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Old 05-14-2004, 11:46 PM   #1  
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Default I could just cry... Help me - please...

Well ladies, here I am... and its been way too long! I've been even avoiding posting for the past couple weeks as I feel embarrassed about how well I was doing, however I failed once again. I'm feeling horrible and am looking for any help to get me back on track. Here's the story so far... Re-joined the board in March, started on a great low-cal, low-fat, lots of water, gym program 3 times a week routine... and of course FAILED ... once again...

What threw me off track was, I got strep throat twice in late March/early April... got off the train for a few days but when I recovered was right back on.. Then, mid- April, I came down with the stomach flu (for the first time in 10 years), and have been 100% off-track since then. Its just been spiralling out of control and it hit me tonight (looking at pictures, they have a way of doing that)... over the past month, I haven't been to the gym at all, i've eaten McDonalds, chips, KFC, Pepsi, Chocolate... You name what's bad for you and I've had it...

Now, I'm feeling horrible and at an all-time low, I don't know how to get back on track... Every single time i'm doing sooo well, something throws me off track and I FAIL! But, I know I want to do this... I want to feel good about myself again, I want to feel sexy for Steve and I want to wear what I want to wear... Am I going to get there the way I'm going?!? **** NO! Then, why am I still hurting myself?

For those of you that have made it this far, thanks for listenening.. I really needed to get this all out to people who I think understand....

Ciao Bellas,
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Old 05-15-2004, 12:13 AM   #2  
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you can always begin again! the first step was coming back here. the next step is to find a plan that you can stick with FOREVER. not for a week, or a month, but FOREVER because that's the only way you can lose and keep it off.
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Old 05-15-2004, 11:22 AM   #3  
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Holly is right, coming back here and being willing to start again is the first step. Whatever way you choose to do this it has to be something you can live with forever because no matter what, you will always have issues with food, we all will. That is why fad diets usually don't last because once we get the weight off we just go back to normal and normal is what got us here in the first place! This has to be an every day process. Day in and day out, consistantly making healthy, loving food and exercise choices. Now, this doesn't mean that you can't falter because you will, we all do, it's just a fact of life. But the trick is not to wait to get back on track. If everything is going along great and then all of a sudden you get hit with a binge, don't wait until the next day or week to get back on plan. Start as soon as the binge is over and don't let the guilt continue the cycle. What good does it do to give up on the rest of the day after a binge? It will only make the damage worse. We all make these mistakes, we're only human. We just have to accept it when it happens and move on. That is the only way we can take control of the cycle instead of letting the cycle control us. You can do this Celina, you've got to believe that. I'm glad you came back, we're here if you need us. Good luck!!

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Old 05-15-2004, 11:34 AM   #4  
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Celina, Please dont give up on yourself. I almost did last week, but coming here helped that downward spirel feeling. Remember all the progress youve made, and remember that we are all here to talk if you need us!
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Old 05-15-2004, 12:06 PM   #5  
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Beverly said it. If you look at the changes you make as a new lifestyle it makes mistakes and slips seem less important. Yes, you were sick, and any illness that affects eating and activity will affect your progress. But, it doesn't have to affect your long-term plan. You can see it as a pause in your progress, or you can see it as a reason to give up or an excuse to go back to the way things were.

I've been seriously overweight all my life, and at 39 I finally figured out that I couldn't just "go on a diet" and "lose weight." I had to change my life. The reasons I over-ate and under-exercised were firmly embedded in the way I approached life in general. In order to fix the fat thing, I had to fix the life thing. Part of that meant accepting that I would always have an issue with food, that I have a compulsive personality, and the way to ensure success was not to magically transform into a perfect person who never wanted to overeat. That was never, never going to happen. But, what I COULD do was constantly devote time and energy to positive self-talk and developing strategies that would help me live a healthy lifestyle. If I did that, the weight would come off sooner or later.

It's been 2 1/2 years, and I've lost 140 of the 170 I wanted to lose. It's been slow going compared to most people. And, I've had plenty of periods where I just maintained or even went up a little. I'm still on-again, off-again with the exercise. During this time I've suffered the deaths of both grandmothers, a job loss, and various other stresses and traumas of modern life. But, since I started the journey this time, it's NEVER been an option for me to give up. I've never seriously considered chucking everything and going back to my old way of life, and I've never slid so far that I was afraid I wouldn't get back. This isn't to say I'm a perfect person, or that I'm superior in any way. The point is that I finally learned that even when I make huge mistakes, berating myself isn't the answer. Calling yourself a failure and talking to yourself in such a negative, hateful way is very destructive. It's hard for us to believe, but talking to yourself in a kind, supportive, positive way is much more helpful. That doesn't mean lying to yourself, rationalizing, or making excuses. It just means acknowledging that you didn't make good choices, forgiving yourself, and making a plan for next time. We believe what we hear if we hear it enough times. And, if the only thing you've ever heard from yourself is that you are a failure and that the situation is hopeless, well ... that's what you believe.

