I'd say you married a great guy who saw the error of his ways and changed.
Most people don't change and those who do generally had a catalyst to effect it.
Most people don't respect the sacrifices of others.
I agree no one is perfect but I think you're a bit naive when it comes to the population of men in general.
Yep. You couldn't have paid me to stay married to my ex-husband.
He's still living the same semi-employed, lazy, wasteful way and I'm where I wanted to be all along. Sometimes I think people are too willing to give up their own happiness, hopes, and dreams just for someone else. Love is not a good enough reason to me.
It's just weird. I don't really feel like I'm trying to change him b/c i just want him to treat me the same he did the first year or so we were together. he's obviously capable of it.
whatever-he-is-today (i'm leaning toward hubbie - 2 days in a row! he's doing well!) was sooooooooooooooooooooo wonderful when we first met. kind, compassionate, charming - he made me feel like a million dollars.
then i got pregnant and here comes Mr Hyde. i left three times before the baby was born - all three times he would call me sobbing his eyes out, "don't take my child from me, i can't lose another one" (his ex - who really is a psycho-b from h - he's got tape recordings, including one where she tells him he's not the father of their son AND THE 11YR OLD BOY WAS STANDING RIGHT THERE LISTENING TO HER!), and so i'd go back and things'd be wonderful again for a couple weeks and then here we go again.
i was supposed to be on absolute bed rest and keeping myself calm and quiet because of toxemia and multiple near-miscarriages yet he would get me so upset my blood pressure would shoot up to critically dangerous levels (we're talking over 200/150). i even asked him one day if he was actively trying to kill me or the baby.
anyway, i did leave him after the straw that broke the camel's back. i moved 2-1/2hrs away (for normal ppl - takes him 4hrs bec he doesn't go over 80 even on the 400). i never blocked access to our daughter, i gave him a key to the house - come up any time you want to see her, just call to make sure i know to stay home and not go into town. he called every morning to say good morning to her, called every evening to say good night.
and in a year and a half, visited her 3 times.
the third time, she was afraid of him and didn't want to go near him. it took her over an hour to warm up to him. it broke his heart.
after that, he visited more often - once a month.
but even that wasn't enough - it's not when they're so little.
finally, last march, he announced he was giving up his job and his business in Toronto and moving to minden, could i find him a place to stay.
which i did.
and as soon as the landlord saw him, they changed their minds (bec, you know, "ganesh" is just such an alarmingly normal all-canadian name, eh?) so now he had nowhere to go.
we parked all his stuff in mom's basement and made arrangements that he coudl stay at my apartment until mom's basement was properly finished for him - i liked that idea: he'd be close but not too close, and i wasn't happy about my elderly mother living in the middle of the bush where the nearest emergency station is 20 minutes away IF they're already up and ready to go.
naturally, her house burned down so i was stuck with him. he started again a few times but i put the metaphorical boots to him - "this is MY home and you will not disrespect me in MY home and NEVER AGAIN in front of our daughter!"
he's no prince charming - not by a long chalk - but we muddle along well together: where he's weak, i'm strong and where i'm weak, he's got it covered.
the most important thing is that our daughter is a million times better - she's graduated all but one of her therapies and only has one developmental specialist (we have to wait until she progresses in school before we can figure out what her particular learning disorder is going to be - we know it's there, just not what it is).
I think you should give him one of your tampons or pads and tell him to put it on since it's that time of month for him.
Sorry, but he is acting like a little brat.
Bwaaahahahahahahaha!!!!
I don't even know what an "induction" stove is... ( ) but hey, boyfriend sounds like he needs to learn to STFU or go out & spend his own money for a new stove.
Threenorns - wow talk about standing by your man. i don't think me and my bf would make it through something like that. im lucky enough that we hardly ever argue, though. it actually might be healthy if we argued more because sometimes issues build up too much before we finally say something to each other.
Beach Patrol - that's my thoughts on it too lol. he said part of what upset him more was that my dad hauled off the old stove before we knew how the new stove top worked..but we live in a 700 sq ft condo and we don't have room to just have a spare stove sitting around our kitchen! lol
Last edited by Volschika007; 04-17-2012 at 11:31 AM.
Reason: typo
It really doesn't matter what he thinks. It is not his house. Now if he went to the owner and said we need a new stove and I will pick it out and pay for it. That would be different. It doesn't matter that the landlored is your Dad, any landlord has the right, and obligation to provide a stove, of his choosing.
