PeanutsMom704 originally postedI've posted a few times about the fact that I live in Denver, and overweight and obese people are rarer in Colorado than in many other parts of the country. So I definitely do NOTICE heavier people because they (ok, we!) stick out more.
I think you have a valid point. I'm in the opposite situation. I live in South Carolina and we have one of the highest rates of obesity. I am still very fat but I don't stick out like I used to. I think about half of the people in my department are morbidly obese. It is culturally more acceptable here than in other states..... all this "good" southern cooking. Anyway, I felt really bad when I was so fat that I was noticeable in one of the fattest states in the nation.
I also find myself thinking negatively about someone who is obese. I work in fast food, so for one, some people will give me that look like "no wonder you are so fat." And then, when an obese person is ordering fried foods, with extra ranch and cheese and all sorts of other things, I find myself wanting to say "do you know how many calories are in that?" But I can't say that, for one because I would get in trouble with my boss for those kinds of comments, but I also feel as though I have no right to say that, or even think it because, if I am being honest, I have eaten that same way for most of my life.
I always watch infomercials, just because I like to see the stupid things people do to "lose weight." The stupid things that people claim will "burn the fat faster than anything you have tried before." I just cracks my up. Anyway, there was this woman on this informercial talking about being "that mom" who would sit and watch her kids playing on the playground, not being active with her kids. I never thought badly of the moms who said stuff like that, I just felt bad for her, and her kids. And then, a couple weeks ago, I realized that my mom is that mom. We went to the park with my 5 year old sister, and my mom made her way over to a bench to watch, while I was pushing my sister on a swing, and teaching her to swing by herself. It broke my heart, because I know how much my mom is hurting. She is going thorugh a seperation/divorce and weight loss at the same time. While I realize that many people go through this, it made it harder to see it because it is my mom.
I don't think that any of this thoughts/feelings come from fat-hate. I think it comes from the pain we feel going through the process to lose the weight. I think that some of that pain comes from the societal stigma of weight loss. Sometimes I feel like the odds are stacked against me, and it seems like there is something/someone trying to derail me. Beating the obstacles makes me want to work that much harder though. But for alot of people, those odds may seem to daunting, so they just never try. Some one earlier said that we have to stop hating ourselves before anyone else will stop the hate. I think that to an extent, this is true. There will always be those people who will have a negative view of obese people.
I'm not really sure where I am going with any of this. Its just kind of popping into my head, so I write it down. I'm not sure if any of this will make sense to anyone else.
My primary thought, when I see someone who is very obese who is having a hard time moving or looks miserable or is buying a bunch of crap or eating a bunch of crap, is: "Man, look what our dysfunctional food culture is doing to that person. I really hate the way we collectively live. If only we could wake up, together, and quit the toxins that we're shoving into our bodies."
I wasn't that miserable when I was morbidly obese, though. Mostly, at that point, I was miserable not due to being fat but due to the control my addiction to sugar had over my life.
When I first started getting heavy, about 20 years ago, I felt like I stuck out everywhere I went. As each year goes by though, there are so many more overweight people that now I feel almost "normal". It really hurts my heart to see how many young people and even small kids who are now so fat, cause we all know what they are facing as far as other kids saying things.
I'm one of those secretive eaters, I would never order a giant dessert out in a restaurant for example. Which was the first clue to myself that I have an addiction, the secret eating at home tells all. If you are eating in the car or hiding food wrappers at home that's a real wake up call.
I am a nurse in an ICU. I dread the morbidly obese patient. He/She is hard to care for and everyone dreads it. It takes everything I have just to lift up the arm for the blood pressure cuff. Yeast gets in the folds if not kept totally dry. Hard to keep the legs apart if I have to clean a stool and takes extra people to turn to or bathe.
This is a major fear that I have too. I keep thinking, what if I fell? It would take more than one person to help me up.
If I ever had to go to the hospital, would the doctors and nurses be too grossed out to take care of me?
I'm actually going to keep a copy of what you said, and use it as additional "motivation" for myself.
