I haven't been on for a few days and just read this. I hope everyone had a nice Valentine's Day. A girl I know calls Valentine's Day Single Awareness Day which I thought was funny. I used to hate and dread Valentine's Day and now that I am happily married it is just another day really. We gave each other cards and had some healthy Chinese (sushi and stir fried veggies). Really nothing to thrilling. MilliondollarBBW I hope you figure things out with your bf. Everyone deserves someone who adores them for being themselves!
I had a really good talk with my bf today, and we have decided that it would be better to be friends. he felt really bad about the conversation and had avoided having it because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. He has been going through so many difficulties that he hasn't had the energy to really put into a relationship. We love each other dearly and are going to remain good friends and in each other's lives, just as friends.
I feel bad that maybe I wasn't as supportive as I could have been. My bf tells me that I did a lot for him and now it is my turn to ask him for help and to not think that I need to fix things or help him with things, but to let him do it on his own, and to ask him for help whenever I need it.
I worry that an argument we had a couple of months ago led to this breakup and I feel bad about letting my temper get the best of me. I also worry that maybe I did not have the patience or understanding I should have. Maybe I was too demanding during this really difficult period in his life.
He says he wants to be in my life and knowing that I am ok and living my life the way that I want to. It is weird because we discussed the romantic aspect and that it hasn't been there, but I don't know if it hasn't been there because of his stress, or because of his stress and that he doesn't see me in that way. that is the part that I don't know. I guess I don't understand a lot of it, but I think during a relationship part of your brain is trying to figure out how to make things right. I do worry about finding someone else as good as him. I wonder if I could have done something to be more supportive. I know I am just beating up on myself and that the reality is that maybe me and my bf aren't the best for each other. It is so hard because he is the kindest and nicest man I have ever been with, and I really do feel that he sincerely cares for my wellbeing.
you won't find someone as good as him-you'll find someone better, MUCH better.
and now it's time for you!!! Use this as an opportunity to get your life together, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually.
Your life is now.
Glad you got to have your talk FINALLY. Considering nobody has met this man I don't think its too productive to say he's a bad person just bad for you to be with at this time.
It wouldn't matter if you talked for a week straight non stop there would still be questions you have and doubts. But hopefully you can put that out of your mind for a bit and concentrate on whatever will make you happy.
He is definitely a very good man. I just think that with everything going on in his life right now (too much to discuss right now), he just isn't able to give a lot towards a relationship. It is very sad and I feel like I should maybe have been more patient, but maybe it is like he said---that he has to work on things himself, and no one can help him with things. Sigh.
He was very sweet and gave me a nice Valentine's gift. We have agreed to love each other and always be there for each other.
Milliondollar, I am so sad to hear you put so much blame on yourself over and over again about how things went between yourself and this gentleman! To worry and berate yourself about how your behavior factored into your relationship with this man going badly, and to think about how you could have done things differently, doesn't acknowledge his culpability in this situation. It sounds like he knew he wasn't taking care of your needs, but wasn't willing to do the right thing and confirm what you already knew - that the romantic relationship had ended between the two of you.
Of course this is all just my 2 cents' worth, based on what I've read here. You have the full story, because you lived it You sound like a beautiful, sensitive, and caring person, and I hope you find the partner you deserve!! All my best wishes!!
thank you, cupcake. I know I shouldn't beat up on myself. It is just that there were times when I do feel I was too hard on my bf. He is a very kind and quiet kind of guy, and while we weren't able to make it work, he wasn't a bad person. I think he just had so much going on in his life with his family that giving to a relationship was more than he could deal with at that time. I do think he feels badly about having to end the romantic aspect of our relationship. We have talked, and there isn't anyone else involved, just an issue of having too many things on the plate, so to speak, and the need for him to make time for himself.
I am going to take this time to really focus on myself and get myself together. I have a lot of things I really need to work on and improve. My first step is looking the part---if I am successful and confident, then I really need to show that to others by how I carry myself. I am taking this time to do a bit of pampering and self-indulging on the physical appearance aspect.
I am going to take this time to really focus on myself and get myself together. I have a lot of things I really need to work on and improve. My first step is looking the part---if I am successful and confident, then I really need to show that to others by how I carry myself. I am taking this time to do a bit of pampering and self-indulging on the physical appearance aspect.
And that my friend is what we all have been waiting to hear!!!!
Thank you, everybody. I am feeling a bit down today. I feel like my bf is a very good and kind man, who is just going through so many difficulties right now, that he can't give a lot of energy to a relationship. He felt like he wasn't being fair to me and we agreed to always love each other and be there for each other. I feel bad about maybe not being as patient or as supportive as I should have been. At the same time I feel like I was being patient and supportive, so yeah, I am conflicted by the whole thing. I just wish I had maybe been better at expressing my feelings to him and maybe we wouldn't have argued so much. I feel like I was supposed to be strong for him, rather than making him more stressed.
I also realize that it is okay for me to ask for things that I need as well. Ah, love is so weird at times.
My friend says that maybe we just need a break for a while. I want to still be supportive and loving towards my bf. It hurts because part of me is really afraid to start dating again. I don't think I am ready for that.
On a positive note, I am focusing on eating more veggies and taking better care of myself and my home. My bf and my friends both say they want me to take better care of myself and my apartment, so that is what I am going to do.
Last edited by milliondollarbbw; 02-16-2010 at 09:30 PM.
milliondollarbbw, please let me share the following in the hope it will save you some heartache and a lot of time....
I have been married twice in my life. The second time was to the man of my dreams. Unfortunately, he died a couple of years ago. I am only just beginning to cope successfully with his loss. But that's not what I want to share with you.
The first time was to a really great guy, like the guy you are wasting your time on. My ex-husband is truly special -- for someone else!! I spent 13 years of my life trying to figure out how to justify staying with him. In the end, it was just a waste of our time. It wasn't that he didn't love me -- he did. But he didn't love me in the way I needed to be loved.
We put in hours and hours of marriage counseling... then, I finally found a terrific counselor. I will never forget our first session: After talking for awhile, he said to me, "It seems obvious that you're giving 110% to your marriage, and your husband is giving nothing. Why do you want to be in this relationship?" Well, there it was. Why DID I want to be in that relationship?
The penny dropped... I let my husband go. He tells me he remembers that moment well. I guess my entire demeanor changed, and I. Was. Done.
It was the best decision I ever made. I finally made room for a man who truly loved me, body and soul. Please, don't waste your time. Give yourself the chance to find such a one. You deserve it.
It's not that the guy you are with is a bad guy. You've made that clear. But the guy you are with is not the right guy for you. It's such an important distinction!! Don't give your time to it. It's just not worth it.
I know that as the days pass, I may feel better and less blue. I just feel like maybe I wasn't being understanding of everything he is going through. I also feel like we had some other issues and maybe our personalities just weren't the best fit. I still feel like maybe I should have been more understanding during his difficulties. Sigh. I am just trying to sort through everything.
Last edited by milliondollarbbw; 02-16-2010 at 10:34 PM.
You sound like a beautiful, sensitive, and caring person, and I hope you find the partner you deserve!! All my best wishes!!
You're going to be fine, sister. And we're all here for you!
