I was so touched by everything that I read on here. And I feel so sad by hearing all of the ways that we hold ourselves back from enjoying and living life because of our weight. I feel like a hypocrite because i want to tell all of you to not let your weight get to you, and to do this for health reasons and that you can live the life you want to live no matter what you weigh. I know that it is the truth. I also know I need to listen to it myself, but I get so wrapped up in all of the outside society stuff that tells me differently.
We can do this! We can get healthy and happy and really live our lives to the fullest.
Thats right milliondollarbbw, WE CAN DO IT!! All of us can!! We just got to stop thinking we cant and think YES WE CAN! And do it!! We are all beautiful and forget others that make us feel like we arent. It seems at one point or another we all have been affected in some way, by someone or something, but its about time be effect ourselves, for us!! Not for anyone else. Sometimes I hate when people come up and say "wow, you look so much better since you lost weight!" I mean sure, it feels good to be complimented, but sometimes "TO ME" it feels like an insult. Its like realy? Did you care that much about how I looked and why compare before and after? Its not like I wasnt beautiful before, I just had extra weight on me. I just feel from reading everything on the boards lately that it is time for a change NOW. Not tomorrow, right now! Its not how I look. Its how I want to feel, I want that positive feeling back. I dont want to hide away just because of my weight. Why do I waste my one and only life worrying what others are going to judge me for. And what makes them even think they can or should? (see there comes the harsh feelings again) But it does bother me that people cant just be accepting. But anyone who is reading this, just know whatever you want, you can do it! You can reach that goal you've been wanting for so long! Just committ! I want to do this for myself, but also for each and every one of you because I hate that you have to be torn down over something so pety!
Last edited by pink1gloss; 06-06-2010 at 04:00 AM.
It's probably the main contributor to the low self-esteem I've always been in battle with.
I never went to a high school dance, not one. Didn't date throughout school at all, in fact, didn't go on my first date until I was 25. I then settled for the first guy I went out with and didn't know how to dig myself out of the relationship, one that turned out to be so unhealthy and self-destructive on my part . . . it's now three years after the break-up and I'm still recovering from the mental/emotional abuse I suffered.
I do feel a lot better these days though. I'm in a great relationship now and am making an effort to put my life back together and keep everything in perspective. Been losing weight too and am a lot healthier & happier overall.
Mainly, I'm a lot more comfortable being me than I've ever been. The number on the scale doesn't matter, nor even the number on the clothes tag . . . it's all about our health and happiness. Making the choices that will bring us that health and happiness. And while I can be anxious to see those numbers move, in the end it won't change who I already am on the inside.
The hard part's always been letting that real me shine through since I'm way too self-conscious and worry what other people think way too much . . . if that makes any sense. Because it's really hard being the fattest girl in the room, not finding a flattering swimsuit, being teased for your size and not knowing how to handle it, etc. . . it takes time to learn what really matters and what doesn't, not to mention who really matters and who doesn't.
In my years of fighting my weight (35 of them now) I've always looked at the "glass half empty" side of things...the parties I didn't go to because my fat shirt looked like a mumu (now I go anyway...the worst they can do is throw me out...I'll just find a better party), the trips I didn't take because my ample behind didn't fit in an airplane seat (now I take a few extra days off from work and drive...I love my car), the places I didn't go because the public restrooms were just not built to deal with 350 pounds of me (well actually that one can still be an issue...the joys of living in a world designed by toothpick thin people...LOL!). I believe the reason I will be successful this time is I seem to focus more on the "glass half full" side of life these days. I don't look so much at the stuff I have missed out on or for that matter the stuff that I'm sure I will still miss out on...I just find something better to do with my time...even if it's just spending quality time with me and the silence. This is the first time I have attacked my weight from the rosy side and I'm finding it much easier (even if I do still hate veggies with a passion). I saw a quote the other day...I have no idea who said it...but it has become my motto of sorts..."Life is not about waiting for the storm to end...It's about learning to dance in the rain!" So Ladies...get out there and dance!! Have a great Wednesday!!!
