One of the things I did learn from my brush with the "fat acceptance" movement is that I don't have to be ashamed of my size. No one can embarass or shame me, unless I let them. Even if they try, I get to choose how I am going to respond (shame, anger, patience, amusement).
Mostly I choose amusement (I try to be patient as well, but I'll admit sometimes I'm laughing AT not laughing WITH people who are intentionally rude or truly clueless). Not only do I get to feel good, it really ticks off people trying to be rude (and only slightly embarasses people who mean well, but stuck their foot in their mouths).
It doesn't always feel like a "choice," but the more practice I had in "acting as if," the more it became true. Today, my husband and I went to lunch at a Burrachos, a burrito bar (like Qdoba), and the girl making our burritos told us that we remind her of "that famous painting of the farmer and his wife."
(American Gothic by Grant Wood)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Gothic
I guess you all can tell me, if you see any resemblence (my avatar is a photo of hubby and myself).
I have to admit my jaw dropped, but I started laughing really loud and hard, because it seemed so ridiculous (even plumping up the couple, I can't say I see any resemblence). I did feel a little bad that I had embarassed the girl so much (she wasn't trying to offend, because she started stammering a bit and said "I really like the picture," which only made me laugh harder).
I do think that the more confidence you have, the easier it is to see humor in such situations. I know that obesity isn't something we're "supposed to talk about," but I find it weird, annoying, and funny that I'm supposed to pretend that I'm not fat, or at least that I don't know that I'm fat. It makes people so uncomfortable when I mention my weight (no matter how big the smile on my face is when I say it).
I don't expect thin people to know what it's like to be very fat - or to know what my needs are. I can't expect anyone to anticipate and accomodate my needs, if I don't state them.
Yes, it does seem odd (and funny) when someone in a restaurant wants to put my husband and I in a booth so tight that thin people have to "shimmy" to get into, but you know I've had much more luck on the second visit when I'm pleasantly direct rather than angry or "polite." The "polite" thing say would be "I'd much rather have a table, please," but I find it much more effective when I laugh and say "There's NO WAY two people our size are going to fit in that tiny booth." (I have to admit my voice is loud and carries so I'm sure laughing is likely to embarass the person trying to seat us - because it can come off as "how could you be so dumb."
Humor says "what were you thinking," more effectively than an angry or subtle response. When you're subtle, people often just don't get it, and when you're angry people get defensive. Defensiveness often blocks people from seeing any error in their behavior, so anger sometimes feels good - but it doesn't always get results.
It's easy to be upset when people aren't able to see what you feel is obvious. On one hand, I feel that it isn't rocket science for a restaurant hostess to be able to compare a patrons width to that of booths and chairs and realize when a fit problem is likely to occur... And on the other hand, I've had my share of not realizing the obvious when I've been with people who have special needs other than my own. Before my husband's stepfather, Al passed away, I learned alot about special needs (he had many due to multiple health problems, including special diet restrictions, being wheelchair bound, and being an amputee). Some of those needs should have been obvious to me, but I just never had reason to
think about it before.
Al was a great role model for how to inform people of his needs. He didn't expect anyone to know what he wanted or needed, so he "educated" you with patience and good humor. Even when a topic was "embarassing" he was matter-of-fact about it.
It is a bit more awkward with friends, coworkers, and associates, because so often "politeness" can get in the way of honest communication. Because it's "rude" to acknowledge a person's size, they're likely to say "you're not fat," or something equally ridiculous when you make any mention of your size or special needs because of it. But I've learned that their discomfort is not my fault, and I need to make them understand.
I was at a friends house for a home decor party and the only available chair was not going to work. So I asked if anyone would mind trading because I wasn't going to fit in the empty one. I didn't think anything of it, and didn't think anyone else did, either - but later the friend hosting the party took me aside and told me that I should have taken her aside "to avoid embarassment." I told her that I was sorry she was embarassed, and she said she wasn't embarassed (obviously not true) but was only thinking of my embarassemt. I told her that I found it far less embarassing to ask directly than to go whisper to her, and then have her whisper to someone else and then come back and whisper to me before making the trade. I figured it drew a lot more attention to the situation than a direct approach.
My directness and lack of embarassment must be very unusual, because I do so often get surprised or even shocked reactions to my open-ness, but I just find it silly to do so much pretending and beating around the bush.
Alot of times, it is my anxiety that gets the best of me. Physically I could fit in the chair, however I would feel like my thighs were spilling over and that it made me look even bigger than I am. (think of that commercial where the lady wears oversized everything to make herself look smaller....but the opposite). I had alot of issues with perception and had finally just started to come to terms with how much weight i had gained and how big i got. 
