[kanaria]

I'm not sure where this is going, I just feel like I need to share with someone who would understand.


I've been completely obsessed lately with having some actual nice clothes. I want to have something beautiful and formal to wear, because I have never had anything nice before.
I have absolutely no concept of my appearance. I rarely think about how large I actually am...

So after weeks of planning, I got a friend to come help me make a custom dress form out of duct tape. I wrapped her up, and then she returned the favor.

I was shocked by what I saw when she cut it off me, but I hung it up anyway. I decided it would look better when I had it stuffed and saw it standing in front of me.

When I stuffed it later this evening, as my double started to take shape, I became uncomfortable looking at the cavernous void I was stuffing things into. When I finally had it up, I didn't quite know what to think.

"Is this accurate?" I asked my roommate.
It was.

I was all at once horrified and repulsed by what I saw, I knocked it over and even started violently attacking it.

Once I realized I wasn't accomplishing anything, I picked it back up, and set it right again.

And then something completely different occurred to me: I decided to give it a hug.
I don't think I've cried so hard in years as I did when I stood there like an idiot, clinging to a duct tape dummy.
Having my arms around her waist like I did made me realize that it she was a lot smaller than I expected.
In fact, she looks less terrible every time I glance back at her.

I even took off my pendant and hung it around her neck. It looks like it does when it hangs on me [surprise, surprise].
This whole thing made me realize that I do carry my weight pretty gracefully. I don't really mind her so much.
I'm still no fan, but I think she may actually be a bit pretty...and I'm okay with that.

[SMSDREAMER2007]

I have been there. I have never doen duct tape forms. But I have been there I hate it. I dont really pay attention to my size either then I look at clothes and im like..wait....im not THAT big....am i?Yep, I am

[Heather]

Wow, what a cool idea!!

Sounds like it was pretty cathartic. I think it's important to love ourselves at any size! I can still hate the fat and love myself. Or something like that.

[lynnie923]

I refuse to look at the clothes I have bought since being the weight I am. When I finally get down to size I want I am going to buy a dress that I will look great in....

[NotTheCheat]

That is awesome! It is sad that some part of ourselves think our fat selves don't deserve to be loved and hugged.

[Jonesie]

I know how hard that ust have been but I honestly had tears just reading your experience. You are a strong woman, I admire the place you are in right now.