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Old 10-23-2005, 02:19 AM   #1  
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Exclamation What Would You Do?

Okay, so I remember I told you gals about my little encounter a few weeks back. I met the perfect guy online. I mean PERFECT! He loves the fact that I have Jobe, he's a christian (son of a pastor), he's a republican (an absolute MUST for me), he is an advocate for homeschooling (I want to be a full time home schooling mother, and he was home schooled his whole life), he's a marine (I love marines), and he is determined to have a good life. The problem, he doesn't like big women. I can't hold it against him because you can't help what your attracted to and what your not. So anyways, he doesn't know how big I am. I told him I was around 140 (I guesstimated how big I would be around the time we were talking about meeting). So now I guess I need advice. What should I should I go about this? What would you do? This guy is just so perfect, I mean...he wants to get married soon (as he was raised), and he is just perfect for me!!! So, should I become a gym bunny? We are scheduled to have our first date on December 9th...the day after my 26th birthday. I need some advice
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Old 10-23-2005, 02:28 AM   #2  
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seems perfect.......... my experiance with online dates are all good... i have also made lots of friends... but be careful cause my friend when she went on a date and the guy told her everything that she wanted to hear... but she was seriously beaten and raped... just make sure where ever you go is well lighten and with lots of people and make sure is daytime outside....
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Old 10-23-2005, 03:04 AM   #3  
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Thanks sugarbutt - Well, for our first "date" we're supposed to go see 'the witch and the wardrobe' and actually, he assumed that I would be bringing Jobe (since I have issues getting anyone to watch him), and he was cool with that. So for our first date we're taking Jobe to the romantic, eh? But now I need to lose 31 pounds in the next 48 days. Okay, so at least anywhere close to this. Oh my God...I'm gonna need to live in the gym from tomorrow on!
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Old 10-23-2005, 03:31 AM   #4  
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Okay, so I've been doing a little math. At your age, height and weight, you would need to eat 1955 calories a day to maintain your weight if you sat on your butt all day long. You need to eat about 1200 calories to keep your body running properly. So, you have an excess there of 755. You need to burn 3000 calories to lose a lb. So, you would need to burn 93000 calories in 48 days. That's 1937.5 calories a day. Minus what you should be losing by eating 1200 calories, and that's 1182.5 calories a day. If you were to jog at 4 mph, you would have to do it for 204 minutes to burn that many calories. That's three hours and 24 minutes.

Unfortunately, every time you lose weight, those numbers will go up. So, it will be harder to lose the additional lbs. Calorie counting alone will not get you to your goal. I have some suggestions on how to lose that much weight that quickly, but I don't know if you'll still be interested. The first suggestion is: a whole lot of weight training. The more muscle you have, the more calories you burn simply by being alive. I'm sure you know that, though. You've already lost a lot of weight. Suggestion 2: try eating foods that are low on the glycemic index. Keeping your insulin level even will help you lose weight. Eat lots of small meals, about every three hours. This will also keep your insulin level even.

Alternately, you could just tell him. Honesty is usually good when beginning a relationship. Or, you could aim to lose only 20 lbs and then claim to be horribly bloated. Heh. Sorry. I met my boyfriend online, and I didn't tell him how much I weighed until the week we were meeting IRL, so I feel your pain. The worst part is that I was so nervous about him hating me for my weight that I put on about 20 lbs. (I had six months to worry about it. I could've lost 30 lbs relatively easily in that amount of time.)
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Old 10-23-2005, 03:40 AM   #5  
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Thanks Winter...great ideas. Unfortunately I fear that if I told him I weighed 171, I don't believe he would show up. So, low glycemic, every 3 hours...and be a gym bunny. Yep, just what I figured! Okay, so I'm gonna go for it, wish me luck! Any more advice/suggestions would be appreciated!
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Old 10-23-2005, 07:05 AM   #6  
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Hey Amanda, I read your post and I couldnt help but think...he's perfect for you, but are you perfect for him? HOLD ON, don't bite off my head. What I am trying to ask is would you REALLY want to be with someone who would not even show up on a date because you are heavier than you orginally said? Physical attraction is significant to any relationship but its not the end all. If your goal is to be 125 lbs...then why not tell him that...It seems like it would be incredibly saddening to really sit down and think about, but if he cant accept you for being 31 lbs does he really love/like you?

AND, you cannot forget that losing weight really quickly increases the chances of gaining it back really quickly.
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Old 10-23-2005, 03:02 PM   #7  
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When I read this I got a few different ideas. First, if he's not going to like you at whatever weight you are at, then is he even worth it? Second, If being at your goal before meeting him is that important to you, maybe you should push the meeting back so you won't be worried whether he'll like you because of your weight or not?

To be completely honest, if I was in your shoes right now, I would lose the weight, then schedule meeting each other. Even if it might be longer until you two meet, maybe it's worth it, so you can be confident in yourself??

Anyways, that's just my two cents.
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Old 10-23-2005, 03:35 PM   #8  
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Originally Posted by haleys
When I read this I got a few different ideas. First, if he's not going to like you at whatever weight you are at, then is he even worth it?
This is exactly what I was thinking. What about emotional support? And unconditional like...(since it's too early for love). I mean it's good that he was honest but weight is a central part of the lives of the vast majority of the girls and guys on this website. I couldn't be with someone who would not be able to provide support for such an important aspect of my life.

