I didn't purge for the rest of the night... Thank heavens... I actually got a hold of one of my closest friends that I haven't seen for a while and went to spend some time with her. It was good to get out of the house (my classes for today were cancelled- I have been so stir crazy) and talk to a friend... Although I didn't tell her any of my struggles, I played therapist for her tonight and feel better that I was able to give her some love and support- it got me away from my own problems for a minute.
Has anyone ever called a hotline? I googled for some information but didnt really even know where to start... It seemed like all I found were suicide hotlines or self-injury hotlines...
I can't wait until Tuesday... DH will be home and I'll not feel so bloated and dissapointed in myself by then...
Danzingurl I am so happy to hear you have somebody to drive with. And kudos to you that you met with a friend!!!
I especially understand the last sentence you wrote about the bloat. The days after a binge are so uncomfortable - I always forget about it and remember it right after I am stuffed and can barely move...I need to remember that after a binge it will take days to feel like a normal person again...
I went out to dinner yesterday with the DH. It was great. I had a burger and afterwards ice cream. I am so proud of myself for not finishing the ice cream. I got two scoops and didn´t really like the second flavor, so I threw it out. I usually eat everyting on my plate. Left a few fries and a piece of burger on there. Major success! Today marks a binge free week.
Danzingurl...i don't know the answer to your question, but binging and purging sure seems like self injury to me. I get your point though...if you tell someone "i just ate a whole pizza and a pint of ice cream" they usually don't think "oh no this person needs immediate help she is hurting herself"...unfortunately.
Thanks everyone for all of the kind words and support- I am SO happy to have found people to drive with- it helped a LOT! I'm feelin much better than I did yesterday, sent in a job application to a high school today who is looking for a same coach for next year- so at least there is hope!
I hope everyone is able to finish the month strong.
Today is competition day! From 8am to 11pm I'll be at a high school at a dance competition- the competitions usually provide a "hospitality room" Full of food for all of the teachers- some of it is usually healthy and some not so much- but I have packed all my own food for the day and I plan to not even go in the hospitality room to be tempted by all of the brownies and such... Being stressed and a buffet of free food that everyone encourages me to eat is not going to do anything good for me today. So- fingers crossed that my students rock today and that I can stay on track.
danzingurl- good luck. Yeah, don't waste your time going in that room! Stay strong!
Today is Day 3 for me. I'm doing really well. Wednesday got pretty rocky (4 bowls of oatmeal for breakfast, pancakes for lunch....), but I am back on track. The weather is getting warmer, and flowers are popping up- which means I'm craving salads and long dog walks! Hopefully I can keep this up!
I will make it the rest of break without binging, and when I'm back at school, I will just keep on trucking
well i'm not really sure what day i am at binge free, but it's been a little while. Things kind of went a little downhill for me around my TOM and it was kind of tough getting back on track. Although I've managed to go awhile now without binging I kind of feel like I am white knuckling through each day. I kind of stopped posting on here because I wondered if that was actually contributing to my binging, kind of feeling the pressure to report another binge free day and then buckling under the pressure. I think the perfectionist in me wanted to do well with this binge free chanllenge, and not doing so well has felt like bit of a failure.
So I guess I'm not sure if I want to keep track of how many days I go binge free. Somehow it seems like if there is a beginning there will also be an end and that if I start counting days, a binge will be inevitable at some point. I feel maybe it gives me permission to binge like the mentality of "I've gone this many days binge free so I'm overdue for one". I know it's really f--cked up thinking.
What I have done previously is log my food each day, but I do not log for a day until the following day. The reason for this is because I don't like to have an actual plan or diet because I don't like feeling like I have to eat a structured plan that I could fail at. I do not log food on binge days because I cannot possibly keep track of all the food I eat on those days. Then at the end of the month I look back to how many days I logged which will tell me how many days I didn't binge. And then I try to improve the following month by seeing if I can have less. I do not log my food to keep track of calories, only to see how many binge days I had. This way I am not keeping this count of how many days I've gone and instead try to just live each day like a normal person.
I don't know, but it seems like maybe I should go back to doing this. This way It seems like less pressure and day 1 is as much of a success for me as day 20. All days binge free become equal. I don't know, I'm just babbling and writing down my thoughts.
And danzingurl, hope you're feeling better. I've been a purger in the past too and I know how it can be a slippery slope.
Painted ponies- the weather can make such a big difference! I cant wait for summer! I do so much better in the warm weather also.
Veggie daze- sometimes I feel the same, I WISH I could just forget about how many days I have been "binge-free"- but it seems to be on my mind pretty consistently.
I are about 150 calories more than I had planned, but it's ok because I have literally been on my feet for 14 hours. The only time I have say down was the 20 minute drive to the competition- I won't be leaving for another hour, so I am pretty dang proud of myself for staying out of the hospitality room and getting through this day. Yay for me! Haha maybe that's bad to say, but- go me anyways.
Veggie daze - i can totally relate!!! I thought about the counting days thing today and decided to stop for that very same reason. I feel like a challenge pressures me and when most people have five binges a month it is alright for me to have them as well. The more i think about bingeing the less i can separate myself from and overcome it.
I do like the support though and i hope we can all keep up the good work. I for myself don't want to count anymore either
Danzingurl and Xena it's nice to hear i'm not the only one who can relate to the counting thing. I really like reading these forums because it does help me sort out why I have this weird relationship obsession with food. And I like to participate as well because it is a good way to get others perspectives. So I am hoping to still join in and give support but will not be reporting the number of days since me last binge.
Also an interesting note, for the last year almost I have tracked my weight and have a nice graph that shows all my ups and downs. What is blatently obvious to me is that anytime I have drastically lost weight very quickly, like 5 pounds in a week or something like that, then the weight graph goes back up just as quickly afterwards. And when I lose weight very slowly by eating sensibly, not too low calories with a nice slow loss of half a pound a week, the weight does not rebound like the quick loss.
It seems ironic because I find it so exciting when that scale goes down quickly because I feel it gives me wiggle room if I start to lose control; however my graph seems to indicate these quick losses only lead to lots of binging where I really believe my body is trying to protect itself from the exteme weight loss. In the end I am always the same weight as before with the addition of a reinforced binging habit. In retrospect I would have much rather just remained at the higher weight without reinforcing that habit.
So my lesson learned is slow and sensible. If I am sick or like a break up or bad family event, I will try to make sure I am eating enough.
And Xena good for you for ordering that steak. It's nice to treat yourself and a steak once in a while is nice. and you'll get a good dose of iron. and Danzingurl, 150 calories is nothing to worry about. I know it sucks to eat more than you wanted, but 150 over is much better than binging.
today marks my 7th day binge free, and after a week of counting calories and exercising, i lost 6 lbs! I'm so excited! Thank you so much to everyone on here, you guys really help me to stay on track