Hmmmmmmm,
Marmite, yummy spread or horrible tar? I guess I will have to taste it for myself to see.
I loved the things dog's need to remember. Sounds so much like my dog. I suppose that is why it is funny. When we used to away more than we are now, our dog was alone for quite a while. We would come home and find that she had dragged an item belonging to each of us (be it a sock, or shoe, or something more personal) and placed them in a pile. She would lie near them. I think it must have comforted her. I am glad that she doesn't have to do that now.
Thanks for the very amusing thread.
morningglory
A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push."Not a chance," says the husband, "it is three o'clock in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it is three in the morning and it is pouring out!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us?"
"I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself. The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark,"Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer."Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband.
Morningglory-Being completely honest, marmite is an acquired taste. The ONLY person I know who likes it even though he didn't grow up with it is my Dad. I love the stuff, and like to tease all those here who hate it!!!! Attention Mauvais, Ellis and Ruth!!!
Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night, trying to impress each other about how tough they are.
The first mouse throws down a shot of bourbon, slams the empty glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."
The second mouse orders up two shots of tequila, drinks them down one after the other, slams both glasses onto the bar, turns to the first mouse and replies, "Oh yeah? When I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."
The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse finishes the beer he has in front of him, lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this idle chat. Gotta go home and have sex with the cat."
That was so funny!!! I wish I were good at telling of the jokes, but I will have to be content just reading the witty posts of the true 's. Keep up the good work.
Kat, that is hilarious!! Thank you, I needed that. We couldn't find any mouse traps when we did the shopping, so DH reluctantly picked up some of those "sticky traps". I came down this morning and there was a mouse struggling to get free from one in the middle of the kitchen floor. I made DH dispose of it, and he was disgusted at the horrible consequences of those traps. He's going to search for some snap traps today.
Thanks for this thread everyone! Just been laughing my way through it!!
Dentrassi-It sounds like we are in a minority, but I'm with you on the marmite, love it on toast
Jinxii
What a fun thread! When I go for my next wrist operation, I need a joke for the doc. Told him the undertaker one last time and he roared. Right now I am thinking of the mouse one but it might be a bit risque for the OR. (He wants me to tell him a joke to keep my mind off what they are doing to get my wrist ready for the operation.)
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because you open them up, everything inside is numbered." The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded." The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best...Everything inside them is in alphabetical order." The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end." BUT...the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, "You're all wrong ... Politicians are the easiest to operate on... There's no guts, no heart, and no spine...
Thank you, Mauvais. I was in desparate need of something light.
to you Den!
's. Keep up the good work.
