My mother is getting a little worried about me.
Well. I say that, but I'm getting a little worried about me.
Right now, I have a good job that makes me enough money to pay the rent. I live with a boyfriend I love, who loves me back. I'm heading back to college in September, taking a course towards a career that I'm excited about, and I've got friends and family who love and care about me.
Despite all this... I cry... every day. Over things that... should not make me cry. I go through bouts of just... staring at walls and feeling sad every day. Last night I was sitting with my boyfriend at our apartment window watching the lightning and rain and he was chatting away cheerfully, and.. I love him and we've been in a long-distance relationship for so long that I felt like I should be revelling in the happiness of this little moment together... but I just sat there staring out the window feeling like everything (not just the sky outside) was completely grey.
My boyfriend asked me to wake him up this morning. I did. He was grumpy, and a bit snappy. And that was enough for me to burst into tears and leave the house without saying goodbye.
My mother called when I got to work, and when I recounted the incident, she asked slowly if I was happy... and I started to cry, sitting at my desk.
Just writing this right now, my eyes are welling up with tears.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??
My mom says that our family has a history of depression, and that her, her mom (my grandmother) and all of her siblings (my 4 aunts and uncles) have taken a round of antidepressants at SOME point or another in their lives. She wants me to go talk to our family doctor about the possibility of rocking a round of antidepressants. I'm of the mindset that... if it can help, why shouldn't I do it? If things don't start changing, I'm going to lose my relationship; I don't know how my boyfriend can handle me blowing EVERYTHING up into a teary sobfest.
However, anytime I've mentioned the possibility of trying antidepressants to close coworkers or friends, they go on militant "ANTIDEPRESSANTS ARE EVIL" type rants about how I just need to "exercise more" and "be happier." I'm like, "I'm working out three times a week, and if I could just BE HAPPIER, don't you think I WOULD?"
I don't know. It's not like I'm at the point where I can't get out of bed. I smile. I make jokes, I laugh with friends. But if someone asks me... am I happy? I can't genuinely say that I feel HAPPY. Right now there are shining moments in my day where I feel happiness... but shouldn't it be the other way around? Small moments of sadness, but otherwise, happy?
Anyone have any personal experiences or opinions to share?
I almost went on mood stabilizers. I think people have this whole "evil pills" idea because some people use the pills without trying to get better, they rely on them and then they rely on a pill for everything. But sometimes it is the right choice. You are eating healthy and working out and are in a good relationship with a job you like. It seems like something biological might be a little off at the moment.
I say take a look at what your doing with your life at this moment, figure out if you are taking measures to combat depression (eating enough, regular sleep patterns, not too much alcohol--depressants can literally cause depression...)and if you are and are still depressed I think antidepressants might be the right choice. You should definitely speak with a therapist and get a medical checkup first though.
Good Luck I know how emotions can be so controlling, you'll make it through!
Im sorry you're having such a tough time right now
I go through periods like that and I think we all have bad spells from time to time. I do know that I have a dear friend who is always off and on anti depressents without any sort of other therapy and I think it does more harm than good to take them so flippantly.
I think you need to get to the bottom of whatever this is that's making you sad and the answer may not even be taking a pill. My first step would be to go talk to someone. I think antidepressants have their place, but I think they are a complimentary therapy and not a cure-all. Please find a professional to talk to.
Been there, done that. When I was 18 I went to the doctor and was put on antidepressants because I felt like my quality of life wasn't up to par. Granted, this was a family physician and he did say that it should always be coupled with therapy, but lets be honest... how many people do that?
I personally do not care for antidepressants, I tried several different ones with different dosages and gave them time to work, but often I felt numb to everything.... like I literally was a zombie. And the worst was the sexual side effects... i.e. (sorry for the tmi) NOT being able to orgasm no matter WHAT happened. It was miserable.
Needless to say I went off of them and have not returned to them since.
That being said - I am not completely ANTI-medication. I do believe some people seriously have chemical imbalances that cannot be resolved but with the help of medication.
My suggestion would be to try therapy first.
This past December I realized that even though I wasn't sad there was something wrong. I was sleeping ALL of the time. I stopped hanging out with my friends. I had no drive to do anything, especially the things I love doing. That wasn't me.
I started therapy and after my 6 month assessment recently I have done a COMPLETE 180. It really is amazing how working on certain issues and just learning to talk (and in my case learning to allow myself to feel emotions for once) about things can really change your outlook.
