[Bazz Major]

I've been absent for a few months .. did I miss anything exciting while I was gone?! Managed to stay in touch with Sharon and Patti via facebook, hehe.

Just turned 19 on Monday and I already feel like I'm hitting a midlife crisis!

Beth :]

[CatherineM]

I'm getting some sewing in while himself sleeps in. He was up talking to someone in Norway last night until almost 3am. I got my card in the mail yesterday that will allow me to go to the rec centre anytime I want without paying. It's been 3 years since I became a permanent resident finally, so I can finally go on his medical insurance which covers leisure access. Now I have no excuse. Well, except that I don't want to shave my legs I guess.

[neonwildflower]

I second the "not shaving legs" motion... I'll probably do it today, begrudgingly, because I'd really like to wear a dress... but I won't enjoy it!

[dogpal]

Hi Everyone,

Still deeply tired and not being able to do much of anything. I have a suspicion that I am low on Vit D3. I was already quite low and it felt similar. Also TOM and with blood thinners on board.... YIKES! So, the icky weather and me feeling icky is making me a bit depressed so I am gonna be gone for a while more. Don't want to bring anyone down. Love to you all and I will be heading to get a blood test soon.

Many hugs and blessings,
Annie

[shadowclaw]

Hello again, everyone. I'm still losing a bit of weight from being sick. I was only able to eat some chicken noodle soup for lunch and a few chicken muchers from work for dinner yesterday. Better than the few crackers and a roll that I ate Monday, though! I felt a bit sick after eating both, but the feeling subsided quickly. I'm feeling good today and ate more soup with no problem. The scale read 290.4 this morning. That's 4.6 pounds less than what it read on Sunday! Too bad I don't lose weight like this when I'm feeling healthy. Throughout my sickness, I kept thinking of a scene from "The Devil Wears Prada" where a girl says that she's a stomach virus away from being her ideal weight.

dogpal - I've been really tired these past few days, too, except my tiredness is from being sick. I hope you feel better and all goes well with your tests.

Catherine & neon - I will third you on not shaving legs! I really have to do it, though. My legs are starting to look like a man's. I wish there was a better way. I once tried to wax my legs, and it really didn't go well Shaving has a tendency to dry out my skin and give me those little red bumps. I also tried those smooth away pads (they're kind of like sandpaper) and the hair did come off, after about an hour!

azcyn - I know all about wasting time on the Internet. I am so guilty of that! There have been many days where I swore I was going to get some house cleaning done or do laundry, and I ended up spending hours on the computer. As for your potluck, have you thought about bringing something that is tasty but "guilt-free" so that you can munch on that at the party? Also, it's a shame what your son is going through. Someone mentioned that the girl is 17... at least it won't be long until she is 18 and can do whatever she wants. Well, in theory, at least. Some parents continue to have an iron clad grip on their children until the day they move out.

Pink - Sorry about the scale! Maybe you are just retaining water? I always gain a few pounds right before TOM, then they disappear when it does.

[PinkFlamingo]

Annie - please dn't stay away because you don't want to "upset" us. We are here to be your friends, in good times AND in bad. Sending you strength and prayers.

Yay! My wt is finally down under 240! 239.8 as of this morn!

[PinkFlamingo]

Lindy, where are you hun? You ok?

[Dinkachu]

EMPTY NEST.....

My son left today for Georgia. I am dealing with that and a knee that isn't getting better so I'm still stuck in bed. Just feeling overwhelmed.

THE GOOD THING about all this is that I can't reach for destructive food cause I'm stuck in bed!

I'll touch bases later!

Lindy

[neonwildflower]

Grrr... why are birthdays such gluttonous affairs?
And why must people make stupid comments when you ask for just a half slice of cake but extra sliced fruit with it, please. And why do I "have to" have whipped cream?
I try and try and try, and I'm doing REALLY well I think, but there's always one more stupid thing to deal with, one more social event where they try to tell me it doesn't count, or I can get back to it tomorrow, and no one notices the good I'm doing, just that I'm eating half a portion and they're eating tons and obviously I'M the one doing something wrong, because "it's a birthday party!!!"
*Sigh*

[PinkFlamingo]

neon - social events are the worst. I used to regain back the weight I lost during the week every weekend - junk food, wine, beer, you name it. I think part of the reason why I have been hving so much success is the fact that I have no life now!!!

