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Wow... talk about feeling left?

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Old 08-23-2010, 10:51 PM   #1
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Default Wow... talk about feeling left?

So... I know i shouldnt feel this way! but really i had no where to turn.

I'm 23 going on 24.. EVERYONE around me is either Married, getting married, JUST engaged or having a baby or just had one. I'm feeling alittle left in the dust if you will. Been with my sweet heart 6 years this December.


I dont want to rush him but i feel im ready for something, you know? I know he is still in school (going for physics engineering, in his last year)


I know i can't justify it, its just everywhere i look people are doing that and thats where i would like to go....Im not sure what i mean.. i just wanted to tell SOMEONE that i feel kinda sad about it.
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Old 08-23-2010, 10:57 PM   #2
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Also i just wanted to add we've lived together all the time we've been together but like 3 months...

the others around me are ALL my age and his age (25) and most have been together a year-3 years...(not that it makes a difference i guess but.. sigh i dont know)
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Old 08-23-2010, 11:43 PM   #3
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I got married for the first time in February, I was 40

Honestly, I can't imagine being married in my 20s!
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Old 08-23-2010, 11:49 PM   #4
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I'm sure it will pass w/ time, hon. Right now you're just seeing everybody else get married or engaged and you're feeling like it's never going to happen for you. But it will...just be patient!!!
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Old 08-24-2010, 12:06 AM   #5
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I know how you feel. I'm 26, recently single, and no children. I don't even know any single women. All of my girl friends are married and/or have kids. It's kinda depressing when I feel like the odd man out... but at the same time I'm doing a lot of things that they can't do or wish they could. I bet a lot of them would love to be single again, or have less responsibility, or time to do something for themselves. So it's kind of a trade off. When I stop thinking about what other people have or what they're doing I don't really feel like I'm in a rush to have all of those things. Really the only reason I feel kinda disappointed about it is because I don't really want to have children after 30 and I feel like time and my body aren't on my side haha. If it weren't for those things I'd be pretty content with my life this way for a long time. Although I still don't want to put what I'm doing right now (school/career) on hold just to get the husband and family. I'm not really ready for it yet.

I'd say if you've done all of the educational, career, and life experience type things that you want to do on your own, and you're financially and emotionally ready to take on the responsibilities of marriage and family, then go for it. And make sure he's done the same and ready for the same. You might be there, but I'd make sure he is too before you really consider it. And if he's not, but it's what you want, then you'll have to decide if it's worth waiting until he's ready. I wouldn't rush into anything just because everyone else is.
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Old 08-24-2010, 12:08 AM   #6
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Natasha thats exactly how i feel.
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Old 08-24-2010, 12:20 AM   #7
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I'm 24, will be 25 in under a month. Two of my friends are married (one of them with a kid), another is engaged. And I have several aquaintances my age who are married and/or have kids. I think they're all crazy. I have no desire to be married right now. You're young, and if you're going to be with him forever, you'll be with him forever whether you have a ring on your finger right now or not.
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Old 08-24-2010, 01:15 AM   #8
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I'm seventeen, and everyone I know either has a boyfriend/girlfriend, or had one. I've never had one. Never been asked out... been asked to dance once... and that was primarily because the guy had nothing better to do...

I don't let it get me down... it just leaves more room for more personal "me" time.

BUT... as for marriage, I'm going against my parents' thoughts on this, but I don't think one has to be married immediately in order to live together and be happy and technically (in minds) be just like a married couple... however... I do believe that one should at least be legally joined (wedding or no wedding) before having kids.

Don't get you down... just enjoy life... and marry when you want to... not just because "everyone's doing it".
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Old 08-24-2010, 02:38 AM   #9
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Let me preface by saying I don't judge your situation, I'm just really opinionated about this type of thing. lol

I understand feeling left out and even the pressure of settling down BUT I don't care to...
I'm 25 and have a good number of friends/acquaintances that were married at 21/22. I just got word that a 4th friend is going through a divorce. She's 3 months younger than I am.

Maybe it's because I'm a child of divorce but this is such an important thing that can't be ruled by just feeling left out. And by no means am I trying to judge your situation or pretending to understand your readiness for marriage, I promise but as a single girl from the outside, I say enjoy not having the responsibility while you can.

A married/same aged friend of mine visited me late last year and brought her husband and 3 kids. They seemed miserable. And by questions they were asking me about my life and job, it really seemed they were envious of my freedom of those responsibilities.

Even after all of this, if you came back here tomorrow engaged, I'd be really happy for you! I just feel it's something in life that needs a couple of caution signs first.

