How your weight has affected you, and what you are going to do about it!
Ok, so I am watching a show about proms on tv right now, and it made me think my to my prom era. sigh. It got me to thinking..... How has your weight impacted your life, and what aspects of your life are you unwilling to let it impact?
I think, in the past, my weight has impacted me and prevented me from doing a lot of the average types of things---like going clubbing, going to water parks, going to the prom, etc. I am unwilling to let my weight impact my desires to feel pretty, to be healthier, to have a family, to be successful.
I think, to be honest, that my weight has significantly held me back and almost delayed me in some ways.
I find myself kind of behind my peers.....they are moving on with their lives getting married, having children, and pretty much forgetting all about me. I am still stuck, at times, remembering maybe how they judged me about my weight, or how the guys would ask me to "go with" them, but only if I could keep our relationship a complete secret. Things like that are so silly, but i still remember them. Why?
Guys that judged me about my weight and told me I had to lose weight or that I was worth less (how does one determine a person's worth?) because I was fat, regardless of my mind, are now married and seemingly happy. The silly girls in school and even current life that look down their noses at me because of my weight, are seemingly on the fast track to success. I feel like getting my weight under control is so imperative to my happiness. I am not even talking about getting to some weight I have never been, but just getting to a smaller level of being overweight.
I feel like my weight has sometimes made parts of me frozen in time, still being hurt by how people acted towards me because of my size. I realize it is completely idiotic and only hurts me. I see people from long ago who were so mean, but they could care less---they are happy and living their lives to the fullest, and I am like, almost 100lbs heavier than I was when they were being cruel. Who does the weight hurt more? Me, of course.
Last edited by milliondollarbbw; 05-19-2010 at 01:36 AM.
Reason: more stuff to say
..I remember as a child always looking forward to going to prom and having the pretty and beautiful bright colored dress! But in reality.. I never went to prom or anything like that. No one asked me, and no place carried a size to fit me at that time..I landed up dropping out of highschool my 1st day of my 10 grade year for being made fun of by some jerk! but not only him, i had other problems, I couldnt even fit in the desks...literaly every class but SCIENCE class was impossible. Science class had chairs! Not to let that hold me back now though, I am currently in the process of getting my ged, and only have 1 more test to take before I will get recieve it, then its on to nursing school and I wont let anything hold me back anymore! I regret that ALOT. And when you said the whole "frozen in time" I totaly understand!! I feel like that alot to, but thats why I started moving! I cant just sit back and watch my life fly by without me living it!
..I remember as a child always looking forward to going to prom and having the pretty and beautiful bright colored dress! But in reality.. I never went to prom or anything like that. No one asked me, and no place carried a size to fit me at that time..I landed up dropping out of highschool my 1st day of my 10 grade year for being made fun of by some jerk! but not only him, i had other problems, I couldnt even fit in the desks...literaly every class but SCIENCE class was impossible. Science class had chairs! Not to let that hold me back now though, I am currently in the process of getting my ged, and only have 1 more test to take before I will get recieve it, then its on to nursing school and I wont let anything hold me back anymore! I regret that ALOT. And when you said the whole "frozen in time" I totaly understand!! I feel like that alot to, but thats why I started moving! I cant just sit back and watch my life fly by without me living it!
Omg! that sucks about the chair thing. I remember being in class, and these guys who I thought were cute were staring at my stomach and how it was, I think, almost over the desk, or dark near close to it. Now, at this weight, it would be over the desktop table of course. Back then, I had a tiny bit of room, but not much.
Don't let anyone else stop you from achieving what you want to achieve. I think I have been lucky in that while I had horrible depression in college (everyone was thin and pretty and happy, and I wasn't), I still kept on going, despite gaining and losing weight. I guess it is because I enjoyed being there, just not on the days when I felt ugly. Sigh.
You CAN succeed and get your GED and you can be a darn good nurse! I am so encouraging of you! Don't let others hold you back!
Last edited by milliondollarbbw; 05-20-2010 at 04:29 PM.
Well I do understand the whole "being held back by weight" as it holds me back tons. BUT I still got married, still had kids, still had the wedding, still went to prom and did all this over 300 pounds.
