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Old 06-28-2010, 07:24 PM   #1  
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Last night I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, and somehow we got into the discussion of "had we met before [string of bad events] happened". I told him I was kind of glad we didn't, because back then I was extremely shy, a total tomboy, and ... 50 lbs heavier. He blurted out "Seriously? That's horrible.". I went silent and he quickly tried to backtrack by saying "I just mean, well, that couldn't have been healthy.". Uhm... Sure that's what he meant. I kept thinking about it and started to wonder, what if we really had met sooner? Would he have dated me? I'm still a big girl, but when I look back on old photos I had no shape to me at all and I looked like a bulldog. So while 50 lbs may not be a lot when given the whole picture, but the way it was proportioned on my body made a huge difference when I took it off. Now I'm kinda anxious about showing my old photos to him. What if it changes his perception of me?
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Old 06-28-2010, 08:32 PM   #2  
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Boys. Ugh.

I think just like with anything else in your past (past relationships, behavior, etc...), if he can't accept what you used to be like, then he can't totally accept ALL of you. That's a red flag to me.

If it changes his perception of you, then that's his loss and it sounds like he's not as mature as he may think he is.

On the other side, just to give him the benefit of the doubt, boys are just plain clueless when it comes to how much women weigh. 50 lbs may as well be 150 to him. I told a guy friend that I wanted to lose about 15 lbs (which is completely reasonable) and he flipped out. I may as well have told him I was abandoning my life to become a gypsy for all the sense it made to him.
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Old 06-28-2010, 09:01 PM   #3  
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Jen I couldnt have said it better myself.... Boys. Ugh.

Lol that was exactly what I was thinking. And the rest of what you said is also what I am thinking.

So basically this is a pointless post. I second what you just said :P
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Old 06-28-2010, 09:37 PM   #4  
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I just try not to listen to them when they talk. That works for me

If mine said that he would sure have to do some serious backtracking! But he wouldn't, he likes me chubby
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Old 06-28-2010, 09:44 PM   #5  
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He's suppose to love you and everything
about you. Bad, good, up, down,
even if you were blue, green, triangle, etc.


"This is me damn it! I look the way I look,
think the way I think, feel the way I feel,
love the way I love! I am a whole complex
package. Take me or leave me. Accept me
or walk away!"
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Old 06-28-2010, 10:34 PM   #6  
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It was probably just an initial reaction, one of those speak before you think type things.

I don't think it's fair to try and accuse him of something that didn't happen, and can't happen. And you know what? It IS horrible. It's horrible that I was 80 lbs heavier. It WAS unhealthy, and that's why I wanted to fix it. I'm sure if you didn't think it was horrible, then you wouldn't have fixed it.

I'm sure he does love you unconditionally. And you can't ever know if he would love you at a higher weight, because I'm sure you're different now than you were before. I'm sure you're more confident, healthier, more outgoing, etc. Give him the benefit of the doubt, trust that he cares for you, and hope that if the situation ever comes around where you do regain the weight... he'll still love you just the same.
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Old 06-28-2010, 11:26 PM   #7  
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I think you should just keep an eye out on him. He may have a hang up on weight. Some guys do with women. Some have it down to a science. They know more about the sizes, weight, and porportions of a women then even some women do. They arent all as "clueless" when it comes to weight like some people like to believe.


Just see how reacts to other things and put the pieces together. Maybe it really did come out wrong. I say if your afraid to show him old pics of you then thats not a good sign. Like someone said, hes gotta accept you.
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Old 06-28-2010, 11:59 PM   #8  
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My husband would never have dated me if I looked like I do now. And I don't really care. It's not his preference. I wouldn't have dated him if he were overweight either. Obviously, he loves me anyway and he married me while I was overweight. I don't understand why this guys comment means he needs to be watched?
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Old 06-29-2010, 12:05 AM   #9  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FreeSpirit View Post
It was probably just an initial reaction, one of those speak before you think type things.

