I think I am doing better.. I just decided to eat. I was in a horrid cycle of stare, binge, starve, binge (I would have purged if I could but for some reason making myself throw up makes me cry hysterically).
I kept on this cycle for over a year and in January decided to just not diet any more. Well my idea of dieting anyway. No more starving. I just ate. I ate alot for several days and gained 15 pounds in six weeks. I decided to not even think about what I was eating and just eat what I wanted when I wanted it.
It felt like such a release but I had so many things going thru my mind. I really had a hard time letting go and just not continuing the cycle with extreme dieting.
I noticed last month I slowly started eating more healthy.. thinking about food as wholesome. It was strange and I instantly wanted to be a vegetarian.. but I realized for me this was another leaning toward obsessiveness.. I am so all or nothing in my thinking.
I am doing fair now. I have stopped gaining and have maintained for about 3 weeks. I am thinking about exercise.. have not moved my body in months.
I just wanted to come in and write. Just wanted to get back into the community and be involved again. I realize I need support as I move on thru this.
Well of course I don't have a sucess record yet, BUT each time I eat, I literally think is that what Christ would do(I'm a christian ) I have never tried that before, and it was magic. I thought he was very reasonable, rational, and had self control and that is what I Desperatly need. It is so great to not even care if I lose weight. I just want to be able to eat and not be mad at myself or worry. I feel loved and not judged, and its amazing the peace that I have now. woosh what a relief
Well of course I don't have a sucess record yet, BUT each time I eat, I literally think is that what Christ would do(I'm a christian ) I have never tried that before, and it was magic. I thought he was very reasonable, rational, and had self control and that is what I Desperatly need. It is so great to not even care if I lose weight. I just want to be able to eat and not be mad at myself or worry. I feel loved and not judged, and its amazing the peace that I have now. woosh what a relief
Learning to let go and trust my soul was very important. Peace is a wonderful thing.
I have been fighting with myself over the same things day in and day out. I binge in the evenings and it was really bothering me that I was doing that. I have been eating so good/healthful during the day and then I lose it in the evenings. I wanted to break that cycle and felt I needed to get some outside help.
I realized this week that I have had a plan for not only what I eat during the day, but also WHEN. I eat breakfast in the morning. I eat a snack around 10 or 11. I eat lunch about noon. A snack about 2:30 and if I don't have my morning snack, I have a second snack at 4:30.
But then I would go home and BLOW IT.
Now, I have a plan, I am eating my healthful dinner at about 6:30 or 7:30 (after my son has gone to be and I have a chance to cook it). Then I hold off on my evening snack until btween 8 or 8:30 - instaed of eating it RIGHT after dinner. And I have a short list of possible healthful snacks to eat in the evening.
I guess what I am saying is that having a very specific plan (at 8:30 pm, I can eat 'X', 'Y' or 'Z') is helping me break my cycle.
I've tried so many treatments for binge eating. I did outpatient ED treatment at Renfrew for about 6 months and it helped, but didn't completely cure me. I went on Topomax and it did nothing. I tried OA for 3 years, but curiously it didn't work for me. My binge eating was at its worst after I joined OA - I was going to 3 food stores at a time to gather up thousands of calories of binge food. That was an awful time.
(OA works for a lot of people and it's great, but for some reason, the abstinence model made me much worse.)
I can't explain why I stopped binge eating exactly, but I did notice that I had pulled out of a depression. Also, I changed jobs from one that was food obsessed to one that doesn't focus on food as much. And that I like much, much better. Also, where I live now, the convenience stores and grocery store close by 8 pm. Although pizza delivery is still a temptation.
I didn't notice right away that my binge eating had gotten better. One day I noticed that I hadn't order pizza delivery for several weeks. And that I hadn't bought food for a deliberate binge in several months.
I'm not cured and still binge from time to time. But the days of feeling shame as I bought tons of junk food at the grocery store have been over for about a year now. I am deliriously happy with my partial remission- I think it's the best I can do.
My story would make a lousy self-help book. Imagine the book jacket.. "I cured my binge eating in 3 tortuous years.You too can have partial success with my program."
My story would make a lousy self-help book. Imagine the book jacket.. "I cured my binge eating in 3 tortuous years.You too can have partial success with my program."
Sorry... that made me giggle a little. But I wanted to say that I think it is great that you keep working at it. You should give yourself credit for the progress you've made.
This is what I hate about bingeing! There is no specific solution that everyone can use and be happy and free with! It's so annoying! OA also made me worse! I feel like as soon as I labeled myself a "compulsive overreater" I gave myself permission to binge for about a year. The only thing that ever works (even though I don't like it) is cal counting. I know this is a touchy thing here- but it works for me.
I am an overreater. I overreat when I'm happy, sad, angry, bored, excited, nervous, etc. Calorie counting is the only thing that reigns me in! Following the OA plan was just too restrictive and I was always panicking about never eating brownies again, lol. I haven't broken the cycle I guess- but it puts more space between binges. Hopefully it will diminish over time!?
Originally Posted by motivated chickie
My story would make a lousy self-help book. Imagine the book jacket.. "I cured my binge eating in 3 tortuous years.You too can have partial success with my program."
oh my gosh, that made me LOL out loud!!!!!!
it is true, there is no one thing that works for everyone.
sometimes i feel like if i could find the reason i binge, i would have the cure.
other times i just want to make the changes without caring what my reasons are. Ultimately i think it is the actions we choose to take that determines our success.
i think a strong desire and an enthusiasm for a new way of living is what works for me. when i lack that enthusiasm, nothing changes for good
The only times I have been binge free were when I was eating low carb. Even when I was eating healthy, counting calories, trying VERY hard to fight binges, I still binged at least twice a month.
