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Old 05-28-2012, 06:33 PM   #1  
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Would you lie to a friend about how they look in a bikini to avoid hurting their feelings? My close friend had a bbq over the weekend and was wearing a 2-peice string bikini and it did not flatter her at all. She is about 70lbs overweight and still dresses in the same manner as she did when she was a size 2. She asked me how she looked and I just smiled and told her I loved the style.

I feel horrible because maybe I should have been honest and suggested something that would be more flattering. She was turning heads at this bbq and it wasn't in a positive way.

I REALLY don't want to hurt my friend in anyway. I admire her confidence to put herself out there and where what she likes and to feel comfortable. But I feel bad for lying about how she looked. She is a very pretty girl but that bathing suit did her body no justice at all.

If someone asks how they look are you really suppose to give an honest opinion?
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Old 05-28-2012, 07:05 PM   #2  
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You shouldve told her something in the nicest way possible..I know its not an easy thing to do but at the end, its the right thing to do. I wouldnt like to be in her situation where I think I look good but in reality I dont and have my friends not tell me anything. I would be really upset if my own friend wasnt honest about it. She wouldve probably been hurt a little but its always better to be honest. "She was turning heads at this bbq and it wasn't in a positive way." I would hate to have my own friend go thru that...
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Old 05-28-2012, 07:14 PM   #3  
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It depends on how close of a friend. There are a few people in my life where I would say "oh, sweetie, I love you but this is not the style bathing suit for you" but in the case of a not CLOSE friend then I feel it's not really my place to say something, even if they ask. If she's really that concerned about getting opinions on how she looks, then she probably knows she shouldn't be wearing it. She has to be aware she's not a size two anymore. So if she's comfortable wearing it, then I say that's on her if it looks terrible.

As a matter of fact just a month ago I had to tell my best friend "If you can only button half of the buttons and have to shove your tits and arms into the dress, then it, in fact, does not fit like you think does" She's a size 14 and was shoving (Her word for it) herself into a vintage size 6 dress and telling me that it fit her. It looked awful. I told her my negative opinion (She did ask) and she told me I was wrong and she thought it looked fine.

So even if someone wants your opinion it doesn't mean they are going to listen to it.

Usually when I'm not super duper close to the person, I'll do what you did and compliment the clothing, not the fit or the overall look. Or I'll say something like "well, you've got more balls than I do so more power to you. I couldn't wear that" and if they ask me why I couldn't wear it I'd say "I'd be too uncomfortable."

Last edited by Daki; 05-28-2012 at 07:25 PM.
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Old 05-28-2012, 07:40 PM   #4  
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There are instances where I wouldn't hesitate to tell a good friend that something she had on didn't suit her, such as if we're shopping. However, it sounds like that ship has sailed and telling her that you don't think the suit looks good would only serve to hurt her feelings.

You don't have to flat-out lie, but you could just do as you did and compliment the style, pattern, etc...

I mean, she probably realizes she's overweight and not a size 2 anymore. It's not like she has spinach in her teeth and doesn't know. If she's not hurting anyone and it helps her feel confident I'd probably just smile and find something nice to say and move on.

Now if you had been discussing suit styles you could mention what you think would look good on her, such as, "I think a high-cut one piece would really accentuate your long legs", for example, but I'm not sure I have the guts or the want to flat out tell someone that what they are wearing at a party doesn't look good on them.
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Old 05-28-2012, 08:22 PM   #5  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by junebug41 View Post
There are instances where I wouldn't hesitate to tell a good friend that something she had on didn't suit her, such as if we're shopping. However, it sounds like that ship has sailed and telling her that you don't think the suit looks good would only serve to hurt her feelings.

You don't have to flat-out lie, but you could just do as you did and compliment the style, pattern, etc...

I mean, she probably realizes she's overweight and not a size 2 anymore. It's not like she has spinach in her teeth and doesn't know. If she's not hurting anyone and it helps her feel confident I'd probably just smile and find something nice to say and move on.

Now if you had been discussing suit styles you could mention what you think would look good on her, such as, "I think a high-cut one piece would really accentuate your long legs", for example, but I'm not sure I have the guts or the want to flat out tell someone that what they are wearing at a party doesn't look good on them.
THIS!!!

If I'd been asked and she's already out and about wearing the suit, I'd have said, "it's such a lovely suit, really difficult to pull off."

If I'd been asked before that, I'd have said, "I really like x type of suit, it'll really show off your great y." Or "you know what would be even better, a suit like z which would really accentuate your y."

Basically, I don't believe honesty should be brutal. There's a fine almost invisible line between brutal honesty and outright meanness. If someone is already wearing the suit out and about, what purpose will it serve to tell them, they look bad except to make them feel horrible as well. As long as all the legal bits are covered up, ultimately no harm done. Maybe a gentle word of advice or getting them a new suit if I'm feeling extra generous ("I saw this and thought of you!")
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Old 05-28-2012, 08:45 PM   #6  
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http://www.xojane.com/fun/gallery/fatkini#2

I say let her be. If she is comfortable wearing a bikini like the girls in the galley above Kudos to her!

I myself would never wear a bikini EVER. But those are my insecurities and I wouldn't want to push them on someone else.

Last edited by Jonsgurl0531; 05-28-2012 at 10:20 PM.
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Old 05-28-2012, 10:12 PM   #7  
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lol

well I have gf's that allready know I speak the truth no matter how harsh ~ so I would tell her that she looks like she is wearing a suit from the little girls section but she is no little girl, than I would have suggested she wear it as an eye patch cuz thats all its gonna cover on her
but said in good fun with a laugh

*and if it was 1 of my gf she prob would wear it as an eye patch for a while too, just to be a goof lol
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