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Old 02-04-2009, 02:36 PM   #16  
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Someone has probably mentioned this to you already but don't talk about your weight with her. I hate to admit it, but sometimes I'm that kind of friend and those comments come from wanting to feel better about your life so you tell yourself you're better than a friend. Find that one person that you can really trust and who will support you and share your struggle with them. OR come tell us, we'll cheer you on!
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Old 02-04-2009, 02:36 PM   #17  
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Originally Posted by junebug41 View Post


Is he serious?? Especially with the "Advanced" part.
It's an advanced stage of beingfullofit.

I've had my share of alpha-dog friends - most of them are still my friends, actually, because I refuse to engage in that kind of behavior, and that usually shuts them up after a while. It's no fun competing with someone who doesn't want to compete.
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Old 02-04-2009, 03:21 PM   #18  
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I live with my sister and she weighs closer to 180 right now, down from like 200, but I know we are silently competing with eachother. We don't say anything mean to eachother but every once in a while she'll ask me my weight and stuff and there is always tension in the room. We don't talk about weightloss except our numbers with eachother which is kind of a shame because we could be weightloss buddies but it just hasn't turned out that way.

Anyway, that sucks that your friend can't just rejoice in your life change. The fact that she has to one up you all the time really just makes her look insecure and shows that she might even feel threatened by your progress, which is too bad.
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Old 02-04-2009, 04:26 PM   #19  
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I'm having this unwanted competition with my MIL, but it's also about who is the best woman for the son, or maybe it's my imagination. I adore this woman, but I'm not quite sure how to deal with it sometimes. She hardly eats, she mainly drinks tea, and still she brings lots of food to our apartment and picks my DH up in the morning. My mum also competed with me til I broke down in tears and sobbed I will never be 45kg like you (99lbs).
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Old 02-04-2009, 08:49 PM   #20  
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Wow, she kinda sounds like a hater! Don't let her get you down girl. If it's been an on-going thing since you all were younger and it's reaLLY bugging you, talk to her about it. Personally though, I would just brush it off too.
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Old 02-04-2009, 08:53 PM   #21  
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My family members are like that with me! It sucks.
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Old 02-05-2009, 03:02 AM   #22  
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I feel for you. My best friend of like 4 years was like that, she was always like a size smaller than me, and we would go shopping and she would say things like "that's too small for you give it to me", and "that isn't going to come in your size I'm trying it in black." After deciding she was a toxic friend and dumping her, I realized she probably was just jealous of a few things in my life she wasn't living up to, and after about a year apart we're good friends again. I'm sure things will never be the way they were, but sometimes a break helps people see how they have mistreated each other...I say take some time off.
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Old 02-05-2009, 07:21 AM   #23  
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I call these people "yeah? but... "er's. I worked with 2 of them. My friend in high school died in a car accident? "Yeah? But I had TWO of my BEST friends died in a car accident" I was pretty shocked someone would try and up THAT, pretty sick. I learned to change the subject. Your friends weighs 1 pound less than you? Even better, now you two can share clothes!

LOL @ being "advanced" at weight loss. Is there such a thing? I should be pretty darn advanced, I've been trying to lose weight since I was like 14!! I should teach a class

-Aimee
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Old 02-05-2009, 02:15 PM   #24  
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Thank you girls, I feel all warm inside because of your support. My mum called me today to say sorry she was so harsh on me, and it meant so much.
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Old 02-06-2009, 12:03 AM   #25  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hotnewspirits View Post
I live with my sister and she weighs closer to 180 right now, down from like 200, but I know we are silently competing with eachother. We don't say anything mean to eachother but every once in a while she'll ask me my weight and stuff and there is always tension in the room. We don't talk about weightloss except our numbers with eachother which is kind of a shame because we could be weightloss buddies but it just hasn't turned out that way.
That's too bad.
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Old 02-06-2009, 01:00 AM   #26  
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My friend isn't really a one-upper so much as she is the BEST at EVERYTHING. "Everyone at work loves me." "I have the highest grade in my bio class." "I don't know if you know this but I'm pretty awesome at math." If there were something she was obviously NOT the best at, it was something that was so unimportant that whoever does succeed at it was wasting their time.

