I was feeling so good. I lost almost 30 lbs and then it started to creep back on. I was told by doc to start using a bike because of knee problems. He said my triglycerides are way up. So I kick into high gear and my heart acts up and I am scared again. I want to live but slowly feel myself falling. I don't think my husband will help me, he is going to be a hurdle. He told me he thinks I am going to stay with him long enough to lose the weight then I'm gonna leave. He buys candy and carb and sugar loaded foods even after I tell him I don;t want that stuff in the house because I have little to no will power. Today I feel sad,depressed,scared,a dn not sexy or pretty at all. How do I get back to where I was before I gain all my weight back?
Dont give up! 30 lbs is awesome! Ive never lost 30 lbs in my life! Keep it up and maybe go out and get a mani or a pedi to recharge your willpower! You have to do it for you and only you!! Big hugs! Alice
Hey, it sounds like you need to have a really serious sit-down talk with your hubby, explain to him that you are trying to lose weight for yourself, not to be sexy for another man, and that him being unsupportive absolutely WILL cause problems in your relationship whereas you losing weight definitely won't. You've done this once, you can do it again!
You missed one HUGE positive... HE LOVES YOU THE WAY YOU ARE. You said:
"He told me he thinks I am going to stay with him long enough to lose the weight then I'm gonna leave."
He'd rather you be big and with him than small and not with him. I like bigger women myself... well I like women of all shapes and sizes, but prefer bigger women. My wife weighs 253 but weighed 190 when I met her. She wants to lose weight too, but we agreed she wouldn't drop lower than 190. Maybe you two should talk and come to an agreement of some kind.
Its a hard situation because marriage is a partnership, but if you're not happy with yourself, then he probably won't be happen in the long run.
Last edited by 427pounder; 03-05-2013 at 01:03 PM.
I agree with improbable and Amarantha2, a serious discussion with your DH needs to take place.
While 427pounder makes an interesting point, I think it's important to distinguish between love and dependency.
Does your DH love for you to be obese, unhealthy, and scared? Or does he depend on on you to remain obese so that in his insecure eyes other men won't be attracted to you? Either way, I don't see a positive there.
Regardless, you can lose the weight, with or without his help. It will be harder without his support, but you can do it! Make an eating plan and stick to it. Keep posting here for advice an support, we'll help you get there!
You missed one HUGE positive... HE LOVES YOU THE WAY YOU ARE. You said:
"He told me he thinks I am going to stay with him long enough to lose the weight then I'm gonna leave."
He'd rather you be big and with him than small and not with him. I like bigger women myself... well I like women of all shapes and sizes, but prefer bigger women. My wife weighs 253 but weighed 190 when I met her. She wants to lose weight too, but we agreed she wouldn't drop lower than 190. Maybe you two should talk and come to an agreement of some kind.
Oh boy, this rubs me in all kinds of wrong ways!
This is no different than a spouse being a jerk about their spouse GAINING weight. The exception being that being obese often comes with huge increases in health risk factors! Wanting someone you love to remain obese for ANY reason is selfish and ridiculous, especially when it's just coming from insecurity!!! A spouse can be supportive at any weight without being supportive of an unhealthy lifestyle!
Weight agreements, to me, sound like a horrible idea. I mean if it works for you and your wife, 427, more power to you, but I would be absolutely offended if my husband tried to have a say in what my weight should be! Agreeing to not go UNDER a certain weight is no different than having a spouse agree to not go OVER a certain weight, and I'm guessing that would be a pretty big problem for most people.
Basically saying she should be greatful he'd rather her be obese and unhealthy and with him, than smaller and healthier without him just exactly proves that he is being extremely selfish! Shouldn't we want the best for the ones we love no matter what!? He's being manipulative, not loving! You don't sabotage your loved ones when they're trying to do something GOOD for themselves. That's not loving them, that's hurting them.
To the OP: I'm so sorry you're feeling so down. Most of us have been there. When you're ready you will make the decisions you need to make to get to where you want to be, regardless of who supports you. I wish you the best of luck.
She wants to lose weight too, but we agreed she wouldn't drop lower than 190.
My husband has always loved me thin or heavy and I am so very thankful for that. But if he told me (or we "agreed") to stop at a heavier weight than I wanted, I'd be so sad. I know marriages are personal to the 2 people that are in them, but unless your wife is 5-10 or taller, 190 isn't a fair weight (or healthy) to obligate her to.
