[BeautifullyBroken]

I am new here and just wanted to post my starting place. So the start of the new year a new show started on MTV, I used to be fat. I watched it. My husband and myself sat and talked about it until the wee hours of the morning. We looked at each other and said we know that we should start putting more though into what we put into our bodies. Not just ours but our kids. My hubby has been large his entire life. But it don't seem to hold him back. That drives me mad. I on the other hand HATE my weight and feel like it held me back from doing so much.

So we made the choice to start shopping healthy and once a week instead of the once a month that we were before. Not only that we took everything out of the house that tempts us and just flat out stopped buying the stuff. Lots of fresh fruit and veggies. Lean protein, whole grains.

Then we started with the biggest loser work out dvd's and did great for a week. Got up ate well worked out and over all felt great about ourselves. Then the time came to buy a scale. So we made a bet about who was closer on guessing their weight. Ben said that he felt that we was 295 lbs. The almost 6 years that we have been together he has gone between the 280's to the 300's.I said that I felt that I was 346, since about 12 weeks poir I had stepped on a scale and that was what I weighted. I thought that I still had to be around that weight. Not to mention all the effort I had put forth the week before. Ben went first. He got on and was 270. He was floored. So was I for him. I thought wow if he is so much lower than he though I wonder how off I am. So I stepped on the scale. Oh boy was I off IN THE OTHER DIRECTION. My weight came in at 376 lbs.

There was so many feelings going though my head at that point. What the $%^&*( have I done to myself. I sat down and cried. Even typing it right now it makes me tear up. This is the heaviest I have ever been and know about it. When I walked out of the hospital after having my son almost 7 years ago I was 198 lbs. I met my hubby 4 months after that. I knew that I was a tad heavier. I worked at a Italian food restraint and had ice cream almost every night after work. But to think 6 years later that I would be almost 200lbs heavy than that blew my mind.

Since finding out my weight I have not worked out at all. I am slipping back into eating ****. Right now I am blaming it on my period. It's not just that though. I don't know if I want this as bad as I thought that I did. I mean I want it but do I want to put forth all the effort towards dropping the weight. (No offense to those who have had weight loss surgery) I feel like that is the easy way out. All the risks are looking more and more less scary because to me holding myself accountable and having to bust my @$$ SUCKS! On the same hand I think if i do this all on my own and without the help of surgury how much better will I feel about myself.

I stepped on the scale today and was at 365lbs. I am still losing weight because there is not any junk in the house and frankly I don't really want to go to the store to get it. But my hubby does. Because I ask him. He enables me.

I know that it is not all fair to place the blame on him. He buys it because I ask, I know but I am the one that chooses to put it in my mouth chew and swallow. But he has this so much easier. He can do the dvds without tears. He don't have to do the beginner stuff like I do. I am jealous. I envy him. I am right now 200lbs away for my goal weight. He is 100lbs. I have double the work. I need to start making an effort again. I know that when our taxes come in we are signing up for Weight Watchers. I need the support. It is one of the reasons that I am putting my weight out there to be held accountable. Monday is a whole new week. I plan on starting to go to bed earlier, getting up earlier and taking my dog for a 2 mile walk every morning rain or shine. I know that he needs it and so do I. Then make my family a healthy breakfast and do my workout with my hubby. Then taking the dog for other walk in the evening at least 2 miles come rain or shine. I want a gym membership.

I am no longer making excuses for myself. I said that I want this and I do and need to work for it. The only person that can make me is me. I plan on blogging about my weight loss journey once a week.

So I am signing off for now weighing in at 365 lbs.

Hannah

[rainbowsmiles]

you've come to the right place...for fabulous support and understanding...
welcome...
stay focused...keep working on your plan!
everyones journey starts with that first step!!
congratulations....you are on your way!

[MyBodyisMyTemple]

Hi Hannah, welcome to 3FC!

HUGS to you honey! All of us here in the 300+ forum (as well as most others in other forums) can relate to your story on some level.

Congratulations on your 11 lb loss! That is great and you should be uber proud of that. I would highly encourage you to NOT sabotage your efforts. I say sabotage because so many of us have been there!

I know that you are dealing with a lot of issues with your weight. But I want you to know that you CAN do it. You may have good days, and you may have days that you want to throw your hands in the air and say **** it! However, you will be most successful when you KEEP GOING.

I would highly recommend joining us in the 'My positive for today thread'. There you can gain so much support and really make great friends who understand.

Also I would recommend (if you haven't already) that you come up with a weekly plan. It could (for instance) be as simple as... not eat any junk food for 3 days, or walk for 10 minutes twice this week, etc. Or it could be much more detailed (plan your meals, set an activity schedule [exercise routine, etc]) according to your needs and the amount of effort that you want to put in. If you don't really like to workout (like most of us LOL), try to fit some activity in where you can... for instance walk in place or around the living room while you're watching your favorite show.

Try not to get discouraged. We all have to start somewhere.