I'd suggest a little distance and/or a calling out. If you are very close, call them out. They are probably not even aware that they are doing this. If you feel like a calling out would not go over well, just distance yourself. That's a toxic trait they have and they shouldn't be rewarded with your friendship for their behavior. In a similar scenario, I've always wondered why girls dated a-holes. They have no reason to change their negative behavior if girls stick around. If you're a jerk and no one will date you, don't you think you'd try to act better? Same with friends. Psych 101!
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Old 02-06-2009, 01:47 AM   #27  
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Sometimes people are friends with you because they need you. Sometimes it's because they really care about you and it's a mutual relationship. Which would you rather be in?
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Old 02-06-2009, 02:47 AM   #28  
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I have dealt with a bit of this kind of problem with my mother. She has always had a weight problem as well, but she still weighed about 70 lbs less than I did when I was still obese... And I think she sort of liked knowing that even though her weight wasn't great, at least she wasn't as bad off as I was--never mind the fact that she is also about 7 inches shorter than me. Unfortunately, it hasn't gotten any better since I've started getting healthier. She was recently diagnosed with diabetes, so she wants to lose weight, but not badly enough to actually, y'know, change her eating habits and exercise. It makes it very weird for me, then, because she's suddenly adopted this weird attitude where she'll pretty much lie to my face about how healthy she is, as if she wants to prove that she's making more drastic changes in her life than I am. But it's exactly like the situation with junebug41's friend--if I allow myself a small indulgence, my mom will say something like "I just don't eat junk food anymore" and I'm thinking Um, no... I just saw you inhale an entire bag of pretzels and cheese dip last night while watching TV... She can't fool me!

I don't mean to be overly critical of her, cuz of course I've been there (though our relationship has been strained by how unsupportive she's been of my weight loss--I've posted about that before, so I won't bore you with it now ), but it is very frustrating to have someone trying to "compete" with me when all I want to do is focus on myself! But I definitely agree with others who have said that this friend is just jealous of the great progress you have made so far. She's jealous that you clearly have willpower and determination, and that you have the strength to do something so great for yourself. I *know* that that's why my mom acts so funny... Cuz god knows I no longer weigh more than her at ALL (and those 7 extra inches sure come in handy! ). But as far as I'm concerned, just keep your eyes on the prize and ignore the hater--you'll reach your goals regardless of how hard she might wish to "beat" you, and eventually she'll have to deal with the fact that you are succeeding.

Keep up the good work!

Last edited by Star2Be; 02-06-2009 at 02:48 AM.
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Old 02-06-2009, 11:29 PM   #29  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hotnewspirits View Post
I live with my sister and she weighs closer to 180 right now, down from like 200, but I know we are silently competing with eachother. We don't say anything mean to eachother but every once in a while she'll ask me my weight and stuff and there is always tension in the room. We don't talk about weightloss except our numbers with eachother which is kind of a shame because we could be weightloss buddies but it just hasn't turned out that way.

Anyway, that sucks that your friend can't just rejoice in your life change. The fact that she has to one up you all the time really just makes her look insecure and shows that she might even feel threatened by your progress, which is too bad.
I'm the same way with my mom. I've found that sometimes, especially in the case of someone who's a relative, it's best to just avoid the subject and avoid the tension that always occurs from it. I'd love to be able to talk to my mom in a friendly way about weight, but it just doesn't happen.

My best friend is another one I no longer talk to about weight, because she's a one upper too. I seriously prefer using these forums to talking to anyone I know, because weird feelings always happen otherwise, and here, though we may not talk in person, everyone is at least trying to be supportive and positive, which is a lot healthier for me.
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Old 02-07-2009, 11:14 AM   #30  
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I have a friend who is EXACTLY like this, only it extends to pretty much every area of life, not just weightloss. It even went so far as her applying to the same University course as me a few years ago, just so she could rub it in my face when she got in and I didn't.

I allowed her to walk all over me for many years, I guess mainly because I was shy and quiet and fairly insecure. I figured that if I dumped her, I'd have no one else. Thankfully, I eventually saw sense, got my *** out of that situation and got away from her.

I only see her once every couple of weeks now. The distance has done me a world of good, and has allowed me to start living my life surrounded by true positive friends.

This is a fantastic journey that you're on, and you're doing it for yourself - you don't need other people wrecking that for you with their negativity. Maybe take a break from her for a little while, until you feel confident enough to just tell her to hush next time she tries to make a dig at you .
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