[JayEll]

Hey mermom! Yes, I was at one point speaking of the virtues of Vietnamese coffee. It's a drug... I had some... complete WITH the sweetened condensed milk. But I only rarely indulge in it.

The restaurant wasn't that good. Oh well.

I went for many years without a TV. I have one now--and I do watch some interesting shows from time to time. (I'm also a football fan. Say what you will. ) I like to watch some of the things on History Channel and Discovery--for example, there was a program on one of those channels about a ship that went down in the Great Lakes. Not the Edmund Fitzgerald, but another one... Hmmm... I'll have to look it up later. They had looked for it for a long time, but the problem was that they assumed it had sunk in Lake Michigan, when it had actually gone down in Lake Huron. With modern technology, they located it, and found that it had sunk intact--so then the mystery was, why did it sink? There was no damage...

Jay

[meowee]

Morning . . .

Here I are doing my every other day check in . . . . . . It's the beautiful, sunny day between storms again; so I've got a stable power supply. This is getting tiresome. I could definitely handle the fact that it is still winter and storms are inevitable if only said nasty weather would stop playing silly buggers with the electricity. Sure hope shivering in the cold can be considered exercise.

Hope to see you tomorrow, gang . . .

[Spinymouse]

Just a quick check in.
I don't know if I will ever have anything good to say again. Or maybe at least for the next few days. It's awful; just awful; I can hardly believe how bad this feels. I lost a dear freind. It's terrible. I am not able write anything about it right now. It just sucks.

[meowee]

Aww JO . . . . . . We will be here to listen when you need us . . .

Things are alsmost delightful around here. It's been snowing all morning (about 3 to 4 inches so far) but it is coming down relatively straight and gentle. No gale force winds. Consequently my electricity has been quite happy and so am I -- although I guess I'll need to replace shivering as my form of exercise.

Have a good one everybody . . . see you soon . . .

[CountingDown]

Jo, I'm sorry - my thoughts and prayers are with you!

Linda - same here, cold, but sunny and the wind has died down. It really is beautiful outside today. So white and crisp, what winter is supposed to look like.

Jay - the name of the ship isn't coming to mind. Although I didn't see the program (no cable TV), I have been to most of the shipwreck museums in Michigan. Sounds like it was interesting. I love Michigan history and local lore. That was one of the fun things about being an elementary school librarian Ah, sometimes I miss those days.

Quiet Sunday at home - I think I'm ready for a nap. Then maybe some exercise later this afternoon. The evening will bring phone calls to all of the family members (kids and parents). Funny how, in my youth, Sunday was about everyone going to Grandma's house for dinner. Now it is about digital communication. How times have changed!

[JayEll]

Jo... I'm sorry... I hope you can talk about it with us. It sounds like it must have been sudden.

Hey meowee, stay warm! Looks like the whole country is a big freezer.

CountingDown, I can't find the name of the ship! It was a sailing vessel--just before steam came in. It was named after the builder's daughter. They think that it was so overloaded that during the storm, it slowly just slipped lower and lower into the water until only the masts were above the water, and then finally it lost all buoyancy and drifted to the bottom. As you know, the Great Lakes are just littered with sunken ships.

hijude, BillBlueEyes, Mermom, and all the rest of you folks! Have a good day! If you watch football, enjoy the games.

Jay

[Mermom]

Hi Spiny...so sorry you lost someone close to you. I too hope that you will eventually feel like you can talk about this. If nothing else to interupt your own tapes regarding what you are thinking and feeling.

I had dinner with a friend tonight who is on the verge of losing it. I don't know what to say to help her from falling over the edge. Serious self esteem issues to the point where she is supporting herself and her partner by working 75 hours a week and sees no end that is positive. The partner is a total user but my friend keeps taking care of the both of them and not taking care of herself. I am afraid she will do something drastic. I tried everything I could think of to turn her thoughts away from degrading herself and saying what a good person her partner is. I don't know how to help her and I am afraid for her.

[JayEll]

Hey Mermom, sorry to hear about your friend! I wouldn't try to say anything negative about her partner, because she probably can't hear that--but you can help her by countering her negative thinking about herself. Also, do you think she'd consider seeing a counselor, therapist, or clergy person? She might benefit from talking to someone who can be objective... or whom she would see as being objective.

It's hard when friends get into this sort of situation.

How is everyone else today?

Yesterday I did my 30 minutes on the treadmill--I didn't want to, but I finished all 30 minutes!

Jay

[meowee]

Good Morning Everybody . . .

