We care about you, and at the very least, can empathize with your anger and exhaustion with weight. You've got one of the toughest jobs in the universe, and one of the most important, and it takes an extraordinarily smart, strong, courageous human being to do it. It sounds like you've been giving, giving, giving lately, and don't feel like you're getting, getting, getting anything in return. It's easy to say that you're giving yourself a smaller, healthier body in the long term, but who cares when you're sad and just want a friggin donut?!?
This might help, might not, but when I get sad and frustrated, I make lists. Lists of things and people and activities that I am allowing to suck the life out of me or give me strength, and how much time I spend on those things. Then, I make a list of pros and cons about maintaining those things, activities and relationships. Sometimes, I don't change a single thing, but with the concrete list in my hand, I feel like I'm back in control. Yes, it takes some time, but it makes me feel like it's time doing something about how I feel.
You matter, Jennelle. You matter to your family, to your kids at school, to us. I hope you get a chance to take a deep breath today, and think about just how special and amazing you are.
I told you I was going to check in everyday. Well here I am. I didn't do good last night. I was not feeling well and the kids were well kids. The kids went running through the sprinkler and baby slept. me I just did dishes and housework. I should have put the housework aside for an hour and did some exercises. Excuses I can't make any for me. Have you heard the song called excuses? I think of it everytime I make an excuse for my self. The song is for not going to church but it fits for this to. Well tonight will do it. I will I will I will. Please pray that I will I need it.
Take care all I must go and work another 4 hours then go home get kids and walk my buns off.
First of all girl, I want to remind you.. that we are ALL in this together. I have been where you are, I have felt what you felt, I have stumbled, I have fallen, I have been depressed, I have been exstatic... This is a very very tough journey we are on (and I'm just talking about trying to lose weight! Forget the rest of the crap that life throws at you!)
You can do this. Sit down and make a list of the reasons you WANT to do this. Find some before pictures. Have someone take a picture of you now. Start looking at yourself in the mirror, and watch yourself shrink! Figure out what about you that you aren't happy with, and find a tape or workout that targets that area. Make weight loss your New Adventure and throw yourself at it like you would moving somewhere new!
You can do this... you are going to have a New Life in Missisippi.. A life as a New Healthier You!!!
Oh Jennelle..
there are so many days that I feel so much like you do.. you really hit home with me you said "society for giving lip service to "size doesn't matter," then MAKING it matter. Very well said.
I understand when you said that part of you wants to give in and the other part says that you will know that your life is then over. It's amazing how some days everything appears simple.. like you see through the trees and realize how sad you are.
I am very sorry to hear about your grandfather. I never had grandparents growing up.. I am so close to seniors I meet. I love to listen to them.. to hear their stories. It makes me so sad knowing that veterns of WWII are dying.. and that the soldiers and wifes from WWI are gone. We must remember the stories they have told us.. how they lived their lives. I would love to start up a organization to "adopt a grandparent" - I could listen to one all day. I imagine you have so many wonderful memories of your grandfather. Treasure those forever.
I also understand what you are saying by calling your ww meeting as an AA meeting. Too funny - I have thought of that many times. I usually come from my meeting very motivated. (I skipped last week's meeting and I can tell) - I hope you come home and feel lucky for who and what you are. Just know this... you are loved by all of us. I may not have met you in person.. but all of us hear share a special bond. Trust in us.. we will be here
Sometimes I go to the dwlz bb and read the ww weekly topic thread (I'm just a lurker there )
The woman that starts the thread must have this amazing ww leader because her description of her meetings are so good.
This week's topic seems like something we all could use here this week.. so I thought I would share:
(the woman is from Canada - I thought it was funny how they used the donut as the example - using a donut would help put things into perspective for a canuk )
What did you expect? was the meeting topic at this week’s meeting!
Our leader walked into the meeting and asked us all….. "what we expected when we came to Weight Watchers?" Some of the responses included:
~ it would be difficult
~ this was one of MANY attempts at Weight Watchers… how would this be different?
~ a quick weight loss
~ some had NO idea
Our leader asked us if we were out driving and suddenly came to a curve in the road - how we reacted? She then asked us - if we handled the curve easier if we had seen a sign prior to the curve - indicating that a curve was coming up? Of course the majority did say "yes".
When we are on a journey we can’t always go full speed ahead on the road. Sometimes there are detours, sometimes there are curves, sometimes we get lost!
She then flipped up her flip-chart and told us that there are actually 4 stages of weight loss. On the flip chart it said:
She asked the group who had been in the honeymoon stage? Several people raised their hands, so she asked them how it felt? Some of the responses included:
~ Excited
~ Determined to do things to a T
~ Happy with great loss’s each week
~ Felt the program was easy to follow
~ It was fun!
