[ringmaster]

so sorry to hear what you are going through, it reminds me of when I was bullied back in high school! everyone gave you good suggestions and I don't know the laws in your country, so no advice but just to say it's good that you are coming here to let it all out and that you have a friend to talk to. Hope you are still working out since that helps relieve some stress also. Don't let these bullies distract you from your goals and don't let them ruin your self esteem!

[LEESE]

Originally Posted by Sharmsluv

Hi everyone

I just joined 3FCOAD. I was looking for some help relating to the issue I am having at work and I came across this website. So here goes.

I am a 26 year old who is overweight. Not obese. I have a big butt and fat arms and am 5'4. Recently a bunch of new guys joined the room I am working in (we have different client rooms) and they keep bullying me about my weight. For example, I was looking at one of my friends' Blackberry phone and one of the guys came up to me and said "oh thats a good phone for you coz it matches your size." I was so embarrassed I wanted to die. The same person took my lunchbox once and held it up for the entire room to see (its a small box) and said "see how little she eats in office. She must be gorging at home huh?" The bullying has got so bad that I don't feel like going to office anymore.

I feel like killing myself. I frequent the gym and I am seeing good results. But I feel like an ugly blob and my self esteem is at a negative bazillion because of this bullying. Please help me.

I haven;t read all the replys but this chaps my hide !

REPORT THEM IT IS CONSIDERED SEXUAL HARASSMENT !!! FRY THEIR BUTTS !

[Sharmsluv]

Thank you so much for caring everyone. It means a lot to me.

I was so miserable the other day that i started bawling my eyes out as soon as I walked in the door of my home. I barely touched my dinner (my pet doggie benefited from that ) and then went to bed. I was supposed to go to the gym this morning but i was too upset to go. I could not sleep past 5.00 am so I decided to come to work early.

When I came in to office I found out the room supervisor is on leave for the day. So I called him up and asked him if he will be coming in to work even for a short while today. He said no and he asked me what was wrong. I told him I have an issue in office and I wanted to talk to him without taking things up with HR first. He asked me if I would like to talk about it over the phone and I said no, because I wanted to talk to him in person about it. I trust him a lot. He is very caring and I know he won't put up with this kind of behavior.

As I mentioned before, in Sri Lanka, being bullied for being overweight is accepted. Therefore, if I went to my room supervisor or HR there is a possibility that they would think I was overreacting and being overly sensitive. But now he has physically abused me. Now I have a better reasons to complain about him.

Right now I am working for a temporary project in my office. And the reason I didn't bring up this issue until now is because I didn't want the senior management thinking I was some insecure, sensitive person (which could lead to me being put to a horrid team or being 'on the bench' for a long time). The company is very bureaucratic. The seniors have their favorites and they get promotions and good work. That is why I kept my mouth shut. I didn't want anyone to think I am a difficult person to work with. Now that he has physically abused me, they will know I have a good reason to complain.

In my workplace, personal relationships are very important. If you are good friends with your boss, then you know you are set for life. I respect my room supervisor and I wanted to explain the situation to him first before even thinking of going to HR, because if I went to HR first and they called him up and asked him "Do you know something like this was going on in your room?", he would say no and he may even take the jerk's side since he is very fond of the jerk. If I tell him my side of the story first and HR calls him and asks him about it, then he would be better informed about my side of the story.

I will speak to him tomorrow and consider his advice. I will let you guys know how the meeting goes

[astrophe]

Hang in there!

You are totally right in that physical assault is physical assualt -- that's so obviously NOT being a "team player" and your complaining about that cannot be put down to your being a "fussy" worker who cannot take a "joke."

I hope your boss puts an end to that nonsense!

GL!
A.

[TamTam]

Will be praying for you! Keep us updated.

[valalltogether]

good luck to you sharm! i had to deal with bullying my entire childhood, but luckily not so much as an adult.

[tessendicott]

I would make damn sure he got fired.

[valalltogether]

yes, but, if he were fired then the whole staff might feel resentful. not saying he doesn't deserve it, but something to consider. its awful, because its like damned if you do..damned if you don't. be strong!

hopefully HR will speak to him and he will change his ways. have you ever considered speaking to him yourself, sharm? i know you said he had asked you before if you were mad at him. maybe take that opportunity to pull him aside and let him know how much his little jokes really hurt and if he could please stop? although i don't know if you've already tried that.

i can't believe there are adults that actually act like this.

[XLMuffnTop]

Originally Posted by valalltogether

i can't believe there are adults that actually act like this.

Legally, people like this are adults, but really they're just overgrown, insecure, mean kids.

I dislike the group mentality. I don't mean the bullied, I mean those that see what the bully is doing and does nothing so as not to rock the boat or have the torment turned on them. Odds are at least one of those witness had a fleeting thought that it's mean, inappropriate and wrong but they didn't say anything out of fear.

That said, if witnesses are calling into HR one by one, it's likely one of them will eventually admit what they've seen because it won't be revealed to the bully who "squealed".

[Sharmsluv]

Hi everyone. Thank you for your support and prayers

I spoke to my room supervisor a short while ago. From the first second I started crying (I have no idea why). He got really upset and asked me whats wrong. I told him everything. Not the specifics, but that I am being bullied in the room and I feel cornered, no one speaks to me, the stress ball incident etc.

He said this is a very serious matter. It is sexual abuse and I want you to make a formal complaint with HR. I said I don't want to take it to that level because this person works for you and I don't want to put the supervisor in a difficult position and I just want to leave the room. He said "I don't care if he works for me or not, if he is popular or not. I am a very fair person. If he has upset you this much it is a very serious thing. I need to know who is doing this because others in the room maybe affected by the same person as well." I repeatedly told him I don't want to mention his name but was very persistent and I had to tell him that its the jerk. To my surprise he said "I thought it must be him. I am very disappointed." I asked him not to take any action against him. I don't know what he will do though..

He kept on telling me to make a formal complaint to HR. I told him I don't want to and you guys know why He told me he will transfer me immediately. He asked me why I waited this long. I told him I didn't want to seem like a sensitive person who can't take a joke. He said once or twice maybe okay but to go to constantly make comments is not right. And he asked me why I went and tried to talk to him. I told him since the jerk is one of my friends and I felt sorry for him. He said you shouldn't have spoken to him. And he said I am glad you confided in me.

So now everything is out in the open. I will be transferred in a few days. Thank you for all your support guys. It gave me a lot of strength to come this far. I'll let you know if anything else comes up regarding this issue

[Vex]

Great! Your supervisor sounds like a good one! He has good advice about talking to HR. I know you don't want to, but really consider it. You're being transferred but do you want that to happen to someone else?

.

[Sharmsluv]

I totally understand what you are saying Vex My supervisor said the exact same thing. He told me to tell who was harassing me exactly so that he can be more vigilant. He said he will tactfully ask the others in the room if they are being harassed. Even though I didn't make a formal complaint I am glad that the senior management know about this. I'm sure they will take some action. That is what my friends said. My supervisor told me he won't take any action just to get the jerk's name out of me. He is very sneaky that way lol

[astrophe]

I'm glad your boss(es) are looking into it!

Good for you for speaking up!

I hope things improve with your transfer for you. I also hope this gives you courage if you ever encounter this again -- speak up sooner, take it to HR, whatever it needs to be. But feel stronger about taking action.

GL!
A.

[valalltogether]

i'm so happy to see that your supervisor was supportive! good luck in your transfer.

[LeilaJey]

That's horrible.. what a disgusting human being he is. Can you record it somehow and threaten to sue for sexual discrimination/work place bullying?

Sorry to hear about it though, I hope you can find a solution.. you deserve much better than this!