this is so true for me as well, a few years ago when I lost about 50lbs I used to see heavy women everywhere and I would find myself envying them! I would miss myself heavier because I knew that as my protection-my safety net. One of the first things I notice was this attention I never had before and I was so uncomfortable with it I slowly but surely gained my 'protective fat' layer. *sighs* but understanding this hopefully helps me this time around..thanks for posting this!

I was down from about 330 lbs last year this time to 285 in April. It was AMAZING to be within 100 lbs of my goal weight (185). As of now, I weigh about 323 lbs again . I think what you posted sounds pretty familiar. I find myself in the cycle of losing and gaining it all back, in such a fast time too. I am in some ways afraid of being thin just because there is a way I view thin people, and a way I view fat people like me. I tend to think more highly of the fat people - that they will tend to be less threatening and nicer. This isn't always true, but it's my first instinct.

That being said... I have to squeeze myself into my scrubs every morning and need to do something about this!

This makes a lot of sense. I hit, uh...is all 9 "legal"? Haha!

At 28 I still very much feel like a child or like I havent hit puberty. But I know some part of me considers that and food to be "Safe" thanks to my life. Trying to drop the crap if I can. It's hard to soldier through and induce epiphanies!

I only hit one, sort of, but it's big for me since I have GAD. I've never BEEN raped, but it's one of my top fears in life, and I mean TOP. When I was young I remember my best friend telling me I was pretty (I was thin before I hit puberty... then BAM) and I told her I didn't want to be because I didn't want to get raped...

At the same time, I've lost 40 lbs. in the past (gained it all back, but that's why I'm here) and the things I can remember from losing just those 40 lbs. are how much BETTER I felt on a daily basis! Emotionally better, confident, but most of all I just felt healthier, my body felt healthier, and even though I was still "obese" according to the BMI charts, I just felt better.
The fear(s) were still there, but I was able to ignore them because of how much better my life was.

Amen
This article is so true, but I think it's part of the process. For me, I know that dealing with my weight will be dealing with issues I haven't wanted to in a long time. I asked my doctor recently if I lose weight will my anxiety go away. She said there are no guarantee that might just be your personality.She said once I lose weight I might have some of the extreme feelings subside because I'm more comfortable with who I am. At the time I thought that was so mean, but now that I think about it, she was right. I have to deal with this and what got me here. I can't worry about excess skin or using a different drug (retail therapy) instead of food. I think it's going to be hard but it's not something you can avoid, when you are losing weight you are transforming you see things differently. It might not feel good but once you acknowledge what's going on it will get easier. Great article, and glad to know I'm not the only one.

I'm so glad the article is helping you gals out. I know my fear is attention from men, I do don't want it. It is becoming so much more apparent especially with my trainer. I know he's suppose to touch me to show me the proper way to strength training, it's not inappropriate at all. Like yesterday I was doing leg extensions and he put his hand under me in the small of my back and told me to not go lower than where his hand is....I felt really uncomfortable. I think it's also a thing of being pretty. I don't want to sound ego or snobbish or self centered, but I have been told all my life how pretty I am if I only lost weight. When I was skinny I got all sorts of attention and I HATE IT. I love how I look and I feel confident but when someone else (especially males) give me the once over I get a rush of anger and a sense of insecurity. I know it has to do with my childhood trauma, and I know that's why I'm hovering still in the low 200's. I know how much my body changes when I get below 200. Working through the psychology that goes along with weight loss is the hardest part. Day by day, we can do this xoxo

Reading the article was a big eye-opener for me and I've seen how some of that applies to me.

I'm afraid of male attention. It's not like I've NEVER gotten it before though. I've had men after me at varying weights, but it always made me uncomfortable. It still does because I DON'T want it. I'm engaged. I love the guy and I don't want others after me.

I went clubbing with some friends recently (TOTALLY OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE THERE) and I had men after me left and right. Unlike my forever skinny friend, I didn't know "the signals" for when a guy is interested and when you should get out of there. Before I knew it, I had a guy pressing me up against him trying to get me to dance with him. We had been talking before that, so while I really should't have to worry if I was sending off "signals," I might have been without realizing it.

I freaked out, said I had to go to the bathroom and I hid there. My friend followed me and pretty much gave me a crash course on the "signals" of when a guy is interested in more than just talking and when to end the conversation. She also said "Do you think your fiancee is the only one seeing what's going on here?" referring to my body. It's true, he's not the only one seeing me and sometimes I forget that.

It felt completely and utterly wrong to have another guy's arms around me like that. I told my fiancee what happened and he confessed that he was really uncomfortable with the idea because he was worried guys would be after me. He didn't say anything though because he knows it would have been wrong of him to do so. He DOES want to go clubbing with me if I do go again (I probably won't).

I really don't know what to do. I don't mind the occasional compliment here and there, but I just DON'T feel comfortable with men wanting more than that.

Men are pigs! There I've said it. OMG how wrong that men think they can just grope you! AHHHH! TICKS ME OFF! Just because we dress sexy or your attractive etc, doesn't mean they have a right to violate your space. This makes me SOOOOO MAD!