My weight has deeply affected my life in so many ways.
I'd always been a big girl growing up. I couldn't even count the amount of times someone told me something along the lines of, "You'd be so pretty if you lost (x amount) pounds!" I was the girl with "more to love." It was definitely something that held me back from behaving like most girls my age. I've always been confident that I have the ability to be beautiful but that's exactly what it always felt like - potential. Not actually being beautiful but being capable of it. While my friends started getting boyfriends, I was the girl on the sidelines cheering them on! I felt like I didn't count, like I could only be an observer.
When I began to lose weight in high school, it felt like such.. freedom. So many compliments, so much attention. I joined the tennis team and the girls called me "Jessica Simpson," which really made me feel special (random, I know!). I got so much more male attention and even started dating. While my friends had been doing it for years, it was brand new and so exciting to me! I couldn't believe that boys could like me. I think one of the first times I truly felt beautiful was when I worked at a grocery store and a boy, that I had never spoken to but worked with, handed me a poem he wrote about me. Seriously, that has made my LIFE. I still have it! I also bumped into one an old friend once and he kept going on how I was like a Barbie. I was so much more confident and it affected virtually every aspect of my life. I was more social, more involved with both friends and family, and I felt that I could accomplish anything!
Just a year ago, the weight started creeping back on. It went from creeping the sprinting! Now I long for that feeling again. I have virtually no self-confidence and miss the attention. I've cut ties with friends simply because I don't want them to see my like this. I don't talk to my dad as much because I know that I'm a disappointment. I've been doing poorly in school because I don't have the confidence some days to attend. I don't love myself like I did back then. To be honest, I don't like my life now. I feel that I don't deserve anything unless I'm thin again. Sometimes I feel like it's impossible to go back but I know it's not and that's what keeps me going.
My weight has deeply affected my life in so many ways.
I'd always been a big girl growing up. I couldn't even count the amount of times someone told me something along the lines of, "You'd be so pretty if you lost (x amount) pounds!" I was the girl with "more to love." It was definitely something that held me back from behaving like most girls my age. I've always been confident that I have the ability to be beautiful but that's exactly what it always felt like - potential. Not actually being beautiful but being capable of it. While my friends started getting boyfriends, I was the girl on the sidelines cheering them on! I felt like I didn't count, like I could only be an observer.
When I began to lose weight in high school, it felt like such.. freedom. So many compliments, so much attention. I joined the tennis team and the girls called me "Jessica Simpson," which really made me feel special (random, I know!). I got so much more male attention and even started dating. While my friends had been doing it for years, it was brand new and so exciting to me! I couldn't believe that boys could like me. I think one of the first times I truly felt beautiful was when I worked at a grocery store and a boy, that I had never spoken to but worked with, handed me a poem he wrote about me. Seriously, that has made my LIFE. I still have it! I also bumped into one an old friend once and he kept going on how I was like a Barbie. I was so much more confident and it affected virtually every aspect of my life. I was more social, more involved with both friends and family, and I felt that I could accomplish anything!
Just a year ago, the weight started creeping back on. It went from creeping the sprinting! Now I long for that feeling again. I have virtually no self-confidence and miss the attention. I've cut ties with friends simply because I don't want them to see my like this. I don't talk to my dad as much because I know that I'm a disappointment. I've been doing poorly in school because I don't have the confidence some days to attend. I don't love myself like I did back then. To be honest, I don't like my life now. I feel that I don't deserve anything unless I'm thin again. Sometimes I feel like it's impossible to go back but I know it's not and that's what keeps me going.
You are so much more than just a number on the scale. I am sure that your parents love you for who you are, not your weight. Please don't cut ties with them because of your weight.
You deserve the best in life. If your friend told you that she felt as you did, would you tell her "you don't deserve anything good"? Most likely, no. So why do you treat yourself that way.
Love yourself for who you are----your heart and soul are worth more than any clothing size.