I don't think it's fair to try and accuse him of something that didn't happen, and can't happen. And you know what? It IS horrible. It's horrible that I was 80 lbs heavier. It WAS unhealthy, and that's why I wanted to fix it. I'm sure if you didn't think it was horrible, then you wouldn't have fixed it.

I'm sure he does love you unconditionally. And you can't ever know if he would love you at a higher weight, because I'm sure you're different now than you were before. I'm sure you're more confident, healthier, more outgoing, etc. Give him the benefit of the doubt, trust that he cares for you, and hope that if the situation ever comes around where you do regain the weight... he'll still love you just the same.
i completely agree.
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Old 06-29-2010, 12:06 AM   #10  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LandonsBaby View Post
My husband would never have dated me if I looked like I do now. And I don't really care. It's not his preference. I wouldn't have dated him if he were overweight either. Obviously, he loves me anyway and he married me while I was overweight. I don't understand why this guys comment means he needs to be watched?
To me, I don't think it's really about him not being into heavier girls. I totally agree that you're attracted to what you're attracted to. I think it's the insensitivity behind the comment and that it may have changed his perspective on her. Of course, the latter is pure speculation, but if DH had said that to me early in our relationship my feelings would absolutely have been hurt. While I was up front about my weightloss (he was an overweight child as well), I also had reservations about showing him pictures of what I used to look like. I think it all just boils down to acceptance.
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Old 06-29-2010, 07:44 AM   #11  
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All I have to say is this....

"IF is a really big word to be only 2 letters long."

As someone else said, you didn't meet before and there is no way you could go back and make that happen so don't let the "what ifs" and "imagine this scenario" get the best of you.
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Old 06-29-2010, 09:43 AM   #12  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Feral View Post
All I have to say is this....

"IF is a really big word to be only 2 letters long."

As someone else said, you didn't meet before and there is no way you could go back and make that happen so don't let the "what ifs" and "imagine this scenario" get the best of you.
Couldn't have said it better.

While his words were hurtful, he may not have intended to be. My boyfriend made a rude comment about a (rather unpleasant) girl we both knew who had gained weight from a size 2 to about where I was before I started losing. I realized, though, that when I was bigger, I made hateful comments about my own body all the time, so it's possible he just thought I had a general dislike of larger sizes (I don't!) and was trying to be agreeable and encouraging in some bizarre manly way. Guys really don't get it...
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Old 06-29-2010, 01:12 PM   #13  
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Guys say stuff without thinking sometimes. Don't we all? If it bothers you, talk to him about it. But don't assume anything otherwise you may just end up pushing your insecurities onto him and that puts you both in a bad spot.

Look back into your own past and what you know of your bf's. Do you see certain times in both your pasts that you can admit you may not have been compatible? Stages in your life that had nothing to do with weight at all. I can certainly say that I'm happy I met my hubby when I did because there's certainly times in our life that we wouldn't have ended up together if we had met. We're evolving creatures and once we meet a special someone that we are to devote our lives to, we continue to evolve together. There's nothing wrong with change.

BUT, if he says lots of nasty things that make you feel bad, than I'm sure we all might come up with a different opinion.
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Old 06-29-2010, 01:24 PM   #14  
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Personally, I think you should show him photo's of yourself. If he reacts in a negative manner, then you have to think, do I really want this person in my life?
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Old 06-29-2010, 01:25 PM   #15  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by preppingbride View Post
Look back into your own past and what you know of your bf's. Do you see certain times in both your pasts that you can admit you may not have been compatible? Stages in your life that had nothing to do with weight at all. I can certainly say that I'm happy I met my hubby when I did because there's certainly times in our life that we wouldn't have ended up together if we had met. We're evolving creatures and once we meet a special someone that we are to devote our lives to, we continue to evolve together. There's nothing wrong with change.

Beautifully put! I can't even tell you the amount of relationships that I've had, both romantic and platonic, that I'm sure would not have happened or have been as strong if we had met at different stage in our lives.

I think I'd give him a break. Unless he's had a struggle with weight himself he probably has NO IDEA what your journey has been like and how it has affected you. Plus boys are dumb and usually don't even have a clue!!
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