I'm fat because I am an emotional eater, and also I see all my friends eat whatever they want (they are all small) and I think " why can't I do that?!" amd I know that that's not good at all, and so I need to fix this
I am simply amazed at the number of us with some form of alchoholism in our family history.
You can add me to that list. My parents weren't alcoholics, but my mom's family were all violent drinkers. I see the tendency in both myself and my sister, so we have to be really careful.
There's sexual abuse in my father's past too, which made him emotionally unavailable to us kids, which fostered my fear of rejection at an early age. My mom's anorexia didn't help either.
Location: Down in the dumps..but working my way out!
Posts: 907
Why I'm fat...
I also grew up in a family of alcoholics. My mom, brother, and several other relatives struggled with alcohol addiction; but for me food was my 'drug of choice'. I've struggled with my weight since I was in elementary school. I'm addicted to fat & sugar particularly. I'm also an 'emotional eater'. Food helps me deal with stress, anxiety, and isolation.
Thank you so much for starting this thread! That's one of the wonderful things about 3 FC. We've all been there, and we can relate & offer support to each other
I have absolutely no excuse to be fat based on my upbringing. I grew up with a thin mother who cooked very healthfully. We NEVER got pop, or pizza, or chips etc except on very special occasions. My mother knew about low fat, high nutrition cooking before it was fashionable. Dessert in our house was apple, orange, banana take your pick.
BUT as an adult, my mother and I discussed if maybe food was TOO controlled. THus when I went to university, and had free rein on what I ate, I lost my mind.
I also think I had a distorted body image from a young age. In high school I thought I was fat. IN reality I was a 5.8 140 pound, size 12-14 young woman who had a great body..but already I thought I was fat.
I don't really know exactly when it got out of control. I would gain a few, lose some, gain some more, lose some. I got what I call the opposite of anorexia..I looked in the mirror and thought I was thin....Then I just quit caring and hit 275. I remember getting weighed at the hospital in prep for surgery. I thought I was 240..the scale said 275. I sat in my car and cried.
I have lost 35. I eat for nutrition, and lose weight by accident. I have a long road ahead still. I have to deal with ..am I hungry...am I bored..am I stressed...am I feeling unloved...am I lonely...am I angry...am I too hard on myself..am I not hard enough on myself...omg shut up my brain..please shut up my brain..but I have to listen it every time I eat...and analyze why. I hope it gets easier...I am too old for all this thinking, it hurts my head!
I'm fat because I wasn't taught and never figured out on my own how to eat "normally" (my family had some really weird issues with food - kinda all or nothing).
I'm fat because I'm emotional eater. If I'm having an emotion, I eat
I was normalish size until I was twenty. Then I had one really rough year (started with me finding my husband of less than six months in bed with a friend, carried through my parents very nasty divorce after 25 years of marriage and ended with my grandfather's suicide...there was other stuff, but them's the high points...) and gained about 80-100 lbs. Never been able to get it back off and haven't been under 200 in nearly 23 years.
My question is -- I know food is my go-to for any and all emotional upsets -- and that seems like it's true for many posting. It works and it feels safer than trusting anyone/anything else -- so what are alternatives to comfort or destress or whatever? I'm willing to take baby-steps on this one. I really have no idea what genuinely works or how to learn how to make something else work as well.
Thanks,
Barb
Last edited by Keillynsmom; 01-16-2009 at 12:41 PM.
My Mum's mantra when I was growing up "If you don't finish what's on your plate you won't get any pudding" also "You not finishing that? There're starving children in Africa!"
I find it really hard to throw food away - I'll finish friend's dinners for them.
You know, I have never heard that before. That is really, quite novel.
This made me laugh out loud, TBG!
I don't know why I'm fat. I do know that I'm pretty lazy, but even so.
Like Jen, I'm a people pleaser and peacekeeper. I never thought if it like that in terms of personality, though, but I think there's something there. When all is tickety-boo, I have no trouble staying on plan and exercising, but any sign of unhappiness or stress and all those good intentions go out the window. I had a good childhood, but during the 80s my dad did lose his job and started drinking heavily, and we ended up moving to another province. That was a really stressful time, but I don't really recall eating to soothe myself. We ate pretty healthily, too, with pop being a rare treat and chips I think were allowed every other weekend or so.
Huh. Put me down for, "I don't know."
Edited to add: Oh, I really like the taste of junk food, too. Potato chips, chocolate, Chinese food...if only celery could taste like ketchup chips!
Last edited by ChrissyBean; 01-17-2009 at 11:34 AM.
so what are alternatives to comfort or destress or whatever? I'm willing to take baby-steps on this one. I really have no idea what genuinely works or how to learn how to make something else work as well.
Well, talking it out is good but not always an option. My comforts:
long hot soak in the tub
relaxing with a cup of hot tea
writing it out (journaling or blogging)
doing artwork to express your feelings
exercise, walking, biking, get the bad energy out
Why am I fat? I ask myself that ALL the time and knowing the answer doesn't seem to help me much. When I was younger, my mama was an alcoholic. When I tell people I helped raise my baby brother and sister, I mean it! When my mama was passed out, I cooked, clean, kissed boo-boos, soothed nighttime fears. My mama openly admits that she remembers next to nothing of our childhood up till I was around 8, when she met my stepfather. My mama's parents died when she was very young and she grew up in a military boarding school, so she's not big with affection. I didn't understand this when I was younger, so I always assumed (and still do) that the problem was me. I wasn't smart, pretty, or quiet enough. I was the ban of my mama's existence, her sole embarrassment. I've always been a awkward kid so I was teased mercilessly at school. We didn't have money so we ate cheap, processed crap. I'm a big emotional eater. When things go wrong, when my emotions get so strong I start to shake, I have to stuff my face. I started gaining weight when my stepfather came into our lives. I also grew very depressed. He's very abusive verbally towards us kids. I worry about my baby brother becoming like him or killing himself, like I tried to many times before. There was also alot of sexual abuse from family friends. It's so weird, my friend brought this up yesterday at work. I was telling her about how I hate when people walk behind me and she asked if I had ever been raped. No, not raped but even though I think I'm ugly, I sometimes feel that I can stop myself from getting assaulted again by staying this way. I know that's illogical but I can't help it.
what are alternatives to comfort or destress or whatever?
The only thing that's come close to approximating food is a hot bath and a book. Sometimes calling a friend (not even necessarily to talk about my emotions). Most things are simply not as comforting as food, so sometimes I just have to do the best I can until the feeling passes. I know exercise works for a lot of people, maybe it will work for me someday too.
I'm fat because I have never felt that I was special to anyone...AWWW! Poor me. I hate saying that...but it is how I feel. So I try to treat myself to make me feel special. Food is the only treat that those around me didn't make me feel guilty about because it could be shared. A new outfit or a new pair of shoes or a manicure were considered selfish.
Now it's just me...I pass on the food and go for the new outfit. Still working on the feeling guilty about it part. My new requirement for a relationship is to find someone who will treat me as well as I treat myself...if I don't find that...why bother?
Why I'm fat...
I've struggled with my weight since I was in elementary school. I'm addicted to fat & sugar particularly. I'm also an 'emotional eater'. Food helps me deal with stress, anxiety, and isolation. 