I don't think your husband is being loving at all! He is acting irrationally from a place of fear. Whatever the case, it's not healthy. I adamantly disagree with coming to an "agreement" as one poster suggested as to what weight you'll shoot for. In fact, I find that disgusting, to be blunt. It's your body, and you have an absolute RIGHT to be healthy and to feel good in your own skin.
I think it's time to get radical. If your husband brings home carbs/fat just because he knows you are weak in that area, immediately cover it in something gross (salt, pepper, mustard, whatever makes it indedible) and throw it in the trash. Maybe if he won't listen to reason he will be more inclined if it's hitting him in the wallet. You don't have to be mean about it. You can calmly say something like, "I have an addiction and you've chosen to bring my drug of choice into the home to purposefully thwart my efforts at abstaining from it, so I removed it."
Obviously, I wouldn't suggest doing something like that if your husband just liked X item and wanted a treat now and then. One can't expect everyone in the home to never eat an occasional treat. However, you've indicated though that he purposefully buys food he knows you have a tendency to binge on because he wants to keep you unhappy and obese and that's just mean. That's not loving. At all.
It sounds like your marriage has far deeper issues than this food thing. People who love each other support and uplift each other.
Don't hate yourself. That is not the way to set yourself up for success. Forgive yourself, love yourself. You have to see yourself as worthy before anyone else does and before any change takes place.
There is part of you who believes she deserves to be healthy and happy otherwise you wouldn't have posted here. Feed HER -- love, forgiveness, gentleness, positivity....the more you do that, the less you'll want to numb the other part of you with food.
As for how to get back to where you were before ...one day at a time. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, one choice at a time.
This is no different than a spouse being a jerk about their spouse GAINING weight. The exception being that being obese often comes with huge increases in health risk factors! Wanting someone you love to remain obese for ANY reason is selfish and ridiculous, especially when it's just coming from insecurity!!! A spouse can be supportive at any weight without being supportive of an unhealthy lifestyle!
Weight agreements, to me, sound like a horrible idea. I mean if it works for you and your wife, 427, more power to you, but I would be absolutely offended if my husband tried to have a say in what my weight should be! Agreeing to not go UNDER a certain weight is no different than having a spouse agree to not go OVER a certain weight, and I'm guessing that would be a pretty big problem for most people.
Basically saying she should be greatful he'd rather her be obese and unhealthy and with him, than smaller and healthier without him just exactly proves that he is being extremely selfish! Shouldn't we want the best for the ones we love no matter what!? He's being manipulative, not loving! You don't sabotage your loved ones when they're trying to do something GOOD for themselves. That's not loving them, that's hurting them.
To the OP: I'm so sorry you're feeling so down. Most of us have been there. When you're ready you will make the decisions you need to make to get to where you want to be, regardless of who supports you. I wish you the best of luck.
You forget that weight and composition are big factors. My wife played sports most of her life so at 190 she looks 145 or so and is very toned.
You say you'd be furious if he said something about your weight. Why? He has to live with you, so why shouldn't he? Women seem to think they have a right to tell us to lose weight, how to dress, blah blah blah, but men aren't allowed to express themselves?
There are a lot of women that become LESS attractive when they start losing weight. I have a friend from England that just lost 90lbs, which is part of what inspired me, and her long time bf told her he wasn't attracted to her anymore. That's part of the reason I said talk about it. Talking doesn't hurt, but she is free to do what she wants, but keep in mind that if your guy like a certain type of woman, he'll probably find that type of woman.
I was feeling so good. I lost almost 30 lbs and then it started to creep back on. I was told by doc to start using a bike because of knee problems. He said my triglycerides are way up. So I kick into high gear and my heart acts up and I am scared again. I want to live but slowly feel myself falling. I don't think my husband will help me, he is going to be a hurdle. He told me he thinks I am going to stay with him long enough to lose the weight then I'm gonna leave. He buys candy and carb and sugar loaded foods even after I tell him I don;t want that stuff in the house because I have little to no will power. Today I feel sad,depressed,scared,a dn not sexy or pretty at all. How do I get back to where I was before I gain all my weight back?
Ouch.
Ouch, ouch, ouch.
My ex didn't just want a significant other, he wanted a partner in crime.
He wanted someone to binge with, someone that wouldn't make him feel guilty or awkward for being a bigger guy (he was 350-400), someone that didn't have enough self-esteem to realize what a selfish jerk he really was. He claimed he loved "curvy" women like me and hated "skinny b!tches." He took all my efforts to lose weight as a personal vendetta against him, as if I was using my body to make a judgment call on his. He did everything he could to sabotage me, even throwing tantrums when I wouldn't indulge with him. And the best part? After I'd worked so hard to lose my first 100 pounds (when I was at the smallest he'd ever seen me at) he turned around and said I was too fat for him to be attracted to me anymore.
