Seriously, consider getting pro help. Doesn't matter if it's a sympathetic personal trainer or a therapist, whatever, but sometimes it takes an outside person to get you to see yourself objectively. What I mean is, look at yourself from the outside; if you saw a person with your issues, your body, wanting to get better, how would you judge them? What would you do to help/motivate them if they were a friend of yours? Do that for yourself. And if you can't see the forest for the trees enough to see yourself objectively, definitely get some qualified out side help. You are worth just as much as anyone else on this planet!
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