I actually have a couple of relevant cautionary tales:
One of my college roommates was dating an engineer major and he felt so pressured from her that one day he told her he wanted a break. She freaked OUT and they soon got back together (like the next day), but I always wondered if he resented her at all for stressing him out about marriage and kids at that time.

Currently, I have a co-worker who is your age and was dating a guy (mainly long-distance) for awhile. She gave us the rundown of how they were going to get married, she was going to have so many kids by the age of whatever and she was already freaking out because her plan was behind. Well, they're not together anymore...guess why.

I really don't mean to be negative Nancy here, I just want you to know it's OKAY to be happy and not 100% tied down yet, no matter what your surroundings say. *steps off soapbox*
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Old 08-24-2010, 02:49 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Glory87 View Post
I got married for the first time in February, I was 40

Honestly, I can't imagine being married in my 20s!
Congratulations, I'm so happy for you!

I definitely can imagine myself getting married around that age and this helps enforce my thought that I don't want to be married at all in the next 5 years.

My mom is getting married next year and as weird as that will be to see her go through that, it'll still seem more normal than if it was me or my sister. When one of my friends got married at 21, her husband looked like he was dressed for prom standing up there waiting for her. It kind of depressed me for some reason.
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Old 08-24-2010, 03:27 AM   #11
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Relax. If you have been together 6 yrs already, marriage isn't going to change a whole lot in your day to day living. If you want to propose, go ahead! I did. He said yes.

But don't feel like you have to rush. Where's the finish line? Then end of your life? Who wants to rush to that faster than needed?

It's about the journey with your partner. It's totally fine to take a different, longer, meandering road than your friend, sister, cousin, whoever.

We lived together, got married, lived together some more, THEN had a child. Consider giving yourself the luxury of that -- a nice long young adult couplehood to bond and strengthen. For us it was 10 years as a couple. Everyone kept asking... when are you going to get married? When are you having a house? A kid?

Like no matter what step we were at, they wanted to rush us along to the next thing somehow!

We didn't answer the Peanut Gallery. We would get there when we got there and it was right for US.

I'm in my mid 30's now and having a child threw it all upside down and inside out! Child raising is very demanding and we rarely have the time for each other like we used to. Even if we had the time and babysitter and all that? I'm not sure we have the energy!

I don't know that we'd do as well without having had LOTS of couple time first as a foundation. I know each stage of life has its charms and challenges and this early childhood time is where I am at and it is challenging!

I don't have a lot of couple time with DH and I don't have a lot of friend time for friends. Unless it can somehow be a combo kid/mom playdate, it is rare. And rare is the family where my kid likes the kid, and I like the parents! Either I like the parent and she hates the kid or she likes the kid and I don't have a lot in common with the parent or....

So it's a different kind of struggle. I imagine the 40's, 50's and so on have their dealies too.

Hang in there!
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Old 08-24-2010, 08:58 AM   #12
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I'll speak as one that got married early. There is no rush. If you're getting married because you feel left behind, or have a baby for this reason it's not the right reason. My ex rushed our marriage so we'd be married before my cousin and her husband.
Marry someone/procreate with them because you can't imagine/remember life without them. Live for yourselves, but love each other.
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Old 08-24-2010, 09:06 AM   #13
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I would also say don't base your relationship on the relationships of others.
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Old 08-24-2010, 09:40 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luciddepths View Post
So... I know i shouldnt feel this way! but really i had no where to turn.

I'm 23 going on 24.. EVERYONE around me is either Married, getting married, JUST engaged or having a baby or just had one. I'm feeling alittle left in the dust if you will. Been with my sweet heart 6 years this December.


I dont want to rush him but i feel im ready for something, you know? I know he is still in school (going for physics engineering, in his last year)


I know i can't justify it, its just everywhere i look people are doing that and thats where i would like to go....Im not sure what i mean.. i just wanted to tell SOMEONE that i feel kinda sad about it.
I will be 25 in a little over a week and I know how you are feeling. My friends are getting married and having children and I dont seem to be falling into that category. I was in a horrible relationship until March of this year... which was when I finally got the courage to leave. He was married 3 months after my departure. I was heartbroken but I am so grateful that I didnt marry him or jump into something I was unsure of.

Yes, many people are getting married - and many will get divorced. Wait until it is your time and you are sure of it.

you are not alone.
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Old 08-24-2010, 09:51 AM   #15
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Quote:
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He was married 3 months after my departure. I was heartbroken but I am so grateful that I didnt marry him or jump into something I was unsure of.
This happened to me this year. He left me with no explanation or closure, without even saying we were over, and a month later he married someone else. I found out later that he had been telling her he was going to marry her too, even while we were planning a wedding together. I know how you feel. But I agree with you, I'm glad I didn't marry the b*stard.
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