~ Did things very diligently
~ Felt in control
~ Knew exactly what they wanted
~ An example was provided by the leader - where if someone had donuts at work, they wouldn’t dream of having one because it was 6 points! It wasn’t something they were prepared to spend that many points on.
The honeymoon stage is where we learned we COULD do this! We felt good, excited that we were losing weight; this weight loss journey WAS do-able!
Our leader then asked us who had been in the Thrill is gone stage. Again, some members raised their hands. They were asked for their experiences and this is what some said:
~ Went from highs to lows when the weight loss was not as great as it had been in the earlier stage.
~ Some lost some determination
~ Some felt disappointed at the results
~ Again the leader provided the "donut example" where in this stage - some individuals are bitter and the willpower to resist the donut is not as great. If the scale didn’t reflect all the hard efforts - why not have the donut?? All the hard work seems to be for not.
In the "Thrill is gone" stage - we sometimes tend to feel we’ve encountered a CURVE in the road or that we missed a turn somewhere. It came up quicker than we expected. The KEY is to remember that this is normal!! You’re NOT off track, but instead - this is really part of the journey. If you feel the weight loss is slow, or your feel deprived, it’s not fun anymore, or maybe you’re bored - be aware that you are in this stage - but don’t give up!!
Next there is the Renewed resolve stage! This is where you realize what’s been happening but you "stay on the road"!!! You have a more realistic view of this weight loss journey. Again - you would "pass on the donuts" because you know it won't help you progress further", however - you know you can have them if you planned for them or had the points - afterall there are NO forbidden foods. You have ‘learned’ from the previous stage that you CAN do it if you keep with it!!! You recapture the fun, dig deep to carry on, follow the program. You understand that you can’t "always go full speed ahead" as you had in the ‘honeymoon stage’ and that’s okay. It’s not a race, and your journey is very different than someone else’s (after all - we don’t all have the same destination).
The Lifestyle Change ~ is the 4th stage. Most people have come to terms with their weight loss and at what rate they are losing. They know what they can and cannot do. There are ups and downs, but that’s all part of the lifestyle. The way you eat is now not out of the ordinary completely - but instead part of your routine now. It’s automatic.
My how Dotti’s heading - It’s a lifestyle - not a diet holds true! It may sometimes feel like it will take a while to come to this realization - but if you persist - it WILL happen!
We may sometimes feel as though we're alone in some of these stages (as though you are the ONLY one this is happening to), but realize that you are NOT. You might be surrounded by honeymooners - but if you again "realize" what stage you are in you will be better prepared to understand it all. Know what to expect with these stages (just like the road signs) and you'll handle the road MUCH better! Enjoyment is part of the journey, so keep variety, keep things fun and interesting because enjoyment is VERY motivating! What stage are you in??
Boy you hit the nail on the head. I feel like that right now. Not about my grandparent, but about the moving and the fat thing. I wasn't a military brat but my family did move around a lot. I have been living in my home now for about 5 years and am very restless. I want to move so bad. It is frustrating!!
I am in the "feeling bad for my self" mode right now and I don't like it. I am sick of being fat as well. I wish I could just push a button and make it all just go away. I just got a bunch of pictures of when my husband was home and they just about made me cry. It is horrible to see your self with a bunch of skinny of people. I felt and looked like I was double there size ( and was). It is just a big downer for me. I know I have lost some weight but for me it just isn't enough.
Well now that I have included my "bad feeling day" I am going to let you all rest for a while, I am going to clean my livingroom so that I can get some kind of a work out in today.
Thanks, you guys, for the kind words. I knew that someone (if not everyone!) would understand.
I haven't gone to WW yet. The meeting's at 6:30, so I've got about 45 minutes before I need to leave. I really dread stepping on that scale. Truthfully, I'm not real fond of the weigh-in lady. She always sounds so disapproving when someone's gained weight...or maybe that's just my own frustration manifesting itself as some imagined disapproval by others.
Slimdown - I really enjoyed reading the WW meeting topic! It's so true! I'm definitely in the "thrill is gone" stage....
I drove down to the school to start putting my classroom together (school starts in three weeks). The majority of the work that needs to be done in my room isn't done yet, and the principal asked me if I wanted to move to the room next door, which was formerly occupied by a teacher who isn't coming back this year. Of course, I jumped at the chance. The room is so much nicer and more conducive to teaching...I've rearranged furniture and set up my class library and started hanging posters. It looks really nice, and I'm excited about it. I think, also, it represents a fresh start for me. My first year is over, my second year is here.
I also got to look at my class "snapshot" of state test results. I'm so proud of my kids! They did a great job! My results were comparable to the teacher across the hall, who's been teaching for 33 (!) years, so now it's official: I really am a pretty good teacher! The principal also asked me if I wanted to be grade chairperson. It's really no extra work - all I would really have to do is serve as the fifth grade's spokesperson and make sure we meet once a week for planning purposes. I'm a little concerned that the teacher who was chairperson last year might be a little miffed, but I can smooth things over if need be.
