescued).

Lidian

[dentrassi]

YUP!! Don't you love it when they decide FOR you? Why don't they just ask you if you WANT any of it and throw out the other stuff!! When DH's grandmother died they gave us a bunch of her stuff that we really didn't need or want, and then gave OTHER stuff to the Salvation army saying they KNEW we wouldn't want THAT!! Among the items: a barely used shower curtain that they couldn't STAND to throw out because they had just given it to her. The only problem? IT DOESN"T MATCH MY BATHROOM AND I ALREADY HAVE A SHOWER CURTAIN!! I MAY be able to use it in the basement, but it has been sitting in a box since they gave it to us (Jan. 2001!!)