We are here for you. Please be strong and realize your value and self-worth.
Summerheart, I sure agree with everything milliondollarbbw said!! You are more than the numbers on the scale! And I really believe that people react to you based on how you see YOURSELF -- you really do project that. If you are CERTAIN that you are an awesome girl, then everyone else sees your awesomeness, too. They may not call you barbie or Jessica Simpson at this weight, but they WILL see your own personal light shining and react to it.
As for me, having been overweight and/or obese since middle school, of course I suffered at the hands of cruel people, and I have had my own battles with self-esteem that have kept me out of the game from time to time. But I have managed a decent life for myself - went to college and got a good job, have a wonderful husband and daughter, have a lot of loving friends and family.
My issues now are my health and wellbeing. I am sick and tired of the physical aspects of being obese. And I gained quite a lot of weight in the last couple years -- the difference between how I felt at 280 and 350 is pretty amazing. My knees are killing me, and since I'm a nurse at a children's hospital, it's kinda important to be able to use my knees. Okay, this weight has me to the point that if I don't do something about it, I may lose my livelyhood. THAT'S not going to work! At my last couple dr appts, my blood pressure has begun creeping to the high range, and if I don't do something about it within the next couple months, it's simple, I will be on blood pressure meds. Now these things are REAL to me. I have managed to have a pretty happy life not looking like Barbie, and I have always looked at my weight as more of a vanity issue -- like, I'll have a much happier beach vacation if I can lose x amount by the time we go, etc. But I have a daughter who's 9 years old and she needs her mother! I don't WANT to be 39 years old and on blood pressure medicine! I don't want to have to change my job or go on disability because my knees don't work anymore! Sad, sad, sad, and ridiculous!
I guess for someone like me, who seems to have to learn everything the HARD way, it's taken me till getting to this point to be absolutely serious about getting this weight off. And I certainly hope I have finally hit rock bottom and will be capable of just doing it this time!!!! My heart tells me I really am ready for what it's going to take. But I always hear that doubt creeping in "you've tried this how many times and failed, what makes you think you can really do it this time?" I must silence that voice and just know that things ARE different this time. And that I CAN do this! I want to live a long and healthy life and play with my grandchildren someday. And no stupid emotional attachment to food is worth cheating myself out of that!
Whew, okay, I really needed to post that! Thanks for the thread!!
Summerheart, I sure agree with everything milliondollarbbw said!! You are more than the numbers on the scale! And I really believe that people react to you based on how you see YOURSELF -- you really do project that. If you are CERTAIN that you are an awesome girl, then everyone else sees your awesomeness, too. They may not call you barbie or Jessica Simpson at this weight, but they WILL see your own personal light shining and react to it.
As for me, having been overweight and/or obese since middle school, of course I suffered at the hands of cruel people, and I have had my own battles with self-esteem that have kept me out of the game from time to time. But I have managed a decent life for myself - went to college and got a good job, have a wonderful husband and daughter, have a lot of loving friends and family.
My issues now are my health and wellbeing. I am sick and tired of the physical aspects of being obese. And I gained quite a lot of weight in the last couple years -- the difference between how I felt at 280 and 350 is pretty amazing. My knees are killing me, and since I'm a nurse at a children's hospital, it's kinda important to be able to use my knees. Okay, this weight has me to the point that if I don't do something about it, I may lose my livelyhood. THAT'S not going to work! At my last couple dr appts, my blood pressure has begun creeping to the high range, and if I don't do something about it within the next couple months, it's simple, I will be on blood pressure meds. Now these things are REAL to me. I have managed to have a pretty happy life not looking like Barbie, and I have always looked at my weight as more of a vanity issue -- like, I'll have a much happier beach vacation if I can lose x amount by the time we go, etc. But I have a daughter who's 9 years old and she needs her mother! I don't WANT to be 39 years old and on blood pressure medicine! I don't want to have to change my job or go on disability because my knees don't work anymore! Sad, sad, sad, and ridiculous!