Not saying your hubby is a selfish jerk, but his insecurity is showing. If your relationship is a healthy one, he'll find a way to support your efforts to be a healthier individual, which in turn will make you a stronger couple. If he's so insecure that he actually believes you'll leave him when you lose weight, he's seeing your entire relationship in the wrong light.
You really need to talk to him about this, and emphasize that it's about much more than your appearance and is not a judgment call on what kind of person you are or what kind of significant other you "deserve." It's about your health, your very life. Why should he encourage you to feel depressed and sickly in a way that could potentially shorten your life?
Quote:
Originally Posted by 427pounder
You say you'd be furious if he said something about your weight. Why? He has to live with you, so why shouldn't he? Women seem to think they have a right to tell us to lose weight, how to dress, blah blah blah, but men aren't allowed to express themselves?
I know this wasn't directed at me, but I think this is a poor general statement to make about women. I personally never told any of my significant others that they should lose weight or how they should dress. My ex was a manipulative b@st@rd, and if he had any preferences for larger women like he claimed when he'd try to sabotage me, it definitely didn't show in his "barely 18" girly mags.
My husband often tells me he loves me just the way that I am and doesn't care whether I'm 100 pounds or 500, because it's my mind, spirit, and personality he fell in love with. But he stresses that he prefers I be happy with myself and comfortable at a healthy weight, which is why he's been supportive of my weight loss journey.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 427pounder
There are a lot of women that become LESS attractive when they start losing weight. I have a friend from England that just lost 90lbs, which is part of what inspired me, and her long time bf told her he wasn't attracted to her anymore. That's part of the reason I said talk about it. Talking doesn't hurt, but she is free to do what she wants, but keep in mind that if your guy like a certain type of woman, he'll probably find that type of woman.
I think the issue goes much deeper than just attraction, and that attraction itself should be much more than just about preferring a particular body type. But hey, that's just me. I honestly don't care what size my hubby is, as long as he's healthy and happy. His weight has nothing to do with who he is as a person.
Last edited by Elladorine; 03-05-2013 at 11:32 PM.
You started your post by saying you lost almost 30 pounds and then it started to creep back. Why did it start to creep back in the first place?
Sounds like you have health issues -- I do too - including congestive heart failure, neuropathy, disc disease/arthritis/tendonitis, high blood pressure, etc., etc., etc. I'm losing weight by making healthier choices. No exercising yet except for stretching at this point, but will gradually add more.
With regard to your husband, he has to understand that you have to lose the weight or your health is going to get worse. It's serious business. My husband is resistant to my weight loss also. But I've told him I'm getting healthy - deal with it. And he is getting the picture now.
IF YOU'VE SERIOUSLY MADE UP YOUR MIND TO LOSE WEIGHT, YOU WILL NOT ALLOW YOUR HUSBAND TO SABATAUGE (sp?) YOUR EFFORTS. You have to tell him you're doing this - period.
Keep coming here to these boards - it will help you out. Lots of information and inspiration here.
You need to lose the weight for YOUR health, YOUR happiness, and YOUR self esteem and confidence. Tell him so.
I like the advice about making what he brings home unappetizing to you or toss it.
Drink only water. You will elminate a lot of calories just by doing that.
You lost 30 pounds, and while they may have crept back, you can do this and get them back off!
My husband also makes comments like that. He is insecure and thinks I will leave him as soon as I get healthy and in the normal weight zone for my height. While I have no intention of ever leaving him, nothing I say or do (now) will make him think otherwise. He will see I'm staying when I do it.
I think he may not be ready to deal with his weight issues, and feels threatened by your desire and success at it. I say keep going, and you may be surprised...he may follow in your foot steps after a while!
This board has been the cornerstone of my weight loss. This and My Fitness Pal. I can count on daily support and encouragement. You coming here is a step in the right direction!
Have a serious sit down with him. Explain that weight loss is important to you, that you want to be comfortable, healthy and increase your confidence. Explain that these positive changes will be positive for y'alls relationship, too!
I wish you the best success, happiness and health. I hope you continue to come here for support. But most of all, I hope that you do this for you and not let anyone stand in your way.
Sad...Depressed...I hate myself!!!
