I'm kinda bummed out right now My best friends just left to take a test, and they'll be back later. My girlfriend left a note that she had been writing back and forth between her and our other friend (they have class together) and I don't know whether she left it on purpose or not. It's a note about me (and omfg I thought I was DONE with girl drama once I graduated high school - guess not :<), from a week or two ago. I know she's been jealous and irritated by me lately because all she hears me talk about is my boyfriend (seriously, not all that I talk about - but since she broke up with the love of her life over the summer this is all she hears), so I cut back on telling her about that stuff, which is really hard for me because 1. she is my best and closest girlfriend, we've known each other for 8 years, and 2. She's who I talk to for advice and what not and it's hard to hear that even though I've always listened to whatever she's had to say about her love life, I'm not allowed to mention mine :< She's happy that I've finally found love, but she's a hypocritical person and holds herself to a different standard than she expects people to act around her. I'm not sure if me losing 40lbs and getting a boyfriend is really bugging her or not. She's VERY insecure and I'm not, even though I've always been the "fat" friend of the group, I've always been very confident in myself.
I've struggled with it, but I try to never mention anything about my boyfriend to her. Of course, occasionally something slips and I see her grimace or make a face when I'm not looking. I'm getting frustrated with the double standard she's holding me to, and I want to talk to her about it but I KNOW this would cause a fight - she's a fighter when she's not getting her way or when she knows she's wrong and someone is disagreeing with her.
Ack, sorry this turned into a rant :< And I know I made her sound like a pretty nasty person, but she is a really sweet girl that just has a lot of issues and she really is my best friend and I love her to death. It just depresses me that she can't just accept that I'm in love and excited about it and I want to share that with her.
A nice girl...who is hypocritical, writes notes about you to your other friend, leaves them out for you to find, doesnt enjoy you being happy, doesnt even *pretend* or try to be happy for you...I had a friend like that. They turned out not to be such a great friend ^_^'' I guess we are all different under different stresses though. Hope your situation cheers up soon
Icon - thanks! I know, I know. I mean. We've been through a lot together and usually she doesn't apply the hypocrisy or double standards to me. Until I lost a significant amount of weight that is. And I'm not stranger to mean high school girl drama - I had a friend in 8th grade that "accidentally" gave me a note addressed to another friend that was all about me. And that was how she ended our friendship. Another of my best friends roomed with me my first year at college and she totally went off the deep end and when I tried to help her she decided she didn't want me to be a part of her "new" life.
The crazy thing is, I swear I'm not a ***** or mean or anything. I'm probably one of the nicest people I know. And the most mature - I've handled each of these fights with grace and maturity and have come out relatively unscathed. There's SO much wrong with my best friend (the one I'm having a dilemma with now), she can't be single for more than a second because she hates being alone and can't stand rejections, she's shallow and only dates pretty boys, she aspires to be a housewife (only wants to get married, cook, clean, and go to bed with her man), she thinks that post-modern feminism is a joke (ummm, hello, the movement already happened?), I could go on and on. God, I know all of these things make her sound like a horrible person, but I swear she isn't.
I went for a hard run (faster than I usually go for) and got a bit of my frustration out so I feel a little bit better. What's bugging me is that she either tells me through our friend (which has already happened and I cut WAY back on talking about him, but since she may or may not have left the note I'm assuming mentioning him once or twice a week is still too much for her to handle) or does something like this. She doesn't have the guts to tell me to my face. Or to realize that she's dropped me and all of our friends before for her first boyfriend, or that anytime she's with a guy she needs to gush on and on on about him to us - far more than I've ever done to her.
I've decided to just not talk about my boyfriend - ever - to either of them, because it seems that talking to our guy friend about it may have been too much for him too (despite the fact that he has a boyfriend HE talks about all the time - I never complain about these things, I find it natural to want to gush about your significant other - apparently I'm crazy), and hopefully they notice. Is this the most logical answer? Probably not, since they should be happy for me because they're my friends, but it's what I'm going to try for now.
And to keep you guys from going crazy I'll try not to mention my boyfriend too much. I really didn't think I talked about him that much.
platformnine - I can't help but leap into this conversation. You have every right to be happy about your life. You shouldn't feel inhibited to share your happiness because of other people feeling miserable. People CHOOSE to be miserable and be surrounded by negativity.. a TRUE friend would feel happy for you.