My husband isn't a chubby guy either (well he has gained weight now) but he was hot and just like I like them - geeky.
My weight hasn't held me back in the ways people might think matter—love, school, success—but it's held me back in ways important to me. I haven't traveled as much as I'd like because of the shame of being a fat American abroad. I've missed out on a lot of friendships because I stay home when my friends go to karaoke/the carnival/laser tag/the beach/cruises/bungee jumping/etc. I always have these moments of panic when I realize how much I haven't done. That's why now, at 22, I really want to get my life together before I've totally missed out on my youth.
My weight hasn't held me back in the ways people might think matter—love, school, success—but it's held me back in ways important to me. I haven't traveled as much as I'd like because of the shame of being a fat American abroad. I've missed out on a lot of friendships because I stay home when my friends go to karaoke/the carnival/laser tag/the beach/cruises/bungee jumping/etc. I always have these moments of panic when I realize how much I haven't done. That's why now, at 22, I really want to get my life together before I've totally missed out on my youth.
I wish I could express to you how young you really are. I say this as someone much older than you----you are still young, and I would be so very happy to be even 7 years older than you!
You ARE young, and you will find that as you care for yourself more and get out there in the world a bit more, you will have more fun doing the beach, cruises, bungee jumping thing. You can see it a bit more clearly. sorry to sound like an old fuddy duddy, but having been your age, I don't think I would have been able to appreciate the things I did when I was older than you, if I had done them when I was younger.
I do miss going to the prom and doing the whole club and wild sorority thing.
thanks so much milliondollarbbw!! I appreciate your kind words and I promise you and myself I wont let anyone or anything hold me back for as long as I shall live!!
dont let regrets or missed experiences get you down. i did all of those and its kind of hyped up. At least you werent the girl puking on that $500 dress cause your date got you drunk tying to get some. Youth is wasted on the stupid. Youre here now working on your goals, and you can fufill those dreams now!! No time like the present. MAke it one of youre rewards for weight loss to throw a fancy cocktail party, or a concert.
milliondollarbbw, you're totally right. I think everything becomes more fun when you feel good about yourself, even if you've been doing it all along. And I also think that our ages don't really matter at all. I feel like I'm losing time now because I haven't lost the weight and really started living, but I don't think it matters what age we are--when we get to where we want to be, we won't be thinking about the past. We'll be too busy being happy
Wow, these post really touched my heart. I am so glad that so many of you are starting to live the life you want no matter where you are in your weight loss journey!!! I did allow myself to miss out on a lot of things in life. I would not fly because I was afraid to crowd anyone out and the fear that maybe they would complain about sitting by me. I missed my son's grad from Navy boot camp. The saddest one of all for me is my birth father. I had not seen him for almost all of my adults years. Then when I did want to see him, I felt too fat and that he would be so disappointed to meet me. He passed without us ever seeing each other in many years. I can never get that back.
My weight hadn't spiked this high till after my children were born but I see it holding me back from being the parent I want to be. I don't have the energy I need to keep up with them, I can't fit down the slides or on most playground equipment, I'm also terrified that they'll follow my footsteps, and this has been hard on me. I wasn't the first person my daughter got to go down a slide with (****, it was some good natured teenager at the park) and its the little things like this that I'm missing out on. What makes me feel worse about it is that my weight is no longer just effecting my life or my health but those of my children. I need to get it under control NOW! Set a good example, become the mother chasing her children around the park!
However, I will not let my weight hold me back from loving them, bonding with them and supporting them in anything they undertake. I will not let my weight define me as the "Fat Mom."
My weight hadn't spiked this high till after my children were born but I see it holding me back from being the parent I want to be. I don't have the energy I need to keep up with them, I can't fit down the slides or on most playground equipment, I'm also terrified that they'll follow my footsteps, and this has been hard on me. I wasn't the first person my daughter got to go down a slide with (****, it was some good natured teenager at the park) and its the little things like this that I'm missing out on. What makes me feel worse about it is that my weight is no longer just effecting my life or my health but those of my children. I need to get it under control NOW! Set a good example, become the mother chasing her children around the park!