Thanks again for your kind words! I thought for sure I was going to be labeled a big crybaby! I feel so much better, not only because I've finally been validated as a teacher, but because I have this whole board pulling for me.
Maybe I'm in the "thrill is gone" phase like Jennelle and Bella. Don't know but did manage not to give in to whatever it was today. Kept decent tabs on food, exercised, lotsa water.
Don't have the SSS - all my seven siblings have/had weight problems(I'm glad they're beginning to recognize genetic component - always thought we'd make a good experiment for that).
But if my youngest sister keeps it up, I may have. She's lost 42 lbs since the beginning of the year on WW and we're all very proud of her.
I got my hair cut and eyebrowws waxed yesterday. That waxing is a lot more painful than I thought it would be (my first time). I didn't yelp or anything but just calmly said OW. The woman doing it laughed like crazy.
Jennelle - I get angry a lot over my weight too. I get tired of watching what I am eating, forcing myself to drink water when I'd rather have pop, exercising when I don't really feel like it. I'm really sorry that you look in the mirror and get upset by what you see. Is it really the fat that bothers you? I know it seems strange to think that thin people don't have perfect lives but really they don't. That size 5 person with the fat pants, as incomprehensible as that may be to us, that is a real issue to her. For her losing 5 or 10 lbs is probably just as tough if not tougher than us losing 100 lbs. I know weight is a big issue for all of us and maybe that is part of the problem. People of 'normal' weight don't think about food and their weight all of the time. Focus on other things too, your work, your kids, your health in general. Think about keeping active and eating healthier for long term health benefits rather than losing 2 lbs by the end of the week. Also I'd like to say that I really respect you for being a teacher. That is something that I don't think I could do. You've done so well too. These are things about yourself that you can be very, very proud about.
Thank goodness!!!! This week has been horrendous at work, I am in DESPERATE need of a break.
So, last night i missed Richard, just ran right out of time. I was bummed, but my calf was still pretty sore, so it was probably for the best. I am planning a date with him tonight!
This is our 1 year anniversary weekend (officially Sunday) but about 20 things have gotten planned for sunday (ARGH!) so we're celebrating tomorrow instead. We're going to the zoo in Rhode Island.. so hopefully I'll get lots of moving in.
Anyone else watching Big Brother 3? I'm officially addicted. We haven't watched this week's episode yet (watching it tonight!)
Again I am not doing what I was set out to do but I do have a clean living room now to sweat to the oldies in. I can't garantee I will be doing any exercises tonight though since my baby and 5 year old get there shots this afternoon. They have never had problems before so I don't see them having any problems now. If they are not sick tonight I will do some exercises. I need to I feel way out there.
BA--Congrats on the 1 year anniversary my hubby and I are going on 5 years in September.
Slimdown--That really hits home the stages. I would have to sit and evaluate where I am but I am probably at the trill is gone stage. BUt hope to be moving toward the next one.
Well I better get going I have one hour to work then take the kids to there appointments.
I went to school yesterday to start setting up my classroom...of course, Maintenance hasn't finished but one thing on their long, long list of things to do...principal asked me if I wanted the room next door, since that teacher's not coming back. I felt bad for leaving my old junky room to the new person, but the principal just laughed and said, "Well, that's what we did to you last year!" Point taken....plus, I got to see the snapshot summary of how my kids did on their state standardized tests....AWESOME! I am so proud of them all! The principal was thrilled....my scores were comparable to the class across the hall, where the teacher has 33(!) years of experience. She asked me if I wanted to be grade chairperson...it's not a raise or anything, and not even much extra work. I'm excited. It's official - I am a good teacher!
Ah, we finally had some rain. Feels so much better.
I've had a fairly good week all around except for the funk yesterday. I've exercised but need more, watered me thoroughly (maybe that's why the reservoir is down), and not been overly piggish on food. Probably won't lose but at least don't think I'll gain.
Going to babysit granddaughters tomorrow - my best medicine - so I'll come back fired up to begin anew Monday. That doesn't mean I'm going to ditch Sat/Sun, just that I always begin anew on Mondays.
Anagram - I would love to have one of Sara's grandparents around so they could watch her.. play grandma games and such! My parents live back home in Toronto and my inlaws are 3 hours away. We try to see them as much as we can.
Today was a great OP day.. whohoo! It's been long overdue .. hehe.
What is everyone up to this weekend?
Going down to the farmers market tomorrow and see what's there. Been eating a lot of red peppers, onions and cucumbers - yummy!
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Sharing my non-weight-related successes!