Either way, I wish you the best. Things will get better and it sounds like you're at least recognizing the problem so you can do something about it.
I don't think pills are evil. I think they have their place, and to agree with mostly everyone here, that place is usually coupled with therapy. I would suggest finding someone to talk to, therapist, psychiatrist, whatever to discuss your issues. Sometimes therapy may be enough, and sometimes there are chemical issues that need to be addressed.
Sometimes more exercise, proper diet, proper sleep is the answer - and sometimes its not. Sometimes that's not enough to combat whatever is going on in your body, and I think there should be an assessment there.
I have to exercise every day to feel normal, and if I miss a weekend I can see serious side effects in my moods (for example, haven't exercised since Wednesday and I've cried 3 times already today - not normal). I started going to therapy in March, and I'm able to manage my anxiety/depression most of the time (using the therapy, diet and exercise), but I do have prescription meds for the cases that I just can't. There's nothing wrong with getting checked out, especially since you have a family history.
Depression, the real kind (not just feeling sad), is a result from a chemical imbalance in your brain, antidepressants balance all that out! I think they're great when used CORRECTLY, I was on them for about 7 years - coupled with therapy, to get over my depression. Granted I was dealing with some seriously severe depression, but I know exactly what you are saying.
It's not for everyone though. My view point is this. Antidepressants allow your to stabilize your mood while you to go therapy and learn how to deal with the feelings you have and how to over come them. Or, learn how to get through whatever it is you are dealing with. At that moment in time, they help you to heal - once you've gotten through it, and you've learned new techniques to live with, then you can slowly come off them. I've been off them for several years now, and I still get depressed, but I've learned what I need to do in my life to avoid those feelings, and exactly what to do to help myself when those feelings do return. It's a learning process. My goal was to learn what I needed so I could live without them, and I did!
Antidepressants alone will do you nothing but numb your feelings with no benefit. Once you go off them, nothing will have changed.
I am not familiar with anti-depressants but I am familiar with mood issues. My experience was where I too could never truely admit that I was happy, I would start bawling at nothing (which is very unlike me), there were days that I would be hit so hard just trying to take a step out of the door that I'd have to stay at home for the day. There wasn't anything else that I could pinpoint as wrong in my life. Friends, hubby, health... all good.
Finally I figured that since everything else seemed to be as it should with sleep, activity level, food, then the only foreign element was my birth control. Went to doctor, explained my issues, and she prescribed me a birth control that had less of the hormones in it. I've made a complete 180 since then and can't believe I let myself get so far down before realizing that it could be fixed so easily. For what it's worth, my switch was from Marvelon (that i had used for 7 yrs) to Yaz (taking for the last 2 years).
And if you don't use birth control, well, I guess this wouldn't really work then.
Jelbb, I am in the exact same boat as you.
I have been in therapy for a little less than a year now, but I am not currently on antidepressants. I do, however, have anti-anxiety medication that I'm supposed to take on an as-needed basis. The good thing about that is just knowing that I have the medication makes me feel more in control of my anxiety, so I haven't actually had to take many.
Whether or not to go on antidepressants is a conversation I am constantly having with my therapist. I'm a writer, so the idea of taking anything -- including my anti-anxiety meds -- that could impede my ability to do my work is really scary for me. But it's something I think about a lot, particularly during the moments where depression itself impedes my ability to do my work.
My boyfriend recently sent me an article about how exercise can help treat depression as effectively as medications. To sum up:
"The result is that exercise primes the brain to show less stress in response to new stimuli."
Anyway, best of luck -- I am precisely where you are, so my heart goes out to you!
I've been having periods of what seems to me like anxiety attacks and depression, but didn't want to go on meds either, until my friend just mentioned she's on like half a lexapro and paxil as needed and it really helps her. That in and of itself is not a reason to go on meds, obviously, but it made me consider it more seriously.
Either way I hope you start feeling better and get the help you need
Although I agree that antidepressents are often abused...I know for me they have been a lifesaver. I spent years convincing myself I wasn't depressed and that I didn't need help. I finally ended up going to a doctor about 4 months ago when some bad things in my life just acted as the final straw. I am currently on two different medications, as well as intensive therapy, and can honestly say that I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. It now really bothers me that I basically wasted so many years struggling just to survive when I didn't have to. I truly believe that some people are just missing certain chemicals in their brain and no matter how much therapy you get, the chemicals are still not there. The pills don't cure my problems...but they act as a life preserver for me to hang onto while I work my way through therapy and get better.