As a waitress when a bigger customer ordering something horrible I want to tell tell them" please dont order that it will only hurt you plaese try this awesome chicken and our great veggies" but I still have to bring them that pound of fries with 1/2 pound of cheese and bacon and bring them that extra 1/2 cup of ranch when they eat the first. My feelings alternate between sadness and feeling sorry for them and judgement and sometimes anger over their stupidity. Cant even blame it on ignorance because even if you dont know that it is 2500 calories before ranch, they know its horrible for them .Then I fell guilty for being judgmental. uuugghhh
This morning my husband and I were running late so we stopped at a drive-thru for breakfast. We saw an obese child exit the restaurant and follow his obese parents to their car.
I said: "That poor boy. Why are his parents feeding him junk for breakfast?"
Hubby said: "Someone could look at us and say the same thing."
I said: "Yeah, but we're only ordering sliced apples and water."
Hubby said: "Maybe he only ordered apples, too."
So, yeah. Apparently I am judgemental, I just didn't realize it.
Also, lately, when I meet someone new I almost want to tell them, "I'm not going to be fat forever! I'm already less fat that I was before!" It's irrational, because obviously I'm still very overweight. I'm just so desperate for them to see just me and not the fat. But I know from my own experience, that just isn't possible.
fantastic thread...so much to think about.
i think i'm morbidly obese, according to the textbooks, but i've never really felt it. yes, i know i'm fat. obese? something else to swallow. maybe its because i carry my weight differently, or because my friends never made me feel different, but i am.
what solidified this for me was looking at some recent pics of myself. i know what i look like, but some of these pictures were horrendous. i'm twice the size of my boyfriend. i'm big. arg it was miserable. forget carrying weight differently than most, i still don't look all that good.
i think when i see other obese/overweight people eating or walking on the street i tend to think to myself- i am that person. and then i hate myself for it.
but also, we're too quick to judge. we shouldn't assume that everyone who is obese WANTS to lose weight. some people are comfortable in their own skin, want to eat how they want, and thats just it for them. i envy that kind of confidence.
also, i think there are evolved people who want to lose weight, and un-evolved people. this is hard for me to explain, but not everyone who beings this journey truly looks inside themselves and asks themselves why they're doing it, acknowledges the challenges and struggles in a self-reflective way, etc...does that make sense? can any of you explain this better than me??? lol
I may be getting slightly off-topic here, but this has made me think of a conversation I recently had with someone that has never had to deal with being overweight:
One of my friends (an online one I've never met in person) is currently studying to be a doctor and prides himself on his weight and overall health (although he's always talking about how he likes to order extra bacon & ranch when he eats out and brags that he never has to exercise). He knows of my struggles to lose weight and has been overall supportive, but even with him in medical school he seems to hold onto the stereotypes of what it is to be big. . . possibly because it's something he's never had to deal with himself? And it's not even something I gave much thought to until yesterday morning when he remarked on how he couldn't believe there were so many "lazy, gluttonous fat@$$es" in England (he's from an asian country where virtually everyone is skinny). Which made me wonder what he thought of me? I pointed out that many people that overweight are so because of the types of processed foods that are becoming more and more common in countries such as England and here in the US. I asked him how different the average diet was back in his home country and he admitted that people bought totally different things and that not much junk was even available there. And with him bragging about the way he eats and the way he doesn't exercise, he must have luckier genes than the people he was name-calling that just might be struggling with their weight more than he'll ever have to.
That coupled with other things he said was just appalling. I had mentioned how DB and I had hot dogs the night before and he immediately asked how many I'd have in one setting. I told him that, as usual, I had two. I didn't mention they were low fat, low calorie, and that they were on whole wheat buns which were all on-plan with the rest of my day, but he thought that two at once sounded like a bit much for a "lady" to eat. But I ignored that and added that DB ate the rest of the hot dogs in the package.
What kind of image does that bring? Someone that eats 6 hot dogs in one setting must be a gluttonous pig, right? Well without being so harsh (and without any additional information outside of the hot dogs), my friend remarked right away that DB obviously must be much bigger than I am. But actually, I weigh more than he does, despite the fact that he literally eats 2-3 times more than I do on a regular basis (even back when I wasn't dieting he'd eat that much more than me) and that he gets no more exercise than I do. And on top of that, he carries his weight much better than I do (his clothes are much smaller than mine even though we're the same height and I only weight 15 pounds more than him). The average person who looks at us would automatically assume that I'm the bigger eater or "greedier" person, obviously the "lazier" of the two, and would be much more harsh to judge me if we were both, say, eating in a car or out in a restaurant where everyone could see us. It's kinda scary how engrained it is within almost everyone to judge in this way just by looks and how hypocritical any of us can end up being.
