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Old 01-17-2010, 07:05 PM   #1  
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Default Could do with a hug, please.

Big meanie of a day here - I'm a church minister. It's a traditional church, where ritual is important. There's a team of servers - guys in the sanctuary who have set roles in the service. One guy has spent my first year showing off, disrupting the service, talking when I'm preaching, distracting me and the congregation. I've had several conversations with him, including a formal meeting and a reprimand. Today I told him to quit. He's not pleased, understandably.

It's the first time I've ever had to fire someone, so I'm kind of all of a quiver still. And of course, as the evening goes on, I'm starting to feel guilty..... However, I know I'm right, and, like it or not, tough stuff is what leaders have to do some times.

Still could do with a hug, though.

OTOH, I feel like a great weight has lifted - believe me, for the last 3-6 months, I haven't been able to sleep on Saturday nights for worrying what he'll be like on the Sunday - and that ain't good for a minister, to be afraid to go into their own church! So I'm hoping that now this weight's gone, I can concentrate on this other weight. Tomorrow, I'm back on track. Again.

And yes, it is midnight here. And no, I can't sleep.
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Old 01-17-2010, 07:11 PM   #2  
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Good for you, sounds like it was the right decision.
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Old 01-17-2010, 07:13 PM   #3  
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I'm so relieved for you that you've gotten that conversation over. You've done the hard part, stay strong.
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Old 01-17-2010, 07:17 PM   #4  
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Here's a huge hug -- it's hard and you've done what was best, for your congregation and for all involved. The man needs to grow up, both personally and spiritually, and he had his chance to deal with the issue and turned away. You've faced it and grown. Well done.

I'm in a traditionally male field myself (engineering) and I've been there more times than I ever wanted to be.

One more hug! And get some sleep.
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Old 01-17-2010, 07:18 PM   #5  
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I remember your writing about him earlier...I'm surprised he's still there. He needs to GO! You did the right thing!!
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Old 01-17-2010, 07:22 PM   #6  
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Big hug for you! My sister is a Pastor with the ELCA and our services are very similar to the Anglican Church services so I understand what you are saying.

You absolutely did what you needed to do, for the good of your congregation. So many of us recharge each Sunday in church - we are fed not just with communion and your words in your sermon, but also with the beauty of the music and the beauty of the rituals - and anything that disrupts that, disrupts the spiritual growth of the flock and keeps them from getting what they need.

As part of the congregation, I always depend on the Pastor to do the hard things like what you have done, to preserve the beauty and peace of the service and to ensure we all get what we need each Sunday.

Thank you so much for doing this. You did absolutely the right thing, even though it was very very hard to do, so give yourself a big hug and a big reward! (((HUGS)))

P.S. A warm bath and some lavender oil (if you have some handy to put in the bath) might be just perfect now, along with a non-caffeine herbal tea like chamomile!

Last edited by HealthierLori; 01-17-2010 at 07:24 PM. Reason: To add PS
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Old 01-17-2010, 07:22 PM   #7  
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I hope things get better now that the guy has been booted.
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Old 01-17-2010, 07:23 PM   #8  
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A BIG HUG to you, and I understand what you are saying-- I'm very non-confrontational and can procrastinate for MONTHS instead of dealing with it. GOOD FOR YOU!
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Old 01-17-2010, 07:35 PM   #9  
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((((Rosinante)))) Sometimes it's hard to do the right thing. You did everything you could - but, he chose to continue that same behavoir. Try to feel better.
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Old 01-17-2010, 07:36 PM   #10  
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Good for you for taking care of the situation. I imagine it was hard but necessary, and speaking as a member of the congregation (Episcopal) I would be very happy to have someone like that no longer disrupting the service and taking the focus away from worship. I bet everyone is relieved and now that the hard part is over, you'll sleep better on Saturday nights and enjoy your Sunday services more.
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Old 01-17-2010, 07:39 PM   #11  
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Firing people is the worst part of any leadership job, but you certainly gave him enough chances to shape up. Sounds like you did the right thing, even if it was hard.
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Old 01-17-2010, 07:57 PM   #12  
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You did what needed to be done and the whole congregation can have a peaceful Sunday service now.
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Old 01-17-2010, 08:05 PM   #13  
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ditto what everyone else has said. So glad this weight over your head is gone now and you don't have to dread going into your church!
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Old 01-17-2010, 08:12 PM   #14  
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If you know he is was disrupting your outreach--well, then --that's all that needs to be said about that.
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Old 01-17-2010, 08:16 PM   #15  
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Rosinante here is a . It must be a big relief not to have to deal with that server. He should be embarrassed for how he behaved. It sure wasn't setting a good example for the children.
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