Also, this makes me there anything else he doesn't like? Would he be mean and rude to you if you didn't lose all the weight before you saw him? And what about friendship? Doesn't that come before the hot and heavy part of a relationship? Could he be a true friend to you as you are now?

If he was honest enough to say something like that then you should be honest too. No, that doesn't mean tell him exactly how much you weigh... it just means to be honest with yourself. He sounds like he's compatible with you...but I don't know. I'd be wary until you learn more about his thoughts and feelings. Get to know him more before you start to kill yourself over trying to lose the weight in such a short period of time.
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Old 10-23-2005, 04:41 PM   #9  
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I have to agree with "healthyme05."

To tell you the truth, i would never date a guy that couldn't be supportive of something like that. What if you gained back some weight and he would dislike you for it? what if you had a baby and gained some weight and after birth couldn't get it off quickly, would he not think you are sexy?

There is a difference in "looking past someone that is overweight" and "not being attracted at all with an overweight person." He might not look at a girl at first because she is overweight but once he meets and talks with her, her personality and everything else begins to shine, OR , he would never want to be seem with an overweight girl or want to be with one. You should REALLY reask him what he thinks of that.
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Old 10-23-2005, 07:53 PM   #10  
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My opinion on the weight loss is to eat healthy, exercise and you will lose some of it before you meet. I wouldn't try to lose that much that rapidly but if you lose 15-20 lbs., you will feel better and will be in smaller size clothing.

I do have one other comment. I don't recommend taking your child on your first date or even the first few dates. As a social worker, I've seen way too many kids who had people come and go from their lives and seen the attachment issues involved. I suggest hiring a sitter or finding a family member to watch the child. That way, you can enjoy your date and get to know this man in person. If it develops into a long-term relationship, then it's time to introduce him to your child.

Meeting people online is great but they are not always what they appear to be. Just like a used car ad may look really good in the paper but when you actually see & test drive it, you find out it is not the right car for you. In other words, he may have also misrepresented some facts about himself.
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Old 10-24-2005, 09:22 AM   #11  
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I know this response doesn`t really address the bigger questions here....
but honestly how many guys actually know what 140lbs looks like on a woman? How would he know if you were 10, 15 or even 20lbs heavier?
My advice is to keep working hard, but don't kill yourself to lose an insane amount of weight because a) if it were possible to lose that much weight in such a short period time in a healthy way then you probably would have done it by now, b) if you get to a week or so before hand and you still don`t feel ready then tell him that and c) like I said, can guys really tell the difference between 140 and 155?
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Old 10-24-2005, 09:35 AM   #12  
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I agree with Lizzie..if you continue losing the way you have been I'm sure you will look great and he won't say hmmm she looks more like 155 lbs instead. I weigh 146 right now and most people won't even believe I weigh that much when I say it because a certain number can look extremely different on each person. Good luck!
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Old 10-24-2005, 10:30 AM   #13  
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I actually agree with Liz and Lizzie. He is not going to know about a 5 or 10 lb difference, so that will help. Don't panic. I would be happy with 20lb loss if I were you. Also keep in mind your definition of heavy and his may be different. (You think you still need to lose weight, but he sees someone that is curvy, not heavy)

Mostly I would say just work out as much as you can and stick to your diet. You have been losing pretty steadily. No reason not to continue that. Oh, and probably suck it up and eat your Veggies, Chica! I know it sucks, but in the name of love...Is he worth a few carrots. Ha Ha.

Once you have met him I would explain your thyroid problem. It will make sticking to your diet easier, and if he is as great as you say I'm sure he will understand. Definitely you want a guy who is supportive, loves you no matter what, etc. But mostly at this point all you need to figure out is if you are interested in more than one date. If you are then deal with those other issues.
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Old 10-24-2005, 10:36 AM   #14  
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Hey, I agree with the fact that 140 looks different on everyone, so my guess is you could work really hard to get as close as you could, but he may not be able to really know. Plus, his idea of 140 could be what you would look like at 125, therefore, you won't live up to his expectations.

I urge you to be very careful about getting involved with someone who won't love you for you. I met my husband through a mutual friend at a beach, therefore I was 130 lbs in a bikini. Ok good. Well, from then until the time we got married (145ish) he didn't really care because I was trying to lose, and kind of was, well, then I just really kept gaining. I don't know what it is about getting married, but it seems like there is a mandatory amount that you gain when you get married. Anyway. I didn't really realize how into someone's physique he was until, here I am at 180. Of course it has affected us in the bedroom, but also in other ways. He doesn't have the confidence that I will change because I've been this way for 4 years. He doesn't understand the concept that I can't just "will" myself to not overeat or just get up and exercise. (BTW, I've actually been doing very well lately on both of these). But, he doesn't support me. He thinks it should be something I do and that his encouragement wont' help me lose. There is an emotional wedge between us, which we're working on, but Please becareful! It's so frustrating to feel like you're not loved because you're fat.
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Old 10-24-2005, 10:45 AM   #15  
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Ok, the weight thing is a mess, I agree with everyone on here, do you really want to start a relationship with someone who wouldn't even consider being around you? Honesty is the only way to go if you want anything lasting.
But, the first of many things that glared out to me as a bad situtation was you taking your son on a first date. Like poohshunny, said, that is a big no no. You don't even know this guy and you are going to let him be around your child. As a single mom, you are in charge of that kids life, what you do now, will impact him forever.

Last edited by jennie934; 10-24-2005 at 12:46 PM.
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