I guess for someone like me, who seems to have to learn everything the HARD way, it's taken me till getting to this point to be absolutely serious about getting this weight off. And I certainly hope I have finally hit rock bottom and will be capable of just doing it this time!!!! My heart tells me I really am ready for what it's going to take. But I always hear that doubt creeping in "you've tried this how many times and failed, what makes you think you can really do it this time?" I must silence that voice and just know that things ARE different this time. And that I CAN do this! I want to live a long and healthy life and play with my grandchildren someday. And no stupid emotional attachment to food is worth cheating myself out of that!
Whew, okay, I really needed to post that! Thanks for the thread!!
You CAN do this! For the sake of your family and those that love you, and for the sake of your patients who need your skills and expertise. We are all here for you! ((hugs))
So, aside from the weight affecting my self-esteem, I realize that it affects the actual type of lifestyle that I want.
It seemed like everywhere I looked over the weekend, everyone was in those yoga/running leggings that stop a little bit below the knee. I don't own a pair of those pants as they aren't that flattering on me, and, well, I am not jogging or being that super active. I admit, that I sooooo wanted to be one of those women....jogging in the morning, getting her skinny latte, and being this fit looking person. I admit that when the women came in to the store, the guys did look at them. Whereas, even when I tried to be engaging and funny and talk to guys, it seemed like they gave me that look like I am just a being---not male or female, just an it. Sigh. You know the look where the guy looks through you, but doesn't really see you.
Not doing so well on the dating front is making me feel like just being more introspective. I really need to live the life i want to live, versus being this unhappy and kind of bitter person.
Okay, so I have to admit I'm reading this thread and crying. While most of the time I don't feel like I'm 300+ lbs, lately it's literally been weighing on me. I've cut myself off from family and friends b/c I'm ashamed. I haven't had any energy or motivation, b/c whenever I try to do something my back hurts or my asthma acts up or I wear out really fast.
I hate feeling like this, especially since I know it's two issues - my weight and my mind. I have so much to look forward to - a wonderful husband, beginning nursing school in September, a life I really do (typically) enjoy... but I have begun so fat that I feel like I don't deserve any of it. So what do I do? Sit on my butt, watch tv, and eat. I think I need a good kick in the pants.
But it sure is good to know that I'm not the only one going through this.
Hasn't happened, but a few people mentioned flying. I'm kind of afraid a relative might get sick or die and I won't be able to get back to the east coast. I haven't told anyone that.
I teach, so I have always been in the habit of measuring things by school years. So, I am planning on comparing this summer to next summer and go month by month and see where I am at breaks, vacations, semesters. I am eating raw foods only. It is so much better for you and I want all the benefits it will bring, not only weight loss. I want the nice skin, to live a long time.....all that stuff. Mostly, I want to get to a point where I won't worry about flying and can answer the phone when my aunt calls and say, "Don't worry, I'll fly out there next week." Can't do that now and that is my biggest regret.
All of these posts have touched me so much - because you have expressed what I have been through.
In my childhood, teens and twenties, I missed out on a lot and suffered a lot. I felt that I wasn't good enough for anything or anyone and was ashamed of how I looked.
Now I have a different perspective - to be healthy. I refuse to not enjoy life because of my weight. Even with a weight problem, I managed to get a great education, marry someone truly wonderful, have a career, have friends, and travel (including flying).
I'm just working on being happy and healthy, being the best person I can be, living the best life I can, and managing my weight one meal at a time. The opinions of others don't matter - it's what you think of yourself that counts.
I wish you all everything in life you ever wanted. Together we can help each other in reaching our goals!
). I saw a quote the other day...I have no idea who said it...but it has become my motto of sorts..."Life is not about waiting for the storm to end...It's about learning to dance in the rain!" So Ladies...get out there and dance!! Have a great Wednesday!!!
((hugs))
You know the look where the guy looks through you, but doesn't really see you.