You have to be ready to undertake this journey and see it through for the rest of your life. But, you can MAKE yourself ready. It helps to think about why you want to do this. Yes, appearance and being able to wear fashionable clothes are certainly good reasons. But, make a list of all the OTHER reasons you'd like to have a healthy body and a healthy attitude towards food and exercise. The other thing that helped me tremendously was reading. I HIGHLY recommend Thin for Life by Anne Fletcher. Dr. Phil's book ain't bad. And I also like Susan Powter's Stop the Insanity (although she's a little angry about men LOL, and her food plan isn't all that sensible). Finally, if you suspect you may be a compulsive overeater, The Thin Books by Jean Westin Eddy is really good. You have to constantly pump yourself up and give yourself peptalks, and these books can really help with that.

Don't worry about being perfect. If it seems too much to try to get back into your food plan and your exercise routine all at the same time, then just work on the food part. Then, next week, promise yourself you'll go to the gym ONCE. Be sure and pat yourself on the back and acknowledge when you carry out your plan and face challenges. Even when you make a mistake, you probably did better than you would have before. The best thing to encourage success is success. Just be aware that "motivation" is a false friend, and sooner or later it WILL leave you. That's when all your preparation and determination will come into play.

Just remember, the only way you are a failure is if you stop trying. As the Japanese say, "Fall down 10 times, get up 10 times."
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Old 05-15-2004, 02:41 PM   #6  
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Celina, I wish I could give you a big hug, girlfriend -- you need one! I couldn't agree more with the words of Holly, Beverly, and funniegrrl. There's so much wisdom there, pay it heed and really think about how to apply that wisdom to your daily thoughts, responses, and behaviors. (I know I will.)

The only thing I would add is to try not to get too far ahead of yourself, or focus too much how much you have yet to accomplish -- that can all be too overwhelming. Maybe at this point it's more than even "one day at a time." Tell yourself you're just going to get through the next half hour on plan, and then when you do that, do it again.....till you reach the end of the day, when you'll find yourself at the proud point where you've succeeded in remaining on plan for the entire day. Then celebrate that success, giving yourself lots of positive feedback for having done what you intended to do and staying the course. And if by chance you slip, don't concentrate on what external forces made it happen, so much as how to set yourself up for success for the next time. And just take control of the cycle. Ok, you messed up at lunch. But what about your afternoon snack? What happened there? And at dinner? Or, "Damn, I can't believe I was ordered that for lunch. Why did I do that? Hey, I better go to the gym today in addition to tomorrow, because that will really help me to feel better about messing up, and I'll be changing that negative into a positive. I'll make a point of thinking about it when I'm on the exercise bike."

There are weaker times when it helps me to think about the journey that some people have to undertake just to learn to walk again....the incredible focus and discipline, the effort to take one step, and then another, and then another. Of course it's not the same thing, but it does serve as an allegory for how it is for some of us. The person at the start of that arduous and agonizing journey in physical therapy has to bite off little goals (no pun intended!) and celebrate seemingly tiny achievements -- which they, and those supporting them, know are incredibly huge and hard-earned. That's where you are now, Celina. Baby steps.

You were very wise to turn to us for support, Celina, instead of throwing in the towel and bowing out. There's noone here who can't relate to your feelings now.....the key is that you regain control of the small pieces that make up the whole -- even if it's just one piece at a time. Till you get there. And you will. Just stop beating the crap out of yourself! :
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Old 05-15-2004, 05:22 PM   #7  
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I understand what you are going through Celina - I have been in a very similar place recently, and begin to think that I will never succeed.

Listen to the kind advice from these ladies - and see how much weight they have lost. They are no different from you or I - they just plugged away at it, through good times and bad, and 1 pound lost became 20lbs lost, became 100lbs lost! I am talking to myself here as much as you!

Lets not give up and be miserable - lets get back on plan slowly but surely, making small changes. Good Luck!

FUNNIEGIRL - Are you new to 3fc? You sure will be an asset to this group - you offered some really sensible advice, that obviously comes from experience. Wow - you have lost an amazing amount of weight - hope you stick around, we love to hear from people who have succeeded and can share their wisdom!

