I take the bar exam in less than one week, and it seems as though everything else is crashing down on me now. (Ex-husband issues, financial difficulties, kid drama, car issues, etc. Not really more than I usually deal with, but my emotional energy is so sapped right now, it feels overwhelming.) Been doing well foodwise anyway, but I am on the edge this afternoon. Plus, I have a urinary tract infection right now, which is a little stressful for an exam that includes four 3-hour periods that are both time-crunched and super-restrictive on when you can use the bathroom.
I feel like I have two choices. If I start eating, I feel like I won't stop. Then I'll get the post-binge feelings of helplessness and frustration to add to my already-overwhelmed psyche. If I don't start eating, I can avoid the binge, but then I'll have the guilt over not eating in a healthy way.
I feel like I just want to drink some cranberry juice, cycle through tons of water and maybe some herbal tea, and not eat for the next day or two. Is this truly crazy, or a reasonable reaction to an unreasonable amount of stress? Plus - isn't it a better option than a straight-up binge, which feels imminent right now?
A binge is easier to recover from than a messed up bar exam (coming from someone who has taken the bar exam.) Or if not eating for a day feels good, that will work too. Get some antibiotics too! And those orange pills that kill the pain. Then take it hour by hour. One hour you may want tea and water, the next you may want food.
Sometimes we have better copings skills than others. I got foot and mouth disease while studying for the bar from stress, another friend showed up at the exam covered in hives, another broke a tooth from grinding.
Whatever you need to do to get through the test and pass!!! (remember, you only need a D)
Thank you for understanding, Seagirl! It's really nice to hear from someone who has gone through it. I am really surprised at the level of stress I feel, and it seems like the UTI is related to the stress. (After all, I have been drinking TONS of water lately, and have not had any soda for a long time. Supposed to be the best way to avoid UTIs.)
But I have taken a deep breath, and have conceded that I will never master commercial paper before the bar. And decided that's okay. As you say, one hour at a time. And next hour looks good for some sample essays. =)
Sometimes, increasing food helps. Especially protein and fat. I have found that there is a big difference between eating more for a normal meal of something my body can use than a binge which is uncontrolled junk foods. When I am stressed, I cut my carbs down further elsewhere in my meals and eat deviled eggs, meat or cheese cubes as a snack. I drink more hot tea which is soothing and opt for hot bubble baths (a great place to study or read a book!). Taking a break by giving yourself a message (apply lotion and knead your skin) helps you feel terrific and more relaxed.
Hope you do well on your bar! Bingeing now would only compound the stress. It's a delusion we all share to think the few moments of initial joy in the first few bites of junk food will be worth the bloat, discomfort and bad feelings that will come afterwards.
Bingeing now would only compound the stress. It's a delusion we all share to think the few moments of initial joy in the first few bites of junk food will be worth the bloat, discomfort and bad feelings that will come afterwards.
See? That's exactly what I was afraid of. So much of bar exam prep (and the bar exam) is mental. I could have handled the physical consequences of a binge. I was more concerned about the psychological impact of feeling out of control and guilty, and the whole "Will I ever be able to lose the weight?" issues. This certainly won't be the last time I'll have to deal with ultra-stressful situations. I just don't want to deal with that now.
Thanks for the suggestions. I am feeling a whole lot better today. I drank a lot of herbal tea, ate some raspberries and blueberries, and eventually, felt hungry and added some lean protein. And got through enough material to make me feel like I might be able to pass this exam after all. Then, got in about a 30-minute run/walk before bed.
Just want to say that this thread is inspiring to me as I head into a stressful year of waiting to hear about tenure in my job as a professor. Thanks for the question and the lean protein suggestion!
Losing it over stress...
