First counseling session was horribly exhausting. Not feeling any better as I didn't expect to with one session. Offered meds which made me so upset, not at the counselor but at the ex. I was the happiest person 2.5 wks ago and now bc of not eating for 2.5wks and waking up every hour crying, and the only productive thing I am able to do is make it to work...a professional thinks that it may be a good idea for me to be on medication. This is all such a nightmare
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This is not going to be easy, Kiwi. People can tell you to move on, but being with this guy for 10 years is comparable to a marriage, even though you were not married. It is going to take time, and it might be a lot of time. It's fortunate that you weren't married and have to go through a nasty divorce, and also fortunate that there were not children to have to go through this too. I hope that in time the counseling will help. Continue to love yourself, you are a great person. Only time is going to heal this. I wish I could come and give you a big hug!!
Counseling is a great idea, and hopefully it will help after you go for awhile. You WILL eventually be your happy self again, Kiwi. You really will, even though it doesn't feel like it yet. Thinking of you everyday.
Thank you. I really appreciate everybody's support for me. I really does mean so much when I feel like the rug has been pulled from under me. Not only is everyday a struggle, but every hour. For instance, I just spent the last 20 minutes trying to breathe through a panic attack. This is really hard and please know that I am so thankful for the support that I have found here
Its hard to be smart but I have one thing to tell you - give yourself time to heal. You will need a lot's of it. Take it easy. You were together for 10 years, you will need at least one year to get over it. So, breathe in breath out, its a start.
If you have any of his crap left, toss it, on the lawn, balcony street, what ever!
Good riddance! Why do want a butt like that in your life?
You are better, and deserve better!
Move on! New adventures!
Take some ME time! Explore new things! Get a pedi, start a window sill herb garden, take a yoga class, paint your place, drink YOUR fave coffee, go to the zoo, a hockey match, volunteer, do all the things you wanted to do when he was there, but did NOT do because he was there.
I know it sucks, but, it's not the end of the world. Now you have a whole new world to look forward to, that is YOURS and YOURS to make your own!
There are all kinds of celebrities going through similar breakups publically. Context matters and all of us are giving you advice filtered through our own sieves and experiences.
Without mentioning names, there's someone who's went through the Big D, in the public's eye with cameras zeroed in on her face all of the time. Her X-DH has moved on and is having a great time. She is suffering the way any non-celebrity does. I feel for her, too.
Based on my filter, a BF or SO breakup is different than a DH. There is paperwork and bank accounts and children to be split down the middle.
Your heart may be telling you it's the same thing but it really isn't. I've had the long-term BF and I now have a DH. They are worlds apart and yes, the paperwork makes the difference. A Big D is more devastating than a break-up.
If you can face this through that lens and accept that it was not a marriage, you can choose to shake this off by an act of your will. Dating experience will lead you into the right relationship. That experience is the only thing that will help or separate you from a repeat performance of your past relationship.
Without experience under our belt, it's human nature to look for the same exact person with same personality with a different face. Losing your breath over the last SO is a waste of breath.
I wouldn't give any SO or BF that much of my life. A DH lays their life down for their DW. If you want that, you've got to let this SO eat your dust.
Last edited by Hucklebeary; 11-10-2015 at 01:35 PM.
With all due respect, I understand that a divorce or a death is very different than a breakup with a significant other or bf. I am aware that there are many worse things happening in the world that what is going on with me right now. I can't help that I am feeling the way that I do right now. Its been just over 2 wks and I'm honestly still in a state of shock and denial. I know that with time this pain will pass. Im still waiting. He may feel like this other woman is the love if life, but understand that I thought he was the love of mine. Its devastating. It feels like my love and my best friend all of a sudden died and I had no warning. That is how this feels to me. I am sorry if I offend anybody with that comment bc i know that there are people who this has really happened to, but that is what it feels like to me. I am trying to work on my grief the best that I can
RE the meds: If you got hit by a truck, and had several broken bones, would you be mad at the doctor for offering pain medication?
You've been hit by the grand-daddy of emotional trucks. Try to reframe it and understand this as what it is- a sudden trauma, as opposed to you magically being unable to cope. Prior to the trauma, yes, you were fine. Now? You're in recovery mode, and it will take some time to heal...
Sending you lots of love, lady. Sorry to hear this happened.
Try making a list for a week, with one nice thing you will do for yourself (even if you don't feel like it) every day and checking those things off. Sometimes, you need to force the self care...
With all due respect, I understand that a divorce or a death is very different than a breakup with a significant other or bf. I am aware that there are many worse things happening in the world that what is going on with me right now. I can't help that I am feeling the way that I do right now. Its been just over 2 wks and I'm honestly still in a state of shock and denial. I know that with time this pain will pass. Im still waiting. He may feel like this other woman is the love if life, but understand that I thought he was the love of mine. Its devastating. It feels like my love and my best friend all of a sudden died and I had no warning. That is how this feels to me. I am sorry if I offend anybody with that comment bc i know that there are people who this has really happened to, but that is what it feels like to me. I am trying to work on my grief the best that I can
Absolutely. My divorce was tough and cumbersome because of a lot of details, but it didn't hurt. I had my heart broken before and THAT hurt (and it, too, was "just" a boyfriend).
Kiwi, I completely agree the hurt is there and it may take months or years for you to get over it. I've been there.
My context. A "boy"friend is accurate. A man puts a ring on it. He steps up to the plate and lays everything on the line. His education, income...everything. A boy-friend is a walkaway Joe, he can walk off any time he pleases and never look back. Never.
A man puts a ring on it, is willing to pay through the nose for the rest of his life for the children if the marriage falls apart. He is willing to give up everything to support his family. A walkaway Joe walks out the door and moves onto the next gal.
Marriages fall apart every day. But children pay an enormous emotional price for decades. Because of my context, it is the woman that pays an enormous price with a long term BF or SO. A man will put a ring on it and love you through thick or thin, sickness and health, kids or no kids.
My hope is that you'll get back out there and start experiencing life and find men that will not string you along for a decade and simply walk out the door.
Men that will stand by you no matter what you weigh on the scale.
I have to respectfully disagree. I had (by far) a harder time with the breakup of a 3-month relationship than with the end of my first marriage of 11 years. In my experience it's not the length or type of relationship that determines the level of devastation experienced when it ends, but what the relationship means to you -- how it aligns with your hopes, dreams, and self-concept.
F.
Last edited by freelancemomma; 11-11-2015 at 10:55 AM.
I have to respectfully disagree. I had (by far) a harder time with the breakup of a 3-month relationship than with the end of my first marriage of 11 years. In my experience it's not the length or type of relationship that determines the level of devastation experienced when it ends, but what the relationship means to you -- how it aligns with your hopes, dreams, and self-concept.
F.
I agreee. With my breakup (3-year-boyfriend), I felt like I lost my chance to get married and have kids. That hurt like ****!
