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Old 12-27-2011, 09:10 PM   #1  
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Default Utter misery

My boyfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me today. I don't know what to do. It doesn't even feel real. The worst part is, after talking to my mom and sister, I've realized that he's been planning on doing this for a while now. I just graduated and moved home (out of the apartment we shared with 3 friends). He even said he wanted to wait until I was out of the apartment to do it. Which means he's been lying to me for a month. Lying when he texted me, kissed me, told me he loved me. And that hurts the most. I've just been sitting here staring at the wall for hours. Please tell me this pain will go away.
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Old 12-27-2011, 09:38 PM   #2  
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Oh, I am so sorry what a scummy way to treat someone. You don't deserve that, no one does! Yes, the pain will go away, but you have to feel the "sad" and then let it out to make room for the happy to come back. Hugs from me and hang in there.
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Old 12-27-2011, 09:56 PM   #3  
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Yes, The pain WILL go away. It may feel unbearable now but you will survive and be stronger as a result. Hugs!
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Old 12-28-2011, 12:28 PM   #4  
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Old 12-28-2011, 12:40 PM   #5  
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A very similar thing happened to a friend of mine. I am so sorry for you. But it will get better.

For now, just try to get through life a minute at a time. Each minute you don't think of him, each minute you aren't crying, each minute you laugh or smile is a victory.

After a while, the minutes are easy to handle...then you tackle hours. You look at life as "this past hour I didn't think of him" or "I laughed through that whole movie for 2 hours"...then you tackle days, weeks, months...and eventually the flame dies.

My friend has been 3 years removed from her breakup (and her ex just got married!!) and she is perfectly good now...even sent them a wedding gift to wish them well.
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Old 12-28-2011, 03:14 PM   #6  
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Every time I remember he doesn't want me in his life anymore I just sob. The good news is I don't feel like eating anything. The bad news is that I don't feel like doing anything at all. I don't feel like I can get through this. I know I have to, but I don't see how. Razorbackbritt, your post was helpful. Thank you.
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Old 12-28-2011, 03:40 PM   #7  
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I'm sorry. Take everything one day at a time. Take some time for you.
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Old 12-28-2011, 04:05 PM   #8  
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I feel like you have two problems that are causing you pain:

1. Being denied love by the one you love, being left

2. Being deceived/lied to by someone you had put all your trust in.

I think it is hard when someone tells you they no longer have mutual feelings for you (1.), but I think it is even harder to have someone you thought you could believe lie to you (2.).

It sort of makes your question the truth of everything. It also makes it hard to trust others in the future. In that way, you aren't suffering from a "mere break-up", rather, someone has made you question your own judgment of other people. You don't know who is telling you the truth anymore. You will also be somewhat afraid of trusting a future partner (though there are a lot of good men out there).

If your ex-boyfriend has such a bad character that he would deceive you, telling you he loved you while telling others he was going to break up with you, then you are a bit lucky that the relationship didn't go on longer.

You are in a bad predicament. I feel really bad for you. I'm sorry this has happened. His behavior was quite cruel. I do believe, because he was so cruel, that you will actually end up only feeling anger and rage towards him and you'll be able to move past the 'sad, hurt' feelings you are experiencing now quite quickly.

So sorry.

Last edited by Unna; 12-28-2011 at 04:06 PM.
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Old 12-28-2011, 04:25 PM   #9  
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I'm sorry for your breakup, I imagine it's very difficult for you. The important thing is to surround yourself with people you love. Your family, friends - people who love you and care about you are the ones who will stay by you forever. No matter what we say you're going to deal with it in your own individual way. All I can say is let the emotion out, come to terms with things and learn from this experience. It will only make you stronger.
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Old 12-28-2011, 04:54 PM   #10  
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I wish I could say something to help you, but I know that time is really the only thing that can work these things out. The only thing I can say, is that there was a man that I was ready to die over...and losing him ruined my life, I didn't want to go on, I didnt think I could ever, EVER get over it. Well it did take a while (the initial blow was 10 months ago)...BUT ten months down the line and I'm over him...I can even see him out and not pine for him or have a heart attack (that one took a while). SO...it WILL get better, it happens gradually, just be optimistic.
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Old 12-28-2011, 05:47 PM   #11  
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Best advice I have taken and given for dealing with a breakup: Do not communicate with your ex at all and remove him from your social networking sites if you are prone to stalking. This is not a punishment for him but rather self-preservation for you. You will get over him faster and more cleanly if you have no contact. Let him know what you are doing and ask him not to contact you. If he says he still wants to be friends (or if you do), tell him the best way to being friends again is for you to get over him fully and that you need space to do that.
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Old 12-29-2011, 11:59 AM   #12  
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A couple years ago I spent a whole month planning out a fantastic all day date for my boyfriend of almost 3 years. He dumped me the morning of the date while we were getting ready to leave and it came out of NOWHERE. I was DEVASTATED. I had NO IDEA anything was wrong. It felt like my entire world had collapsed.