Love Amanda xxx

Last edited by Amanda Panda; 05-15-2004 at 05:25 PM.
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Old 05-15-2004, 06:21 PM   #8  
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Hey Celina, a big hug for you. The first thing I want to say is a big well done on being brave enough to come and post here, and write about how you are feeling. I think it takes real courage to do that. I think the rest of these wise women have really said it my humble experience, the "positive self-talk", that is forgiving yourself for the mistakes, and encouraging yourself for all of the small successes is the most important thing. Hard as it is, you just have to find a way to care about yourself enough to treat yourself well, physically and emotionally. For most of us, who tend to spend our lives looking after other people, that's a really difficult thing to learn. And then its those small steps all the way......just one exercise session, just one day on plan, just one pound lost.....eventually they start to add up....
I guess I also have a question.....sometimes I think we 'give up' because the eating plan/exercise schedule is just too demanding, too un-doable on a permanent the others have said, we have to find a way to eat, exercise, live that is a comfortable and sustainable way of my experience that means trading off a slower rate of weight loss for a more flexible, less stringent eating plan......maybe you have been denying/restricting yourself too much?
I hope you can find some comfort and support, and a good way to get back on track....
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Old 05-15-2004, 10:35 PM   #9  
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Heya Celina, Wow, what wonderful advice you are getting from everybody. I don't have anything to add, but I know that you are strong enough to get back on track. I know that you can work hard at it and acheive the weight loss you desire. You have lots of really caring people to back you up. Stay strong. Never give up!
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Old 05-16-2004, 09:41 AM   #10  
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(((Hug))) I'm glad to see you are back. I agree with all the advice given (Don't we have a great group?)
The only thing I could add would be to not think of it as a failure. This is something for life and you don't fail at it. Instead think of it as choices. You chose to eat that way, not exercise. Was it the best choice? No. But you found out those choices you made kept you from exercising, eating healthy, and losing weight. So now you've learned from this life experience and are ready for the next time you get sick. If it were me I would journal and write down how I felt, some of the triggers I faced that caused me to choose to not eat healthy and then write a plan of attack for the next time I get sick and you know it will happen again since this is something for life.
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Old 05-16-2004, 12:42 PM   #11  
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Celina- You can do it.. Listen to what all the above are saying. Go Celina Go Go GO GO! We're all cheering you on! And we're all here to help get you back on track!
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Old 05-16-2004, 04:54 PM   #12  
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Thumbs up I hear ya!


I'm new here. I'm 5'7" and weighed a little more than you a few months ago. I'm seeing a health counselor and trying to eat only unprocessed foods (no packaged foods or white flour). I haven't really started an exercise program, although I had started to walk home part way from work and then got hit with allergies the last 2 weeks.

High Weight: 262
Current Weight: 250
Goal Weight: 150

It's going to take a long time to lose all this weight and I know there will be ups and downs, but I try not to beat myself up so much when I go off my new eating plan. Hopefully we can all help each other through this difficult journey.

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Old 05-16-2004, 05:50 PM   #13  
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Doesn't it suck when you're doing so good and then life throws you a curve ball?

Whether it be strep throat or something major like divorce, there ARE curve balls in life. You gotta figure out a way past them. You gotta get back on the horse. Let's make us a list to figure out why getting back in the saddle is a good idea:

-You already know where you can come for support (Steve & here!).
-You already know how good it feels to exercise.
-You already know what food plan was working for you.
-You've fallen off track before and you know that you can get back on.
-You know why you're doing it.

-If you give up for good, you don't have to worry about working at weightloss. Hey, you won't be thin, but that's what you're looking at.

So, the deal is this: quit holding yourself to perfection. Life is always going to be filled with little suprises that might throw you off track for awhile. The deal is that you pick up and get started again. The BIGGEST reason I see when people stop working on their program is that they slip and say, "Well, I screwed up. Might as well stop doing this."

Start over. Start small. Go take a walk. Plan a healthy dinner. Skip dessert. One day two, pick another thing to improve on.

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Old 05-17-2004, 12:57 PM   #14  
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Good to see you back Celina! I was wondering how my fellow Flames fan was doing!

Lots of good advice here! I do hope that you will stop looking at the last few weeks as a "failure" and start looking at them as a learning experience. I think that you will find that NONE of the people who have been particularly successful with loosing weight have been perfect all of the time. I believe that those who are successful are those that know when to put a period on the end of the sentence and move on. You veered away from your eating and exercise know why....what can you do in the future should the same situation arise (and it likely will).... seem quite harsh on yourself for somebody who has taken the herculean effort to get back on the bandwagon (I know how tough it is....I think we ALL do, because we've all had to do it, too!). I also tend to be quite hard on myself, if I'm not careful. I try to filter what I'm telling myself by imagining what advice and feedback I would give one of the other 3FC members if they were posting. I have read lots of your I know (for CERTAIN) that you would never tell somebody who was getting back on plan that they were a "failure". I hope that you will stop telling yourself that....because it simply isn't true!

Looking forward to reading all of your encouraging and thoughtful posts! Take care of yourself...
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Old 05-17-2004, 01:12 PM   #15  
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these ladies always ALWAYS blow me away with their wisdom and kindness. please, celina... just take a few seconds right now and feel all the love coming your way. it's there ... and it's ALL FOR YOU.

ok. now. what ONE STEP to a healthier you are you taking today? just one. not seven. not all of them. and you can pick it!!!

please, honey.. try to focus on the GOOD things you're doing, and not the slip-ups. we ALWAYS travel in the direction we're looking... so if we look to the GOOD we're doing, we'll do more of it... if we look to the BAD, we'll do more of that as well..

and it's NEVER too late to take that one first step.
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