[airkatmama4]

Originally Posted by prettygirlkacey

The things you girls are saying rings so true to me. I have been hiding behind my fat since puberty and I have no idea of how to deal with attention from men and sexual energy. I am afraid of all the changes in my life, that losing weight would create. I have been saying "when I lose weight I wil...." and it has really been a defense mechanism for me to have all this weight on me. I want a boyfriend but I am so scared of being intimate with anyone and even fear psychical touch at this point. Even a hug. I also have stretch marks so I feel like "damaged goods".
I feel like I'm a child and being fat will keep men away from me. If I am thin i will suddenly be a woman. I want to change but it gives me a lot of anxiety. The following points pretty much sums me up. Thanks so much to the op for these. Reading all of your posts makes me realize that I'm not alone in this.

1.You may fear your sexual energy. Many individuals fear that they will lose control sexually if they lose weight.

4.Your fat may be a way of resisting the growing-up process (baby fat), because adulthood seems frightening.

6.Weight loss may require you to accept more challenges or responsibilities. Staying fat then becomes a form of safety.

7.You may fear being seen and therefore judged.

8.You may fear the loss of food as a drug and a hiding place from the difficulties of your life.

9.You may fear your own power: “Who and what will I be if I drop these pounds?”

wow u reallly hit the nail on the head for me! I have wondered why it is that everytime I try to loose wieght as soon as i drop a couple of lbs, i revert back to my old habits of sitting on the couch and doing nothing. i have bought 3 exersise videos in the past 6 mnths and used them maybe 3x . I see my self running and agile and light as a feahter and yet i cannot picture myself thin. I have never had a problem with attention from men in fact i have never liked that attention most girls like. i have been married 3x and have 4 wonderfull kids. they are what i want to loose wieght for. the funny thing is even though i have 100lbs to loose i can walk 6 miles and my kids start complaining after the first mile of walking w me lol but i feel the same as you ladies i dont think being thin will change me. but it will change the way some people treat me , then again do i really care what people think of me? not right now i dont, but when i finish school my employers may want a thin medical assistant instead of a fatty one........

[jessica2231]

i dont know what going on with my mind!!!! im having this same problem!!! 201.8 is the lowest i have been and 201 for one day but like 10 min. lol

i cant seem to stop sabotaging myself!!!! what do i do>?

[gonnadoitthistime]

Great post, I too hit all the points, some multiple times, and also have thought about these issues being a factor in weight for years and years.

Man, women have it tough in so many ways, protect against being vulnerable to attack, afraid of feeling your own power, we all do the best we can at the time I suppose

[Smiling_Sara]

Absolutely have these fears.

I got down to as small as 185-this is where I started to freak out. I was not comfortable with the attention I was getting. What happened? I started coping the only way I knew how, which was eating. I put back on 30 pounds. If I could take a pill right now to get me back to 185, I would in a heartbeat. I just need to learn better coping skills with everything. I think I just don't know how to be anything but the pretend happy fat girl, even though everything in me wants to be healthy. I don't want to lose weight to be attractive, I want to lose weight to be healthy and be able to chase my neices and nephews around.

[Fallen Grace]

Old thread, but nail on the head. I was here a few years ago, lost 70 lbs, freaked out and regained. I was raped in 2000, and I quickly went from a 14/16 to a 28. It took me a long time to realize the weight was a coping mechanism. Even after I realized it and started losing, all it took was a bad date with someone I caught fondling himself through his pants to spin me out of control and back into hiding again. Funny, I'm here a few tears later and it was another bad date that put me back on the diet bandwagon. Mr. Too Toucht made me realize a few weeks ago that the fat really didn't protect me from anything. If men can be too touchy now, they always could be...and I might as well slim down and deal with it.

[the shiv]

FallenGrace, I've been struggling with a similar thing recently, and I've realised that I'd much rather be strong & agile than fat & unfit, in case the same thing happens to me again. Switching using fat as protection, to strength as protection must be better

Have you thought about seeing a personal trainer, or starting martial arts? I'm going to do both when I've saved up some money, and the thought of it is very empowering.

*hugs* and I hope to see you around the forum more, it's great for support in whatever you're going through, be it the physical or mental part of weight loss.

[Fallen Grace]

I'm not afriad of something happening again. Apparently my reptilian brain feels differently.