Sounds like the bottom line is you do what's right for you. There seems to be such a stigma on taking mood altering drugs... I dunno why! It's a pill that helps to fix something in your body that's not working correctly. Just like my diabetes meds help my body work correctly. Same idea...
I do know from close friend's experience that the pills work better when taken in combo with therapy, just an FYI. Talk to a doctor you trust who knows you. They'll lead you in the right direction. For some of us, birth control has that mood altering affect. Last month I ran out of my prescription and I thought my boyfriend was going to leave me I was such a horrid mess...
Anyway, I digress. You have to do what's right for you. Like Dr. Suess says, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Well, this entire past month I've been dealing with the exact same issue. My life is amazing right now and I cry for absolutely no reason, or over the smallest things. I'll wake up in a great mood and two hours later I'm just as sad as someone who has lost a loved one. And as much as I fight the tears they still come. And I'll cry so hard I can hardly breath. Plus I noticed I'm not enjoying going out or being around people.
I know what you're going through. I bet you feel like you're losing control of yourself and like you're going crazy at times. I've tried all the tricks to feel better without meds. I've been exercising, getting at least an hour of natural light, taking St. John's Wart, prettying myself up, forcing myself to hang out with friends, writing down what I'm thankful for daily. And none of that worked. What did help a little was when my bestfriend came to visit for a week. We did all the touristy things and it felt like a mini vacation for me. It was like a break from life. Maybe a small vacation away can help you too. My family also has a history of depression. I've been on meds in the past (for depression that was caused by an event) as well and don't think they're a bad thing. In fact I'm seeing my doctor to talk to him about which will work best for me this time around.
My best advice, try researching alternative ways to help perk your moods and if those don't help after a few weeks, then seek help from your doctor. I've found a lot of great info online, try webMD, they have an entire section on depression.
Also, have you recently stopped or started any other medications? I know the side effects of stopping or starting some meds can be moodiness, irritability or sadness. Also, therapy/ med combo may not help if you really have nothing in life to cause the sadness. I've tried and felt like it was a waste of time because we talked for hours and found nothing to make me sad. My doc says it's just a chemical imbalance that can be fixed and may come around later in life. But I'm sure you're doctor will give you the best options for your situation.
Good Luck girl!
Depression, the real kind (not just feeling sad), is a result from a chemical imbalance in your brain, antidepressants balance all that out!
This isnt entirely true. Brains dont exist in vacuums, they are designed to interact with the environment and be influenced by it. So depression is often a combination of things- one can be chemical imbalances, but its unlikely that thats ALL thats going on. Things happen and we use chemicals and electric pulses etcto think so of course depression has something to do with chemical imbalances but thats not to say that to fix the chemical imbalance means you fixed the depression.
And thats a long winded way of saying that I believe antidepressants have their place but I wouldnt jump straight onto them I think its probably a good idea to see someone who can talk to you about whats going on in your life at the moment and help you decide whether you need antidepressants or something else
My advice: Don't just go to the "family doctor". Find a licensed psychologist and give therapy a try for a few months. If that doesn't help, have them refer you to a psychiatrist. They will know better than anyone what kind of meds to put you on. Meds aren't evil, it is your decision, not theirs.
I only say that because it isn't necessarily depression. There are subtle differences between depression and a few other things which require different kinds of treatment. For example, some people have these kinds of reactions because of underlying anxiety, not depression.
Also, as preppingbride said, birth control pills can really do a number on your mood. I was taking yaz for months and it made me so emotional and just angry and numb. It was awful. So that is another thing to consider.
My advice: do what you need to do to take care of yourself! I'm definitely a relativist when it comes to things like this- what works is different based on the individual, their environment, experiences, biochemistry, etc., etc. I think you should definitely research it, explore it with your doctor as an option and like others have said, consider talking to a licensed clinical psychologist about it too. I studied psychology in school, which in NO WAY implies that I really know anything about this, but I know that there can be a stigma attached to mental health issues that can keep people from getting help that they can really benefit from. Sometimes, you just can't "fix" yourself as some people (maybe your co-workers included) assume you can. Whether or not antidepressants are the answer, I don't know, but if there is something that you think can improve the quality of your life, it's worth at least exploring. You deserve to be happy and enjoy everything life has to offer!
OT: Antidepressants