When I did Atkins I was binge free, UNTIL I started eating more and more bacon and more and more cream cheese and then flipped out and had a full out binge on those two items.
When I did South Beach I was binge free for a remarkably long time... 3 months I think... until I started using the sugar free fudgesicles as an excuse to overindulge and ended up eating a 12 pack of those with half a jar of peanut butter. Regained all 35 pounds in short order.
Now I am doing Medifast which is low carb. Eating every 2-3 hours and almost NO sugar has helped a lot. None of the foods are triggering to me. I am only 6 weeks in but that is 6 binge free weeks I am proud of. I hope it continues.
I recently started a low carb diet as well and haven't had the urge to binge since so I am hoping that I am in the midst of breaking the cycle right now. But I also find that a small part of me is trying to sabotage myself.
Previously, food was always on my mind and I would go to bed dreaming about sweets. I am no longer food obsessed now but the tiny devil on my shoulder is reminding me of all the sweets I used to eat. I think in a way I am testing myself to see if I really can "cure" my food obsession and binging with low-carb, hence these thoughts.
First of all, I have to say that at the moment I'm binging regularly I've just realised how much weight I've put on in the last year, and am trying to take control again.
For me, the easiest way to avoid binging has always been to avoid isolating myself and instead trying to spend as little time as possible alone in my flat. Just over a year ago I moved into a new flatshare and used it as a brand new start. I only ever binge in secret, so I banned myself from eating anything inside my bedroom. This stopped me from binging without specifically banning binging, which just tends to make me obsess. It's weird...telling myself "Don't binge!" just tempts me more, whereas telling myself "Eat whatever you want, just not alone!" had the obvious effect of stopping me from binging yet didn't make me obsessive.
At the same time I started swimming regularly. I still went out partying every weekend, spent lots of time with friends or my flatmates, and less time alone. I never limited the type of food I ate, didn't deny myself anything and certainly didn't diet. I also still ate out a lot with friends and cooked with my flatmates. Even so, I lost 30lb almost without noticing and didn't even think about binging for months.
For me, the key to breaking the cycle was being strict with myself (no eating alone in my room) without becoming obsessive, and at the same time making myself see food in a different way. Instead of being excited about eating alone, I made eating into the social activity that it should be, which is actually a much greater pleasure than eating alone. I realised food is something to be enjoyed in company, or at least in public, and there's nothing shameful about eating. That's the feeling I need to get back now.
It took me years. It required therapy & medication. And even more than that. It required me to completely change my life. I mean my life as a whole was not working & I was disappointed in it & in myself. That turned out to be the problem, the big unsolved problem, rather than something like what & when I ate. (Eating was just, dare I say, a sort of manner of self-expression at my dissatisfaction & unhappiness at my stalled-out life.) I went back to college & finished an unfinished bachelor's degree. I changed careers, taking a pay cut to achieve that career change. Then I enrolled in a master's degree program & moved more than 200 miles away from my family & where I'd grown up. I made new friends.
All these projects & goals were so distracting, I stopped bingeing. I gained 100 pounds instead. But when I'd had enough, and decided to change the way I lived & ate, and to exercise regularly, I was able to do this through moderate methods, in a way that did not feel like dieting. Thus, I never felt over-restricted. Thus, I never binged.
With me, unexpressed emotions + unexamined life + feeling of being trapped in a routine & never getting anywhere = overrestricted eating, in an attempt at changing SOMETHING, and fixating upon my weight as the thing that needed to be changed = reaction to overrestriction by bingeing. If I work on the elements in that equation, I don't binge.
So yeah, it's like motivated chickie said:
Quote:
My story would make a lousy self-help book. Imagine the book jacket.. "I cured my binge eating in 3 tortuous years.You too can have partial success with my program."
Mine would be: "I cured my binge eating by completely disassembling & remaking my life, overeating from the stress and gaining 100 pounds, then trying for a long-term life change & many, many behavioral modifications -- from cooking my own meals to exercising to avoiding sugar & 'white carbs,' to medication & weekly visits with a therapist -- which resulted in a slower, more moderate & binge-free weight loss."
And I can imagine you reading this & thinking that this is not helping you. At all. And I'm not surprised. Because this problem is so individual, I cannot imagine everyone solving it in the same way.
I am breaking the cycle this evening by not overeating. I am irritable and lonely. I feel angry. I wanted to overeat about 5:30 pm. But I went and sat outside, walked around some, and just had a healthy dinner. I am so sick and tired of hurting. I am planning to go to OA Wednesday night. It is time for me to make some friends after living like this for so long.
The last 10 years have been so hard. I want the next ten to be at peace with me, to have my self respect back.
Like a lot of people, using the South Beach plan has really, REALLY helped the binge problem - esp. at night, my most vulnerable time. On top of that, journaling is helping. I certainly stuffed my face when feeling sad, bored, angry. It's like I had to deal with sensitivity to carbs (and junk food) and my using food as a crutch instead of dealing with my feelings. Journaling has been very good for me and so has posting here!
Also, I started exercising - slowly, because I have a bad back. I had to find a way to exercise that I would find fun and not overwhelming! I choose the Wii. It has been great fun and has lots of low impact stuff I can do.
How did YOU break the cycle?
Finally
) I have never tried that before, and it was magic. I thought he was very reasonable, rational, and had self control and that is what I Desperatly need. It is so great to not even care if I lose weight. I just want to be able to eat and not be mad at myself or worry. I feel loved and not judged, and its amazing the peace that I have now. woosh what a relief
