No it doesn't make me excited. Quite frankly, I hope that this whole thing is florida fails.....I mean crashes and burns in a fireball of glory and in NYC 4th of July fashion, but I hope to never see him again. He's caused so much hurt and pain. It would just remind me all the awful sensations that my body has gone through in the last mos. I don't ever want a reminder of that
Kiwi: As my mom is fond of saying: what goes around comes around. Hang in there Kiwi - keep up w/the dance classes, as I read your words you sounded recharged and happy writing about it. Immerse yourself in something you love right now and I agree, try to watch the sleep cycle it's easy to get into that pattern, BTDT.
You'll get through this and you'll be a better person at the end of the road, except right now you may not feel like that. And you are a person to be loved, don't let anyone pull that stupid mind trick on you either. You are lovable and can offer love right back. You can do this! Oh, and angry is good my last breakup I listened to music loud and angst filled and in the end, it made me feel better. You'll find little things that work for you to help you over this hurt. Imagine the great possibilities of what the future holds for you.
My experience. He went on and thrived. He used all of the money he'd saved over the years, bought an enormous home for kids, wife. Nothing crashed. He thrived and is very happy.
The best thing I did was stop looking back in my rearview mirror and wish him well and happy, forever. When I really moved on, life happened for me. I did take too much time getting there and that is my biggest regret.
Last edited by Hucklebeary; 11-20-2015 at 10:45 AM.
Hi Kiwi ~
I'm new on this site, but this thread stuck out to me because I too have been in a 10 yr. relationship. We're not married and have no kids (just furbabies) but those two factors wouldn't make it any less devastating if he pulled what your EX did! My stomach dropped just reading about it and I am so very sorry for the pain you are going through as a result of his utter and complete selfishness. I've read through this whole thread and I think you need to take a moment to give yourself credit. You may not think you're handling things well, but I see someone who displays the strength to reach out for help (in numerous ways), meets friends, goes to work, ****, gets out of bed in the morning! You ARE strong. In a really convoluted way, his stunt is going to give you the gift of seeing how incredible you can be standing on your own two feet (he can't say the same, can he?). You seem like a truly wonderful person and just know you have a lot of people rooting for you!
Also -- how great it is to see so many people offering wonderful support. What a great group of people. Kiwi, maybe you should start another thread with a different title, like, "Kiwi's new journey to empowerment" --something like that! You would probably have a group of faithful friends to join you in your journey forward.
Kiwi, I agree with Krism11! I have often thought the same thing! Time for a new post title! You are fighting through this and coming out stronger and stronger every day, little by little. I think you are doing great. I was in the same place as you. All my plans for the future ruined by a jerk, too, but it's time to make new plans! You can do whatever you want to do now and JUST FOR YOU!
Kiwi, you are doing well. You've been given alot of great advice.
There is something else that goes along with enabling (most of us have enabled), it's control. Enabling is tied to control. When we lose complete control of another's actions, it feels like rejection. It might even make someone angry.
I try to look at both sides, too. A man who stayed there for 10 years as your best friend and who could no longer hang in there; (I know he wasn't upfront about it) - for him to continue hanging in there while he's not happy or even miserable is not healthy for either person.
We have to take complete responsibility for remaining in a relationship without positive indicators it's going somewhere. Both parties deserve to have their dreams and happiness. We cannot expect another to sacrifice their life to make us happy when they're miserable.
Letting go of enabling/control is difficult. Taking complete responsibility for our reasons for hanging in there will put you on the road to healing your broken heart. Your best friend hung in there for 10 years. He just didn't know how to end this correctly with compassion.
Thank you guys. I hope everybody here had an amazing thanksgiving. While there were moments of having internal pity parties for myself, I thought about how thankful I am for everybody on this site. Thank you all so much
Kiwi, you are one classy lady! What you're going through is going to take time to ease, but WOW your posts show your spirit shining through. You are going to be ok; give yourself the time you need
Thanks Mars. I don't ever think anybody's ever called me classy despite me trying to always be. So the latest update in my melodrama is that on Tuesday before thanksgiving, I went to the ex's parents house to return their key and basically tell them that I will only use a dog walker and that I cant cont to drop my dog off at their place during the day or text or talk or any of that bc its just too painful for me. I also had a thanksgiving card to be nice. His mom, had a mystery migraine (in the years I've known her never had a migraine) so was hiding out in her bedroom and his dad doesn't hear well or really care or understand the pain that it causes me. So that didn't go very well. I felt very defeated leaving their house that night, but did not put their house key back on my keyring bc I knew I would never use it again. I left basically telling myself, this will have to happen over email despite how adult and respectful I am trying to be. On thanksgiving, I got an email from his mom saying, "hope you're having a nice thanksgiving with your family and sarting to heal." I ignored it bc I knew that my reply would be my break up email and I figured....not on thanksgiving, maybe friday or saturday. So Saturday night I replied. It was a long email that basically told them how things really happened bc I don't believe that they were really aware of how awful their son was in what he did. I think that they thought this was mutual or discussed or that maybe we were fighting or something. I told them that I could no longer have any contact with them if they really wanted me to heal. She has internalized this from the very start as being a bad mother (considering his twin brother also left his wife and kids 10 years into their marriage) as if I should give her pity. She clearly took some offense as she replied with "so sorry for your hurt. You have managed to express your pain and inform a mother that she has SOB's for sons. I beg you to no longer contact me as I cannot take it." WTF? I broke up with her. she can't turn around and try to break up with me.....lol. If I were a more disrespectful person, I would have clearly stated that her sons are both SOBs and far worse things could be said than SOB. His dad lateral texted me stating that they were packing up my dogs things that they had at their house and will drop them off and he will drop of my house keys when he does so, which will all happen when I am at work. Its all going to end up in the trash bc my dog has enough stuff. I got home and unfriended her as well as had intentions of unfriending his brother but either I already did that or he unfriended me. I think I did it. This is the first time, in this whole ordeal that I have felt some sense of power and control and it made me feel really good. One of my cousins has been telling me that the best revenge from a bad breakup is to live well. In the beginning that fell on deaf ears bc I was in such belief that I didn't deserve to be happy or live well. Im working on it now. I'm back to exercising a bit and have subbed in a few indoor soccer games. Now its just really time for the pup to adjust to his new lifestyle. He's been a lucky dog for the last 3.5years never having to really be alone, but now he will be like the majority of house pups in America...Home by himself 8-10 hrs per day with a dog walker if he's lucky and a wee-wee pad in the kitchen if he's not. I pray that he doesn't rebel and do something destructive out of spite.
So Saturday night I replied. It was a long email that basically told them how things really happened bc I don't believe that they were really aware of how awful their son was in what he did.
Kiwi, I'm rooting for you and totally get how you've been feeling (been there, done that)... but I think the above was out of line, so I'm not surprised they responded negatively. Their first loyalty will always lie with their son. I don't think it was your job to educate them about his bad behaviour. Your job, IMO, is to let go of them as surely as you let go of your ex. And letting go means not creating any drama with them and (in time) not caring what they think. In any case, it looks like you've now ended contact with them (a good thing!) and are ready to move forward, even though you still feel lousy much of the time. It will get better.
JMHO Freelance
Last edited by freelancemomma; 11-30-2015 at 12:45 PM.
I get what you are saying, but I needed for them to understand why I could no longer communicate with them. They were really not understanding why I was so depressed and why I couldn't handle going to their house everyday. It may have been out of line, but it got the job done. Now I feel like I can start to heal.
What you're going through is going to take time to ease, but WOW your posts show your spirit shining through. You are going to be ok; give yourself the time you need 
