Okayyyy, so, I decided I'm not going. I want to go when I won't cry in front of him, and Saturday is not going to be my day. If I can't think of him without crying, I won't be able to SEE him and not cry. Le sigh.
I also decided this because of the "no contact" rule everyone talks about. And seeing him is definitely contact. I think I'm going to wait a couple more weeks.
It's okay to be mad. Especially after knowing you invested so much of your time in the relationship to not understand why he kept it going for so long. But don't allow this to emotionally affect you in a way that it drains your energy.
Don't try to put in perspective why it ended or why he was a jerk. Don't concern yourself with questioning why some people do foul things to others. It's going to hurt right now, but eventually you'll be thankful that he has shown his true colors before you wasted any more time.
Talking to him won't help. You may feel like you may get some closure and the answers to your many questions out on the table, but truth is, it's an overrated process. It isn't going to make you feel any better, and honestly, you won't get it in the emotional state you're currently in.
I'm sorry if my words sting a bit, but this is everything I have learned & wished someone had told me. I wish you the best.
MissGuided, that's what I've been thinking the past couple of days. If I ask him the things I want to know, he'll either lie or the answers will hurt me. I think that if I just stop responding to him I will get over this much easier. If he really wants to talk to me, he knows where to find me. But otherwise, I'm done messing around.
I am so sorry about all of this...having your heart broken hurts. It just plain freakin hurts. Everyone has had a lot of wonderful advice, and I just wanted to add one more thought. When you do go to pick up your things, try and take someone with you. Someone who can lend you strength, drive back while you cry, and tell you that you did well, that you're strong (because you are!)
I talked to one of my guy friends and he said he's seen friends do this to their girlfriends in college too. It's like they want to party and "enjoy" their remaining time in college, and then they realize at some point that they made a huge mistake. And he said guys who do this are huge jerks and aren't worth bothering with anymore. I hurts me to think that the guy I loved turned into a jerk like this, but I think this really is the case. It's more complicated than this, obviously, but that's what it boils down to. I still haven't heard from him. :/ But he's the one who wanted to talk to me, so he'll call me when he stops drinking long enough to remember. >
It gets better, I promise you! I've been there and I know how much it hurts, but the best thing you can do right now is to cut contact with him and focus on yourself. Think of your next steps in your life or things you'd like to start doing so focus on that. Space and time will heal everything. Don't let him pull you back in. Guys sometimes like to keep exes around for the fun minus the commitment. Be strong. But definitely tell him how you feel if you need to do that to move on.
He's the one who wanted to meet up, so I'm waiting for him to talk to me to schedule when we will meet. In the meantime, I have decided to take swing dance lessons. Something fun to take my mind off everything else. And if he doesn't get in touch...well, eventually I'll have to go get my stuff back from him.
I was engaged a few years ago and I found out, on my birthday no less, that he was cheating on me. The night before my birthday that year was the last time I talked to him, because as soon as I found out I got rid of, or hid, everything I had that had anything to do with him.. and then I drank a lot and cried a lot and hit some things, and made a playlist of songs that made me feel worse and sang them loudly and the next day I didn't want to drink again (I'm pretty sure I swore off alcohol for a while after that night), and then eventually I stopped crying, and then I fixed the things I had broken.. and then I stopped singing those songs so loudly... and then I stopped listening to the playlist... and then I deleted the playlist. It was a long process, but it helped. Now I rarely think about him and when I do I don't do anything but shrug.
My point is that you should do whatever makes you feel better (as long as it's not destructive) and use this opportunity to take some time to get to know yourself again, and it's completely okay to have a bad day.
Today was weird. Last semester I was only applying for jobs near where my ex and I lived, and there was one particular company I REALLY wanted to get hired by because it was a great company right by where we lived. Today, they called me for an interview. As soon as I hung up the phone I went "yes!"....and then I burst into tears. Because I wanted that job so we could stay together. But he dumped me for pot and booze and his loser friends. And now I don't know if want to take it. :/ It would be a good job to get experience, but it's also the night shift. On the other hand, it's the first job related to my major that I've even gotten an interview for. Ugh. I hate men.
Go for the job!! If it's the only thing that has come up for you so far you shouldn't let your ex keep you from wanting the job anymore. I am having a really hard time finding ANY job right now let alone one in my major so if I were you I would do my best to get that job offer and get the experience! Good luck with everything. I haven't responded (mostly because I've never really been through what you're dealing with) but I've been keeping up with this thread and I agree with someone else who said that you should go ahead and get your things so that you don't have to have that in the back od your mind. I would go and pick things up but not talk to him when you do it.
Hi Musical- Just want to let you know I have been thinking about you. You should at least go to the interview.
Things are sometimes just meant to be. You wanted an interview there now you have one.
I think not getting your stuff is just making you more stressed. It's hanging over your back- if it is stuff you treasure-go get it soon. You never know what someone will do in a situation like yours. Especially if he is seeking attention and your not giving it. If your worried about crying-ask him to leave while you get it. Have a mutual third party be there. Just suggestions.