I can't stand how some males think, pigs seriously! OK OK that's just based on my experience and plus I'm gay so the attention is really something I don't want. I think Sontaikle you and I are similar in a way where we can't read the signs....or we don't notice it as interest. I'm friendly with men, I can joke around with them etc....but then they take friendliness as flirting and they get close and I get freaked out. And I like to dress sexy but it's NOT FOR THE MEN, I know I can't control who looks at me, but I'd prefer women checking me out over men anyday! LOL I think it's as I get smaller I feel vaulnerable and my friend brought this up with me last night that maybe I should take self defence course. I really like that idea, I think it would be empowering! Especially when ever your in a situation like that again, you know you can handle yourself right? I think I need that too so I feel confident enough that if a jerk is getting too close I can handle it. Due to my trauma I figured that's how I'm suppose to be treated cause that's how woman are treated (you see it everyhwere even in the media, we are so sexualized it makes me sick!) which is TOTALLY WRONG. I realize that now.

Well I am in fear to gain weight.

It annoys the crap out of me too. We're "asking for it" by dressing sexy or something. I hate that. I have a new body and I want to show it off!! It's strictly look and not touch (unless you're my fiancee ). Unfortunately a lot of men (not all) have that attitude that we're decorations for them to look at and touch. It drives me batty.

I luckily found one that doesn't think that way and he gets pretty annoyed with the men that DO think that way! He was pretty mad when I told him about what happened to me (not at me, at the guys!) and said that it's men like that that make it the rest of them look bad.

Taking a self defense course is a good idea, I might consider it. It's not as if this guy was going to run off with me or something though, I was just shocked at the attention and froze. I'm not used to it so it was a deer in the headlights kind of thing. I've been obese since childhood, so while I've had some male attention, it was never anything as blatant as this. I've had boyfriends, and now I'm engaged but I've never had a guy just GRAB me off the bat like that.

It's funny. I was able to confidently handle myself when confronted about being fat. I had an arsenal of sarcastic comebacks that would make any person who dared make fun of me feel like a moron. Yet a guy grabs me and I freeze...

The way women are sexualized annoys me to no end. We're made to feel like objects that are simply around for the pleasure of men. Things are certainly better now, but we still have a LONG WAY to go. No woman should have to feel like she's not worth for any reason, and until that happens, we're not "there" yet.

OMG me too! When I was bigger I carried myself so much better than I do now. I had a "mouth" on me and stood up for myself too. It's like the "fat" gave me a sense of safety and I felt protected........so strange. We have to find new ways to handle ourselves for sure when situations arise and for me not to put the weight back on because it has been my safety.

It's pretty superficial, but so is our society...most of the reason I want to lose weight is to be attractive to men because I don't want to spend my life alone. I'm afraid though that even if I lose all the weight I will still be ugly. What then? I've already have braces to fix my teeth and I'm saving money for clothes and I take care of my hair and skin, but what if losing the weight isn't enough?

I have no real plan for what to do if this isn't the answer. I've used it as the excuse for everything and once it is gone I won't have an excuse for avoiding activities or for why I failed or didn't even try at this or that. I never really thought about my fat this way, but it's been a huge safety blanket.

How many times I have started sentences with "When I'm thin I'm going to <fill in the blank>"? What if there is no number small enough to make me thin and pretty?

Hun it's not about being thin and pretty. Do you really want a man who only wants you for what you look like? You have to come to a place to be happy with yourself NOW. That's what's so hard about weight loss, cause it's not about the weight loss, it's a bonus honestly, cause its also making you look at how you feel about you inside. I've been a size 5 and never worked on the inner me, I was miserable. It's mostly WESTERN society that's superficial, anything that promotes what women "should" look like in society, but if you go to other cultures the idea of beauty changes. I've known lots of skinny gorgeous girls but they were ugly on the inside, no way could I be with any of them (I'm gay) You will never be happy when you get to goal unless you start to love yourself now. You are beuatiful, manifest your soul's beaty from the inside out, that energy will attract the right partner for you xoxo

I'm of the scared of losing the excuse variety, even though trust me logically I KNOW that, obviously the reason that I am alone or disliked has nothing to do with the way I look it has to do with the person I am.

But illogically somewhere deep down I sometimes lean on that. I can pretend that I got rejected because I was obese, not because I'm just not that interesting. Etc.
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I think I'm also scared I'll lose the pity, that sounds so horrible when I say it. But I think I like the "awww are you okay" that I get right now. People are SO supportive of me, I am not threatening because i think of my weight. I feel like people see me as a cute baby elephant or something that needs to be looked after.

Those are the two big ones.

Not enough to stop me though... but just acknowledging the thoughts have a way of creeping to my mind on ocasion.

For me, I have had (still have) some pretty hardcore self esteem issues, only really recently recovered from an Eating Disorder after 5 years (im only 21)... These self esteem issues have always been about not feeling like im good enough if im not skinny, that i cant be beautiful if im not skinny, i wont be loved etc. etc. I have a boyfriend that loves me, but that insecurity is still pretty high.

I think a big part of me stop/starting is that im scared that when i reach my goal weight, i wont be happy with how i look, i wont feel or look pretty etc. I'm holding so desperately onto the idea of what i will be like at a certain weight, that that will fix things.......... What happens if i reach that goal, and i feel exactly the same as i do now? - At least now i have a reason for being unhappy, what hope can i have if meeting that goal doesnt help me.
Just goes to show how much weight loss is mental as well as physical.

I'm sure that sounds absolutely crazy, but unfortuantely it is how i feel.