It really doesn't matter what he thinks. It is not his house. Now if he went to the owner and said we need a new stove and I will pick it out and pay for it. That would be different. It doesn't matter that the landlored is your Dad, any landlord has the right, and obligation to provide a stove, of his choosing.
exactly. luckily my bf seems over it (especially since the adaptor thing is supposed to be here today.) i guess maybe his initial reaction he just couldn't control or something. its one thing to be irritated at the stove, but a whole other thing to take it out on my dad which is what i felt he did. not ok. but he's agreed to apologize for being rude to him.
So he's paying rent, and can't feed himself in the home he's paying rent for because his landlords decided to upgrade the kitchen (during his tenure) to some non-standard cooking-heat source.
And you're okay with that, because you see that your parents' market value for a rental property is more important than your boyfriend's feelings about the home he rents.
I think there's a problem here bigger than needing to replace cookware.
(Also, when I was in school I couldn't have afforded to replace my Ikea/supermarket cookware with Calphalon or All-Clad, but that's just me.)
He has to wait one week for the part that will make his pots usable, I don't think that's a huge deal. I get that he might feel like it's a big inconvenience, or like his feelings weren't taken into consideration, but really, I think he's overreacting.
OP - big hugs.
He has to wait one week for the part that will make his pots usable, I don't think that's a huge deal. I get that he might feel like it's a big inconvenience, or like his feelings weren't taken into consideration, but really, I think he's overreacting.
OP - big hugs.
thanks i think its pretty much blown over now. just gotta figure out how to keep stuff like this from happening in the future. it strains my relationship with him and my parents.
Threenorns - wow talk about standing by your man. i don't think me and my bf would make it through something like that. im lucky enough that we hardly ever argue, though. it actually might be healthy if we argued more because sometimes issues build up too much before we finally say something to each other.
it wasn't a question of standing by him - it's a very wierd thing but even when we weren't together, it felt like we were. when he came up to visit and would drive me into town to get the shopping done and the garbage to the dump, ppl just assumed we were together even though they'd never seen him before.
we went to get saari a lifejacket - it had to be custom-fit because she was 3yrs old but weighed 54lbs - and at the shop, the guy said "ooooh, you two are together!" (we'd been browsing separately while waiting for him to finish with the other customers)
i said "**** no!" at exactly the same time ganesh said "oh, yeah..."
crickets....
"well.... this is awkward," said the salesguy.
oooo-wee, didn't that set the cat among the pigeons all the way home, LOL.
Last edited by threenorns; 04-18-2012 at 06:26 PM.
thanks i think its pretty much blown over now. just gotta figure out how to keep stuff like this from happening in the future. it strains my relationship with him and my parents.
Er, sorry, I think your boyfriend's the one who needs to figure out how to handle a relatively minor inconvenience in a way that doesn't strain the relationships between himself, his girlfriend, and her parents. He's the only one who can be responsible for that. All you can do is work on responding to him in a healthy way and keeping your relationship with your parents good regardless of your boyfriend's behavior.
Er, sorry, I think your boyfriend's the one who needs to figure out how to handle a relatively minor inconvenience in a way that doesn't strain the relationships between himself, his girlfriend, and her parents. He's the only one who can be responsible for that. All you can do is work on responding to him in a healthy way and keeping your relationship with your parents good regardless of your boyfriend's behavior.
ya that's sorta what i mean. gotta figure out how to handle him and how to address him to make him understand that he can't get like that around my parents. control his anger sorta. he doesnt have much of a temper but when he does get upset he can be a real b****. when i talked to him about it later he started mentioning depression which sorta irritated me cuz im just not convinced that being depressed would be related to what happened. either way hopefully he learned his lesson and will be more careful to be respectful if a situation like this arises again in the future.
Personally, if a guy is disrespecting my parents, not making me happy for most of the last 3 years, and making false promises for a full year that he'd get help but didn't, I would have kicked him to the curb a long time ago. But none of us here really know if his good outweighs the bad. One thing I learned is that my friends and family always saw my SO much more clearly than I did, (love is blind) so I made a committment that when I was serious with someone, that I would listen to friends/families opinions and truly hear what they said. What do your friends and family think of him? Are they right or wrong? Just saying that your parents probably see your bf more clearly than you do. They are wiser and more experienced than you, and most important, they want the best for you. Ask them their opinion. Then carefully consider and weigh their thoughts. Don't stay with him just because breakups are hard. Living in misery, divorce and splitting custody is harder. And remember, whatever problems you have now will be AMPLIFIED after you get married.
) but hey, boyfriend sounds like he needs to learn to STFU or go out & spend his own money for a new stove.
