Yup, that's what mine did to me, too. Said he was working on things but was with her the whole time. Meanwhile kept me on a roller coaster ride from **** desperate for crumbs of love. I've learned that "I don't know" means "I'm cheating on you." "Do you want me?" isn't a difficult question. Yes or no. It's only difficult when they are cheating and it's a new relationship. He's confused and trying to figure out what he feels. But that isn't your problem. Which brings me to my next paragraph:
I read a book when I was going through a lot of this that helped me a lot. It gave me the tough love I needed. It's called - It's Called a Breakup Because it's Broken. I suggest the book strongly.
A friend gave me some advice when I was about 3 months out from the split and still in the turmoil that you are in. I waited that whole time going through **** for him hoping he would choose me over her. I shake my head now but we had kids together and I felt like it was what I owed them. Anyway, her advice was to meet someone new. Not because he's the next love of your life but because someday you will meet the one that is and you don't want that poor soul to be your first since. I got back out there, built an online dating account and started talking to men. It felt good. I desperately needed some validation after having my self worth thrown in the mud by my ex. Some of them were awful and others were nice but it gave me some excitement and positive reasons to get up the next day. AND it gave me plans. There was a huge hole in my life and it helped me fill some gaps.
BUT - don't get seriously involved with anyone for a bit. You will have this INTENSE need to fill the hole he left behind with another 10 year relationship. Don't get into a new relationship until you don't need this hole filled. When being alone is okay to you and you feel like you know yourself for who you are outside of this relationship. I was given this advice and ignored it because this new guy I met was amazing. Yes, I married him and we are still together. But there are times when I really wish I had listened.
Hugs honey - it WILL be okay. Not just okay but BETTER very soon.
(3FC edits h-e-double hockey sticks? That was what I wrote, not something worse. Huh.)
Last edited by BeachBreeze2010; 10-27-2015 at 04:59 PM.
Get back out there and shake off this rejection. Ayup, not for rebound but friendship. When you do get out there, don't bring this guy up to the new ones. I did that. Cringe.
Last edited by Hucklebeary; 11-04-2015 at 07:54 PM.
Im trying to believe that everyday gets better, but today was another giant punch in the gut when the mail came and it was a confirmation letter for change of address order that he made. It was like the knife twisted all over again. So much easier to be angry but today is sadness guys
Im trying to believe that everyday gets better, but today was another giant punch in the gut when the mail came and it was a confirmation letter for change of address order that he made. It was like the knife twisted all over again. So much easier to be angry but today is sadness guys
Awww Kiwi None of this disappears overnight, and it's only a few days. Every single nerve fiber of connection has to heal. Part of it is riding out these gut punches. Some days are harder than others But heal you will
A lot of this advice is weeks or still possibly months away. It's ok to take time to heal and feel the feelings that you have. Just try to take care of yourself and lean on those who care. Try to take it one step at a time and know that you will get through this. I think some hours might be better, some worse, it just depends. It's all normal and I'm sure everyone here has been through it. It's truly the pits.
You're still able to go to work?? Has your appetite picked back up?
I'll echo what others have said - Hang in there. The pain will lessen, strengthen, lessen again, turn to anger, sadness, frustration, the "why didn't I see this coming", thinking of ways to try to get him back before realizing that he is where he wants to be and no matter what, we cannot make someone want to be with us. And then the realization that you dodged a bullet by his departure because you are destined for a much more truthful, loving relationship one day.
Sometimes staying strong is just not wanting to call him. It's finding something to do to take your mind off it - call on your friends to spend some time with you so his departure doesn't hold onto all of your mental space - that's hard... Strength now isn't big things - it's the small things you do to put one foot in front of the other and just get through the days sometimes.
Your dog will get through it fine with you, too. Don't try to keep a connection with the ex for the pooch's sake - that's would hurt more than it would help. Take care of you.
Im working on this guys. I truly appreciate everybody that has posted words of encouragement. Many minutes of my day feel unbearable and my dog taking such good care of me has helped. He really knows that I need him by my side and I've been trying to smile for his sake as well as mine. Seeing people's posts on this thread have also been a bit of relief. I still wish that this were a nightmare and that I was waking up tomorrow in what I knew as my reality, but after a week's time, I don't think I can keep wishing for that. Thank you everybody. You have no idea how much seeing the new posts help me. Praying for a better day tomorrow.
I'm so glad to know this thread is helping at least a little. I know it's rough now but there will be a time when you are grateful for this split. Even though that seems far off right now. Just do anything you can that puts a smile on your face for now. Even just watching a funny movie or reading a good book can be a great distraction. Good luck!
I notice this thread has nearly 1,700 views. I'll bet you have a LOT of these folks thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way, even without posting. I know I kept you in my thoughts for a few days before posting .. gather these supportive thoughts and hold on. And don't feel you should be doing X, Y or Z. We all move through grief and change differently.
I truly appreciate everybody's well wishes and thoughts. I never imagined the amount of support that I would find here, but am so grateful for it. Im working on taking care of myself by just making it in to work and focusing on the dog. Having a hard time doing much else. Hard for me to want to work out when I can't stomach any food. This week has been a very quick 12 lb wt loss for me so far and I know that its no good. Trying to get out of the funk
Don't stress about exercise Kiwi, it will be there when you're ready. I will say though that after my breakup, taking long walks helped me relax and not think about the ex. Might be worth a try when you're ready. And your dog might love it, too.
Im trying to believe that everyday gets better, but today was another giant punch in the gut when the mail came and it was a confirmation letter for change of address order that he made. It was like the knife twisted all over again. So much easier to be angry but today is sadness guys 
Awww Kiwi None of this disappears overnight, and it's only a few days. Every single nerve fiber of connection has to heal. Part of it is riding out these gut punches. Some days are harder than others But heal you will 