However, I will not let my weight hold me back from loving them, bonding with them and supporting them in anything they undertake. I will not let my weight define me as the "Fat Mom."
that was so beautiful!
When it comes down to what is really important, our family doesn't think of us as "fat", but just us. It is more like society that puts such a label on us.
I am sure that everyone on here is a great mom. Big hugs!
I think the weightloss goals really are more about being healthy so we can be around longer for the people we love.
My weight hadn't spiked this high till after my children were born but I see it holding me back from being the parent I want to be. I don't have the energy I need to keep up with them, I can't fit down the slides or on most playground equipment, I'm also terrified that they'll follow my footsteps, and this has been hard on me. I wasn't the first person my daughter got to go down a slide with (****, it was some good natured teenager at the park) and its the little things like this that I'm missing out on. What makes me feel worse about it is that my weight is no longer just effecting my life or my health but those of my children. I need to get it under control NOW! Set a good example, become the mother chasing her children around the park!
However, I will not let my weight hold me back from loving them, bonding with them and supporting them in anything they undertake. I will not let my weight define me as the "Fat Mom."
Well said! I'm right there with you.
The fat weighs on me physically and emotionally 24/7. I can be happy and almost forget the body I am in until something reminds me. I catch my reflection in a store window, I feel my hips pressing too tightly against the arms of a chair, I look down and feel my double chin , etc. Suddenly I'm reminded that I weigh over 300 lbs. Goodbye, happy. To anyone watching me closely, I might sometimes seem like a crazy person ... to be happy and then suddenly (and seemingly without provocation) sad.
For me, to lose weight means losing these reminders to feel self-conscious. I know losing weight won't make my life "perfect" ... but maybe I can hold on to feeling happy just a little longer.
I've let my weight affect me in almost every possible way I could let it. I've let it run my life and thats horrible to admit that. I didn't let people get close to me because of my weight and when I finally did let someone love me, I never believed their love was real and was so self conscious with my body that its one of the things that ruined the relationship, my self esteem. I've lost plenty of weight many times and there was a time when I reached 200lbs and had some awesome times going out to the club dancing, dressing up and putting makeup on. But my weight crept back up and I turned back into a hermit again. I got married at J.O.P but wore a hoodie and jeans and did not allow anyone to take a pic of us. My husband went into the army and I did not attend his graduations for basic or AIT cos I was embarassed for him. I ddin't want people to know that his wife weighed almost 300lbs. I felt bad for not attending but I felt like I was saving him from the embarassment even though he really wanted me to go. And when he came home after graduating from his training and right before he was going to leave for Korea, I told him that I didn't want to have sex because I'm too fat and I don't want him to see me naked. He was pissed and told me that he hates this low self esteem and its not hot and that I better do something about it. I felt bad and I had promised him while his was doing his training that I was gonna get healthy and lose weight. But I never did. We r now seperated.
I never liked going to the movies for fear that I would break a chair. I don't like to sit on most chairs cos if I hear a creaking sound I will get up and stand for the rest of the time. When I was close to 300lbs I didn't feel like a woman. I never dressed up cos even when I went to the plus size store and tried on the cute clothes they did not look good on. So I just wore jeans, t-shirt and a hoodie with my hair in a ponytail and no makeup. What was the point cos no one was looking at me anyways. But now that I've lost 45lbs, my self esteem is creeping back and I've vowed to never let myself go like that again. Its not healthy on the body or your mind. I didn't live, I just let life pass me by. And there r so many things I used to enjoy when I was thinner that I want to start enjoying again. This weightloss journey is gonna be a lifelong journey not just a pit stop like its been all the other times.
I want to finish getting my GED and go to college. Now that I am seperated from my husband I want to start feeling good about myself and start a new life. If I'm gonna be a lonely divorcee, I want to be a skinny lonely divorcee, not a fat one.lol. I just want to feel free and happy!!!!
How your weight has affected you, and what you are going to do about it!
To anyone watching me closely, I might sometimes seem like a crazy person ... to be happy and then suddenly (and seemingly without provocation) sad.