And I know I'm just as guilty. I try not to think this way but thought of something when I saw the thread about looking at other people's grocery carts. Just last night I went to the grocery store and noted a larger couple totally skipping past the produce aisle as they walked inside. I later saw them checking out with nothing but junk in their cart while I was carrying a basket full of broccoli, salad greens, and dark chocolate-covered almonds (my current occasional treat) which was just a quick trip to pick up stuff I'd ran out of for the week. I really don't know what to think. I've been there, and often still struggle. But somehow I'm currently able to handle the grocery stores alright and keep healthy food stocked at home (my main problem is restaurant eating these days). I often wonder what people think when they see someone my size carting around a bunch of fruit and veggies, slightly paranoid that they'll think I'm trying in vain to lose weight (in the same way someone might look at a heavy jogger and roll their eyes). I'm not sure why it matters to me what other people think. Sometimes I wish I could have my before and after photos printed on a shirt so everyone can see that I've already lost a lot of weight and not judge me harshly for being the size I currently am.
Last edited by Elladorine; 05-27-2010 at 07:49 PM.
Sometimes I wish I could have my before and after photos printed on a shirt so everyone can see that I've already lost a lot of weight and not judge me harshly for being the size I currently am.
This statement really caught my attention because I have been doing my walk/run intervals at a local park and there are a lot of thin, in shape people there, and I always feel like they are looking at me and judging me. I was thinking the other day, I wish I could wear a shirt that says I've lost XX pounds for whatever my weight loss was at that time. That way they would know I am serious. In the past I would have never done any running in front of others, I realize despite what "I think" they are thinking about me, they probably don't give it a second thought.
This is a really, really interesting thread with very thoughtful and wise responses. Love it.
Reading made me more aware of what I think people are thinking about ME when they see me. (I'm selfish like that.)
For instance, one of my best friends is a dude who is quite a bit younger than I am -- he's 28, I'm 42. We work together, and we're sort of inseparable.
Him: on the short side, quite slender, and freakin beautiful. I tend not to think of him like that, because we're totally in the friendship zone, but when I pull back and look at him objectively (or when I see women checking him out which is like...always), I can't deny his hotness.
Me: Well, my stats are over there <---. I'm obviously a big girl, but I take pride in my appearance, dress as smartly as I can at this weight, love hair and makeup, am outgoing and fun, and so on.
People who don't know us tend to assume we're together in the biblical sense which we're so not. I've actually seen women mouth the words "what's he doing with HER?". I've heard whispers from men who debate my...how do I say it? Sexual prowess. Oviously we're only hanging out because I'm keeping him satisfied, right? Uhm, ouch.
We go out to lunch quite a bit, and this man can eat. Seriously. He can eat more than I could ever eat even at my fattest. Since I'm striving to stay on plan, I do a lot of no bread, sauce on the side kind of stuff when I order. He, on the other hand, has actually uttered the words "double meat, double cheese" to a server once in my presence (my arteries hardened just typing that). When the food was delivered by someone who didn't take our order, she automatically assumed that the heart attack on a plate was for me. Yeah, lady...no. Not for me. It's for my hot, skinny friend over there.
I had a point somewhere in all this.
I guess I try not to judge or assume too much, since I realize others judge me every single day I walk down the street with my friend. They assume I'm the unhealthy one, I'm the big eater, I'm the double meat double cheese chick. It sucks.
So while I have my moments of b*tchiness and/or snark (usually reserved for someone wearing a horrid, unflattering outfit -- and I'm an equal opportunity snarker...fat, skinny, no difference to me -- I try to be empathetic because I know the feeling that look can give a person. It can be truly soul crushing.
I can relate. I saw a woman walking down the street and it seemed like she was twisting back and forth with each step it was sad. I know I probably weigh the same or close to it. The weight I have is more proportioned than hers was though and I feel like I walk normal but how would I know.
I've always felt a little weird about eating in front of others. I know there are times I have fallen to a sort of binge eating when everyone else(family) was gone or sleeping.