The knot in my stomach was so awful I could barely eat for a week. I cried and cried and cried and moved to dry sobs when I couldn't produce anymore tears. He was my One. We were going to get married and buy a house and have children. And he destroyed all of that and I had no idea how to deal with everything I just lost, even if none of it existed yet.

It does not feel like it's going to get better but it will. It really, really will. And you'll find someone better. Someone who thinks you are more beautiful, more sexy, more intelligent, more everything. Someone who makes your ex look like a pile of crap. I had to take my break up minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day until eventually the pain was gone and I was glad to be rid of him. I know this probably sounds horribly depressing right now, but that's okay! Let yourself grieve.

For me, talking about it until you are sick of hearing yourself talk about it helped. I found 3 people who didn't mind if I vented to them and then abused the privilege. Another thing that helped was google. I googled everything I could think of related to breaking up and read everything. I stumbled upon an article that helped me tremendously about the 7 stages of grief in relation to a break up. If you'd like it I can PM it to you.

You will get through this. Just like dieting, take it a day at a time and don't beat yourself up if you have a bad day.
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Old 12-30-2011, 11:08 AM   #13  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Daki View Post
The knot in my stomach was so awful I could barely eat for a week. I cried and cried and cried and moved to dry sobs when I couldn't produce anymore tears. He was my One. We were going to get married and buy a house and have children. And he destroyed all of that and I had no idea how to deal with everything I just lost, even if none of it existed yet.
This is exactly what I'm going through. We talked about doing that one day. I have no idea why he decided he didn't need me any more. And I'm glad to know I'm not a freak for not being able to eat. I had a bowl of cereal today and it felt like an accomplishment because I didn't feel sick afterward. If you could send me the article you mentioned that would be great. And I've already found a couple people who are willing to let me sit and just vent...I felt bad because one of them looked like she was about to cry, so I stopped.

ERHR, I know that's what I need to do, but I haven't been able to do it yet. I did unsubscribe from all of his updates so I don't see him when I log into facebook. And my sister made me promise to not contact him. She says if he wants to stay friends (like he said he does) he will eventually contact me. But she said to stay away and not say anything to him until I'm ready, so even if he calls me I swore to her I'd ignore it, let him leave a voicemail, and then call her instead. He sent me a message on facebook yesterday and I read it but didn't reply. I'm so not ready to talk to him or see him. Eventually I have to go to our apartment and get the rest of my stuff...probably not going to do that for 2 weeks or so. I want to talk to him and tell him how much he hurt me by lying to me, but I want to do it face to face and I want to do it when I'm ready and able to talk to him without breaking down. I don't know how long that'll take. I feel like I'll never be ready. I keep dreaming about him and waking up and feeling terrible because in my dreams he wants me back. I wish the dreams would stop. I wish I could stop thinking about him and all of the plans we had and the future that I lost.
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Old 01-07-2012, 09:19 PM   #14  
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So on Thursday he sent me a text saying he wants to meet up and talk. Today I messaged him and asked what he wanted to talk about. He said that since we hadn't talked since he broke up with me (um, duh) he thought we should meet and "just talk". I told him that if he wants to drive up to where I live and meet me we could talk. He hasn't replied. I think it's fair for him to drive to me (45 mins away) since he made ME drive down to meet him when he broke up with me. And then my little sister and her boyfriend had to come get me because I couldn't drive home.

I don't know if I want to talk to him. And I don't know why he can't just leave me alone! And since I just graduated and moved home I have no one to talk to now and none of my close friends have gone through this anyway. Am I being dumb to say that if he wants to talk, he can come to me? Should I even be talking to him? I'm so miserable I don't really know what is the right thing to do. Am I doing something I'm going to regret? Should I even care since he dumped me? Why *won't* he just leave me alone???
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Old 01-07-2012, 10:06 PM   #15  
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I don't think you are being dumb at all, ESPECIALLY since he made you drive 45 minutes to be broken up with. That is just not right. I don't think talking to him would be a bad idea, but it really depends on how you feel. Do you think it will give you closure, or make you feel worse? Sometimes it's easier to understand why, and other times it's easier to close the book and start a new one. Think to yourself long and hard about what you really want. If you really want to talk, even if you think it might be a bad idea, just do it. Otherwise you will dwell on what may have been said. If you think it would be best not to, then just send him a text and say on second thought, it's over and done with, and you would prefer to just move on. I hope this is somewhat helpful...breakups are NEVER easy
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