I had to reconcile this a few months ago. I TOO had a friend whom I've known since 6th grade so 10+ years and I was SO esctatic to introduce her to my bf. She was so cold to him and on a RANDOM occasion starts bringing up my ex-boyfriend and how I used to gush about him. This was in the middle of a dinner with my bf's brother and my sister.... it was the WORST TIMING. By the way, at that point I was with my current bf for 2.5 years and my ex was like 3 years + ago... talk about OLD stories
She herself has NEVER had a bf even though she comes from a good family and is very pretty. My sister knowing the both of us for years thinks she's just bitter and miserable. At the end of our trip, I pulled her aside and I said... "I feel like you are holding some sort of grudge against me.. I don't understand why you would bring up weird stories. Can you see how it was inappropriate?"
my friend "no. I've never had a bf so I don't see how I can understand where you are coming from"
me "I see how you are upset and I apologize for that but we've been friends for 10+ years do you really want us to part on bad terms?"
her "can you leave me alone"
we haven't spoken since may. we hugged when we parted on that spring break trip but I could tell our friendship would never be the same.
I was sad about it but at the moment. I only want positive influences in my life. I replayed everything that happened that weekend and I can't see where all this bitterness came from. She used to be the sweetest friend I could talk to about anything... now I'm censored from speaking my thoughts and happiness?
DONT LET THIS EFFECT YOU! You deserve to be surrounded by people who LOVE and SUPPORT you.
Last edited by InControl2Day; 11-23-2009 at 05:26 PM.
Incontrol - Thank you I know it's more logical that I deserve to be happy and not censor myself (I'm one of those bend-over-backwards-to-make-other-people-happy-and-not-care-about-myself type of person.) but I'd rather speak to her like an adult about it, but I know this would end badly if I brought it up. And I've already lost one friend (friend of 5+ years) this summer who decided that I'd changed (because I lost my virginity) and that she didn't want to see me any more. I haven't seen her since June.
I can't censor myself forever, it's just a bad time to talk about it right now. She thought she was going to get married to the guy who dumped her over the summer and then she had 2 guys at once (talk about an ego boost and she complained that I have an ego because I needed to "tone down" my "sexy attire"?) and now she's only seeing one of them. When she had her first boyfriend in high school I didn't see her for a year because she dropped us for her boyfriend, then he dumped her when they went to college and then she started dating his best friend (the guy she thought she was going to marry). She has abandonment and attachment issues of every kind, so because of those she can't speak to me like an adult.
Despite just taking the punishment of not talking about my boyfriend to my friends for a while, I'm glad that I am NOT going for my usual pint of Strawberry Cheesecake Ben & Jerry's comfort food. In fact, I worked out harder and I've decided to make my secret goal of an extra 7lbs public. That's right folks, I'm going for the 100lb loss - goal is now 122lb. 10lb buffer for healthy weight range for my height.
Also, omg I'm so sorry for jacking the chat thread and bringing down the mood!!! I'm off to test cupcake cheesecake recipes for Thursday! I'm planning a coconut, pumpkin, and cinnamon batch!
Last edited by platformnine; 11-23-2009 at 05:48 PM.
It just took me 2 hours to get to Towson and then I got the SLOWEST person ever making my sushi. I wanted to jump over the counter and do it myself. Now I only have 45 minutes until class and I was supposed to be doing work this whole time. Now I'm going to have to bring that home too. MFer.
Forest - Thanks! I've done the Billy Goat Trail and Sugarloaf - I'm in Gaithersburg, literally 0.5 miles from the Lakeforest Mall, but on a weekend I'm willing to drive a bit for some new place.
Platform - For the record, I don't think you talk about your boyfriend a lot...You shouldn't have to feel ashamed about your happiness because it makes other people, ESPECIALLY your friends, uncomfortable. That's kind of effed up that she left that there for you to find - if I were you, I'd ask her about it. I had a friend like that, we called her a serial monogamist - she always had to be in a relationship, and if she wasn't she was miserable and hated anyone else who was in one. That kind of relationship (for me) is very draining. We actually stopped talking right after my mom died - she just needed it to be "all about her" and at that point in my life I couldn't pay attention to anyone other than myself, and she still talks to people and is like "I don't know what I did to Jennierose, that b*tch stopped talking to me." I think those types of people are just (as you said) very insecure, but you shouldn't let that affect you.