Beautiful and around northern Nova Scotia this morning -- but it is at -31C/-24F -- at least that will keep the snow at bay for a little while.

Sorry to hear about your friend MERMOM. It can be so tough not to butt in, but I have to agree with JAY, you just have to be strong for her and keep biting your tongue.

Well gang, I'd better get myself moving and shaking so I can get out and enjoy the wonderful day. Have a great one and keep on doing the good stuff just as much as you possibly can . . .

[Spinymouse]

Pals - I'm not going to work today.
I'm so angry at myself that I can't suck it all up and be tough and reasonable yet.
Isn't anger one of those stages in grieving? Well GOOD because I'm certainly angry.
I've lost people before. Both my parents, and some other friends, but nothing like THIS.
And all those words that people say like "He Wouldn't Want You To Feel So Bad..." So F***ing WHAT!!??? I DO feel this bad. I swear I am surprised to find that I can even pick up a toothbrush. This is awful, my friends, just awful, and there is no amount of sugar to coat it with. And I come here on this 3fc site and read about people who are concerned about the number of calories in yogurt and it all seems so incredibly absurd to me right now. I guess that is like that verse from Ecclesiates that Pete Seeger put into a song about there being a time for everything, and for me this is the time to mourn and anything that is not mournful seems as absurd as kitten claws flying through the air making noises like war planes and turning into oatmeal. This sucks, pals, this really sucks.

I'll delete this all shortly because I don't want my comments emblazoned upon the internet forever.

[JayEll]

Spiny, I think I know where you're coming from. All of this "stuff" that people pay so much attention to does seem meaningless in the face of death.

I'll just say... don't use your grief as a reason to do anything unwise... remember that you are still alive, and life is worth having.

Jay

[Spinymouse]

Jay, thank you, but, this is not the Time to be Wise.
I have a lot of regrets. That's the worst part.

I have said before that I don't think I ever really learned how to be nice to people. I don't have a lot of friends. Probably because I never learned....

Hence, I have regrets about how much nicer I could have/should have been to my friend, and now I will never have the chance.

[pamatga]

Well, I can understand how you feel. This past week my mom went into the hospital to have a hysterectomy for uterine cancer. This was her first surgery and she was scared. I spoke with her the night before she had the surgery.

There was multiple complications. She had low B/P, massive blood lose, acute renal failure, a stroke which has so far affected her vision, and now an infection at the incision site which goes from her pubic bone to her breast bone. Tomorrow they will do one more CT to see if this stroke is continuing to damage her brain. She is in restraints, sedated on and on a respirator.

I had a very difficult and stormy relationship with my mom for 40 years. She never forgave me for something that I did when I was 16 years old. I resented and was deeply hurt by not only that but how she treated me.

This past fall she went into the doctor for an infected cyst on her back. When she was finished with the treatment she was a changed woman. She forgave me just about the time I forgave her. We had some really nice loving talks throughout December. A week before Christmas she found out she had two different types of cancer. She is 73 and also diabetic but she manages her diabetes well and she was considered in good health prior to this surgery.

My sister is very angry and upset. It is difficult to talk to her since she is there with Mom and I am here 1000 miles away. I can't take off work because I simply can't afford to but I call multiple times a day to get the latest update. I have peace about my mom and our relationship. If she dies, I will be sad but there is nothing more that I would have or could have said to her. What timing, huh?

I hope that you are able to express your grief and "the could haves" to someone close or even journal. You are right, how many calories are in a cupcake really pale compared to events like this. However, I plan to do my best to stay on my plan because I need to take care of myself now and in future months, years. I hope you will too.

[CountingDown]

Jo, I don't know the details of your situation, so I won't say with certainty that this is true. But, my gut feeling is that your friend knew how much you cared. That your friend knew, that under the layers you had feelings that ran very deep. Even though we keep people at arm's length (or beyond), those that we spend time with really do know our hearts.

Anger is a useful emotion. Just don't let it consume you.

And - you are right - there is a lot of wisdom in that whole passage from Ecclesiastes. There is a time and purpose to everything under heaven. Mourning is important, let yourself feel sadness and grief. But, also balance it with fond memories and cherish the special moments that you shared.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[CountingDown]

Jay - great job staying on that treadmill. I applaud your tenacity. I can't handle the treadmill. Nothing is interesting enough to occupy my mind enough to keep me on one. It is a mental thing with me.

You do well going to a gym too. That is something that would be really hard for me to do. I do well exercising once I start, but motivating myself to go out in the cold to do it - well - I'm a wimp.

Long-winded way of saying - I admire you!