[CatherineM]

I went a little nuts today. Not with food really. Yesterday, a former neighbor came for advice. Her husband has been abusive, and she's going through divorce and protective order stuff. She was showing me the bruises he left on her arms, and I realized later they looked just like the bruises I had on my neck the day after my attack. I got nervous to anxious to aggressive. We went for a drive and a long lunch. That seemed to help. You never know when something is going to bite you on the butt.

[princesspuffypants]

jacquie - calorie counter by fatsecret and cardio trainer are my favorite apps. i too have an android phone. i love it.

[Jacquie668]

Lindy - *HUGS* Hang in there...

Bazz - WB

Neon - Yeah I get a bit tired of all the food related things, but yet I also think they can be awesome. I bring my own food and share it with everyone. Like this Saturday I'm bringing a normal carrot cake and I'm thinking of either a raw coconut/banana cream pie or a coconut/strawberry cream pie. Both are raw and healthy and usually my raw desserts go over really well. I also am making salads and other things so overall people get healthy options. I find bringing things to share is much more fun for me and it solves the pressures of food.

Annie - *HUGS* Hang in there. I hope you get some rest. We are here to support you. *hugs*

Catherine - I hate those moments that remind us of events that have happened to us. I myself have those where I just sort of 'zone' out for a moment. Like seeing flashes in my mind, pictures, some moving, some not. Trying to shake them off. *HUGS*

Princess - I love it so far. I haven't used the Cardio Trainer yet, but the calorie counter I've been using every day. I love the ease of it and LOVE that it is free! I'm getting used to the phone and see the benefits. I'm glad I didn't go fancier, but I'm also glad I didn't settle with the low end blackberry.

******

Well...it has been a rough week. Things were going great...I was feeling great...feeling good...and then on Weds night things went bad. BF had six outbursts in the course of one evening ALL directed at me. I got so sad and disappointed as when he has these outbursts he 1) Blames it on the Aspergers completely so there is no real way to have any form of discussion and 2) He yells, he is mean, he just is hurtful, very. I finally got to bed and then Thursday morning WHAM he starts in on me again. I just screamed at him to stop being so mean to me that i didn't deserve this. I deserve better and I said that I was tired and I hated it here. I mean all I did was ask about a meeting...that is it. He starts yelling at me...blah blah. I hate it. I hate being treated like this. I hate it and it makes me feel worthless.

So, I didn't emotionally eat ,but I was very tempted. I didn't make the best choices for myself on Thursday, but I did not overdo things. I stayed under 1700 calories, give or take. Anyhow, last night I had a heart to heart, well tried. It started off badly again....yelling, pointing his fingers at me...blah blah. I just stood up and said I had, had enough. That it had been 12 years of this and I'm done. I'm tired of being a doormat for everyone and I also said it is VERY unfair that he throws up his condition in my face (true or not), but he NEVER EVER thinks about the abuse I've been through with my family. Not the sexual, not the emotional and verbal...or the neglect. I said that when he treats me like he does it makes me feel like I'm a little girl huddled in the darkness again..just waiting for something bad to happen. That is EXACTLY how I feel! I've felt this way for a long time. So, I was very open and I did say that I wanted to go pack my things and leave because it has been clear for a long time he doesn't care about me. So, he said he does care and he does love me and he wants to work on things...then he admitted to me that he is scared that if I lose my weight, start driving, get my business going that I'll leave him. I said that is NOT an excuse to treat me like this. Not after EVERYTHING I do for him and his family. I do that out of love. Why else would I do it?

I do love him...however I said that my feelings are not like they used to be. He wants to work things out. I sort of *sighed* and yes I'm still here...the truth is I don't have anywhere to go...but it is very hard here. I know I have to move on, but yet I also feel guilty moving on and yeah I do have a place in my heart for him. I just love him, but I also can't live like this anymore. I can't be in so much pain and it has gotten much worse with my weight loss. He is very content to let me get fatter and fatter and depressed.

I know that I'm very angry in this relationship...that is my issue. I feel angry over the Asperger's and I read that A LOT of people in my shoes feel that way too. I feel angry that he treats me like this even after everything I do for him. I'm so angry that I refuse to go to counseling right now. I told him he has to let me have time to sort through my feelings. That I feel pressured and am being guilted into staying. That isn't right. I don't know...my life is just too complicated at times.