Stella - Thank you :3 I've dealt with this kind of thing before (I seriously don't get how I'M the "fat" friend with all of my friends yet I'm the one with the most confidence - despite losing my dad to cancer at 15 and being a child internet pornography victim and all of the other crap I've had to deal with in life.) I'm not letting her affect me. That sucks about the sushi, you should ask if he could hurry because you have to get to class!
Well the damage is done, I'll just have to take leave time for this afternoon. Usually I work 2 hours on Monday's (from school) - not today. Grr. There are bigger problems in the world. Traffic just frustrates me, esp when I'm hungry.
Traffic frustrates me soo bad. Like a few weeks ago i was in rush hour traffic, so it was going to take me around an hour or an hour and a half to get home, and about 15 mins into the drive I needed to pee and I noticed I was running out of fuel, ie if I had a fuel light it would have come on. Worst drive home ever!
Platformnine- drop her Thats all I can say. I didnt think you talked about him much on here either and even if you did i would be happy for you because it would show how happy YOU are and that makes me happy. Not jealous, or scheme-y, or vindictive, HAPPY.
Mary- I think the other girls have stated the obvious. Do what you feel you need to do and dont let anyone decide for you. Sooo when can i come over to be the taste tester of the cupcakes?
Pammy - lol I JUST pulled them out of the oven. I added 2 tbsp of pumpkin puree and 1.5 tbsp of brown sugar (some coconut, too) and I just tasted one. They're good, but a bit bland and much more like a quiche than a cheesecake so I'm going to look for cheesecake recipes on spark people to see if I can tweak this one. I like the idea of cupcake sized individual cheesecakes.
Sooo I figured out that the recipe I had was missing sugar, so when I make these thursday this is how I'm doing it:
My version:
- 1 cup Splenda or other sugar substitute
- 1 cup egg beaters OR 4 egg whites
- 16oz Fat Free Cream Cheese
- 1/4 cup Sugar Free Syrup
- 1 Tsp Vanilla Extract
- 1 cup Pure Pumpkin Puree
- 1/2 Tsp Ground Cinnamon
- 1/2 Tsp Brown Sugar
- 1/4 Tsp Nutmeg
- 1 Tsp Graham Cracker Crumbs (optional
Mix cream cheese, sugar, and vanilla in a bowl until smooth. Add pumpkin, syrup, eggs, and spices. Beat until smooth. Pour into greased cupcake pans or cake pan. Sprinkle graham cracker crumbs on top of mixture. Bake at 350 for 25 minutes. Allow to cool to room temp, then place in fridge for 2-3 hours. Serve with Light Whipped Cream or Smucker's Sugar Free preserves!
Approx. 100 calories, 1g fat, 2g carbs, 1g protein
Last edited by platformnine; 11-23-2009 at 07:23 PM.
Stella.... gotta love Maryland Traffic...
You mentioned Damascus earlier... once the weather is nice again you will have to treat yourself to Jimmie Cone...thats if you havent already discovered how amazing it is
I have NOT discovered it...I just moved to Gaithersburg - I'm familiar with Towson, Columbia, Baltimore and Silver Spring but this is kind of a new area for me.
My best friends just left to take a test, and they'll be back later. My girlfriend left a note that she had been writing back and forth between her and our other friend (they have class together) and I don't know whether she left it on purpose or not. It's a note about me (and omfg I thought I was DONE with girl drama once I graduated high school - guess not :<), from a week or two ago. I know she's been jealous and irritated by me lately because all she hears me talk about is my boyfriend (seriously, not all that I talk about - but since she broke up with the love of her life over the summer this is all she hears), so I cut back on telling her about that stuff, which is really hard for me because 1. she is my best and closest girlfriend, we've known each other for 8 years, and 2. She's who I talk to for advice and what not and it's hard to hear that even though I've always listened to whatever she's had to say about her love life, I'm not allowed to mention mine :< She's happy that I've finally found love, but she's a hypocritical person and holds herself to a different standard than she expects people to act around her. I'm not sure if me losing 40lbs and getting a boyfriend is really bugging her or not. She's VERY insecure and I'm not, even though I've always been the "fat" friend of the group, I've always been very confident in myself.
