Competing "friends" - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

170starting · 02-04-2009, 10:33 AM

Hello all,

I am so upset but trying to brush it off. I have a friend who is constantly competing with me. I could say I weighed 47 pounds and she would say back to me "yeah I weighed 46 this morning". I told her how I have been really trying to lose weight and become more healthy and that I have gone from 170 to 158. She said " I am 157 and not even trying"

!!! I dont understand why she cant just support me. She has been like this since we were kids It makes me feel defeated.

Extasee58865 · 02-04-2009, 10:37 AM

Dont' let someone elses insecurities get you down! Do what you are doing for you, and no one else! If she can't support you & makes me feel down about yourself, maybe you need to rethink the friendship. Good, decent friends would always support you & try to lift you up, not bring you down! Keep doing what you are doing & you will come to a point where nothing she says can bring you down, cause you will realize your accomplishment doesn't need her validation.

lindalou0510 · 02-04-2009, 10:39 AM

AHHH the dreaded 'Frenemy'.

I feel for you girl. But here's the thing to remember. This is HER problem not yours. It is unfortunate, but sometimes our friends get jealous or scared because they fear if we change our bodies, or the way we think, that the friendship somehow changes.

People 'see' you one way. When you change that 'way', the other person becomes uncomfortable because THEY don't know how to deal with the new you! If you were always the 'fat friend' who was buddies with the guys, you now pose a threat to her, because she is no longer the center of attention! Silly? Of course, but it happens and it's unfortunate.

Perhaps this is not the friend you should be sharing your weight loss goals with! She will never support it, and you either have to accept that about her and move on, or keep trying to compete. For me, I'd just keep doing my thing, staying on plan, and stay true to myself. She will either come to terms with the new you, or she won't. But that's not up to you to worry about!

You should be proud of yourself for getting healthy and making good choices! You always have a support system here! And we won't EVER put you down for making the right choices!

Ruthxxx · 02-04-2009, 10:44 AM

"frenemy" - good term for a toxic friend.

Have you considered printing out these posts and having a heart to heart with her?

TJFitnessDiva · 02-04-2009, 10:44 AM

Yes do not let her get to you and in fact I'd distance myself from her if you can. My so called best friend did this to me & finally I had to just stop being her friend for my sanity & police record, I don't have one yet but if I hung around her anymore that could change lol It's kind of sad since we've been kids since we were babies & she lives right down the road from me....plus our kids are friends.

(she also one of those people that if they see you have it she will go get the EXACT same thing & think hers is better....right down to the type of fish I have...ugh!)

junebug41 · 02-04-2009, 10:46 AM

My best friend is a one upper. She suffered from Queen Bee Syndrome for a long time. She moved to a city where she didn't know anyone and that snapped her out of it. Sometimes, she still tries to pull the "I know EVERYTHING and you can't possibly tell me anything I don't already know or do something I haven't already accomplished". It used to drive me insane (we're not in competition with each other, but it's still really annoying).

I started calling her out. When I would talk about running and she launches into these imaginary glory days of high school cross country, I will remind her that I was there and KNOW that she was (and still is) a chain smoker and she can't run to the end of the block these days. In fact, she did cross country for like, one semester and ditched half the time

I think she forgets how long I've known her

Yes, I'm happy that I made it for 10 whole minutes on the treadmill. Just be supportive, you know?

Sometimes people forget who they're talking to.

ETA: I would like to add that this girl is a very good friend to me, but this is a tribute to the kind of personality she has. I had another very close friend who was so insecure and jealous over everything that she could not acknowledge ANYTHING good that happened to me. Ever. Internship at the Grammys? She never mentioned it. Lost a lot of weight? Didn't notice.

That girl was eventually dropped like the bad habit she was.

170starting · 02-04-2009, 10:46 AM

Thank you ladies

You made me feel so much better. You have made my day!

JulieJ08 · 02-04-2009, 11:12 AM

junebug, I am so laughing at your friend forgetting how long you've known her.

I think these things can go more than one way. Sometimes people don't even realize they're doing it, or maybe they really are a good friend otherwise. You can just avoid talking weight loss or health with them. You can try talking about it, but most people will just get defensive. You can join in the mental games and try to put her in her place. Or, sometimes you just haven't realized that you don't *have* to stay friends with someone who isn't actually giving you any friendship.

corazonas · 02-04-2009, 11:32 AM

use those feelings to your advantage! she's obvoiusly envious of you or she wouldn't be trying to outdo you. so when she makes comments that make you feel down, just realize that she made those comments because she's a little jealous (or a LOT!) of how great you're doing, how hot you are, and how you have taken control of your life!

plus all of those things are true so you should just not think about her at all and think about THAT!

haha

stellart · 02-04-2009, 11:53 AM

ew yeah ive had frens like that. i dont really have them anymore...

Lori259 · 02-04-2009, 12:11 PM

Pure jealousy~has to be ~why else would she wanna compete?
She has been jealous of you from the beginning.
I compete with my hubby all the time ~But I am so dang jealous of him~He is sooooooo super fine! and fit!COOL! You name it he's got it lol.
Anyways ~I have competed with him since day one.
But I love him also...so give her a chance she just worships you TOTALLY!
LOL I can not believe i just shared that personal info!

moon safari · 02-04-2009, 12:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by corazonas

use those feelings to your advantage! she's obvoiusly envious of you or she wouldn't be trying to outdo you. so when she makes comments that make you feel down, just realize that she made those comments because she's a little jealous (or a LOT!) of how great you're doing, how hot you are, and how you have taken control of your life!

THIS. Seriously, right on the money.

170starting · 02-04-2009, 12:44 PM

you ladies always make me feel better...and you dont even know me. Thank you so much for all the support.

UglyFatFriend · 02-04-2009, 01:13 PM

I totally feel for you, i have a friend that is very similar to that. He recently lost a large amount of weight, like 100lbs + which i have always been proud of him for untill recently, i am trying to lose about the same amount as him and we will talk about it and he ALWAYS has to remind me that he has already lost the weight and he is more 'advanced than me' i asked him to go walking with me and his response was 'yea, but i will have to like run ahead of you and come back and stuff, cause i dont know if you remember, but im fit now" of all people i would have thought he would be the most supportive but comments like that are very discouraging.

junebug41 · 02-04-2009, 01:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UglyFatFriend

he ALWAYS has to remind me that he has already lost the weight and he is more 'advanced than me' i asked him to go walking with me and his response was 'yea, but i will have to like run ahead of you and come back and stuff, cause i dont know if you remember, but im fit now"

Is he serious?? Especially with the "Advanced" part.