So...we have a family visit on Saturday...no doubt that will suck on some levels. Maybe things will be better, I know the advice of move on and I would if I could. I think BF and I need time apart and I never understood that until now. I mean I love him, but my heart and feelings are going other directions. I have lived without affection for so long, and that is partly my fault I guess, but I found friends and one specific friend online that I share my time with. The thing is...BF shares his heart and time with people online too as he is an open relationship kind of guy...I didn't know this when I moved here years ago. I had this dream of falling in love, which I did, and then getting married and etc. Didn't happen...one thing after another was crushed, but I remember my stupid step mother saying "well you made your choice now you have to stay and work it out." I said "but what if I'm not happy?" She said "you made your choice." For some reason I believed her. God my whole life and family sucks! The day I stopped talking to that woman...well it was a celebration.

Anyhow...I'm struggling BUT not over eating and not giving in. I'm not. I don't know what is going to happen to me. I find my whole life too confusing. I really am scared to take steps, but I'm also making myself do it. I feel that when I'm independent I can make some choices and yes that could be going to counseling and working on things. I know relationships have issues...I just feel that the issues in mine isn't normal. But I don't know any better. I'm so inexperienced. *sighs*

*HUGS*

[azcyn]

Lindy: Oh man..and empty nest. I dread that day.

Bazz: Welcome back sweetie!!

Catherine: ugh how aweful!

Annie: Please don't stay away too long!!!

Jacquie: oh man sweetie...I am so sorry. From what I know as your online 3FC buddy you so deserve to be happy. Yes you made the choice to stay there..but you also can make the choice to leave if that is what you want to do. Shame on your step-mom ..shame shame! I believe you will find the right answers

As for me: Well darn Suns thought they would pull off a win. They did good though. My sore throat is still here. I am glad it is friday. I am so sick of working and looking forward to the 3 day weekend. I am going to finish my cousins quilt. Also we are going up to the mountains on Monday for the day! I am so glad cause it is getting hot!!

[Ratkitten]

Hello my Peeps!

Just a quick note to all and then off to camp with sister over the Memorial Day weekend. No electronics (well, no laptops).

Lindy, hang in there girl. Empty nest is a huge issue to get your head around. Write about it!! Baby that knee of yours (I know you are). You know, a cold pack that you can keep in your frig can take the soreness away if you apply off and on. Just a thought.

Luan - Hugs girlie!! Good to see your smiling typeface

Bazz - welcome back!

Jacquie - we all deserve to be happy and you are a strong woman, just like the rest of us. You will make the choices you need to make WHEN you are ready, and not before.

Cyn - awww about your Suns. Hope you got some good hollering and yelling going during the game. Always good for the soul.

Shadow - hope that nasty virus is gone. I used to tell my mom that being sick and losing weight was cheating.. heheh. Just kidding. Drink your fluids and stay hydrated!

Pink - how them sweet doggies doing?

Annie - I'm gonna personally go over to your house and kick yer butt if you stop posting hehe.. dang wish I could. We'd have a blast together and I'd never get anything done. You put a LOT of work in the garden and I'd be pushing up daisies for days after doing that. You know posting here helps, just let the feelings fly!!! We are good for special cyber hugs and butt kicking (gently).

Neon - ugh, celebrations. Finally, so many people at work were on diets that we limited bdays to quarterly celebrations instead of monthly. That helped with the cake cravings for many ppl. People still bring junk to the party table (permanent location were food gets laid at work). The worst is donuts. After my McNugget experience with painful bloating and gas, I won't be thinking about "death by donuts" for a while. White flour and sugar are bad combos for people with WLS! The gas can peel paint (and not just one layer hehe).

Catherine - I'm so glad it dawned on you what triggered your feelings, despite them being a full head-on surprise. I'm always amazed by what can trigger memories in my head that are totally unrelated. You did GREAT by channeling that energy. Don't be surprised if you are dead tired today. When all that happens, it's an adrenaline type rush. Don't berate yourself if you feel a bit foggy today.

Hugs to everyone!!!
Special Hugs to Vets on this Memorial Day Weekend,
Ratkity